Inflight masturbation arrest blamed on “spilled hot sauce”

by Scott Carmichael on

A 50 year old Floridian has been arrested after he exposed himself on a flight from Salt Lake City to Lewiston, ID. The man reportedly started masturbating next to a 17 year old girl on the plane, who then moved seats to get away from the pervert.

Upon arrival at the airport, the girl told her father, who contacted the Transportation Security Administration. When TSA officials contacted the local police department, the man was placed under arrest on suspicion of “misdemeanor indecent exposure”.

According to police, the man claims he spilled Tabasco sauce on his crotch, causing him to expose himself and rub violently to reduce the burning and itching.

Of course, anyone that has actually seen a bottle of Tabasco knows that the hot stuff comes out one drip at a time, so spilling enough to set your genitals on fire is a really lousy excuse. He’ll get to use his Tabasco excuse in front of a judge soon, who’ll have to decide whether this really is a case of inflight masturbation or something innocent.

[Photo from Flickr/nromagna]

Rocker Tommy Lee angered over whale masturbation *UPDATED*

by Leigh Caldwell on

Motley Crue drummer Tommy Lee is angry — really angry — about the way Shamu is being treated at SeaWorld.

In a letter to SeaWorld Orlando, Lee complains about the methods used by the theme park to obtain sperm from Tillikum – the orca responsible for the death of SeaWorld trainer Dawn Brancheau this spring.

Tillikum was brought to SeaWorld Orlando specifically for breeding purposes in 1998. He continues to appear in Shamu shows there and to be used in killer whale breeding programs.

PETA, an organization which Lee has long supported, has called for the whale’s release back into the wild.

Lee calls Tillikum SeaWorld’s “chief sperm bank.”

“We know from SeaWorld’s own director of safety (as well as videos on the web) that the way you get his sperm is by having someone get into the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water,” Lee wrote in the letter obtained by TMZ.

“Even in my wildest days with Motley Crue, I never could’ve imagined something so sick and twisted.”

As bizarre as it may sound, manual stimulation of animals is a regular breeding method used by zoos and aquariums for certain species.

Thomas French’s 2010 book Zoo Story documents the manual stimulation of a bull elephant at Disney’s Animal Kingdom to obtain the sperm used to impregnate a female elephant at Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa.

UPDATE: SeaWorld Orlando has responded to the breeding methods mentioned in Lee’s letter, and they say he’s got it all wrong.

Fred Jacobs, vice president of communications for SeaWorld told E! News that 25 of the 27 orca calves born at the theme park were conceived naturally, and the process of collecting semen for the two calves born through artificial insemination is similar to that used in breeding livestock or in programs at zoos.

Lee “contends that semen is collected from Tilikum using a ‘cow’s vagina filled with hot water.’ This is beyond ludicrous. Whatever his views on SeaWorld, Mr. Lee would be wise to spend more time checking his facts,” Jacobs said.

[Image credit: Flickr user Hyku]

Radio presenter caught masturbating in-flight blames booze and painkillers

by Scott Carmichael on

A famous Irish radio presenter has taken to his own radio show to apologize for allegedly exposing himself to a female passenger and flight attendant, then masturbating in front of them. His actions took place on an Aer Lingus flight back in October flying from London Heathrow to Cork.

Neil Prendeville has 100,000 listeners on Cork96 FM, but claims he can not remember any details of the incident, blaming a mix of alcohol and codeine painkillers for his actions.

The news has clearly affected him quite badly – and he admits that he even contemplated suicide, but instead of taking the easy way out, he’s decided to try and educate people on the dangers of mixing alcohol and medication:

“I’m hoping others and people listening and those writing the article and whatever is to come will learn from this terrible personal experience and not mix painkillers or any tablets with alcohol.

As of right now, no charges have been filed, but the airline has concluded an investigation and passed their findings on to the police.

Grammy winner goes for in-flight self-service?

by Tom Johansmeyer on

In-flight service took on a new meaning for Grammy award-winning singer Elvis Crespo. The Merengue singer was accused of having exposed himself to a passenger on a flight from Houston to Miami. He denies it, but it’s impossible to be sure. After all, he told authorities in Miami that he didn’t recall the incident. Crespo wasn’t arrested, and no charges have been filed.

Earlier this month, the accused masturbator married his manager … which likely supports the accusation of self-gratification in the friendly skies.

If it’s true that Crespo whipped it out, I’m curious as to why he didn’t just step into the plane’s lavatory. If it’s publicity he craved, he could have taken a quick snapshot of his handiwork and popped it onto Flickr.