When Monsters Are The Theme, Anything Goes

by Chris Owen on

The Monsters of Rock cruise, coming up in March 2013 looks to have just about all the head-banging fun a heavy metal rock fan could ask for. Sailing from Fort Lauderdale and titled “Monsters of Rock: The Lost Weekend,” the four-night sailing is being promoted as “the greatest rock cruise to sail the seven seas.” Unlike some other festivals at sea, this one looks set to deliver too.

The headliners alone should cause hard-core rock fans, if not rock historians, to get excited. Cinderella, Tesla, Queensryche, Kix, Saxon, Lita Ford, Stryper, Y & T, Loudness and Great White join a total of 35 bands and a bunch of special guests on a full ship charter of MSC Poesia, sailing from Port Everglades. That translates to non-stop hard rock around the clock the entire four days.

On a great number of music-themed cruises, that would probably be plenty to keep fans busy between a few artist-specific events, meet and greets plus enjoying features of the ship itself. But Monsters of Rock has much more. Contests for “Best Tattoo,” “Best ’80s Hairstyle,” and three competitions titled “So you think you can sing?” “So you think you can drum?” and “So you think you can Shred?” promise to create some unique memories of the voyage.

Guests who have been on a cruise before will find some familiar activities and entertainment but with a heavy metal focus. “The Rock Star Dating Game,” “Celebrity Bingo” and “Shore Excursions With Your Favorite Rock Star” promise to put a unique twist on standard cruise ship fare. There is even what looks to be a far from traditional formal night titled “Monsters Of Rock Prom 1987.”

These people have really put some thought into this.

A photo show titled “Every Picture Tells a Story” has rock and roll photographer Mark Weiss sharing his photographs that capture the look of music and celebrity personalities of the 1980s. For a nominal fee, aspiring musicians can sign up for “Master Class Clinics Featuring Some of the Finest Musicians in the World” giving lessons on guitar, bass, vocals and drums.

Think this sounds like the rock gods have answered your prayers? Hold that thought.

In 2011, officers from U.S. Immigration and Customs, U.S. Marshals, DEA agents, and the Broward Sheriff’s Office stormed MSC Poesia in a raid just before setting sail for the Jam Fest Cruise. The raid resulted in the arrest of some passengers and the seizure of an assortment of party favors ranging from small quantities of marijuana, mushrooms, hash oil, LSD, ecstasy, prescription drugs and a variety of drug paraphernalia.

Too much heavy metal fun? Want to play it a bit safer?
There’s always the Blake Shelton Cruise, a full-ship charter of Norwegian Pearl sailing from the port of Miami on October 15, 2012.

Still too much fun?
A Barbie cruise could work. The Barbie Premium Experience will be on Royal Caribbean ships starting in January 2013.

Monsters of Rock sails March 16-20, 2013. Pricing starts as low as $679 per person with three people in an interior stateroom (+ government taxes, fees, and gratuities of $199 per person, added automatically). See Monsters of Rock for details.

Here is a recap of the 2012 Monsters of Rock cruise for your head-banging pleasure:




Flickr photo by The-E

The best views of Oxford, England

by Sean McLachlan on


Oxford is the most beautiful city in England. Its famous “dreaming spires” have inspired generations of writers, poets, and scholars. The problem is, there are only two easily accessible spots to get appreciate Oxford’s skyline at its best.

This photo shows the Radcliffe Camera, part of Oxford University’s Bodleian Library and where I work when I’m not feeding hyenas in Harar, Ethiopia. I took this from the top of the spire of the University Church of St. Mary the Virgin. The tower and spire were built between 1280 and 1325 and are the oldest parts of the church. It’s covered in ornate Gothic carvings and leering gargoyles so don’t forget to take a photo of the exterior before entering the church gift shop and buying your ticket to go up!

The stairs are steep and the staircase is narrow. If you are not reasonably fit do not try to go up. Once you huff and puff your way to the top, you’ll be treated to a 360 degree view of Oxford–its churches, its famous colleges, and the green countryside beyond. You’ll also see the gargoyles up close and personal. The nice folks at the gift shop will give you a free map showing you where everything is. After five years living part time in Oxford I still can’t name all the colleges!

%Gallery-122796%Once you come back down be sure to visit the rest of the church, most of which dates to the 16th century and features some beautiful stained glass. There’s also a cafe serving tasty and reasonably priced food and coffee. There’s something soothing about sipping a mocha under medieval arches. If the weather is good, you can sit in the garden and enjoy views of the Radcliffe Camera and All Souls College.

An even more interesting and much easier climb is up the Old Saxon Tower of St. Michael at the North Gate. While it’s not as high as the spire of St. Mary’s, it’s the oldest building in Oxford. It dates to the late Saxon times and was built around 1040. This used to guard the city gate of Oxford, but all that’s left is the tower. Climbing up here you’ll see a little museum filled with medieval and renaissance bric-a-brac, including a raunchy church sculpture I’ll blog about later. On one landing is an old clockwork mechanism. If you put 20 pence in it, the gears grind to life and chimes start to play. The last time I climbed this tower with a kid I spent a whole pound on it!

Peering over the parapet you can watch shoppers stroll along Cornmarket St., Oxford’s busiest pedestrian road, and you can see birds wheel and soar amidst the spires of nearby colleges. The 13th century church downstairs is worth a look for its rare medieval stained glass and a font that William Shakespeare stood next to as his godchild was baptized. It was the kid of a local innkeeper, and I hope The Bard got a few free pints for his trouble!

If you know anyone who works at or graduated from Oxford, try to get into their college and climb up one of the towers. While most colleges are open to visitors for at least part of the year, the “dreaming spires” generally aren’t, so you need an insider to gain access.

Exploring England’s oldest Anglo-Saxon church

by Sean McLachlan on


One of England’s most alluring traits is the way its historical ages pile atop one another. This is a nation where farmers discover Roman coin hordes in their fields, where people drink in 400 year-old pubs, where people worship in churches that have been around as long as England has been Christian.

If you’re ever visiting Durham in northern England be sure to take a brief drive or bus trip to the nearby village of Escomb. In the center of town stands this church, built sometime around 670-690 AD. England was not England back then, but rather a patchwork of warring Anglo-Saxon kingdoms. In many regions, people had converted to Christianity within living memory, and there were still some who clung to the Old Religion. The crumbling remains of Roman cities, forts, and shrines could still be seen, remnants of a greater civilization that was already taking on the character of legend.

At this time some unknown individuals built this church. It has been in use almost continually ever since and is the oldest intact Anglo-Saxon church in the country. Its sturdy walls have borne the centuries well. If you look carefully you can see much of England’s history marked in its stone.

The Anglo-Saxons were actually three distinct tribes–the Angles, Saxons, and Jutes–who came from what is now Denmark and northern Germany to fill the power vacuum left by the departing Romans in the early fifth century. The Angles settled in this part of the country. They were still pagan then, and would remain so for a century. Eventually churches started to appear. The stone for this church mainly came from an abandoned Roman fort nearby. A couple of the stones even have old Roman inscriptions, one saying “Legion VI”, which had been garrisoned at the fort.

%Gallery-101095%The Angles added their own elements. A seventh century sundial sits high on the wall, decorated with a serpent and a monster’s head. The serpent symbolized the Teutonic creator god of the pagan Angles, and the serpent may be a symbol of the god of chaos and creativity. It’s interesting that the newly converted Angles kept a lot of their pagan symbolism! The sundial has only three marks, to show the times for mass. A more modern sundial with proper hours was added in the seventeenth century.

Inside the church are some early medieval crosses and a baptismal font that once had a locking cover to keep the locals from stealing the holy water to use for spells and folk medicine. Paganism died hard in this part of the country!

What’s most remarkable about this church is that it’s still being used. It was abandoned for a time and was in danger of falling into ruin in the nineteenth century, but the local parish decided to save it. Services are held here regularly, and during my visit I got to speak to the organist, who told me that priests vie with one another to be assigned to such an historic house of worship. The congregation uses a special old Gaelic prayer rooted in the Celtic tradition that fits nicely with the atmosphere of the place:

As the rain hides the stars,
As the Autumn mist hides the hills,
As the clouds veil the blue of the sky,
So the dark happenings of my lot
Hide the shining of thy face from me.
Yet, if I may hold thy hand in darkness,
It is enough,
Since I know, that though I may stumble in my going
Thou dost not fall.