Minneapolis-St.Paul airport spends $2.2 Million to end terminal confusion

by Scott Carmichael on

When departing out of Minneapolis-St.Paul airport (MSP), do you know whether you are leaving from Lindbergh terminal or Humphrey terminal? Well, neither do 25,000 other people planning to take a flight from this airport.

The two terminals are 3 miles apart, and the only highway signs mention the terminals by their name, not by the airlines that fly out of them.

In a move of sheer brilliance, the airport authority has finally come to its senses, and is going to invest $2.2 Million on new signs and some simple logic to help passengers get to their correct terminal.

One of the measures will rename the terminals “one” and “two”, a system that works for every other airport in the world. Though locals need not worry, as the official names of the terminal buildings will stay unchanged.

Lindbergh was always the main terminal for MSP, and Humphrey was only used by charter planes. The spectacular growth in low cost carriers changed all of that, but the airport never took the time to re-evaluate its signage.

Hopefully the new terminal descriptions and better signage will prevent people from showing up at the wrong terminal, especially since there is no easy way to get from one terminal to another when you screw up.

Sexologist has carry-on inspected, TSA keeps cool

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Robocop sets off alarms. Of course, this “Robocop” is the nickname sexologist David Steinberg has for an 8-inch solid brass sex toy. Even a TSA official could see that one coming. This device was stored safely at home, but Steinberg’s bag of goodies still attracted inspector attention at the airport in Seattle.

For once, it may have been prudent to respond, “No,” when asked if the security official could inspect the contents of the bag.

An older, serious women had to sift through nipple clamps, a butt plug, condoms, personal lubricants and other implements of Steinberg’s trade. Truly a committed professional, her facial expression did not change during the entire ordeal. Some of the other passengers working their way through security took notice, undoubtedly thinking that these are the very devices the TSA uses if it summons you into one of those “special” rooms for a more thorough search.

Most of these professional tools are deemed fine for the flight, though a whip with a 6-inch metal handle doesn’t pass the test. The security guard claims it’s a weapon, probably not realizing that that isn’t its intent. I guess it could be used as one, though the owner correctly describes it as a toy (conveniently omitting the word “adult” from the exchange).

Encouraged by the suggestion that he check it as a separate piece of luggage, Steinberg dashed over to the ticket agent to make his move. She was a bit more aware of the device but declined an offer of explanation. The whip was checked successfully, and Steinberg went on his way.

So, the next time you pack your carry-on, remember to consider the contents carefully. Steinberg’s a comfortable pro, but you may not be ready to have your belongings put on display.

Galley Gossip: How flying standby can make you religious

by Heather Poole on
Dear Heather,
I read your post about flight attendant buddy passes and I think you forgot the best part about flying standby. You become a much more religious person. Why? Because when you fly standby you tend to pray a lot…
It all starts when your alarm goes off at 2 AM. “Please God let the loads on the aircraft be light and let me be the first on the stand by list.”
Then when you get to the airport and see your name on the list, you start the second round of prayers. “Please Lord let me make this flight, please!” Most likely you won’t make the flight, but you will get rolled over to the next flight, and so on and so on until you FINALLY hear what you’ve been wanting to hear all day…your name called! YES!
By this time it’s usually late in the afternoon. You’re given a boarding card and immediately start praying again, “Thank you Lord Jesus for this boarding pass.” You make a mental note to go to church more often!
While opening and shutting several full overhead bins, the flight attendant makes the PA that everyone must take a seat so the flight can depart on time. You begin to panic and pray for an empty bin, because as a non-rev you were the very last person to board and the flight is full, full, full. After you find a bin, and thank God, you take your seat, a middle seat located in the last row, and though you should be happy and jumping for joy, you’re not out of the woods just yet! In fact, as an experienced non-rev standby passenger you will not stop praying until that cabin door is closed!

Oh no! Now the gate agent is walking down the aircraft aisle. The praying and sweating are going into overdrive. You try not to make eye contact with the agent as he/she walks down the aisle. The praying continues at a furious pace, “Please don’t let the gate agent come to me, please God, please!”

Your heart is racing faster and faster as the agent gets closer and closer and that’s when it happens. He/she stops, looks you square in the eye, and says, “we have a revenue passenger that needs your seat. Please collect your belongings and follow me.”

Then it’s on to the next gate where the praying and waiting start all over again!

Mark, an optometrist / wannabe flight attendant

Dear Mark,

Holy Moley, Mark, I will pray that you never have to non-rev travel again! But you’re right, non-reving is a stressful experience, one I dread each and every month, which is why I almost always buy a seat whenever I travel with my three-year-old son.

Whenever people find out I’m a flight attendant and start hinting around for a buddy pass, I just shake my head and think to myself, are you crazy! Because seriously, it’s just crazy to non-rev when you can buy a ticket for cheap on-line for cheap these days. Especially if you prefer to actually arrive at your destination, not spend the entire day rolling from gate to gate.

And now a question for you, Mister Wannabe Flight Attendant, why, oh why, would you want to be a flight attendant? I know you’re crazy because you’ve been non-reving – by choice, but just how crazy are you? Please tell me this flight attendant thing is just a fantasy and not something you’d actually do, not when you’ve got a fantastic job already. I mean do you really want to wear the pin striped apron and serve chocolate chip cookies at 30,000 feet? Because honestly, I wouldn’t mind wearing the white robe with the thesescope while asking people to read the last line.

Hmmm…are you thinking what I’m thinking? Maybe, just maybe, we should get together (during Halloween of course!) and swap uniforms. Call me.

Thanks for the letter. I couldn’t have explained non-rev travel better.

Happy Travels,

Heather, a wannabe doctor who will be praying to get on a flight next week

Photo courtesy of (meditation) Joe Shlabotnik, (doctor) Curt

TSA getting serious about luggage theft – arrests TSA agent stealing from luggage

by Scott Carmichael on

The Transportation Security Administration is in the news a bit too much with stories of their staff stealing from our luggage.

The problems at JFK airport were so serious, that the TSA and Delta Airlines worked together to try and nab the crooks in action.

It didn’t take long till the sting operation turned up its first victims – TSA worker Brian Burton and baggage handler Antwon Simmons were caught on camera stealing a laptop, an iPod and 2 mobile phones.

The very people who are hired to keep our airlines safe are too crooked to be trusted with our valuables, a very worrying statistic, especially since this is by no means the first time TSA workers have been involved in luggage theft.

These two clowns even tried to hide their handywork by swapping tags on bags, which means the rightful owners would not only lose their stuff, they’d get it delivered days later than scheduled as it would be sent to the wrong airport. In the worst case, their bags may never be recovered.

Words like scum, filth and disgusting pop into my mind when I read about this – but I am happy the TSA is taking matters into their own hands. By regularly organizing these sting operations, their staff might start to think twice about robbing the traveling public.

I’m also concerned that TSA workers are able to leave the airport with our valuables. In any normal retail or manufacturing organization, you can only take home what you came in with. Being able to leave the sterile area of the airport with laptop computers and mobile phones that don’t belong to you should not be possible.

Drunk British tourist hands out $83,000 at Mallorca airport

by Scott Carmichael on

Usually when a Gadling article mentions “drunk tourist”, it’s about some kind of trouble an inebriated group of tourists managed to get themselves into. We’ve seen tourists that tried to open the aircraft door mid-flight, or a group of tourists that forced a plane to divert due to their behavior.

But this article is different – this drunk tourist left a bathroom stall at Mallorca airport and started handing out massive amounts of money. In total, he handed out GBP52,000 ($83,000).

Apparently the money was left to this idiot through an inheritance, and the combination of booze and downright stupidity made quite a few strangers at the airport a bit richer.

There is one snag in their happiness though – only GBP2000 of the money was in cash, the rest had been put on travelers cheques (yeah, these were British cheques), which means they won’t be able to cash them, as they can only be used by the person who purchased them, as they need to sign them.

Local police arrested the benefactor, who was described as “smelly” and “looking like a tramp”, and after verifying through the British Consulate that the funds were legitimate, they let him go. Once sobered up, I’m sure he will be quite happy that he chose travelers cheques instead of cash for his transaction.

Click the images to read more stories of booze gone bad in the skies