The Onion on the newest in airport security

Nun better than the TSA!Airport security, as we’ve often pointed out here at Gadling, is in dire need of a makeover. After a number of close calls in the last few years, it seems that the TSA has finally made some positive changes to keep travelers moving swiftly and safely.

Well, at least according to The Onion. Here are a couple “improvements” our friends at the TSA have made recently, as reported by the crack squad of investigators at America’s Finest News Source:

  • Instead of broadcasting CNN on the televisions by the gates, passengers in waiting areas will be shown episodes of 24 to get their adrenaline going in case they need to knock down a terrorist.
  • Newsstands are to begin selling copies of Modern Terrorist and report people who pick it up.
  • Using an ultrasonic frequency imperceptible to the conscious mind, the FAA will broadcast the audiobook of Marley And Me in an effort to subliminally warm would-be terrorists’ hearts.

Am I alone in thinking that these ideas sound just as good as something the TSA might actually propose?

More here.