Don’t buy the whole plane

There’s only one shopping day left until Christmas, and you’re in a bind. Like me, you haven’t done any shopping yet. Fortunately, unlike me, you have at least $100,000 to throw down on a present for your wife, girlfriend or both. So, don’t be greedy and hoard all that cash for yourself. Give a friend the great gift of fractional jet ownership. The Flexjet 25 Expert Guide Edition jet card offers access to a fleet of private planes and the opportunity to visit places where the normal people won’t be allowed to bother you.

This is a deal that you seriously don’t want to miss. Lay down your American Express Black card by the first of the year, and you will buy love for the 12 months that follow. For prices that start at $107,900, your friend or relative (Who are you kidding? You’ll buy it for yourself …) can get some art-buying help from Barbara Guggenheim or play get schooled by World Series of Poker bracelet winner Antonio Esfandiari. Culinary, golf and tennis programs are available, too.

Basically, this is your ticket to an absurd level of conspicuous consumption.