SkyMall Monday: Beard Cap

I’ve been a bit cranky in this space recently. I’ve railed against the Nuddle Blanket and the Ponchillow in the last few weeks. Many of you, I’m sure, have begun to worry that I’ve lost my zest for SkyMall. Rest assured that I remain optimistic about our favorite in-flight catalog and that there are still countless products that leave me engorged with excitement. In fact, SkyMall Monday headquarters is abuzz over this week’s featured invention. As you might know, I typically sport a beard. I’m a bit of a follicle aficionado and, as such, appreciate all things whisker-related. I understand, however, that not everyone can grow out their facial hair. Women, pre-pubescent boys and many Asians lack the ability to cultivate a thick, luxurious face garden. Thankfully, there is now an alternative. As winter clutches us in her icy grip, stay warm and sport the chin mane of your dreams with the Beard Cap.Beards are sacred and personal things. In a perfect world, we would also have flowing locks dangling from our faces. Sadly, that is not nature’s way. Beards can be fickle and there are those who conspire to remove them through nefarious means. The Beard Cap allows you to sport a beard when needed and hide it when danger presents itself.

Think that a cap with a beard is a waste of fabric? Believe that there are better ways to protect your face from the cold? Well, while you figure out how to put on a balaclava, we’ll be reading the product description:

Gray and black cap has attached mustache and beard.

1 size fits most adults.

It is what is says it is. Isn’t that the mark of any good beard – real or otherwise? Beards lack pretense. They’re the working man’s facial hair. They’re not for everyone (one size fits “most” but not all) but everyone is for them. Think about it.

Don’t let your lack of testosterone or ethnic makeup keep you from sporting the beard that you so richly deserve. Ignore the aspersions cast by those who would rather see you “clean shaven.” There is nothing dirty about beards (except for when you cupcakes and chili dogs) and you have every right to grow or buy your own. Even if the one you buy makes you look like an atomic ginger.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Mustache Mirror

I’m no stranger to facial hair. And I’m certainly a supporter of mustaches. However, I understand that there are many people who can’t grow lip sweaters. Whether it’s due to genetics, illness, workplace rules or simply gender, some poor souls must remain fresh-faced. Until Locks for Love allows me to donate my beard to someone (all joking aside, that’s a great charity that I urge you to check out), those without blooming facial follicles will be forced to find alternative means for covering their lips. While using a permanent marker to draw a stache may seem like a good idea, that can get out of hand. Fake mustaches tend to fall off at inopportune times and masks are just plain creepy. Thankfully, SkyMall is prepared to address this serious issue. Now, when guests come over to SkyMall Monday headquarters, they too can have a mustache thanks to the new Mustache Mirror.Mustaches show that you are a virile man (or woman, if you’re Sicilian). They display your power, confidence and potency. These are traits that must be broadcast to the world. For some, however, mustaches are as elusive as unicorns, leprechauns and the McRib. That doesn’t mean that they should be denied the joy one experiences when they first see themselves with a swath of hair darting across their upper lip like a steamship proudly crossing the Atlantic.

Think that mustaches are only for pedophiles and dictators? Believe that mustaches should have died in the 80s? Your prejudice only makes me more determined to share the product description with you:

Ever wonder how you’d look styled with a ‘stache? Worry not about facial hair farming inhibitions, thanks to our exclusive beveled-edge mirror.

Three bushy, manly lip ticklers are printed boldly at the perfect level so you can try one on for size; the ready-to-hang accent will be a hit in your entry or powder room.

Worry not, indeed! Plus, we’re bringing back the term “powder room.” That’s a bonus.

While I would prefer to see more than three mustaches on the mirror and wish that handlebar varieties made up less than 66.6% of the options, I still feel that the Mustache Mirror is a major breakthrough in facial hair research.

For all of you without mustaches, this is your rebirth. You have a second chance to live the life you always felt you were supposed to live. Remember, mustaches are not a choice. They’re a way of life.

For more information on mustaches, I urge you to visit the American Mustache Institute.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Photo of the Day (4.25.2010)

I found myself laughing out loud when I saw Flickr user VickiR1952’s photo on our Gadling Flickr page today. Where do I even start? The amazing beard on the cowboy, the horse’s expression, the pose…it’s all perfect. These two look like they could be long-lost cousins. It’s an image oozing with personality and charm.

Taken any cowboy photos of your own? Why not add them to our Gadling group on Flickr? We might just pick one of yours as our Photo of the Day.

Face It, You Know You Want to Attend the World Beard Championships

The International German Beard Championship wrapped us last week. Some 200 participants from all over Europe showed off their elaborate, and sometimes bizarre, whiskers. If you missed the hairy competition, don’t worry, you can catch some more close-shave action at the upcoming World Beard and Moustache Championship, scheduled for September 1, 2007 at The Brighton Centre. (Tickets are available now.) The biennial event will take place in Anchorage in 2009.

With beard and moustache clubs the world over, the general categories for such hair-raising contests include: Moustache; Partial Beard; and Full Beard. Each umbrella category then has sub-categories falling beneath it.

In 2005, Beard Team USA’s Toot Joslin took top honors in the Sideburns category, while 21-year-old rookie Jack Passion finished third in the highly competitive full beard natural category, which many consider the marathon of the WBMC. These men are working hard to earn their places in history in September.

If you want to learn more about the efforts of these and other whiskered fellows, check out BTUSA’s blog, which claims, among other things, that John Bolton was recently invited to join the team. Also, don’t forget to reserve your copy of Splitting Hairs, the documentary about the 2005 World Beard Championships.