Top five tips for newbies visiting nude beaches

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Are you planning to go “clothing optional” for the first time? From what I understand, you can have a lot of fun, but there are rules to be followed. Failing to do so can lead to an awkward situation or worse. Most of this is common sense, of course, which is probably why it’s worth mentioning. You can have fun without coming across as a disgusting nut job. I found a list of suggestions for first-time visitors to nude beaches over on Fox News and pulled the top five for you, below:

1. Wear protection: you’ll have much more of your body exposed to the sun than usual, so bring and apply sunscreen – lots of it. Could you imagine getting a sunburn on your… exactly. Test out sunscreen on areas where you may not be accustomed t wearing it, because your body may have an unexpected (and unpleasant) reaction.

2. Expect to be a hottie: if you think you’re going to find tight bodies pulled into provocative positions all over the beach, prepare yourself for some disappointment. You may get lucky and run into something sweet, but much will sag and drag.

And speaking of getting lucky … 3. Forget about sex: to feel comfortable on a nude beach, it seems, you need to be ready to take sex out of the equation. This isn’t the case at some beaches, however, which specialize in fostering carnality. But, be ready for bodies ready to be put to work. Look at (2) above, and prepare for the tables to be turned. Do a little jogging before hitting one of these destinations.

4. Leave your camera at home: even if you think you’re the next Larry Flynt, you should leave your inner shutterbug behind for a day. Photography and video are highly inappropriate. So is staring, in case you couldn’t figure that out on your own. Would you want anyone to do this for you? Wait … don’t answer that (except maybe in the comments below).

5. Take a towel: there are some places where you’ll need to cover up. Dining areas, bathrooms and entering and exiting the beach typically call for modesty, however much you may loathe it. Don’t do it for you – do it for everyone else.

[photo by ilovememphis via Flickr]

California smacks nude beach buffs

by Tom Johansmeyer on

After having been left alone for a while, California isn’t tolerating nudity any more. The state’s Department of Parks and Recreation is putting out the word that it will crack down on bare crack this year at San Onofre State Beach. So, if you like to sun in the buff or skinny-dip in the sea, you could be out of luck. Nudists call it a “tremendous setback.”

The nudist community worries that the California decision could trigger a chain reaction across the country. Bob Morton, executive director of the Naturist Action Committee, says, “There are other states in which there are sanctioned nude beaches. They’re all looking to see what California is doing.”

There’s a secluded stretch of San Onofre State Beach, 1,000 feet long, that’s been popular for sunning sans threads for more than three decades, and it has such a reputation that visitors from out of state seek it out. Cliffs stretching 300 feet into the sky block the views of would-be gawkers, making it comfortably private. And, there’s a certain justice in the fact that it was a decision by President Richard Nixon that opened the beach to the public.

Top nude beaches from around the world

by Tom Johansmeyer on

If you like getting naked – but don’t want to wait for an occasion – get your (bare) ass to one of the top five nude beaches in the world. From Miami to Vancouver to Mykonos to St Maarten, you’ll find a place to roam free. Thanks to TripAdvisor for pulling this together.

Haulover Beach Park – Miami Beach, Florida
More than a million people hit Haulover every year to live the relaxed life of a nudist. If you go, you’ll stand out by trying to look like you’re not.

Wreck Beach – Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada
At this clothing-optional beach, you’ll be able to gaze upon eagles and herons … or a whole lot of body parts you don’t normally see in public. According to one of TripAdvisor’s readers, “Wreck Beach is a magical place where I can strip off my layers of clothes and judgments, troubles and insecurities, and become one with the earth.”

Paradise Beach – Mykonos, Greece
They’re more open-mined in Europe, right? You bet! Check out Paradise Beach in Mykonos, where you can go “swimming in the blue waters and lying on the white sand in a place where humans celebrate the good parts of life.”

Orient Beach – St. Maarten, Caribbean
Head down to the Caribbean to shed your second, unnatural skin. At Orient Beach, you can feel the sand in every orifice. According to one TripAdvisor traveler, “Orient Beach was one of the most beautiful beaches I’ve ever visited. A ‘sun worshipers’ paradise.”

Black’s Beach – San Diego, California
Watch for the cliffs, which are absolutely beautiful. Then, surf naked or simply sun the spots normally not exposed to rays.

Five great ways to get naked around the world

by Tom Johansmeyer on

With Nude Recreation Week just behind us, TripAdvisor has announced the top five naked events in the country. So, whether you like to wet your willie while skinny dipping or prefer to bike in the buff, you have plenty of choices to hang your wang.

Biking in the Buff: World Naked Bike Ride – Worldwide, June and July
This one just ended, but put it on your calendar for next year. Since 2004, bikers from around the world have converged to protest our car-driven culture. Show some skin for what you believe in!

Daring Dip: AANR World Record Skinny Dip – Across North America, July 2009
More than 12,000 people set a record by wearing nothing but water in July, creating the world’s largest skinny dip. Everyone had to be shoulder-deep, which I imagine was easier on the eyes in some cases … and disappointing in others.

Maslin Madness: Nude Beach Olympics – Maslin Beach, Australia, January
You have time to plan for this! Maslin is Australia’s first official nude beach, so you can take part in history as you stumble along in the three-legged race (feet, mind you, are joined).

Barely Bulls: Running of the Nudes – Pamplona, Spain, July
PETA’s “Running of the Nudes” is meant to protest bullfighting, but it doesn’t have to be political. Free your body from that fabric prison, and mingle with the few hotties you can find at these types of event. One TripAdvisor traveler admits, “I was shocked but entertained because everything was jiggling around and flopping around, if you know what I mean.”

Share Some Skin: Burning Man – Black Rock Desert, Nevada, August – September
This is an American classic, billing itself as a retreat for self-expression, creativity and community. Burning Man attracted almost 50,000 people to the Black Rock Desert in 2008, many of them getting service without shirts or shoes.

Go to Australia, get dressed

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Put your clothes back on.

Fitzroy Island, not far from Australia’s Great Barrier Reef, is famous for its nude beach, but a $100 million makeover has taken the fun out of it. This destination for those who detest clothing has gone upscale, and clothing is no longer optional. Several hotels have popped up to accommodate 450 people, shrouding them in suites and one- and two-bedroom apartments.

Now that Fitzroy Island has sold out, restaurants, bars, conference facilities, retailers and theaters have invaded, and they’re not the kind that let you shed your threads upon arrival. There’s plenty to do … if you want to be conventional.

There is some good news in all this, though. Up-market hotels do tend to have comfortable beds, so you can still get naked someplace. And, if you look hard, I’m sure some of the apartments have kitchen counters.

[Via Sydney Morning Herald]