SkyMall Monday: NECKpro Traction Device

Neck pain is no laughing matter. Unless the pain was caused by a slip on a banana peel. That’s hysterical. Otherwise, neck pain is a serious issue that needs to be combated aggressively. You’ve probably treated your neck pain with pills, creams, ointments, salves, massages and wine. Well, you’re a moron. By now you should know that the solutions to all of life’s problems can only be found in SkyMall. So, this week SkyMall Monday is here to dominate neck pain with the NECKpro Traction Device.

For years, you could only find traction devices in hospitals and they had to be operated by trained medical technicians with degrees and “expertise.” The masses were denied the ability to ratchet their spines in directions that defy normal human physiology. But no longer. The NECKpro Traction Device allows you to comfortably* sit in your own home and pull your head clear off of your torso. Thoughts of your neck pain will disappear as you instead focus on the chafing on your chin.

Need more convincing that the NECKpro Traction Device is the premiere cervical traction device on the market? Well, let’s check out the product description:

The NECKpro over-door cervical traction device, eliminates the bag of water or weights and the trial and error method of traction therapy offered by conventional home over-door cervical traction systems.

Did you know that other cervical traction devices rely on bags of water to apply the tension? Did you even know that there were other cervical traction devices? Me neither! But why use bags of water when you can just hang the NECKpro Traction Device over your door and pull on a string while your kids cheer you on?

You’ll be thrilled to learn that the NECKpro Traction Device comes fully assembled and “is the perfect travel companion.” Sure, it’s nice to have your significant other or favorite vibrator with you on a trip. But when it comes to companionship, those pale in comparison to the NECKpro Traction Device. I mean, can a vibrator relieve the pain associated with fibromyalgia, osteoarthritis or cervical radiculopathy? I think I’ve made my point.

Show your neck pain who’s boss with the NECKpro Traction Device. It’s about time you took back your dignity.

* You will not be comfortable.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.