Today at Bergstrom International Airport in Austin, Texas, a terrorist managed to get a two full quarts of Pantene Pro V shampoo past security.
Security experts from the TSA simulated possible scenarios in a contained environment in Washington and found that the amount of shampoo brought on-board could potentially work everyone’s hair into a thick, foamy lather.
“The exact outcome of this attack would depend on how many passengers were bald and the amount of time the terrorists spend massaging each passenger’s scalp,” explained Todd Iceton, director of Infinite Justice at the TSA. “Our preliminary estimates indicate that this could be a dangerously clean and fresh smelling situation.”
Last year the TSA decided to lift the ban on fluids and allow each passenger to carry liquids in three ounce containers as long as they fit into a quart zip-lock bag. Some critics worried that this new policy could possibly make travel too convenient, especially to convenience-loving terrorists.
“We… ummm… as people should forsee this as a great nation,” remarked President Bush, “I washed my hair for one this morning and my heart and prayers are with the brave Americans in Iraq and on this plane.”
The plane is still in the air and is scheduled to land in LAX at 1:30pm today, April 1, 2008. A fire truck with a special tank full of very dirty water will be waiting on the runway to douse the passengers as soon as they land.