SkyMall Monday: Waistband Stretcher

Here at the SkyMall Monday world headquarters, we eat a lot. Moderation is a four-letter word, as far as I’m concerned. How can anyone expect me to eat responsibly with all these zig-zagging brownies and giant cupcakes laying around? So, as you can imagine, I’m not exactly in bikini shape this summer. Which is fine, since I’m a dude, but it also means that I’m not in old-timey bathing suit shape either. Sadly, I’ll have to avoid the beach and stay fully clothed this summer. But what if my clothes don’t fit anymore? I mean, I’ve eaten a lot of those giant cupcakes. I can’t afford a whole new wardrobe. You may be surprised to learn that writing SkyMall Monday is not exactly the most lucrative endeavor. Basically, I get paid with SkyMall gift cards which I use to purchase more giant cupcake pans. So, how can I make my clothes fit without changing my lifestyle and becoming healthy? Well, I could always force my pants to fit with the Waistband Stretcher!

Now, instead of dieting, exercising, sleeping well and abstaining for alcohol, I can just stretch my pants out until they fit around my robust, girthy torso. I can continue to shovel heaping amounts of homemade donuts into my gullet comforted by the knowledge that my pants are always a quick stretch away from allowing blood flow to my lower extremities. My genitalia have never been more excited!

Don’t believe my excited genitalia? Fine, don’t take their word for it. But you have to trust the product description:

When your waistband feels too snug, reach for the Waistband Stretcher. You don’t have to get rid of your favorite jeans, skirts or slacks thanks to this simple waist-band stretching device that lets you add from 1-5 inches (depending on size of garment) to the waist of cotton pants, skirts, and shorts. Just moisten the garment’s waistband, insert the waistband stretcher, extend the garment to the desired size and let dry – voila, a more comfortable fit!

Of course, once the cupcakes and donuts induce the heart attack that I have scheduled for July, I’m certain to lose a few pounds in the hospital. Comas will do that. I’m sure that there’s a reverse setting on the Waistband Stretcher and I’ll get those 1-5 inches back in no time. Voila, waistband shrunk! No? You can’t unstretch a waistband? Well, back to my diet of choice then.

Cuba Libre: Preparing for a trip to Cuba

The biggest step when planning any trip is buying the ticket there. When it came to Cuba, the purchase was intensified by all of the concerns I mentioned in my post yesterday. The timing couldn’t have been better, though, as Lora is currently living and working in Toronto, so she contacted a travel agent who scored an amazing package deal for us that included roundtrip airfare and seven nights’ accommodation at a resort in Havana for less than $800. An added bonus: two of Lora’s friends, Peter and Frank, would be joining us for the first week!

But traveling to Cuba requires proper planning and preparation. Since I prefer to be a spontaneous type of traveler, I left it almost completely up to my travel mates to guide me through the pre-trip phase. Since our accommodations were already arranged (you must have accommodation planned before arrival), we had just three major things to think about: money, clothes, and clearing customs.
Money:
I hate to break it to my fellow budget travelers, but Cuba is no longer cheap. I made it in Myanmar on $10 a day, but in Cuba you really spend about $50 per day. This wouldn’t be so much of a problem if Americans could actually use their ATM cards abroad, but Cuban businesses still do not accept American bank or credit cards. In other words, Americans must budget carefully for the trip in advance and bring cash to exchange in Cuba upon arrival. Even budget travelers should plan on bringing at least $100 per day – preferably in Canadian cash, or bring U.S. traveler’s checks, which are now accepted at most Cuban banks at a more favorable rate. Carrying around that much cash with you is a scary thought, but it is absolutely necessary to go down there with enough money to last your entire trip.

Clothes:
Check the weather forecast before you pack and then choose your clothes based on the weather. Cuba is never cold, so you’ll need just one long-sleeve shirt or sweater and one pair of pants or jeans. Cubans dress quite casually, but they don’t have money to buy fancy clothes. Therefore, you should really consider bringing clothes that you will no longer wear after your trip. Lora, Peter, and Frank all stuffed their bags with expendable clothes and left them for maids, caretakers, and other Cubans they met along the way. It’s one easy way to give back to the Cuban people who desperately need luxuries we don’t have.

Even toiletries like Kleenex, soap, and shampoo cost the same in Cuba as they do in the States, and most Cubans cannot afford them. So, if you have extra room in your luggage, bring some of these, too. My travel mates gave away nearly all of their belongings by the end of their trip that they had plenty of room for Cuban souvenirs and gifts.

Clearing customs:
This concerns only Americans who are hoping to procure a tourist visa upon arrival in Cuba. Getting in and out of Cuba has to happen through another country in Latin America or Canada. Most Americans travel through Cancun (in Mexico) or Toronto (in Canada), but there are many other non-U.S. cities that service Havana (see my Travel guide to Cuba for airline information). On the plane, they give you the arrival and departure card on which you fill out both sides (one they keep, the other serves as both your visa and your departure card – so don’t lose it; your hotels will also need to input your visa information, so keep it with your passport).

Let me just tell you my experience entering through customs at the Varadero airport (2 hours from Havana): My customs agent was a woman my age with a neatly braided ponytail. She began speaking to me in English, but I wanted to practice/show off my Spanish, so I proceeded to converse with her in my best, formal Espanol. She took a picture of me, which was stored in the Cuban customs database. She looked over my passport and arrival card and asked me many questions. I answered all of the questions honestly. She even asked if I got permission to come here and I told her “No.” Soon after that she left her little stall and asked the neighboring agent a question, came back and stamped something (I couldn’t see what). Before she let me leave, she made sure to tell me my Spanish was quite good. I felt pretty good about that, and then she let me go. As I waited at the baggage claim, I flipped through my passport, but there was no Cuban stamp. Then I noticed that she had stamped my departure card, as I had been told they do. Lora, who went after me, hadn’t filled out BOTH sides of the arrival/departure card and therefore had to fill it out fully first and then go to the back of the line. In the end, her stamp landed on the departure card as well.

This is apparently the practice for all visitors no matter their nationality. Cuban customs agents stamp the departure card upon arrival and retrieve it when you depart. They stamp your departure on your boarding pass, which the airlines take before you board the plane.

So there you have it! I made it to Cuba – and you can too with the proper planning. Our first stop: Havana, which will be discussed in the next few Cuba Libre posts.

For a complete listing of my Cuba Libre posts, please click HERE.

Gadling Gear Extravaganza: The Ultimate Travel Clothes

I’m all for fancy gizmos and high tech electronics. It’s my bread and butter. But what really makes the difference when traveling, a lot of the time, are the simple essentials that you deal with every day.

Clothes, for example. The right clothes can lighten your pack, keep you dryer, warmer, cooler, and happier. Believe me.

Today’s Mega Gadling Gear Extravaganza is going to cover all of the clothes I own, which are actually so few that they fit in a single Aloksak plastic bag.

… Okay, I just got a tux made here in Bangkok too (who can resist?), but I’m having it shipped back, so it doesn’t count.

All of this gear has been tested personally by me on a crazy around the world trip that I’m five months into, and most of it was being pre-tested in Austin, Texas before I left.
Icebreaker Superfine Wool Shirts

I was initially going to write this article only about these shirts. They’re good enough that if I thought people would read it, I would write a three part series about them.

Serously, I love these things.

I started out with just one, but after two months of traveling I threw my other shirts away (capilene and another brand’s wool shirt) and bought more Icebreaker. That means that for the past five countries in four months, I have worn only three Icebreaker shirts.

Wool is an amazing material, and icebreaker uses ultra high quality wool. The best of the best.

First of all, wool is very odor resistant. On many occasions I’ve worn a shirt to work out in the Panama heat, let it air out while taking a shower, and after getting out of the shower realized that even upon very close olfactory inspection, it didn’t smell at all.

Miraculous.

I get some of the lightest weight shirts (the 150 series), which are perfectly fine for hot climates. They’ve withstood the rigors of Thailand and Panama summers. In the cold they offer a little more warmth than a cotton t-shirt, but nothing to write home about. If you’re going somewhere cold, they have much heavier shirts you can wear.

Perhaps the best property of the shirts is the way they handle water. They dry VERY quickly. On the island of Koh Phi Phi, Thailand, we twice got stuck in flash storms while running to Karaoke at night. After an hour or two of singing I was almost perfectly dry. My friends with cotton shirts were freezing and cold.

Speaking of which, did you know that, like a wetsuit, wool keeps you warm even when it’s wet? It’s eerie.

Last, but certainly important if these are the only shirts in your wardrobe, icebreaker has very fashionable styles of shirts. I found that other brands are either too scrubby looking or too athletic looking. Icebreaker shirts are cool enough that I’ve been able to wear them to fairly fashionable clubs without any problems.

They are hard to find because they’re so in demand. Try Amazon, or your local outdoor gear store.

Cloudveil Cool Convertible Pants

I love these pants almost as much as I love my shirts.

They’re made of brushed nylon, which is a great material for pants. These pants are super rugged, my one pair clocking in with nine months of daily use and not a single scratch, rip, or stain.

I’ve worn them exploring the jungle, on planes, to dinner, and even swimming. The key feature is that the pant legs zip off near the knees, converting them instantly into shorts. I love this feature to death. Start hiking in the morning when it’s cold, and then as it gets warmer you just zip off the legs. Perfect.

I picked these particular pants because the fabric doesn’t have that sheen and swishing noise that nylon pants usually have. In fact, they look a lot like cotton. They’re also relatively slim fitting, which is good. Most convertible pants I tried on looked like Hammer pants.

As a little bonus, the velcro pockets on the thighs are the perfect size to hold a passport. I’ll mention this because I’m a stickler for things like this – the pockets aren’t cargo pockets like most brands put in, so they are nice and flat.

Get them at Amazon.

Ex-Officio Give-N-Go Underwear

For months now the most common question we’ve received here at Gadling is, “Can you PLEASE share the details of Tynan’s underwear situation?”

The wait is over – I’m ready to reveal all.

I’m pretty into underwear. Not to the level that girls are into underwear, but enough that I once had an “underwear shootout” which involved me ordering five different kinds online and then testing them for a couple weeks before buying many pairs of the winning pair.

When I was faced with the prospect of getting travel underwear, I was concerned that I may not be able to find a pair that could stack up with the shootout winners.

Ex-Officio pulled through for me.

They have a few different styles. I went with the below the belt sport briefs. Normally I go for the boxer brief, but I’m nuts about light packing and so I opted for less fabric. Also, their version of a brief was so huge that it could probably double as a tent in a pinch.

The draw of the Ex Officios is that they dry fast. Really fast. So fast that when I demonstrated them to a couple of strippers in an all night diner before leaving for my trip, even they were impressed. Strippers are really into underwear, so I consider their approval to be a strong selling point.

Get them at Amazon.

And that’s it!

That’s all the clothing (besides outerwear) that I pack. I got rid of my shoes in favor of some that don’t require socks, but the best socks are SmartWool socks. I love them so much that I shipped mine home from Taiwan instead of throwing them out.

When you get the right gear you can get by comfortable with very little. And you can join me in mocking the backpackers that carry backpacks so big that they can actually be seen from space.

Passport boxers for ID?

Anything goes when it comes to art and boxer shorts.

It’s hard to be original these days, very little phases me — I always feel like “ah, I’ve seen this before.” But boxer shorts with a passport page design is something I have never seen before, nor imagined. The idea has merit, but why would anyone wear underwear with a stranger’s passport printed on them? And pay $33 for a pair?! Tutut.

However, what would validate the price and give these boxers (and the guy wearing them) a 5-star coolness rating if he had his own passport printed on them. Now that’s hilarious and so random that it’s frickin’ cool!

In fact, with a little help from a printer and a tailor, you could totally custom-make these at home for way cheaper; you could even start a business! Many travelers would be suckers for personalized shorts like this, for themselves or as gifts to fellow travelers.

(Sorry Morphine Generation, I might have just killed your boxer business).

How to dress for Mardi Gras in New Orleans

New Orleans, I love ya, but you’re a dirty city — especially in the French Quarter during Mardi Gras. In fact, I’ve ruined a couple pairs of pants thanks to the “drunken sludge” on Bourbon street (right). After my first few trips to Mardi Gras, I got smart and went on a shopping spree at the thrift store before heading down, and now it’s a tradition. Here’s my yearly shopping list:

A few pairs of old pants. I like to head for the slacks aisle and pick up a few pieces that look like they’re straight from the set of Three’s Company. The more obnoxious, the better. I’m not shooting strictly for style, however — it’s best to find a few pairs that are built not only for looking like Mr. Furley, but for their durability; you want something that offers a bit of warmth and will cut through the Bourbon street sludge without decomposing.

A jacket. This is perhaps the most important piece of your ensemble. You want something that’s not only going to provide you warmth on the chilly February nights, but also make you look like someone not to be messed with. I learned this trick from a guy named Eddie who wore a trench coat every year. “People never know what you’ve got under there,” he told me. Thing is, he would actually carry a machete under his.

A hat. Shoot for something dapper here — a Borsalino knock-off, perhaps, or maybe even a cowboy hat. It’s often rainy down in New Orleans, so you want something to keep your head warm and dry, while furthering your chaotic wardrobe choices.

Shoes. It’s tough to find a good fitting set of shoes at the thrift store, so usually I pick an old pair of my own from the back of the closet. The key here is comfort, as you’ll be doing a lot of walking. Keep in mind that anything white below the knees will be a muddy gray color after a few hours on Bourbon, so pick your shoes wisely.

The end result should make you look like a cross between a transient panhandler and Jack Tripper. I saw my efforts come to their ultimate fruition a few years back when I randomly bumped into an old high school pal. “Dude,” he said, checking out my wardrobe, “are you homeless?” At least I was warm.