Football season is upon us and that can only mean two things: It’s time for tailgating and unrelenting gastrointestinal distress.
Nothing beats gathering with a dozen or so of your most sports-obsessed friends to eat sausages, steaks, burgers and other such indulgences at nine in the morning. How else will people know that you love your team? The problem comes after the meal and before kickoff. You’re bloated, gassy and in need of some relief. You can’t get back into your car because the noxious fumes emanating from your bowels could suffocate you. You can’t go into the stadium because they haven’t opened the gates yet. You don’t want to go to the bathroom in the parking lot because social mores prohibit your from popping a squat on the ground. All you need is a place to take the pressure off of your body.
Thankfully, SkyMall has just the thing to help you sneak in a pregame nap while all of those vitamins, minerals and nitrates course through your veins. When regular chairs aren’t enough, you need to up the ante. You need to keep your feet elevated and your buttocks properly supported after a breakfast of ribs and pulled pork. That’s why you look to SkyMall Monday. That’s why we’re looking at the Trailer Hitch & Cradle Chairs.The problem with regular chairs is that they sit on the ground. The ground is hard and once you’re full of meat and cheese, gravity begins to affect you more. It pulls you towards that hardness in a way that puts stress on your ankles, knees and GI tract. Soon, you’ll need to find a port-o-potty for more than just a tinkle. The last thing anyone wants is to have to sit down and do some real business in one of those bad boys. That’s why you need to reduce gravity’s (and pork’s) unrelenting pull on your organs as quickly as possible. The more relaxed you are as you attack that second six pack of Natty Light, the less seismic activity you’ll experience in your colon.
Think that normal chairs are perfectly adequate for tailgating? Don’t believe that a full slab of ribs is appropriate for one person to eat, let alone for breakfast before attending a football game at which they will most certainly indulge in french fries coated in cheese and/or cheese-like products? Well, why not read the product description while you munch on that apple and wonder why no one at the office ever invites you to happy hour:
Imagine the faces of your pre-game buddies when they see you kicking back in this! Innovative and patented design takes leisure to a whole new level, instantly bringing the laid back comfort of a hammock to your favorite campgrounds, tailgate parties and sporting events.
Yes, imagine the faces. Horror, disgust Awe, envy, concern over the tensile strength of the chair’s support beam.
Sure, you could bring a couple of beach chairs, but they take mere seconds to unload out of your car. Then you’ll have nothing else to do and get sucked into helping cook or, even worse, clean up afterward! By making your chair a complex system that must be securely fastened to your truck hitch, you ensure that you’ll be occupied for most of the tailgate preperation. By the time you’re done getting the chairs safely in place, the first round of bratwursts should be grilled to perfection and you’ll already be pretty buzzed. And isn’t that what football mornings are all about?
Take a load off (and keep a load out of your pants) with the Trailer Hitch & Cradle Chairs. Your hemorrhoids will be glad that you did.
Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.