River cruises: they’re not for everybody

Cruise lines continue efforts to make themselves different from each other. Major lines are doing all they can to make their ships the ones you want to sail. Some big cruise lines have smaller ships that some passengers prefer for a more intimate experience. Still, those all sail in the ocean while a growing number of people in the United States are taking a cue from Europe and trying a river cruise.

In Europe, river cruising is popular with a number of lines growing quickly to keep up with demand. A big factor in favor of these is the “unpack once and see a lot of places” thing that major cruise lines have going for them. River ships operate in the U.S. too, offering a really different way of seeing the country up close and personal. American Cruise Lines operates everything from an authentic paddle-wheeler in the Pacific Northwest to a new fleet of ships that sail the inland waterways of the East Coast.

This is a different experience from a major cruise line and one that’s not for everybody.

You won’t find a rock-climbing wall, a theater that seats thousands or a huge variety of restaurants, some included in the price, some extra. What you will find is an intimate setting on a relaxed sailing through some of the country’s most beautiful landscapes, stopping along the way to see and experience ports of call up close and personally. There won’t be an AquaTheater, AquaDuck or AquaSpa but there probably won’t be Mexican drug lords waiting for you to get of the ship in ports either. Safety is a big draw for these ships that are American-flagged and subject to American laws.Staterooms average about 220 square feet, considerably larger than a typical large ship offers. If the last ship you sailed on before one of these was say, Allure of the Seas, you’ll notice that there are fewer guests on board the entire ship than fit in a lifeboat on Allure. Yes, this is different. Still, twice daily stateroom service is offered as well as many of the service amenities a big ship has.

More of an all-inclusive experience, guests are invited to mingle before dinner with complementary cocktails and the dress code is always casual. On a typical evening, guest speakers bring local history, nature and culture to the table with rich stories of American heritage. There is no big showroom, long list of activities or things to do. In fact, if the big ship experience for you is about going all the time, doing something every minute, this is probably not the way to go.

But if a lazy day on the river, reading a book, flying a kite from an observation deck or enjoying coffee on an outside sun deck sounds good, this could be just what you are looking for.

Sailings are typically seven or eight-nights and itineraries include such titles as Maine Coast and Harbors, Columbia and Snake Rivers, or Chesapeake Bay with prices starting about $3500 per person. Fall Foliage sailings are very popular with river cruises and longer itineraries are also offered like East Coast Inland Passage, a fifteen-day sailing with a grand coastal tour of America.

About as close as you’ll get to a theme park at sea on one of these ships is a small putting green. Cruise vacations are about doing something really different than your normal life. This is another viable option.

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You might not like Disney Dream

It’s sure the big cruise ship story of 2011, of that there is no doubt. Like Disney or not, like cruise vacations or not, Disney Dream is the big tamale of ships for the year. There will be more new ships from other lines coming out later in the year. But none will be as big of an event as the launch of Disney Cruise Line’s first ship in over a decade.

Why then, is it that so many have this all wrong?

If you’re not a fan of Disney, you won’t have too look far to find someone who has taken issue with something about the new ship. Some say it’s simply too much “Disney” to take. Others get more specific, pronouncing individual features disappointing. Still others compare what happens on board to a land-based theme park which I suppose is fair, since Disney does have a certain presence in that area.

Following their standard game plan, many who review cruise ships give Disney Dream a thumbs up but hedge their bets with a story or two about something universal that most people would agree is a negative. Kids bouncing off walls because soft drinks are free or comparing the cost per night on Disney Dream to some other new ship are common complaints.

On the other side, some reviews highlight innovative features like virtual portholes for inside cabins or the AquaDuck watercoaster as defining elements of the new ship. They mention the zillion dollars it cost to build Disney Dream and upcoming twin Disney Fantasy and get into details of how profitable these ships will probably be for Disney.

Neither one of them has it right.

What they are missing, the experience they are robbing themselves of is quite simple.Disney Dream is not a cruise ship at all.

Disney Dream is a show.

A grand show put on by the masters of storytelling, dream-making and all-things wondrous for kids of all ages for decades. The show begins before the curtain goes up as guests are greeted by cast members, dressed and rehearsed for the part, from the time they enter the cruise terminal at Port Canaveral in Florida.

Actually, the show begins before that. As guests approach the purpose-built cruise terminal, they see a carefully landscaped art-deco facade calling them into a grand space with a timeless air that transports them back to the days of grand ocean liners.

Waiting to board, guests line up, not to board the ship like they would on some other line, but to have their picture taken with a rotating parade of classic Disney characters. Do they really think this will be their only opportunity to get in a picture with Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck? Really?

No. Those people get it. Those people; large and small, young and old, get it. They have bought their tickets, checked in, are ready to board and have the time of their lives. Once on board they will experience a show that starts with their family name being called out as they enter the ship, answered by a round of applause. The show continues with every cast member they encounter along with every meal, activity and performance they attend. They’ll hear obscure bits and pieces of classic Disney music in hallways or elevators foreshadowing a culmination of energy, emotion, memories that represents a total escape from reality during some performance later in the day.

Disney has taken what every cruise line knows is the key to success: allowing passengers to Escape Completely, visit the Land of Wny Not or take a ride on The Fun Ships to an entirely different level.


If they believe.

Guests who allow themselves to be taken in. If they play along. If they can let Disney do what they do best on the perfect stage setting that the closed environment of a cruise ship provides, they will have a unique vacation experience like no other.

If they can’t do that, they might not like Disney Dream.

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Photos: Whitney Owen

Handling your cruise luggage, there are options

For many cruise passengers, carrying around luggage can be a real drag, especially if they are flying in to the port of embarkation. Claiming, transporting and getting it on the ship can be a big job with multiple checked bags. After sailing, passengers with late outbound flights often rent a day room at a hotel, mainly for some place to put their luggage while they kill time. Now, several different options are available to make all of that much easier.

A new service, Bags To Go, offers a solution for a reasonable fee when sailing from Port Everglades in Florida. Arriving at the Fort Lauderdale-Hollywood airport (FLL) Bags To Go offers a Claim and Delivery service that picks up passenger luggage and delivers it to the ship for, get this: $6 per bag. Pretty reasonable.

Passengers driving to the port using Park ‘N Fly can drop off bags at the parking center and have them delivered directly to the ship too, also for $6 per bag.

Got some time before your flight departs? You can also store bags securely at the airport before check-in. Again, just $6 per bag does it. The service is offered in Fort Lauderdale now but will be rolling out to Miami soon.

That seems like a great price, especially considering what you might tip a porter at the pier, usually a dollar or two a bag. But you have to get there with your luggage first and odds are you may have paid an excess baggage fee to an airline.Another service, LuggageForward.com, offers door-to-door service, picking up luggage at your home, delivering it to the cruise line, then bringing it back home to you after the cruise. It’s more expensive with an average size bag pricing out at about $99, so do the math. But if convenience is a top priority, this is a good, reliable way to go. One more company that does this, luggageahead.com, also a great way to avoid airline fees, works in a similar way.

Interestingly, these services often use FedEx, UPS or some other carrier to handle it all for them. Check with carriers directly too for another option to explore.

Crystal, Princess, Cunard, and Regent Seven Seas, among others, also sponsor similar programs called “Luggage Valet” with domestic rates starting about $90 per bag and $250 for international handling.

Luggage freaks: If you are into luggage in a big way and worry about it being mishandled, there is another service available too. SecureWrap.com can help ease your mind. Their “Baggage Protection Service” wraps your luggage in plastic after you certify there is nothing restricted inside and sends you and it on your way through normal check-in procedures. If all goes well, your luggage arrives in pristine condition on the ship.

This would pretty much be the ultimate way to fool friends into believing your knock-off designer luggage is the real thing. Who would shrink wrap anything but the best?

Flickr photo by sun dazed

Cruise lines wage boycott on Belize

The cruise port of Belize, known for some of the best scuba diving, an eclectic array of foods and wine, snorkeling or just knowing you have seen the Western hemisphere’s longest barrier reef, is in trouble. Not because of environmental issues, severe tropical weather or other problems common to Caribbean ports of call. Belize is suffering from a lack of cruise passengers, a wound-like boycott some say is self-inflicted.

Recently, some major cruise lines have canceled calls to Belize because of a dispute with tender operators over price. It seems Belize tender operators, the people that run the little boats back and forth between the big cruise ships that are too large to dock shore-side, want more than the cruise lines are willing to pay.

“According to reports, the parties are working toward a resolution” said cruise expert Stewart Chiron CEO of CruiseGuy.com adding “but Belize was changed for two Carnival ships last week which were rerouted to Grand Cayman and Costa Maya and three ships will be diverted this week.”

Tender operators want between $6.54 and $8.54 per passenger to take them from the cruise ships to shore and back. Cruise lines, including Carnival, Royal Caribbean and Norwegian, want to pay about $5.00 per passenger. But the dispute is not only about price.

“Carnival wants larger capacity tender boats, 150 passenger minimum, to accommodate their larger ships. Smaller tender boats are creating large back logs and delays getting passengers to/ from the ships” added Chiron, noting “Belize has many beautiful coral reefs that are being protected and require cruise ships to anchor farther out.”

Eventually, the Belize government may have to choose between making it possible for cruise ships to dock shoreside or lose them altogether.

Flickr photo by anoldent

Theme cruises: agony or ecstasy?

For some it doesn’t get better than this: a whole week totally immersed with their keen interest or obsession. For others who just happen to book on that same cruise it can be a totally different experience.

Theme cruises appeal to groups of people varying from very broad interests like “motorcycles” and “rock music” in general to smaller, more specific interests like Harley-Davidson motorcycles or the Beatles.

Promoters commit to the cruise lines for anything from a block of rooms to a partial or full ship charter, depending on the size of their group. On these sailings anywhere from a small additional fee to fees equal to or greater than the normal price of the cruise will be added. Still, loyal fans are happy to pay as specific on-board programming can add great value for them.

Fans of the the classic TV show The Brady Bunch have a chance to Dance With The Stars At Sea as Florence Henderson and assorted Brady characters are featured on an upcoming theme cruise. On that one, sailing next January, special events are included ranging from private performances, dance exhibitions, group dance lessons, and stand-up comedy. Hosted jointly by CruiseGourmet.com and Crown Cruise Vacations, prices start at $1154 per person, double occupancy.

Pricing on theme cruises can be difficult to pin down when calculating value though. On this sailing the category 11 inside cabin they quote at $1154 per person (+taxes and pre-paid gratuities) is selling for $779 today. So right at $375 per person was added on to cover the events, performers and group functions.

If you happen to be part of the group, you joined because it is worth the premium price to completely indulge yourself. If you are not one of those groups and happen to stumble in to one, it can have a major impact on your cruise experience.

I got a call the other day from a friend who started the conversation with “Did you know I was gay?” I’ve known this guy for years and never really thought about it, not that I would care but it’s just something that never came up. As I was thinking of what to say, why he was telling me this, etc he continued with “We had a great time with the Gay Bears Club, they were a bunch of great guys but I was sure surprised.” adding “At first I thought there was a pro-wrestler convention on the ship but then figured it out.”

That was a partial charter group and other stories of people unknowingly booking into a sailing with a large number of theme-cruise passengers have not turned out as well.

A recent Jam Fest cruise was supposed to be rock and roll and fun and games on MSC Cruises Poesia to the Western Caribbean. Instead they got a full dose of US Customs and Border Protection medicine when the ship was raided and passengers busted for illegal drugs and contraband while docked at Port Everglades in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

Sometimes, cruise lines themselves sponsor theme cruises. John Heald, the popular senior cruise director/blogger from Carnival Cruise Lines has a John Heald’s Bloggers Cruise that includes onboard events and activities. Here too, just booking on one of those sailings does not make you part of the group. For that you’ll pay a higher fare.

Theme cruises are one good reason to book using a travel expert/agent who can usually find out if there are special interest groups on your cruise. The booking will have to be done through the event promoter for those that want to go.

Photo: Carnival Cruise Lines