SkyMall Monday: Beamz Interactive Music System

by Mike Barish on

You simply don’t hear very many people complaining about the lack of new instruments being invented. Basically, since we electrified the guitar, we’ve been set with all of the instruments that humanity needs. Granted, converting turntables from music players to music makers was pretty ingenious, but it wasn’t necessarily the invention of an instrument. At this point, we’re set for making music. Yet, this week’s SkyMall Monday features the quintessential SkyMall instrument because it, of course, has lasers. Sit back and enjoy the melodious seduction of the Beamz Interactive Music System.We’re long overdue for an instrument that combines the digital presets of a synthesizer with the hair growth-encouraging powers of lasers. Previously, only John Tesh was able to create riffs that simultaneously mesmerized and annoyed listeners. Now, however, we can all produce the kind of smooth adult contemporary jams that dentists’ offices so desperately need.

Think that lasers have no business in music? Believe that instruments should not be called “interactive music systems?” Well, while you play the triangle, we’ll be reading the product description:

Don’t just listen to your favorite music — join the band! You don’t have to be a musician — with the Beamz, anyone can steal the show.

Pass a hand or finger through the laser beams to jazz up your favorite tunes with hundreds of sounds.

No longer does listening to music need to be a passive activity. Finally, you can “jazz up” the songs that were produced by professional musicians with your own laser-induced ideas.

But, you don’t just have to alter existing songs. Once you become proficient in the Beamz Interactive Music System, you can create your own masterpieces that will enthrall your friends and confuse your grandparents. I, for one, look forward to hearing your laser tunes the next time I’m walking through a shopping mall.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: iRestore Hair Laser

by Mike Barish on

No man wants to go bald. As a man who shaves his head because it’s the only hair style that looks good anymore, I can tell you that I frequently feel pangs of hair envy when I see a guy with thick, luxurious locks. That’s why I often just sit around the SkyMall Monday headquarters wearing a wig. That said, I’ve never pursued any type of hair treatment or restoration because I’ve always believed that you should just make the best of what you have. Thankfully, my parents never dropped my on my head, so I look good bald. That’s helped me avoid any urge to use those potent pills that can’t be handled by women who are pregnant or planning to become pregnant, as well as any strange topical ointments, salves and creams. All of those remedies sounds frightening and messy. However, recent innovations in the hair restoration industry have led to developments that include lasers. Lasers make everything cooler. If anything can bring back hair that has been lost for years, it’s lasers. That’s why I am completely on board with SkyMall offering the iRestore Hair Laser.Historically, the problem with lasers is that they’ve been dangerous and often used by aliens to enslave the human race. Now, however, lasers have been put inside a helmet so that bald men can use them while doing anything from sitting around on the couch watching TV to eating a rack of ribs to sitting on the couch watching TV while eating a rack of ribs. It’s about time lasers became convenient for lazy bald men.

Think that you should play with the hand that nature dealt you? Believe that lasers are dangerous, precise instruments that are best left to professionals? Well, while I shine these lasers into my eyes, why don’t you take a look at the product description:

Adjustable Laser Dome for full scalp coverage!

That’s all you really need to know. Well, that and the fact that you’ll be able to tell your friends that you have an adjustable laser dome. They’re sure to feel stupid for being stuck with non-adjustable laser domes. Fools!

So, if you’re bald, wish you had a full head of hair and enjoy standing around reading books in an infinite black emptiness, then the iRestore Hair Laser is for you. Or, it might not be for you. To be certain, check out this handy and not-at-all amusing chart on iRestore’s website.

Stop being bald and laserless when you could be hairy and laserful. The choice is yours.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

Two years in jail for pointing a laser at a plane

by Scott Carmichael on

The “sport” of pointing a laser pointer at a plane is not new – many people have been arrested for the stupid stunt.

Last week was a first though – someone caught pointing their laser at two planes was arrested, and sentenced to two and a half years in jail.

His first target was a United Airlines plane carrying 180 passengers. When the beam hit the cockpit window, the pilot caught it right in the eye, causing “flash blindness”. The second target was an Alaska Airlines jet, this time the pilot was able to duck below a glare shield, but did have to abort a critical turn.

There appears to be no shortage of stupidity in the world, and shining a laser pointer at a jet just reinforces that. I’m not even sure what is going through the mind of someone who thinks this is a fun game.

These planes are carrying a lot of people, and in many cases they are on their final approach, one of the most critical parts of the entire flight. To me, two and a half year is on the short side – but hopefully it’ll still send a message to anyone else who was thinking of messing around with their laser pointer.

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Man arrested for pointing his green laser at Phoenix planes

by Scott Carmichael on

You’d think that by now, enough people have seen the news warning us that shining a laser pointer at a commercial plane is a very bad idea?

Apparently, that news did not reach 19 year old Vincent Bodin in Phoenix, because this young man was just arrested for doing just that.

He’d been up to no good for several days, and it took a police helicopter to finally catch him.

The really stupid part? Mr. Bodin is a French citizen here on a student visa, which means he runs the very real risk of being deported back home. Crime does not pay, and being a total idiot pays even less.

The current generation laser pointers are extremely bright, you can purchase pen sized pointers with enough power to light a match, so imagine the intensity of that beam when it hits the cockpit window – most certainly not something a pilot will want to see when he’s on his final approach or take off.