Vagabond Tales: Shady Back-Room Deals With Questionable Thai Gangsters

There is a Nikon camera lens on the ocean floor between the Thai islands of Phuket and Koh Phi Phi.

No, I didn’t see it while scuba diving with leopard sharks in the warm waters of the Andaman Sea (I swear they sneak right up on you). I know it’s there because I put it there – with my foot.

Despite my knack for getting off the beaten path, the ferry ride from Phuket to Koh Phi Phi is not one of those moments. In fact, it’s about one of the most heavily trafficked tourist routes in all of Thailand. When boarding the overcrowded ferry between Phuket and Koh Phi Phi, it seems as if every alcohol loving, sex-searching, half-dreadlocked backpacker from Melbourne to Montreal is crammed on board right next to you.

For those not familiar with the Thai islands, if you’re looking for isolation and relaxation, go to an island like Koh Mak. If you find yourself heading for Koh Phi Phi, there’s a good chance you’re looking to get weird.

Crammed onto the small ferry with about 150 other backpackers, my wife and I were squeezed over to the port side of the vessel where we were forced to sit on the outside of the boat with our legs dangling over the side – questionable seating at best, yet strangely romantic.

Leaving the resort-lined shores of Phuket behind, we marveled as Thai long-tail boats darted through the turquoise waters. A little over halfway into the two-hour crossing, the lush, limestone formations, which provide the backdrop of Koh Phi Phi, began to become visible on the tropical horizon.

“Hand me the wide-angle lens,” chimed my wife, the ever-talented photographer of us two. “I want to get some shots as we come around the corner of the island.”Reaching for the camera bag, which houses our various lenses, I handed my wife the wide-angle and watched as she removed the 18-55mm lens and placed it in her lap. Then, in a moment of horror, I watched as that same lens decided to roll down her legs and fresh off the side of the vessel.

Instead of opting to reach down with my hand to try and catch the lens, I opted instead to try and trap it against the side of the boat with my bare foot. All I accomplished, however, was managing to catch the lens with the top of my foot and punt it 25 feet into the rolling blue water below.

Goodnight, sweet prince. May you rest peacefully in your watery grave.

For the next two weeks we were forced to take photos of the southern Thai islands with either an ultra-wide angle lens or a 200mm zoom, because as you might imagine, there aren’t many places selling Nikon lenses in the Thai islands. If we wanted to take photos, we could still do so, but only from about a half mile away.

“Great photo. Stay right there. I’m just going to go and perch myself in that tree across the ravine. Be back in 45.” That sort of thing. Since we still had two months left on the trip, which would take us across Cambodia, Laos and Vietnam, this camera situation simply wasn’t going to do.

This is why we were so enthralled to find a cheap lens advertised online at an obscure camera store up in Bangkok. We would be passing through Bangkok in a few weeks, and the owner, Alak, had actually responded to our email and said that he had the exact lens that we needed. Furthermore, since it was a part of a floor set, he could offer it to us at a steep discount.

Under the table, if you will.

Which is how we ended up in an odd corner of Chinatown in a remote corner of Bangkok searching for a hole-in-the-wall camera shop and a mysterious Thai man named Alak. After about four failed attempts at asking for directions we sauntered sweaty and starving into a camera store that sold everything from tripods to lens cleaners to fancy looking surveillance systems.

From the look of things, if there was anywhere this deal was going to go down, it was here.

Eying the shifty man behind the counter, and not knowing whether to verbally strike with Thai or Mandarin, I opted for the former.

Sa-wa-tee-kraup,” I offered, completely butchering the language in the process, “Ummm… Alak? Nikon? Email? Kyle?” Apparently, in addition to my poor Thai, I had also managed to butcher my own language.

A tense three seconds of silence passed in which the thinly bearded gentleman appeared to stare into my soul. I immediately felt uncomfortable, which is strange, because I was only in a camera shop.

Finally, he spoke.

“You come with me,” he hastily barked in English as we walked towards the back of the store. “You see Alak.”

Peeling back a blanket, which covered a clandestine exit from the shop, we followed the clerk into a backroom with chicken wire over the windows and shelves filled with various curios.

There was something weird about this, but I didn’t know why. All I knew was I was in the back room of a shady store in Bangkok in a neighborhood where I had the funny feeling that laws were merely guidelines.

Finally, Alak entered. He was tall, dark haired and had an intimidating presence about him. Another smaller man accompanied him in the backroom. There were now three of them to the two of us. Why did this feel so strange?

“Hi, Alak,” I nervously stammered. “I’m Kyle, we had emailed about a Nikon lens that you could get us for a good price. A special price.”

Without saying anything Alak turned around and rifled through the shelves. In the distance I could hear a siren. Looking to my left, a child had silently materialized in the blanket-covered entryway. He looked at us but made no noise. I smiled. He stared.

Eventually Alak placed a brown cardboard box on the table and mimicked for me to remove the lens. I did, and it was the exact one we wanted. I checked the size, I checked the glass for scratches, and I wondered why he was selling it for so cheap.

“You like?” Alak finally sneered, the lone hair on his chin quivering from the breeze coming through the far window.

“I want to make sure it works,” I replied. Then, to my wife, “hand me the bag.”

Reaching for our camera bag – which is specially designed to look just like a backpack – I unzipped the casing and removed our Nikon camera body. Breathing deeply, one of Alak’s cronies loudly cracked his knuckles.

Stroking the lens and attaching it to the camera body, I listened as it clicked into place without a hitch.

I suddenly knew why I felt so weird. This had all the makings of a backroom arms deal going down in a misty, backroom den in the Orient. I played the part of the undercover CIA operative and Alak the unsuspecting dealer who used his camera store in Chinatown as a front.

The stock lens was now my silencer, the camera body my automatic weapon. I suddenly felt the urge to have a briefcase full of money and a drinking problem. It was all too surreal.

“3,000 baht,” Alak suddenly declared. It was a price higher than what we’d discussed.

“That’s not the price we agreed upon, Alak. You said you could get this to us for 2,000. Remember, special price.”

Squinting his eyes and conversing with his cronies, Alak returned with his counter offer of 2,400. What he didn’t know was that he had us in his hands. This was the cheapest – and only – lens that we could find in all of Thailand at this price.

“2,250 or we leave right now.” This operative was playing hardball.

Exchanging cash in the backroom we pocketed our lens and got out of there as quickly as possible.

“Did that feel weird to you?” I asked my wife.

“No, why?”

“You didn’t feel like we were undercover operatives during the Cold War purchasing a black market silencer that was recently smuggled out of Iran?”

I was met only with a blank and curious stare. “It was a camera store with a sweet little old man,” she finally reasoned. “You’re weird.”

Hailing a pedicab in a narrow alleyway beneath a sky of swinging red lanterns, I couldn’t shake the feeling we’d just mingled with shady Thai gangsters. Sliding into a two-seated tuk-tuk, we honked our way out of Chinatown and into the pulsing Thai night.

Want more travel stories? Read the rest of the “Vagabond Tales” over here.

Vagabond Tales: Swimming with elephants in Thailand

Anyone who has visited Thailand will recognize the word Chang.

The national beer of Thailand, the over sized green bottles are found everywhere from the markets of Chiang Mai to the bars of Bangkok’s Khao San Road. In the Thai language, however, Chang does not mean beer. It means elephant. Hence the ornately drawn white elephant placed prominently on the bottle.

Another Thai word you may be familiar with is the word koh (also spelled ko). Ask anyone who just returned from Thailand about their trip, and they’ll rattle the word off as if they’re trying to remove a hairball.

“Oh the trip was great. We visited Koh Pha Ngan, Koh Lanta, Koh Mak, Koh Phi Phi, Koh Samui” etc.

Koh, as it turns out, is not the Thai word for hairball, but rather, it is the Thai word for island.
Put the two together, Koh and Chang, and what you are left with is Elephant Island, a nod to the fact that when viewed from the sea, the island appears to have the same profile as an elephant lying down. Therefore, it should come as little surprise that the lush and mountainous island of Koh Chang is one of Thailand’s premier locations for riding elephants.

Though there are many places around the world where you can rest on top of a moving pachyderm, what’s unique about Koh Chang is that it’s the first place I’ve seen where you don’t just get to ride on top of an elephant, but you go swimming with it as well.

Wait. Swimming with an elephant? This sounds dangerous. They’re the largest living land mammal on planet Earth, and you want to go jump into a watering hole with them?Though the idea of a four ton animal treading water in the first place is tough to wrap your head around, there are few experiences more surreal than straddling the neck of a leathery, hairy beast, your hands firmly clinging to a rope which is tenuously wrapped around the elephant’s underbelly, and to have the four-legged monstrosity completely disappear into a puddle of deep brown water.

Of course, these elephants are exceptionally well trained, but nevertheless, it all happens so fast. In one moment you are firmly on dry land bouncing along through the dripping green foliage of the jungle, and in the next you find yourself waist deep in a brown lake straddling one of the largest creatures on Earth which has, suddenly, completely disappeared.

This experience is of course coupled with the fact that an elephant is equipped with a fire hose on its face. Capable of drawing up to four gallons of water into its long, serpentine snout, the elephant will then deposit the massive reservoir of elephant boogers where ever he happens to see fit. The most typical place for it to unleash its hose is its own back in an effort to cool itself down. If you happen to be sitting on the elephants back, however…

Luckily I avoided the experience of being drenched with elephant snot, but this was perhaps my biggest fear going into the expedition. Not falling into the water and getting kicked in the face like any normal person might be wary of, but of being briskly trumpeted by a dual-nostrilled cannon at a speed of about 95 knots.

“She must like you” claimed the mahout, an Indian word for a man in charge of driving the domesticated elephants.

“She usually brings most people back with their hair dripping wet.”

Still seated bareback on top of the gray animal, I trembled with excitement at what had just taken place. Potentially unaware that I was even still sitting on top of her, for her part she had moved on to flapping her small ears and chewing on a soaking wet piece of sugar cane.

This may sound crazy, but if you ever travel to Thailand, do yourself a favor and go swimming with an elephant. A package deal of a mechanical bull, a zoo, and a waterpark, it’s an experience you assuredly will never forget.

Read more of the Vagabond Tales here.

GadlingTV’s Travel Talk – Thailand Part 12: Going Home

Travel Talk Thailand - Episode 12

Gadling TV’s Travel Talk, episode 42 – Click above to watch video after the jump

After riding elephants, eating scorpions, walking through Hellfire Pass, visiting the famous bridge at the River Kwai, and seeing a Red Shirt movement up close – it’s finally time to say goodbye to Thailand and wrap up the biggest adventure Travel Talk has had.

Our last day was a blur of packing, dashing around Bangkok’s street markets for souvenirs, and a spectacular goodbye dinner overlooking the entire city. If there’s a better way to leave Bangkok than with a night up on the Dome / Sky Bar at Lebua, we’re not sure what it is. Early the next morning we said goodbye to new friends, stocked up on M-150, emptied a few last bahts from our pockets and prepared for the long ride home.

If you have the itch to embark on an adventure like ours, check out Trikaya Tours and ask for Joom (our incredibly hospitable tour guide). Thailand, we thank you for your hospitality and can’t wait to return in the future.

If you have any questions or comments about Travel Talk, you can email us at talk AT gadling DOT com.


Subscribe via iTunes:
[iTunes] Subscribe to the Show directly in iTunes (M4V).
[RSS M4V] Add the Travel Talk feed (M4V) to your RSS aggregator and have it delivered automatically.

Hosts: Stephen Greenwood & Aaron Murphy-Crews

Special guests: Sean Boompracong, International Media Director for the UDD.
Produced, Edited, and Directed by: Stephen Greenwood & Aaron Murphy-Crews
Special thanks: Tourism Authority of Thailand, Trikaya Tours, Lebua at State Tower

Travel Talk took Thailand by storm on invitation from the Tourism Authority of Thailand. No editorial content was guaranteed and Aaron & Stephen were free to openly share all adventures that they embarked upon.