When we last profiled the Wine Glass Holder Necklace, it was way back in May 25, 2009. Times were simpler then. Our movies were in 2D and Michael Jackson was alive but mostly ignored by people who would later profess to be obsessed with him. I miss those halcyon days of yore. That’s why I purchased the Wine Glass Holder Necklaces from SkyMall. Produced by the fine people at Wine Enthusiast, the Wine Glass Holder Necklace allow you to carry your glass of wine whilst eating, shaking hands and engaging in general party attendance. Just like in the old days. To put the lanyards to the test, I left the SkyMall Monday headquarters and brought them with me to my girlfriend’s cousin’s wedding in Boston. What did we learn? Plenty. Or nothing. It’s hard to say. We drank a lot of wine. Anyway, let’s take a closer look.
%Gallery-89118%I’m not much of a jewelry man. Gold chains and extraneous rings just make men look like gigolos or owners of laundromats. But the Wine Glass Holder Necklace is functional. My girlfriend, Jordana, sauntered around the party with her glass of white wine secured comfortably below her bosom. I shuffled around slightly less confidently with my glass of red wine nestle against my man chest.
Perhaps if I was a model with a perfectly straight gait, I would have been less neurotic about having such a stain-causing liquid so close to my tie. But I was never able to fully relax and just bust a move. As long as that red wine was hanging from my neck like Andy Rooney’s jowls, I was never able to drop it like it was anything more than tepid.
This paranoia led me to never fill my wine glass more than halfway. Which meant more trips to the bar. Which meant more judgmental looks from my girlfriend’s parents. However, both Jordana and I were able to stuff our faces at the buffet without fear of dropping our forks, brie or forkfuls of brie. In that respect, the Wine Glass Necklace served with honor. With our hands free, our mouths were full. We were able to shake hands with the wedding party while maintaining a death grip on our plates. And, perhaps most importantly, we could high five when the desserts were brought out.
Was it difficult to dance with wine glasses around our necks? Yes. Would I recommend the Wine Glass Holder Necklace for any event that features a limbo competition? Heck no. Can you remove red wine stains from silk? I sure hope so.
At the end of the day, it takes a lot of confidence to wear your wine glass around your neck. You have to trust that you won’t spill on yourself. You have to trust that strangers won’t think you’re insane. And you have to trust that your girlfriend’s parents respect you for reviewing SkyMall products. But if you have that trust, then you’ll have two free hands and a glass of wine. And that, my friends, used to mean something. Back in the good old days.
I give the Wine Glass Holder Necklace two thumbs up. Because I can. Because both of my hands are free. [Author’s note: I stole that line from my girlfriend but I gave her a Wine Glass Holder Necklace so I consider us even.]
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