SkyMall Monday: Electronic Feng Shui Compass

The SkyMall Monday headquarters is a pretty chaotic place. I’m constantly testing products, rotating hot dogs and pulling children around. But, despite all the schlock that’s littering my workspace, it’s still a calm, soothing and spiritual place. How do I manage to keep things so full of positive qi? Well, with feng shui, of course. Sadly, though, it’s not easy to keep things harmonious when it’s difficult to get your hands on an authentic feng shui compass. Besides, in this digital age, I can’t be bothered with more analog crap. No, I need technological advances to make my life easier and help me practice my pseduoscience with ease. And there’s no better place to seek a tool of enlightenment that utilizes a standard USB port to charge its lithium polymer battery than SkyMall. Which is why I have put my spiritual well-being right in the palm of my hand with the Electronic Feng Shui Compass.

Harnessing positive energy and aligning my life force with my natural environment has never been easier. Now, after a full session of charging, I can use my Electronic Feng Shui Compass to tell me where my ugly orange sectional should go. Maybe you think feng shui is a joke. Maybe you think it’s real but that an electronic device has no place in such an ancient practice. Maybe you think too much. Turn your brain off and just rely on the product description:

Working with electromagnetic energy, this handheld feng shui compass helps you support favorable conditions at home or in a hotel room. Operating with the same technology used in aerospace guidance systems, it locates and calculates energy fields so quickly, you align your physical surroundings to match your intentions.

If there’s a more natural marriage of ideas than aerospace guidance systems and feng shui, I don’t know what it is. They go together like peanut butter and telecommunications. And it’s so portable that I can take it with me when I travel. That will allow me to spend hours rearranging the hotel room furniture until the vibrations of Heaven and Earth heal the my back pain that was caused by rearranging the hotel room furniture. It’s the circle of life, people. Hakuna Matata.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts