Tired of the ridicule and mockery member nations say they face on a daily basis, the Committee for the Advancement of Poorly Named Countries is petitioning the United Nations for approval to change the official names of their respective homelands. “I mean, come on, my country sounds like it is a gay waiter, for God’s sake,” said Naboo Mutomaba, a representative from the African nation of Chad.
Chad is part of a sizeable subcommittee fighting for more manly national monikers. “We’re tired of diplomats making fun of us at U.N. happy hours and state functions,” added Pierre Fornaut who lost diplomatic immunity in January when he attacked a Spanish diplomat for mocking his effeminate sounding homeland of Guadeloupe. Others from Gabon, Andorra, Yemen, and Martinique have expressed similar harassment at the hands of U.N. hecklers.
Changing country names is hardly a new practice for skittish, insecure nations and principalities. The Isle of Man, for example, used to be called Daffodil Island until angry male citizens finally rebelled. “They are my heroes,” Mutomaba told the U.N. who just last month rejected his petition to rename Chad, Lord Berkeley’s Knob. It was discovered that a small town in Scotland was already using this moniker and Mutomaba was visibly crestfallen upon hearing the news. “Well I guess things could be worse,” he admitted. “At least we’re not named Brest.” At which point a French diplomat from Brittany hauled off and slugged him.