We can’t guarantee that you’ll ever use (or hear) many of these travel terms from Urban Dictionary, but we can guarantee that this list is a lot funnier than the real dictionary’s 12 funniest travel entries. (Sample Merriam-Webster definition for tourist: “One that makes a tour for pleasure or culture.” See? It’s really missing a punch line.)
Anyway, here are some of our favorite travel-related entries from Urban Dictionary, the most useful of all websites besides the one you’re reading right now…
12. Travelanche n. When a considerable amount of bags and/or suitcases get packed into the back of a vehicle to the point that they are about to fall out.
11. Hotel n. 1. A place you never want to work; 2. A chill place to work if you can shake off the sh*t cranky bastards throw your way for easily remedied inconveniences.
10. Backpackistan n. The country that exists in the minds of twenty-something-year-old travellers throughout the entire world. Its citizens are identifiable by their dreadlocks, faux-tribal tattoos and strict, tiresome adherence to Bob Marley tunes. They eat falafel and juggle fire torches. Their economy is based around mooching, and the sale of Tibetan prayer flags and Che Guevarra marijuana pipes. Backpackistanis are united by a common language: broken English.
Example: “Even though I spent a year travelling through Paris, Madrid, Morocco, Bangkok, Bali, Sidney, Sao Paulo, Machu Picchu, Guatemala, and Southern Utah, I feel like the only country I really visited was Backpackistan.”
9. Road Trip n. When a bunch of kids get in a car (most likely a VW Bus, most likely with tons of drugs) and drive to an exotic destination (like Vegas or New Jersey). It happened more in the ’70s.
8. Travel ‘Stache n. A moustache grown and maintained for the sole purpose of a special vacation. This particular mustache is a head-turner in airports, train and bus stations, and cruise ships in particular. May be more noticeable to women, especially women with children ages 5-12.
7. Gap Year Tragedy n. A student who is enlightened by the insight afforded by global travel to the extent of cringeworthy personality renovation.
Example: “Man, I saw John after he got back after his 12 months in South America- bobble hat, dreadlocks and all.” “I heard it was Jean-Pierre these days. What a Gap Year Tragedy.”
6. Travel Wanker n. When someone has travelled overseas and, upon returning, can speak of nothing else. They are at their worst when in the company of fellow travel wankers. The conversation quickly deteriorates into an excruciating game of one-upmanship.
5. Hostel n. The place in Europe where your girlfriend stayed while on that college backpacking trip and slept with a bunch of European men who promised to call her and told her they’d come to America to visit her so they could get in her panties.
Example: “I don’t think you really wanna touch her. She stayed at a hostel this summer.”
4. Travel Nazi n. A person who transforms into a completely serious and un-fun mood when the time of travel has come. They always appear to be in haste as they are always 10 to 15 feet in front of the family. They must arrive 2 hours early to an airport gate and you may not leave your seat no matter how much you need to urinate or else “you might miss the flight.”
Example: “Where’d the Travel Nazi run to?” “He’s like 50 feet ahead, scouting out the quickest path to the gate so we can arrive before the flight leaves tomorrow.”
3. Tourist n. Stupid a**holes from outta town that take pictures of anything and everything and annoy the crap out of all the locals and will stand in the middle of the road, block traffic and almost get hit by a car to take a fu*king picture of a church. [Guilty!]
1. Passport Constipation n. When you have applied for a passport with the US Government 6 months ago and you are leaving tomorrow and still can’t squeeze out a passport for your spring break trip.
Example: “Hey Tracy, have you received your passport yet for our trip to Punta Cana on Friday?” “H*ll no, the US government has passport constipation! They can’t seem to squeeze out the passport I applied for 6 months ago!”