SkyMall Monday: Obol

by Mike Barish on

There’s a time and a place for mushy foods. Not having to chew comes in handy when you’ve had your wisdom teeth pulled, your jaw wired shut or you’ve misplaced your dentures. Beyond that, the sensation of chewing is part of the enjoyment of eating. People want to feel something hearty and substantial in their mouths (that’s what she said). Here at SkyMall Monday headquarters, we start each day with a bowl of cereal. We typically opt for Cheerios or Raisin Bran, because we believe in the healing power of fiber. We used to eat a lot of Special K, but those flakes quickly turn into porridge after about 15 seconds submerged in milk. Thankfully, SkyMall has a way to keep cereal crunchy no matter how long we take to eat it. Forget everything you know about bowls, because from now on you’ll be eating out of the Obol.

Separate but equal isn’t appropriate when it comes to education. But sometimes, separating things makes sense. The Obol keeps your cereal dry and allows you to introduce small amounts of it into the milk only when you’re ready. Just like how sometimes you want to keep your hot side hot and your cool side cool, there are times when you want to keep your soup away from your crackers. Now, thanks to the Obol’s two sections, you can segregate all of your snacks. Plus, it’s design is intended to allow you to hold your bowl rather than just leaving it on the table. All the better for quickly shoveling food into your gullet.

Think that cereal doesn’t really get soggy that fast? Believe that your plates and bowls should stay on the table so that you’re not eating like an animal? Well, while you enjoy your gruel, we’ll be chewing on the product description:

Keep the crunch in your breakfast munch with the original Crispy Bowl. The patented Swoop n Scoop feature makes every bite crispy. Easy to hold, textured non-slip grip and rim makes it easy to eat anywhere — in bed or watching a movie.

There’s nothing better than starting your day listening to your partner keep the crunch in their breakfast munch while eating next to you in bed. Good morning, lover!

Lest you think that this is just a gimmick, these videos should prove that the Obol is as essential as a spoon.

Her Obol paid for itself in less than a month? I’ve had a spork on layaway for a year and a half!

Wait, why’d they leave their cereal in the kitchen? I thought the Obol was perfect for eating in bed.

I like any song that opens with, “Put it anywhere.”

The Obol would be way cooler if you could ride it.

The best origin story since Iron Man.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Is the tugo rolling luggage drink holder clever or idiotic?

by Mike Barish on

I typically have very firm feelings about a SkyMall product. I either love it with all of my heart or hate it with a fiery passion. We’re not shy with our opinions here at SkyMall Monday headquarters. So, you can imagine how I feel this week when, well, I’m not sure what to think about the featured product. My gut tells me that it’s horrible. Heck, my mind tells me that, too. But, some other part of me, as small as it might be (please save your penis jokes for the comments), feels like some people my like it. Or even love it. As much as I want to despise it and question its existence, I’m actually shocked that I’ve never seen it being used before. It strikes me as the kind of thing that hordes of people might actually enjoy. And that’s why I need you, dear readers. Help me decide whether to believe my gut or that other little part of me. What do you think of the tugo rolling luggage drink holder?Meandering around the airport is no easy task. You have to keep track of your boarding pass, ID, luggage, kids, Cinnabon, etc. Your luggage will take up at least one hand (unless you’re towing it behind you with a body harness). That leaves you with one free hand for all of those other necessities. In theory, any device that helps you free up your hands is a good thing (except for Bluetooth headsets, which make you look like a massive douchebag). And yet, the tugo seems so wrong.

Perhaps the product description will help us decide:

No more fumbling with your drink when pulling your rolling luggage. Tugo securely nestles coffee cups, water bottles, baby bottles and more, keeping them stable and level.

Provides a handy and secure place for your drink while walking the concourse or sitting at the gate.

Would you rather fumble with your drink while you’re walking (presuming that you’ve yet to master drinking, in which case, perhaps you should consider using a sippy cup) or have your beverage perched precariously above your moving luggage? Are those the only two choices? In this scenario, it would appear so.

Well, what say you, SkyMall Monday readers? Is the tugo rolling luggage drink holder brilliant or moronic? Vote below and share your thoughts in the comments. Oh, and if you need some help deciding how to cast your vote, there’s a video of the tugo for you below, as well.

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Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Protein Ketchup

by Mike Barish on

The other day, while relaxing in SkyMall Monday headquarters, I was about to enjoy a juicy hamburger with some french fries when an alarm went off in my brain. I realized that a burger and fries was not a very nutritious meal. Here I am, trying to get in shape for my wedding and I’m denying my body what it really needs. I immediately put the burger down and thought about what I could do differently to ensure that I was eating healthier. This hamburger situation was dire and needed to be corrected. I had to take better care of myself and treat my body with more respect. That’s when it hit me. I had to turn to some real nutrition experts to fix this mealtime dilemma. Surely SkyMall could teach me to eat better. And thanks to our favorite catalog, I ended up having a healthy meal. What did I eat? That very same hamburger and french fries…smothered in Protein Ketchup!You see, the problem isn’t with what you’re eating. The issue is your choice of condiment. Currently, the ketchup that you are eating (probably Heinz since Hunt’s is for losers) has zero grams of protein. ZERO! How do you expect to get any protein if the meaty hamburger that your devouring is smothered in ketchup with zero grams of protein?

Think that condiments don’t need to be a source of protein? Believe that ketchup is just an unhealthy sugar sauce that you don’t need to eat at all? Well, while you’re cleaning mustard stains off of your shirt, we’ll be reading the product description:

With 15 grams of protein, zero fat, and two servings of tomatoes in every “dipper-style” one-ounce cup, Protein Ketchup delivers the taste and mouthfeel you expect, with the nutrition you want.

The problem has always been that we’ve wanted a more protein-rich ketchup but haven’t been willing to sacrifice the mouthfeel. Well, our day has come.

Why have a family-sized bottle of protein-less ketchup when you can stock your cupboard with dozens of one-ounce cups of protein-rich condiment ready to fuel your body and fill your garbage with excessive amounts of waste?

Now you can eat all of the burgers, fries and ice cream sundaes that you want so long as you coat them in some rich, properly mouthfeeling Protein Ketchup. It’s guiltless eating that’s sugary sweet. Enjoy!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Create a SkyMall product, earn a $1 million investment

by Mike Barish on

How often do you flip through the SkyMall catalog and think to yourself, “I could have created that”? If you’re like me, you do that every single time you read it. For all of the jokes we make at SkyMall’s expense, it is a lucrative business and many of those zany inventions have done quite well financially. It’s easy to think that you can create something just as good, if not better, than what’s currently in SkyMall, but what if you really had the chance to prove it? All I have to do is sit here in SkyMall Monday headquarters and pass judgment on all of these inane gadget. It’s much harder to be an entrepreneur and launch a successful product. Well, now’s your chance to get your idea off the ground and into the pages of SkyMall. Edison Nation, a company that helps retailers, As Seen on TV companies and manufacturers find new products and concepts has partnered with SkyMall to find the next great products for our favorite catalog. They’ll present the best ideas to SkyMall and invest up to $1 million in the concepts that are selected to launch their development. Do you have the perfect idea for the $1 Million Challenge?Of course, there will be some investment on your part. There is a $25 fee to submit an idea. That seems like a small price to pay to potentially see a seven figure investment in your invention.

The submission form is pretty straight forward but also quite thorough. After entering a detailed description of your idea, you are asked to explain why your product is innovative, what problem it addresses (remember, this is for SkyMall, so you can create the problem and then be the one to solve it), what the target audience is and who the current competitors are. Big ideas are great, but Edison Nation and SkyMall are looking for someone who understands the market and is truly filling a void.

I’ve got plenty of ideas that I’d like to see in SkyMall. For example, wouldn’t it be amazing if…wait, how do I know that you won’t steal my ideas? If anyone is going to have their name on combination toilet and deli slicer, it’s me! The Slusher (slice + flush) is going to be HUGE!

The submission deadline for the $1 Million Challenge is January 9, 2012. That’s plenty of time to come up with your own brilliant idea. Perhaps a bidet that is also a fondue pot? Or a remote controlled cat massager.

You can read all of the details and submit your ideas at the Edison Nation/SkyMall page. If your product makes it into SkyMall, I guarantee to review it in a future SkyMall Monday.

Good luck!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Large Universal Skate Sail (the worst SkyMall product ever?)

by Mike Barish on

I want to love every SkyMall product. I mean, they’re all so gosh darn loveable. And, like the infomercials that you see when you can’t fall asleep, the descriptions of each gadget in SkyMall lead you to believe that they’re the greatest thing since the Edge Brownie Pan. Every SkyMall product that we’ve ever reviewed for SkyMall Monday has touted itself as life-changing and showcased all of its best attributes. All of that changes this week. We were embarrassed for the makers of this week’s featured product. After discovering it in the catalog, we were beyond excited to see it in action. We looked up every video that we could find only to be more disappointed than a Washington Generals fan. Each video is more amateurish and underwhelming than the last. Each video makes it look as if the product doesn’t even work. Each video makes us shake our heads at how awful the Large Universal Skate Sail must be.First of all, Sail Skating (as this “sport” is called) has the single saddest website in the history of the internet. It includes one link to a news story promoting the “sport.” That link is dead.

It features no explanation of the activity, the product or, well, anything. It includes links to buy the sail on Amazon, like the sail on Facebook (two people have done so) and follow the sail company on Twitter (it has tweeted once and has zero followers).

Most importantly, it showcases 29 sail skating videos in the most horrible video interface we’ve ever seen. And the videos themselves? None of them make the product look particularly…um, what’s the word…oh, right…good. They all show the sail flopping around in the air while someone kinda sorta glides by at about the same speed that they could achieve using just their feet.

The product description makes it seem like the creators had good intentions:

A great new way to get both adults and kids outside and moving if they’re sitting around the TV too much!

Why use your own muscles to exercise when you can let the wind do all the work? Well, as you’ll see in these videos, the wind is slacking off, too.

How bad are the videos? Let’s take a look.

I’m amazed that his coveralls didn’t create more drag as the semi-inflated sail allowed him to just barely pass a parked car.

Ever wanted to ride in a vehicle that goes slower than a walking toddler with a club foot? Then this is the product for you!

Certainly, you’d like to learn how the Skate Sail works. Perhaps this crude computer animation that is completely devoid of audio, details or realism can help you.

Yep, that answered all of our questions. Surely you must be satisfied by now, as well.

Unless, of course, you were wondering what the Skate Sail looks like while not working very well and viewed through a paper towel tube. Well then, this is the video for you:

Is this sail the worst SkyMall product ever? It’s quite possible. What’s certain is that it is the most poorly marketedSkyMall product of all-time. Well done, Skate Sail.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.