Universal Studios will be open and filled with annoying people on Thanksgiving & Christmas

America’s most read and chart-filled newspaper is reporting that Universal Studios Hollywood is going to be open to the public on Thanksgiving and Christmas. It will be the first time since 1964 that the park is open on these holidays and it will now be operating 365 days a year (366 in 2008).

I can think of no better way to work off a stomach full of turkey, stuffing and cranberry sauce than a scintillating whirl on Revenge of the Mummy: The Ride. Nothing says family togetherness more than a day of height restrictions and warnings about people with heart conditions (poor grandma’s going to have to sit out most of the afternoon).

And it’s just not Christmas without a stop at the Waterworld attraction. According to the Universal Studios Hollywood website, “The hit motion picture comes surging to life in a spectacular tidal wave of death-defying stunts, awesome explosions and an ocean of thrills!” Of course, we use the word “hit” quite loosely here.

You’ll being using the phrase “great holiday vacation” loosely, as well, if you choose to spend Thanksgiving or Christmas at this haven for fanny packs and schlocky souvenirs. But hey, who am I to tell you how to celebrate your holidays? If your Turkey Day just isn’t complete without a ride inspired by Backdraft, the 1991 film of moderate success, then, you know, have at it.

As for me, I’ll be home with my family watching football and avoiding large masses of humanity. I prefer to have no one else around me when I vomit.