Gadling

I once knew someone who had a penis ring. I never saw it, but I was told it was there. A friend of his told me. I won’t say who, but this friend is a trustworthy sort.

The kind of penis ring this fellow had, however, was not mentioned in this article about what sort of penis implements CAN be taken away at the U.S. border. At first, when I read the title of the article posted at Star-Telegram.com, I thought it might.

The penis ring that my friend’s friend sported was a piece of jewelry–like an earring, but different. The type of penis devices that are no nos are those that promise to enlarge the penis by constricting it with rings or stretching it using vacuums or weights.

There are not enough warning labels on the packaging or directions on how to use such devices says the FDA. The results that can happen because of misuse do not sound fun. Gangrene, for example. For this reason, these items can be confiscated if someone tries to bring them into the U.S.

I’m sure the FDA would frown on the antics of the guy who pulls a car with his penis.

I wonder how big the collection of such devices will be as border officials scoop them up? Another friend of mine once had an idea to make artwork with all the nail clippers that TSA once confiscated. Artwork out of penis devices would be real conversation starters.

This article also reminds me of that old Mae West joke, “Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?”

Or that Austin Powers scene where he is going through customs with Elizabeth Hurley. What does he have in his bag? A Swedish penis enlarger. Here’s the scene. (Thanks, Scott for sending it to me.) If you want to read the FDA guidelines for yourself, here they are.