SkyMall Monday: Relax ‘n Nap Pillow

I tend to love almost all SkyMall products. My reviews are favorable because the SkyMall Monday headquarters is full of useful products that have solved problems that we never knew we had until SkyMall told us about them. However, there was always one product in the catalog that I avoided reviewing. Whenever I would flip through the pages or scroll through the website, I would avoid it at all costs because it simply looked too horrible for me to imagine ever using it. However, the time has come for me to address this product. This week’s edition of SkyMall Monday is going to be a bit different than usual. Instead of a glowing review, you may see some harsh words. We’re all adults here and I think you’ll agree that what I’m about to share with you needs to be said (or written). Get comfortable. Lay down if you’d like. But do not attempt to read this while using the Relax ‘n Nap Pillow.The Relax ‘n Nap Pillow is intended for people who want to sleep laying face down. You know who sleeps like that? Dead people. Or, I suppose, people getting massages. I’ve gotten massages. I love massages. You know what bothers me about massages? How weird it is laying face down with my head through a hole. I know that I should close my eyes and relax, but I can’t help but open my yes from time to time only to see either the floor or the masseuse’s feet. It’s boring and weird. Now imagine laying face down, opening your eyes and just seeing your sheets. Unless you have some epic bedsheets, that’s going to be weird and boring.

I also find that the face down sleeping position promoted by the Relax ‘n Nap Pillow poses a major security risk. Laying face down with no peripheral vision leaves the user vulnerable to sneak attacks by home invaders, the boogieman and older brothers who think that wedgies are funny. If you normally sleep on your stomach (which I do), you keep your head cocked to one side, allowing you to either sleep with one eye open or quickly see what’s happening should a noise startle you awake. Every second counts when poltergeists or sadistic siblings try to make their move.

To be fair, I’ll give the product description the chance to make its case:

Our Relax ‘N Nap Pillows allow you to rest face down in blissful comfort! The memory foam provides proper spinal support plus patented air portal ventilation.

Blissful comfort? Sure, if you’ve already gotten your affairs in order and welcome death’s sweet embrace. As for the spinal support and air portal ventilation, well, invest in a decent mattress and open a window.

I’ll continue to sleep on normal pillows with my eyes pointed at the door, thank you very much. Sleeping face down just ain’t right.

I’m sorry that you had to experience such a negative review of a SkyMall product. I know that this must have shocked and frightened you. I can only hope that next week brings us back to the usually joy and whimsy of our favorite airborne marketplace. Until then, watch out for wedgies.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.