Hawaii Mulls Move To Other Side Of International Date Line

by Kyle Ellison on

Ever since Samoa jumped to the future by moving to the western side of the International Date Line in 2011, tourism authorities in Hawaii have been closely monitoring the situation in Samoa to see what effect it’s had on the nation’s tourism.

In a tactic, which was described by renowned Gadling blogger Sean McLachlan as “a shrewd business move,” Samoa reasoned that by moving to the western side of the International Date Line (aka, “tomorrow”), it would attract more tourists from Australia and New Zealand who no longer had to deal with the inconvenience of adjusting their clocks nearly 23 hours backwards.

Now, nearly two years after the move by the Samoans, Hawaii tourism officials have cited the 3400% increase in tourism to Samoa as strong reasoning for making the jump to “the other side.”

“At first we were critical of the move by the Samoans” admitted Hawaiian tourism official Seth Forsyth. “But in the last 18 months the Samoans have exhibited such an astronomical influx of Australian and Kiwi tourists that there’s no denying they moved to the right neighborhood.”

Forsyth admits, however, that a move by Hawaii to the west side of the date line wouldn’t be aimed at Australian tourists, because, as he so eloquently puts it, “if you’ve ever tangled with an angry Samoan then you know what I’m talking about. We wouldn’t want to steal their visitors.”

Instead, Hawaii tourism officials are looking to draw visitors from other nations that sit just across the imaginary fence. Amongst those markets, which seem to exhibit the most potential are travelers from New Caledonia, Papua New Guinea and the Kamchatka Peninsula of Russia.

With word of the move already percolating through the Hawaiian business community, Hawaiian-themed knick-knacks that will cater to the new visitors are already in the works.

According to Jason Cantor, a forward-thinking souvenir trader from Lahaina, Maui, in order to get a jump on the shifting souvenir trade his company is in serious pre-production of “Aloha” vodka flasks and plumeria-scented penis sheaths. According to Cantor, he expects these items to be “the new tiki doll.”

While the move by Hawaii seems to be a foregone conclusion, geographic restructuring is similarly being considered by tourism boards across the western hemisphere.

“I’ve actually been in talks with officials from Nevada, Panama and even Rhode Island” admits Forsyth. “There are a few logistical issues to work out, of course, but in the end I really think it’s in everyone’s best interests.”

[Photo Credit: Heather Ellison]

Loch Ness Convention And Visitors Bureau Admits: ‘We Made Up Monster To Attract Tourists’

by Sean McLachlan on


Tourism officials at Loch Ness made a shocking revelation today – the Loch Ness Monster is a creation of their marketing department.

“It all started back in the early years of the 20th century,” says Nigel Pratt, Public Relations Manager for the Loch Ness Convention and Visitors Bureau. “You have to remember that Scotland was very poor back then. Tourists generally went to vacation hotspots like Blackpool. It was tough to compete. “Highlander” hadn’t come out yet so nobody knew the first thing about Scotland. They didn’t know their haggis from a hole in the ground.”

So like all good marketing departments, the folks at Loch Ness decided to create a sensation. A few faked photographs and a bogus legend later, a star was born.

“My grandfather Phineas Pratt was the leading force in creating Nessie,” Nigel recalls. “His work was carried on by my father Angus, so you could say the Nessie legend is really something for Pratts.”

While many locals took the announcement with a wink and a laugh, not everyone was amused. A group of American tourists is threatening a class action suit, and cryptozoologists are dismissing the announcement as a cover-up.

Edwin Dupewit, president of the Nessie Appreciation Society, says, “We’ve seen this sort of thing before. The U.S. government claimed the Roswell crash was just a weather balloon, and there’s heaps of evidence that it was really an alien spaceship. And as for Nessie, I’ve seen enough blurry photos and interviewed enough vague eyewitnesses to be convinced there’s something strange living in Loch Ness.”

[Photo courtesy Wikimedia Commons. They’re in on the conspiracy.]

Introducing A New Travel Blogger Community: The Travel Commune

by Kim Mance on

Since the TBEX travel blogger conferences were acquired last year, I’ve been focusing on other projects and once again writing. But after transcendental meditation sessions during a few months spent in Woodstock on a creative retreat, I had an epiphany: there is no community without commun(e). I came to realize that being a travel community just isn’t quite enough – we need to be so tightly knit, that we actually all live together when not on the road. Therefore, I’ve recently opened The Travel Commune in the Hudson Valley, just 90 minutes north of New York City.

There are all sorts of travel related activities at the commune – in addition to gardening and wood-splitting – such as group therapy sessions, which help us talk through our issues about mileage reward programs, paid links, press trips and who has been more places (and who saw them most authentically).

I do not charge any commune members rent, but anticipate they will of course refer to me as H.H. Travel Guru, as well as braid my hair each day, among a few other odds and ends (a selection of male residents have their own special wing).

Though kitchen duties are shared and assigned in a Google Hangout, the menu is overseen by Jodi Ettenberg of Legal Nomads.

Nomadic Matt and David Lee of GoBackpacking are at the helm of daily exercise routines, which include hikes around the property while wearing perfectly packed internal frame backpacks. Marriage counseling sessions are led by Dave and Deb, Canada’s Adventure Couple.In an effort to keep a true yin-yang balance, Wednesday afternoons feature a traditional high tea hosted by commune members who’ve joined from the ranks of traditional travel journalism. During this weekly gathering, they are able to share their feelings about the meritless blathering published by the blogging-only members. This is followed by a Wednesday evening dinner dedicated to the bloggers sharing their thoughts on why journalism is dead and storytelling needs no preparation, only a publish button. Though the same topics are rehashed each week, there are no plans to cancel the events, as the commune members never seem to come to a resolution, but find it important to endlessly express our viewpoints. Plus, the bottomless Colorado wine at dinner is sponsored by the kind folks at Visit Denver.

In an effort to make sure the commune is as ethical as possible, a member of the Federal Trade Commission stops in bi-weekly to check over our blogs and social media channels to be sure we’re in compliance with their latest guidelines. (Editor’s note: anyone tweeting a link to this article about The Travel Commune should include the hashtag #TravelAdvertisingLinkDisclosureStatement.)

As for non-commune community outreach, we’ve established the Travel Linkshare Processing Center, run by bloggers who’ve honed their linksharing skills to perfection with algorithms that determine which posts to share and when (no reading of the content necessary). This is in addition to the Authentic Travel & Broadening Your Horizons Emergency Task Force (ATBYHETF, for short), which is deployed worldwide via Facebook any time it is detected that someone needs to expand their worldview through travel.

In addition, Chris Christensen of Amateur Traveler broadcasts a weekly podcast during which he introduces a topic that Michael Hodson of GoSeeWrite and I debate for 14 minutes without interruption. This is followed by a weekly travel Q&A on twitter under the hashtag #TTCChat (The Travel Commune Chat), during which all commune members can tell non-commune travel bloggers about their favorite travel experiences.

Everything we do at the commune is chronicled on Instagram using only the Hudson, Valencia and Nashville filters, as they are the most travel-related in name.

As Gary Arndt of Everything Everywhere says, “When you’re not out exploring the world, The Travel Commune is the absolute best place to be, not because of the programs it runs, but because of the people you meet. I mean, I haven’t lived with so many hot chicks since my co-ed dorm in college.”

Visitors can take a non-guided tour of the commune between the hours of 11 a.m. and 5 p.m. on weekdays, during which the residents are alert, sober and glued to their laptops.

Hope to see you at the commune. Namaste.

[Flickr image via Anonymous9000]

Hunting People For Sport Now No. 3 Most Popular Vacation Activity For World’s Ultrawealthy

by Rob Annis on

Hunting men and women for sport has become the No. 3 most popular vacation activity for world’s ultrawealthy, according to a new survey released today by Businessweek Magazine.

Swimming in pools filled with $100 bills filled the second spot in the survey for the third year in a row, while yachting remained in the top spot.

Unwitting men and women are typically captured on American streets, transported to a remote Caribbean island owned by National Rifle Association head Wayne LaPierre, then given a 20-minute head start into the woods, where they are hunted by wealthy CEOs and business owners in Jeeps and armed with bolt-action hunting rifles and crossbows.

“My company has more than $2 trillion in assets and more than 250,000 employees,” said JPMorgan Chase CEO Jamie Dixon. “Dealing with that kind of pressure is enormously stressful. Coming here, hunting people – sometimes even my own employees – relieves that pressure and allows me to return to my duties refreshed.”

Dixon, who earned $18.7 million in compensation in 2012, was on his fifth trip in as many years, bagging four trophies, including a 14-year-old boy with Down syndrome whom he was having stuffed and mounted for his Colorado vacation home.

Former vice president Dick Cheney’s last heart transplant came from a Tennessee father of four who happened to share Cheney’s blood type, according to hospital records. Cheney is said to have shot Ben Meadows, 42, in the legs with a Remington Model 673 Guide rifle from 45 yards away, then removed the still-beating heart from the churchgoing family man. Cheney was then taken to the island’s field hospital, where it was successfully transported into the Wyoming Republican’s chest.

Meadow’s family would later receive a handwritten letter of gratitude from Cheney, along with a $100 check to help pay for funeral expenses.

Hunting “the most dangerous game” has long been practiced in secret, and has been a long-time rite of passage for many a rising corporate star fresh out of Harvard’s secretive Skull and Bones Society. But the sport has come out of the shadows in recent years after the U.S. Justice Department refused to prosecute the businessmen for fear of weakening the country’s economy.

“These men and women run some of the most powerful corporations in the world,” Attorney General Eric Holder said during a Friday press conference. “If we were to prosecute, it could have a negative impact on the national economy, perhaps even the world economy.”

Bank of America CEO Brian Moynihan, who made $7.4 million in 2012, stood behind a visibly teary-eyed Holder during the press conference holding his wrists and slapping him while taunting, “Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?”

In a similar study, for the sixth year in a row, the No. 1 vacation activity among most Americans was looking at old Disneyland brochures with your crying 8-year-old daughter while telling her, “Maybe next year.”

[Photo Credit: Gage Skidmore, Flickr]

Virgin America Unveils ‘Main Canine Select,’ Retrofits First Class For Pampered Pooches

by McLean Robbins on

Virgin America has today announced the latest class of service on domestic flights – Main Canine Select. The new cabin service (located in the airline’s current First Class cabin – rows 1-2 on most of Virgin America’s Airbus A320-Family fleet) will cater specifically to the airline’s four-legged clientele.

Virgin America’s Official Pet Liaison, Boo – “The World’s Cutest Dog” – was the inspiration.

“We recognize how important it is to cater to our canine companions onboard,” said Phil Seward, Director of Loyalty at Virgin America. “Dogs – and their very discerning owners – are a priority for us in terms of our frequent flier base.

The new Main Canine Select service, set to roll out today on select flights nationwide, offers furry travelers an interactive light installation that allows pups to chase fully rendered cats, an “open air” lavatory with mood-lit fire hydrants, custom-designed air vents situated at each seat to simulate that head-out-the-window feeling of a car ride and a curated selection of features via the airline’s Red in- flight entertainment platform, such as an endless loop of tennis matches and a thumbs-free, on-demand, tapas menu.

To coincide with the launch of Main Canine Select, Virgin America is also launching a new Elevate “Top Dog” status level designed exclusively for the airline’s four-legged frequent fliers that includes a complimentary checked “doggy bag,” Virgin America pet hoodies and curbside hydrants for added convenience.

As the only airline based in Silicon Valley, members of the new Top Dog status level can also earn Elevate points via the airline’s enhanced social rewards. Virgin America was the first U.S. airline to award frequent flier points for virtual “check-ins” via Topguest. Elevate Top Dog members can now earn double reward points by virtually “checking in” at the airline’s airport terminals, gates and even dog parks through applications like Facebook, Instagram and Foursquare.

Sounds like a pretty great perk for pampered pooches and their owners. Would you let your pet fly Main Canine Select?

[Image Credit: Virgin America]