Galley Gossip: Pilot sexually harassed by a passenger!

Dear Heather, I have to share this with you. I’m a pilot and I was sexually harassed last night. While jump-seating home, the lead flight attendant calls the cockpit and says a passenger thinks one of the flaps is out of position. The captain sends me back to check the wings. I squeeze into the fully occupied exit row to peer out the window. While looking out the window, a female passenger sitting in the middle seat puts her hands on my butt. Her friend then shouts, “Woo, get some!” Passengers nearby all start laughing. Anyway, turns out what the initial passenger saw and thought was a problem were the outboard ailerons on the wings of the Super 80. One was up and the other was down. This is normal while on the ground. Anyway, I returned to the cockpit and told the pilots what just happened and we all had a good laugh. I should mention the Captain was female! Thought you’d find it funny! – Bob (the singing pilot)

My first thought when I read Bob’s letter was, wow! What kind of person places their hands on a pilot’s you-know-what and yells out something like that.

Just to be fair, I later on found myself yelling out the exact same phrase several times throughout the course of my day. I couldn’t help it! And each time my voice become lower and before I knew it I had developed this southern accent, kind of like that famous redneck comedian I can’t remember the name of. Next thing I knew I was visualizing it, the whole exit row groping, only it was I who slapped the pilots and a few lucky passengers as I passed them in the terminal. Mmm hmm, get it girl!

NOTE: I would NEVER do something like that in real life!

Now back to Bob.

The woman who slapped him was somewhat attractive, at least that’s what Bob said. He only told me this because I asked. I asked because I wanted to know what she looked like so I – er, we! – could visualize this better. Not that any of this matters, because what matters, really matters, is how the woman made Bob feel. Not good.

“I was flattered and a little embarrassed. And humored. Cause it was funny. I mean my butt was kind of in her personal space. She had the shot……she took it. So let’s just say I was ‘Flambumored.’”

At least Bob now kinda-sorta knows what it’s like to be a flight attendant, if only for a few seconds, and for just one squeeze.

When I asked Bob to explain EXACTLY how it all went down so we could learn from his experience, he said, “I told the passengers in the exit row I needed to get in there to check the wings and that they could either get up or let me crawl over them. They all opted for the latter.”

And there’s the red flag.

Let this be a lesson to all pilots. Do not, I repeat, do not climb over passengers! Do what a flight attendant would do and let them step out of their row and into the aisle instead of wedging yourself on top of them.

All kidding aside, please do not poke, prod, pull or slap the crew. Trust me – there are quite a few touchy feely passengers who will live a whole lot longer if certain flight attendants (and pilots!) are left alone.

[Photo courtesy of TheZipper]