Galley Gossip: The mini motel for the commuting flight attendant

by Heather Poole on

See that guy over there, the one wearing a business suit lying on the floor inside an orange tent at the airport? The first time I saw that picture on The New York Times website, I laughed, and then I thought to myself, genius, absolute genius. The Mini Motel, a one-person tent complete with air mattress, pillow, reading light and alarm clock, that’s what Frank Giotto, a business traveler, created after an unscheduled stay at a German airport.

There’s one problem with the luxury tent, and it’s a pretty big problem. Simply put, it’s a tent. Personally, I can’t see too many passengers interested in buying a tent. I mean who in their right mind wants to lug that thing on the airplane – just in case there’s a delay, or cancellation, or something that would cause one to set up tent? Nor do I see the airlines purchasing it. Not when they’re getting rid of things – namely employees – in order to save money. So who do I see desperate to get their hands on a luxury tent aimed at stranded people at the airport? Flight attendants of course!

According to Wikipedia, Commuting is the process of traveling between one’s place of residence and regular place of work. For most people, normal people, commuting means getting in the car or hopping on a train and taking an hour long ride to the city where the office is located. Commuting for a flight attendant is a whole other animal. We cross cities, as in several cities, in order to get to work. Yet it’s what a lot of flight attendants choose to do, particularly the ones based in New York – like me! Yes, I am a commuter. I commute from my home in Los Angeles to New York where I start my trips at one of two New York airports. I know I know, it’s a little crazy, but it works.

Just to be safe, and well rested, I always fly to New York the night before my trip. But some commuters travel up on the same morning of their trip. Haven’t you ever wondered why the crew looks so worn out? Why they look as if they haven’t slept in days? Chances are they haven’t. Chances are, if they weren’t working twelve hours a day for three days straight (with short layovers), they could be commuters.

Now I know what you’re wondering: where do commuters stay at night when they’re not on a trip and laying over at a hotel in a strange city? If they do not have family or friends they can “visit”, they’ll stay in one of three locations…

  1. The Crash Pad: If they’ve got the money to spend (about $150/month), you’ll find commuters living in crash pads not too far away from the airport. My first crash pad, located in Kew Gardens, also known as Crew Gardens, was a three story house that was home to so many flight attendants I couldn’t begin to count them all. Seriously. I don’t even know if I met everyone who lived in this particular crash pad during my first three months as a flight attendant. All I know is “my room” had six bunk beds lining the walls, and each bunk bed had a different flight attendant (who brought along their own set of sheets) sleeping in it each and every night.
  2. The Airport Hotel: Sometimes a few commuters will get together and chip in to share a cheap hotel room near the airport — though this doesn’t really happen often, not anymore, not since we took a pay cut after 9/11. However, I do still see quite a few commuting pilots waiting for the hotel shuttle outside the airport.
  3. Flight Operations – Besides a couple of computers and a few sofas and maybe a television, there’s usually a little “quiet room” located somewhere at the back of ops. The quiet room is always dark and filled with reclining chairs. This is where you’ll find a majority of the New York commuters. But ONLY if ops is located on the outside of security, which isn’t always the norm at most airline terminals. But if ops is an option, rest assured, that’s the place to be.

Which brings me back to The Mini Motel, a $39.95 luxury one-person tent that comes complete with a mattress, pillow, reading light, alarm clock, and, most importantly, a bit of privacy when you’re stranded at the airport far away from home. Tell me this isn’t the perfect gift for that commuting flight attendant in your life! After that commuting flight attendant FINALLY stops thanking you over and over and over for the wonderful gift, you tell me that thoughtful gift is just a tent and not a luxurious crew condo.

Vacation refunds: German high court ruling puts packagers on the hook for plane crashes, emergency landings

by Jeffrey White on

Now here is one court ruling that pretty much any traveler could get behind.

According to the German news weekly Die Zeit, Germany’s Supreme Court, the Bundesgerichtshof, recently ruled that airline passengers traveling home from a holiday are entitled to a full refund of the cost of their trip if their plane crashes or comes close enough to crashing to have caused passengers fear and stress — thus ruining the relaxation won on said vacation.

Obviously if a plane crashes, more than likely there won’t be many refunds to hand out. But it’s the latter condition that is interesting here.

I’m not talking a refund of airfare. I’m talking a refund of everything that was spent on the holiday. Many German tourists book vacations through packages that include airfare, so this means they’d be entitled to a refund of the entire package.

Now, a court in the town of Duisburg must decide whether this ruling from the high court has any bearing on a case it is currently hearing involving a German couple whose plane home from Turkey had to make an emergency landing in Istanbul three years ago.

The couple’s plane malfunctioned shortly after taking off from Antalya. The couple says the plane’s door almost opened, pieces of the cabin’s ceiling starting coming down and the plane had to do a corkscrew landing in Istanbul.

The couple was on a two week Turkish vacation — some say Turkey is Germany’s 17th state — from a German packager called Alltours.

Alltours gave the couple around $430 for the delay they suffered. The couple sued for their entire package to be refunded, saying they lost all the peace and rest they’d built up during their two weeks by the pool.

The Duisburg court must decide whether the couple really thought they were going to die, which could bring the matter in line with the high court’s ruling.

But there are a few questions that go unanswered in the article, including why the high court bothered to rule on this in the first place. Had another lawsuit like this reached it? And also, isn’t this a stupid ruling? I mean, what if the packager was from the U.S. or U.K.? Can a German court compel a foreign company to pay up?

What if you weren’t on a package, and didn’t keep receipts?

However, it’s a nice thought, isn’t it? Imagine coming home from the Caribbean or Disney or what have you, hitting unusually bad turbulence, maybe even making an emergency landing of sufficient drama and getting the cost of your vacation refunded because you now feel, you tell people, so frazzled it’s like you never went on vacation at all!

10 tips for smarter flying


How much are those Heathrow landing slots worth?

by Grant Martin on

Now that Open Skies is in full effect, carriers left and right are scrambling to take advantage of all of the sweet landing slots in the EU’s congested airports.

Case in point, London‘s Heathrow Airport. Most travelers flying into the United Kingdom prefer landing at Heathrow because of better connections and proximity to London via the Tube. But landing slots at LHR are all full, so whenever one opens up, competition is hot to fill it in. Similarly, carriers want to hold on to their high-value slots to make sure that any competition doesn’t come in and snatch up some capacity.

So what do you do when you can’t book enough passengers to justify flying in and out of your slot? This case might show up if, say hypothetically, you’ve been cutting capacity like crazy to save cash and demand is low because travel is so expensive. Sound like any economy you know?

In that case, what do you do with your landing slot? Well, according to BMI, or British Midland Airways, you keep flying. Without passengers.

British Airways did the same thing earlier this year to try to preserve landing slots and we figured that the subsequent disgust with their MO combined with the price of fuel would be a deterrent for other carriers to do the same thing. But I guess those slots are just too valuable.

Why not at least auction off the empty seats on the aircraft? I know that you have to pay flight attendants if you have passengers onboard, but I feel like you can make enough to pay a few employees and offset the price of jet fuel a bit. But I guess that would make too much sense.

Galley Gossip: Flight Attendant Pet Peeve #3: You want me to do what?

by Heather Poole on

You’ve packed the bag. Actually what you did was stuff it full, and then most likely you had to sit on it while you zipped…the thing…up…there! You did it, you actually got that thing closed! You feel good, you really do, because you are not going to pay that ridiculous checked bag fee for the life of you. No freakin way!

Then you dragged that bag to the car and somehow managed to get..the bag…inside…the trunk…there! You did it, and now you’re off to the airport where you’ll have to get…the bag..out of…the trunk. Now you’re dragging that thing over to the airport shuttle bus.

Finally you’re in the terminal where you pass all those losers standing in line to check their bags. It’s your turn to go through security, so up…goes…the bag…there! It’s on the conveyor belt and slowly moving to the other side. As you wipe the sweat from your brow, you meet the bag on the other end and yank…it off…the belt. Now you’re off and running to the gate where boarding is already in process. Down the jet-bridge and onto the airplane you go, where miracle upon miracles, there’s an available overhead bin right above your seat. Now, where’s that lazy flight attendant?

“Excuse me, miss,” you say, trying to get the attention of the one and only flight attendant in the cabin who is already busy trying to re-seat a family of four together. “Can you help me get my bag into the overhead bin?”

You want me to do what?

I’m looking at a bag, a very big bag, that belongs to a passenger, a passenger that looks a lot like me, and I’m a little confused here. You’re not elderly. You’re not an unaccompanied minor. Nor are you handicapped. You packed it, and somehow you managed to get it into the car, on the bus, and through the airport. But now, for some reason, you can’t get it up into the overhead bin? The funny part is you and I both know that you knew you weren’t going to be able to do this before you even packed the bag!

Okay, you see where I’m going with this, don’t you?

Due to the fact that most bags are ROLLING onto the aircraft these days – not being carried – the bag situation has gotten a little out of control, particularly in the size and weight department, which is why, I’m sorry to tell you, I’m not going to be able to lift that enormous thing into the overhead bin for you. It’s too heavy! For both of us.

THE NUMBERS:

  • 1:50: That’s 50 passengers per flight attendant. Nowadays flights are staffed with minimum crew, which is why, in most cases, you only see one flight attendant in the cabin during boarding. The rest are either setting up the galleys, greeting at the door, or in the terminal taking tickets.
  • 1-4: Flight attendants work anywhere from one (if they’re senior enough) to four legs a day (from anywhere up to 14 hours a day)
  • 16 : The average number of days a flight attendant works a month. But ever since our pay was decreased by 30% most flight attendants are forced to work more hours and days to make up the pay. (Don’t forget, one of our days is like two of yours, and we don’t get to go home at the end of the day.)
  • 145: There are AT LEAST 145 passengers on-board our smallest aircraft – the S80. The 777 can carry anywhere from 283-368 passengers
  • Now add all that up: 1 (Flight Attendant – minimum crew, remember) X 4 (legs – the max) X 16 (days – the average) X 145 (passengers – the least amount) = an awful lot of passengers with bags that need lifting by flight attendants, resulting in an awful lot of flight attendants getting injured on duty. Not that that has anything to do with you…

What’s that? Your little one would like to visit the cockpit while we’re sitting at the gate? Certainly, come along with me, kiddo, and don’t forget your camera! You’d like something to drink? I’ll be right back with your (insert drink order here). You’d like me to help you find two seats together? No problem, I’ll see what I can do after everyone is on-board and seated. You’d like a blanket? Let me go see if I can find one. You’d like me to check on your connecting gate? I’ll call the captain right away and see if he’s gotten an update. You want to know if I can suggest a good place to eat in the airport? Oh have you asked the right person! You’d like to know the football / basketball / baseball scores? I’ll call the captain. Again. You’d like me to hold your baby while you go to the bathroom? Of course, hand that little princess to me! Maybe we’ll even go for a walk so you can have a break. You’d like me to take a picture of you and your loved one? I’d love to! You’d like to know where we are right now? Calling the Captain. Again. What, someone fainted in your row and you think they’re unconscious? I’ll grab the medical kit along with the AED and page for a doctor right away! What, there’s no doctor on-board? I’ll start CPR now!

That, in a nutshell, is my job. That’s what I’m there for. And I like being there for it. But lifting your bag into the overhead bin is not, nor has it ever been, a part of my job description, even though I work in the service industry. Oh I’ll help you find a place for your bag, no problem. Of course I’ll move things around in the bin to make room for your bag. I might even ASSIST you in lifting that bag, if it’s not too heavy,into the bin. But the key word here is assist. As in team effort. As in WE can do it together. What I won’t do is do it for you. Not unless you’re elderly, handicapped, or an unaccompanied minor. Sorry, I do what I can to avoid injuring myself and going out on disability. Hey, like you, I’ve gotta pay the bills!

“But I’ve got a bad back!” passengers often cry when I test a bag to see how heavy it is. Yeah, and so does my mother who is also a flight attendant, who has had two back surgeries that took her out of work for two years because she lifted too many bags for too many passengers who should have checked them in the first place.

Look, It’s not like you don’t know you’re too short, or too pregnant, or too frail, or your arm is too broken, or your back is too weak to lift your bag into the overhead bin before you come on-board the aircraft, right? I mean when I traveled as a passenger, I always checked my bags when I was pregnant. And I did it again when I had to hobble on-board the aircraft on crutches. And I still do it whenever I’m traveling with my son, which is pretty much once a month. It’s just the responsible thing to do.

Responsibility, is anyone responsible for anything anymore?

That’s a question I once asked Mark Matteson, a passenger on one of my flights, who in turn handed me a book, Freedom From Fear, a book he’d written, a book that actually changed my life, a book about…you guessed it…responsibility. In other words it was a book about how to change your life for the better by not being a victim and taking responsibility for the things that happen to you. Taking responsibility for oneself is something I believe in passionately, it’s a trait I admire greatly in people, and it’s a trait I’d like to pass along to my two year-old son. Taking responsibility for oneself also includes taking responsibility for ones bag, the bag the self packed and brought on-board the airplane.

Honestly, I don’t know what bothers me more, the fact that a passenger will come on-board and EXPECT me to lift their bag, or the fact that they actually get upset when I won’t lift the bag. Like I mentioned above, unless the passenger is elderly, or an unaccompanied minor, or handicapped, AND / OR is traveling with a bag that is NOT heavy, I am not touching that bag. No way! And when I do lend a hand, rest assured I’m wondering to myself why the bag wasn’t checked in the first place.

Responsibility, that’s what I’m talking about.

In Jeffrey White’s post, A note of Apology to the helpful, dedicated flight attendant out there, after he kind-of-sort-of apologized to flight attendants everywhere after scolding the Ryan Air crew for not helping a wheel-bound passenger be lifted up the stairs and onto the airplane (flight crews are not responsible, nor are they trained, to lift passengers up stairs and onto airplanes), he then went on to write, “I feel that many flight attendants won’t help you these days to the degree they used to, say, 10 years ago. As one attendant, “Ann,” puts it: “Bottom line, you pack it, you stow it. If you can’t stow it, then check it.””

And the reason flight attendants won’t help to the degree that they used to 10 years ago is because bags are now being rolled, not carried, onto the aircraft, resulting in much heavier bags. Don’t believe me? Try lifting a few.

Responsibility, it’s the word of the day, and that’s all I’m going to say.

Now go read Mark’s book!

10 tips for smarter flying


Beginning today: Boarding pass advertisements

by Grant Martin on

Six of the legacy carriers carriers announced today that they’re participating in a new program to implement advertisements into their boarding passes. So now when you try to save time by checking in online you’ll be bombarded with a Carnivial Cruise ad that you have to print out and carry around with you while you’re at the airport.

Anything to make money, right? I’m kind of surprised that we don’t have ad space on the inside of aircraft — on the ceiling, walls and seat backs — US Airways already tried putting advertisements on the air sickness bags.

Today, Delta will be the first carrier to test drive the service, called Sojern, on its routes into Vegas, but the ads will quickly multiply around that route. Bacteria reproducing in a host body is a good way to think about that.

What I’m most curious about is whether the 3rd party ads will be custom tailored to the specific passenger. Will I, a young male be getting ads for Lane Bryant? Or will Sojern work with the airline to study my travel behavior, look at my past trips and send me a coupon for happy hour in New York?

Either way, you can kiss your old print-at-home boarding passes goodbye. Which is fine with me, as long as they don’t raise ticket prices.