SkyMall Monday: Flair Hair Visor Sighting

by Mike Barish on
It’s rare that I actually see SkyMall products in the wild. Sure, many of them sell quite well and are used by thousands – if not millions – of people. However, I spend so much time toiling away in the SkyMall Monday headquarters that I can no longer attend the monthly Telekinetic Obstacle Course tournaments or volunteer to help chronic back pain sufferers set up their NECKpro Traction Devices. Sadly, the only time I have the opportunity to see SkyMall products is when I am testing them out myself.

Recently, however, my luck changed. While attending a New York Mets baseball game at Citi Field with my father, I spotted something glorious. There, as I waited for a delicious Shack Shack hamburger, was a short man with tall hair. Hair that didn’t seem to actually belong to him. At first, I doubted its authenticity. What are the odds that I could be witnessing such a rare occurrence? However, as stared over my father’s shoulder at the man just a few feet away, I realized that I was witnessing history. There, but for the grace of God, walked a man in the Flair Hair Visor.

As I got closer to this live male specimen, I could see immediately that he had no sideburns and virtually no hair below the visor line. Is it possible that he shaved off all of the hair on the sides and back of his head and left only a thick, luxurious and spiked mane flowing on his crest? In theory, yes. However, there is no way that the hair poking through the visor like a crowning newborn was real. It was unaffected by the slight breeze coming off of Flushing Bay. It appeared to have no product in it yet remained stationary at all times. This hair wasn’t cemented in place with a Pauly D amount of paste. No, this hair was simply fake. And it was attached to his visor.

What would compel a man to don a visor with an artificial head of bleached blond spiked hair? Was he attempting to attract a mate? Overcompensating for his male pattern baldness and inability to grow taller than 5’8″? Or, did he simply think that wearing a visor with Guy Fieri’s hair attached would just plain make him hip?

It’s worth noting that it was an incredibly hot day with not a single cloud in the sky. Under the intense August sun, many sunburns were acquired that day. As a bald man, I can attest to the fact that protecting one’s scalp from UV rays is as important as protecting your backside in prison. Visors are notoriously useless when it comes to head protection because of their one major design flaw: a complete and total lack of a top. So, while they keep the sun out of your face, visors do nothing to keep your scalp covered. Perhaps this man had no other hat to wear to the game. Maybe, just maybe, he knew that no harmful, cancer-causing rays could possibly permeate a layer of synthetic hair that voluminous. If this is the case, he was wisely managing his long-term health. For that, we must commend him.

As I researched this piece, I arrived at the disheartening conclusion that the Flair Hair Visor is no longer offered in the SkyMall catalog. It is a relic of a bygone era of air commerce that I will always remember fondly. While it is still sold on the Flair Hair website, its days of be availability in our seatbacks at 35,000 feet have gone the way of the dinosaur.

We’ll never know whether this man purchased his Flair Hair Visor from SkyMall, the manufacturer’s website or a third-party vendor. Similarly, his motivations for wearing the bleached wig will always allude us. But, we can all sleep soundly and shop SkyMall confidently knowing that we are not alone. There are others like us. People who spend their hard-earned money wisely. People who care about their appearance. People with a good old-fashioned sense of whimsy.

We salute you, Flair Hair Visor man. Keep living the dream.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Top 10 SkyMall Mondays of 2008

by Mike Barish on

2008 was a big year for SkyMall Monday in that, you know, I created SkyMall Monday in 2008. We laughed, we cried, we grew as people. But mostly we just laughed. With the new year just days away and with everyone and their mother posting year-end top 10 lists, this week seemed perfect for a look back at the Top 10 SkyMall Mondays of 2008. So, grab your credit card, throw logic out the window and come along on a magical ride through some highlights from our favorite mile-high catalog.

10. TimeMug – Certainly many of you have made a new year’s resolution to get yourselves organized. Well, what better way to get your life in order than to have a clock on your coffee mug? You may have left your watch at home and forgotten your phone in the car, but your latte will know exactly how late you are for your meeting.

9. Slumber Sleeve – Easily the second-best pillow of the two pillows SkyMall Monday reviewed this year! The Slumber Sleeve allows contortionists and husbands who have been forced to sleep on the couch to maintain bloodflow to their extremities. It’s a niche market, but the Slumber Sleeve really filled it up good and tight.
8. Flair Hair Visor – As a bald man, I’m typically offended by anything that makes us aerodynamic individuals feel as if we should hide our glorious domes. But when you come across a product that is so dignified and subtle, you can’t help but promote it. The Flair Hair Visor says, “I have such tremendous self-esteem that I am certain you must be pointing at me and laughing as a gesture of respect.” I accept your compliments.

7. Portable Desk – You’re a man (or woman) on the go and you just have to work, work, work! But there’s nowhere to sit as you wander around the coffee shop/airport/freeway. What do you do? Well, you strap it on. (Note: Thank you to my editor who looks the other way when I use that phrase).

6. Noseaid – When you care enough about your child to put a clothespin on his nose and then just walk away.

5. SkyRest Travel Pillow – Getting comfortable in a cramped airplane seat can be tough. Trying to sleep in that seat is even tougher. You could try a neck pillow, but they’re so small, convenient and easy to carry. What you need is something so obtrusive that everyone knows that you’ll be sleeping through the drink service. You need a giant wedge that will block your neighbors from going to the bathroom. You need the SkyRest Travel Pillow.

4. Double Umbrella – Keeping two people dry in the rain is the world’s oldest problem. Sure you could buy a golf umbrella, but then you’d be a giant douchebag. You could carry around multiple umbrellas, but then you’d have the hassle of keeping then both up in bad weather. Or, you could own the world’s first umbrella built for two people who like each other but not enough to stand close together under one umbrella.

3. NECKpro Traction Device – Tethering yourself to a door is never a bad idea. So what better way to alleviate neck and back pain than to strap yourself to a door and crank yourself away from stress? And what a handsome design! Frankly, I’ll find any excuse I can to run this photo repeatedly.

2. The Slanket – As I began compiling this list, I thought for sure that The Slanket would end up in the number one spot. How could it not? It’s the original blanket with sleeves! I even spent an hour completely entranced by the incredibly cheesie Slanket website. But at the end of the day, I’m just not a blanket guy. I prefer to put on a sweatshirt. Our flaunt my tremendous wealth by turning on the heat.

1. Cruzin Cooler – Many people have blamed the collapse of the Big Three U.S. automakers on their lack on innovation. Well, one amazing advancement in transportation has recently come from the great minds of America’s business leaders. I speak, of course, of the Cruzin Cooler. Part cooler. Part go-kart. All awesome. It holds 24 12-ounce cans and has a top speed of 13 miles per hour. But it’s not about the numbers. Facts and figures are so cold and emotionless. SkyMall Monday is about people. I believe in bringing you hope and joy and warmth. To that end, just look how pleased these Cruzin Cooler owners look.

Happy New Year, SkyMall Maniacs. See you in 2009 with a whole new batch of products designed to make our lives more magical.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Flair Hair Visor

by Mike Barish on

Are you embarrassed by your child’s age-appropriate baldness? Has his or her wispy, toddler hair become a point of contention in your house? Do you purposely leave your child home alone rather than risk people publicly mocking him for his inability to have a full, luxurious head of hair before he can even walk? Well, finally, there is a product that will not only give your child that ultra-cool hairstyle that he deserves, but also keep the glare of the sun out of his tender eyes. This week, SkyMall Monday spotlights the Flair Hair Visor.

As a man with no hair, I can appreciate one’s desire to enhance himself follicly. Sure, I look stunning bald, but not everyone can make such handsomely honest claims. Hair growth creams and surgical solutions can cost hundreds, if not thousands, of dollars. Wigs and toupées rarely fool anyone and pose a unique set of challenges in blustery conditions. But with the Flair Hair Visor, your child can finally escape the stigma of being in the stage of development that precedes full hair growth.

As always, I don’t ask you to take just my word for it. Just check out this carefully selected excerpt from the product description (that happens to be the only sentence in the product description that isn’t littered with typos):

Instantly give yourself a head-turning new ‘do and amuse friends– and strangers!

If people are pointing and laughing at you, then yes, I suppose they are amused. And just imagine how amused they will be when they see that there are Flair Hair Visors for adults, too! You and your child can have matching fake visor hair and avoid the damaging effects that the sun can have on your retinas. And if you protect your retinas, you’ll be able to gaze into the mirror and see how magnificent you look with your fake hair that has taken the attention off of your child’s fake hair. See, you solved that problem of being embarrassed by your kid already!

Bring an air of confidence back to your family with the Flair Hair Visor. Surely people will stop mocking you and your child now. I think. Maybe.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.