According to Snopes, this is an actual, hand-written complaint from a customer flying on Continental Airlines flight 888 either to or from Houston, TX. I’ve transcribed the handwriting below as best as I could, though the end is still a bit confusing. Even so, this is hilarious. Whoever wrote this was obviously bored and quite annoyed, as they took the time to hand write the complaint as the events took place — complete with a few drawings to better illustrate the situation.
|Dear Continental Airlines,
I am disgusted as I write this note to you about the miserable experience I am having sitting in the seat 29E on one of your aircrafts. As you may know, this seat is situated directly across from the lavatory, so close that I can reach out my left arm and touch the door.
All my senses are being tortured simultaneously. It’s difficult to say what the worst part about sitting in 29E really is? Is it the stench of the sanitation flued that is blown all over my body every 60 seconds when the door opens? Is it the woosh of the constant flushing? Or is it the passengers asses that seem to to fit into my personal space like a pornographic jig-saw puzzle?
I constructed a stink-shield by shoving one end of a blanket into the overhead compartment — while effective in blocking at least some of the smell, and offering a small bit of privacy, the ass-on-my-body factor has increased, as without my evil glare, passengers feel free to lean up against what they think is some sort of blanketed wall. The next ass that touches my shoulder will be the last!
Putting a seat here was a very bad idea. I just heard a man groan in there! This sucks! Worse yet, is I’ve paid over $400 for the honor of sitting in this seat!
I am picturing a board room full of executives giving props to the young promising engineer that figured out how to squeeze an additional row of seats onto this plane by putting them next to the LAV.
I would like to flush his head in the toilet that I am close enough to touch, and taste, from my seat.
Does your company give refunds? I’d like to go back where I cam from and start over. Seat 29E could only be worse if it was located inside the bathroom.
I wonder if my clothing will retain the sanitizing odor…what about my hair!
I feel like I’m bathing in a toilet bowl of blue liquid, and there is no man in a little boat to save me. I am filled with a deep hatred for your plane designer and a general dis-ease that may last for hours.
We are finally decending, and soon I will be able to tear down the stink shelf, but the scars will remain.
I suggest that you initiate immediate removal of this seat from all of your crafts. Just move it, and leave the smoldreing brown hole empty, and [something] a good place for sturdy/non-absorbing luggage maybe, but not human cargo.” (thanks, Corporat)