SkyMall Monday: Bed Bug Sleeping Cocoon (Poll)

skymall bed bug sleeping cocoonHotel beds are gross. That’s just a fact. Frankly, everything in your hotel room is contaminated with something (including bodily fluids) and not just the hellholes where you expect to find filth. These days, however, more and more people are worried about a particular cleanliness issue in hotels: bedbugs. Not only will bedbugs make your stay miserable, but you very well could ruin your home life if you carry the little biters back with you at the end of your trip. We sleep in a meat locker here at SkyMall Monday headquarters to keep the bloodsuckers at bay. When we travel, however, we live in constant fear of waking up with itchy red marks brought on from letting the bedbugs bite. Thankfully, SkyMall has chosen to nip this problem in the bud and now offers a layer of protection from things that chomp in the night. The next time you’re calling it a day in your hotel room, wrap yourself up in the Bed Bug Sleeping Cocoon.Hotel sheets can be abrasive, so skipping them in favor of your own cocoon isn’t really much of a loss. Frankly, the cocoon might be a better alternative than donning a hazmat suit when you enter your hotel room.

Think that cocoons are only for moths and butterflies? Believe that any hotel worth your money will be bedbug-free? Well, while you soothe your skin in an oatmeal bath, we’ll be reading the product description:

This portable sleeping cocoon is made from a specially woven fabric that is impervious to bed bugs. Its tightly wound polyester threads are only 1-micron apart to prevent 100% of bed bugs from penetrating the fabric. The durable polyester threads are impervious to bed bugs’ teeth yet the fabric remains soft, pliable, and breathable for optimal sleeping comfort in a hotel bed. The hooded top protects your head and neck yet allows you to breathe naturally, and the entire unit fits in the included tote for ease of travel.

Ah yes, polyester: the most breathable fabric on the planet. Who doesn’t wish they could replace their fine Egyptian cotton sheets with some smooth polyester?

Well, what say you, Gadling and SkyMall Monday fans? Would you pack your own Bed Bug Sleeping Cocoon to keep you safe in hotel rooms? Let us know in the poll below and share your thoughts in the comments.
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Check out all of the previous “SkyMall Monday” posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Velvet Rasta Hat

gadling velvet rasta hatA person’s choice of religion is a serious matter. For many, there is no choice in the matter. They are born into a faith and their spiritual path through life is already mapped out. For others, the search for answers is a quest that lasts a lifetime. Here at “SkyMall Monday” headquarters, we keep things pretty secular, pausing only occasionally to seek answers from the all-knowing one. For those who struggle to find salvation, the journey to inner peace can take them to many destinations. Trying out different religions can be a challenge when many religious practices are meant to take years. One cannot simply grow a beard in a matter of days or learn an entire book of scripture in an afternoon. For those looking for a shortcut, however, the only holy book needed is SkyMall and the only purchase necessary is the Velvet Rasta Hat.Dreadlocks are important to those who follow the Rastafari movement. Proper dreads are grown and maintained over years. If you’re simply dabbling in the faith, however, surely it must be OK to cheat a bit. There’s no such thing as a 5 o’clock dread-shadow, so another solution must be found.

Think that wearing a faux-Rastafari hat is insensitive? Believe that both the hat and the hairstyle have deeper symbolic meanings that should not be mocked? Well, while you don your Flair Hair Visor, we’ll be reading the product description:

Nearly a foot and a half of gorgeous dreads, with a jaunty hat perched on top.

All of the cool, none of the commitment. Perfect for parties or just keeping warm.

Ah, yes, the red, green and gold hat is simply jaunty (and also, you know, representative of the Ethiopian flag and the loyalty that Rastafarian’s feel towards King Selassie). Of course, everyone knows that dreadlocks are worn for warmth, as Jamaican nights can get pretty brisk. But who needs that commitment?

The path to enlightenment is meandering, littered with potholes and fraught with mixed metaphors. It’s an arduous journey that can be mitigated by spending $9.95 plus tax and shipping and handling. Please allow four-to-six weeks for velvet salvation to arrive.

Check out all of the previous “SkyMall Monday” posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: T-Rex Dinosaur Trophy Frieze

gadling skymall monday t-rex trophyI don’t know much about hunting (and what I do know I learned from Zach Everson) but I’ve always wanted an animal trophy on my wall. However, I don’t want to kill something just for sport (unless it’s the most dangerous game) and finding an animal that I can track, kill and eat near the SkyMall Monday New York City headquarters is tough (the Parks Department frowns on the use of rifles in Central Park). So, what’s a man with a healthy bloodlust and empty wall space to do? Well, if SkyMall has anything to say about it, we’ll all decorate our walls with a suitable kill while also not removing a single creature from a delicate ecosystem. Rather than covering yourself in deer urine and spending your day in the trees, simply pick up our favorite catalog and order yourself the T-Rex Dinosaur Trophy Frieze.

Since dinosaurs have long been extinct (or living in the Land of the Lost), this T-Rex is clearly not real. However, it displays that you have the ability to take down a beast much greater than you, which will give your guests pause when they consider stealing something from your home or seducing your daughter. As such, it’s a handsome home decoration and an advertisement for your masculinity.

Think that you should only display trophies that you actually killed? Believe that showing off any kill – even fictitious ones – is crude? Well, while you select a puppy statue, we’ll be reading the product description:

Our…wall trophy celebrates one of history’s largest known land predators, the fabled T-Rex! This amazingly detailed sculpture releases nearly a foot-and-a-half from the wall to boast details cast in quality designer resin and hand-painted with realistic color and texture. Mount our prehistoric, treasured artifact on home or garden wall for Jurassic-sized impact in your own museum!

Now all you need is a garden, a garden wall (which is what, exactly?) and your own museum. Seems reasonable.

So leave your orange hunting vest and animal calls at home. There’s no need for bloodshed when you’re decorating your home (unless you’re reckless with the power drill). Sit back, relax and enjoy having an extinct animal follow you with its eyes.

Check out all of the previous “SkyMall Monday” posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Arm Exercise Weights

gadling skymall monday arm exercise weightsSkyMall Monday has a rich history of promoting fitness equipment that combines wellness and the workplace. From the Sit Fit to the Trekdesk and the Springflex UB, we’ve enjoyed showing you how to use SkyMall products to maximize your time at the office. However, we’ve only covered cardio and heavy resistance workouts. What about those of you who just want some low-impact exercise to keep yourself looking and feeling good? We’re not all gym rats who want to get huge, right? Thankfully, there’s something for the normal folks who want to exercise at work without looking like an idiot (or breaking a sweat). The next time you head into the office feeling flabby, you can battle the bulge with the Arm Exercise Weights.Working out doesn’t have to be difficult. Now, it can seamlessly become a part of your day. Are you spending hours on a spreadsheet? That’s a workout! Three-hour conference call? That’s a workout! Shaking off after peeing? That’s an intense workout! Tying exercise to mundane aspects of your day helps you sneak fitness into your routine without even realizing it. It’s like finding out that someone put broccoli in your cupcakes!

Think that the office is no place for exercise? Believe that you need to truly push your body to see results? Well, while you’re sweatin’ to the oldies, we’ll be reading the product description:

Wear your workout wherever you go with Remedy Arm Weights! Turn normal everyday activities into fat burning workouts. A must have if you don’t like to exercise, but want to lose weight. Keep in great shape!

Imagine the everyday activities that you can turn into exercise by adding extra weight to your forearms!

But I still don’t understand how effective the product is. If only it gave me some idea of how using it compared to doing real exercise. Oh, here we go:

Wearing them for just 10 Hours a Day is Equal to a 2-mile Run

So efficient! Replace twenty minutes of exercise – a pleasant and healthy escape from stress – with 10 hours of doing the things that you have to do but with some extra weight attached to your sweaty forearms. Do they make a set for my calves, too?

Finally, we can work out at the office in 10-hour intervals. Dreams, my friends, do come true! We’ll be thin in time for retirement!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Toilet Dog & Cat Water Bowl

gadling skymall monday toilet cat dog drinking bowlDogs and cats have an odd fascination with toilets. They try to drink from toilets, they fall into toilets and they are mesmerized by the sounds made when you flush toilets. Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we have one furry toilet drinker who hits the bowl hard when he’s stressed. However, no pet owner wants to encourage that behavior because toilets are filled with bacteria and germs. Besides, pets have their own water bowls from which they should be drinking. Toilets are for deposits, not withdrawals. Until now, that is. If animals want to drink from toilets so badly, why not let them do it in a safe and decorative way? Thanks to SkyMall that dream has become a reality. The next time that your dog or cat tells you that they’re thirsty simply direct them to the Toilet Dog & Cat Water Bowl.Certainly, this idea is less preposterous than teaching your cat to poop in the toilet. At the very least, it’s way less creepy. Your pet gets the toilet watering hole that it desires and you get a handsome accessory to display in your home. It’s a win-win. If this were a poker game, you’d be holding a straight flush!

Think that toilets are for people? Believe that no one should drink from toilets unless we find ourselves in a post-apocalyptic hellscape? Well, while you feed your dog from your wearable water bowl, we’ll be reading the product description:

A hilarious conversation starter and pet pleaser, this unique water bowl keeps your pet well hydrated and your home cleverly decorated.

Sure, you could decorate your home with paintings, furniture and sculptures, but those are far from clever. Having a toilet in the middle of your living room is just the conversation starter that your fancy parties need. Surely your pet won’t be confused by the fact that they are permitted to drink from their small toilet but get yelled at when they drink from the toilet in the bathroom.

Quench your pet’s thirst for toilet water with this sanitary and attractive accessory that will look perfect in any home. Why have a ball when you can have a bowl (I’m so sorry)?

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.