After watching last week’s episode of the Amazing Race, I was a little apprehensive. After all, one of the challenges took place inside a board room. That is neither Amazing nor, um, amazing.
So it was with some trepidation that I sat down to watch Episode 3. First and foremost on my mind was the question: Cold Charla and Mirna get any more annoying? (Short answer: yes.) Second on my list of questions was: Can I get any tireder of Rob and Amber? (Short answer: yes.) Finally on my list of questions was the most crucial one: Would Jerry Bruckheimer and the gang pull last week’s episode out of the toilet and make Episode 3 a good one? (Short answer: Yes.)
For the long answers to all these questions — and some spoilers! — keep on reading…
As always, the episode begins where the last one leaves off. This time, the location is Chile’s barren San Pedro de Atacama. In their clues, the racers are told to head for the local airport and secure tickets to Puerto Montt, with a transfer in Santiago. While last week’s first-place finishers Rob and Amber use their noggins and find an all-night Internet cafe to get plane tickets ensuring them an early arrival the following day (12:55 pm), everyone else rushes like a hydra-headed chicken-with-its-head-cut-off to the airport. If that metaphor makes any sense…
Once at the airport, the line moves. at. a. crawl. Rather than waste time in line, Uchenna and Joyce hop over to a hotel to book tickets. Before they go, they take credit card information from three other teams so they can buy them tickets, as well. However, upon arriving at the the hotel, they realize only Team Guido (Joe and Bill) gave them their security codes. Ultimately, Uchenna and Joyce and Team Guido get 12:55 tickets; the other teams get tickets arriving at 1:55. Cleverly, though, Eric and Danielle wrangle the last two tickets on the 12:55 flight. I don’t understand how the tickets suddenly appeared, but they did. Accept it.
Some of the teams on the later flight catch wind of the possibility of stand-by tickets in Santiago. Consequently, when they arrive in Santiago, Charla and Mirna and Teri and Ian rush to the ticket counter and act rather ungraciously towards each other AND the ticket agent. The tragi-comedy goes something like this:
Teri: “Do not speak to my person while he is helping me.”
Mirna: “You don’t own the world.”
Ian: “You are rude.”
Mirna (to the ticket agent): “Excuse me…”
Ian (while trying to flip that silly broad-brimmed hat out of his eyes): “Security!”
“You don’t own the world.” Ah, Mirna, that’s rich! I bet that kind of eloquence really helps you in your work as an attorney. Later, Charla stoically sums up the heated interaction thus: “There is no reason for yelling at one another.” This pearl of wisdom coming from the second biggest shrieker on the show (right behind her teammate). Hey, Charla, how do you spell Sybil? C-H-A-R-Y-B-I-L? For what it’s worth, none of them get stand-by tickets.
Moving on…
Once in Puerto Montt, the teams are expected to drive to drive to a mid-sized commercial fish farm. There, they find this episode’s Roadblock. In this Roadblock, one team member must catch and transfer 80 live flounder from one holding tank to another, using a small, mesh-lined box.
Danielle volunteers to do the Roadblock and immediately starts shrieking: “I don’t even like them looking at me.” To console and support her, Eric says “Just pick them up and put your boobs on it. Use yer boobs.” Isn’t he a doll?
Meanwhile, Rob — not wanting to be outdone as the least classy guy on the show — shouts to Amber: “Amber, you look like a fisherwoman.” Ha ha, a “fisherwoman.” Get it? That’s All-Star-banter right there, folks. I kept waiting for him to drop a funny-bomb like, “Hey, you’re really floundering in this task.” Or: “You smell worse than the flounder.” Or even: “Flounder this.” No luck. I guess he’s saving all his comedic gems for later in the race. Can’t wait.
Meanwhile, back at the airport…Kentucky can’t figure out how to get out of the airport. He just keeps keeps circling and circling. Priceless. When they finally arrive at the fish farm, Dave admits he’s afraid of fish. So what does he do? He chooses to do the task. Did I mention they’re at a fish farm? Once he commits to the task, though, he really does a good job.
Despite Danielle’s whining, Charla wins the award for most freaked-out-fishmonger. Total fear. Totally hilarious.
Okay, everybody finally gets their next clue (Essentially, “Go to Petrohue“), and rushes to their cars. While most teams seem to have no problems making their way to Petrohue, Charla and Mirna get lost, and ask a sweaty, grizzled man to show them the way (he lamely refuses with the comment, “I have work”). When they mention they’ll pay him $50 for his services, he immediately relents. Work? Me? Inside the car, Mirna mutters, “Welcome to Charla and Mirna’s world. It’s a scary one.” (This wins the award for biggest understatement of the episode.)
As teams arrive in Petrohue, they discover a Detour. In this Detour, teams can choose between Vertical Limit (a 40-foot rock climb that’s adjacent to the cluebox), or River Wild (a 2.5 mile white water raft through class III and IV rapids that’s 2 miles down the road). Much to my surprise, although the rock climb is right there, and it looks easy, only Uchenna and Joyce choose the it. I’m not too geeked up about this pair, but I take my hat off to them for being the only team willing to try the rock climb.
Surprisingly, the Beauty Queens somehow miss the Detour sign but find the rafts. They climb in, and head down river.
Meanwhile, Rob and Amber are the first to arrive at the mat. Joyce and Uchenna (who Phil insists on calling “Uchenner”) are second. Danny and Oswald are third.
Amusingly, the Chilean man standing on the mat at the end of the race greeting the racers is a little person. As Danny and Oswald run up, Danny — not missing the irony — says, “Charla’s going to be in love.” In fact, when she stands on the mat, she hugs him. Sparks fly. I smell a fifth Emmy, folks.
The Beauty Queens arrive in fourth place, but they don’t have all the clues — remember: they just showed up at the rafts without visiting the cluebox — so Phil sends them back to collect the missing one. However, even when they hit the mat the second time, they’re still #4.
Ultimately, Kentucky is eliminated. And, for my money, it’s none too soon. I’m tired of her screeching at him and complaining that Charla and Mirna were their friends…until the girls passed them. Didn’t anybody tell Kentucky that this was a race?
In my opinion, Episode 3 was more fun and more funny than either of the previous two. Highlights included:
Most ironic moment of the episode: Joe and Bill announce that they “feel like the Godfathers of tough competitors… There’s no reason to minimize us just because we’re two gay men living together.” Later Bill reminds Joe that Chile is known for its wine and exclaims, “I could definitely go for a glass of Chardonnay.”
Ghastliest moment of the episode: Rob’s obscenely large, purplish, hairless nipple in the shot after he climbs out of the river. Producers, a little less man-boob, huh?
Weirdest comment of the episode: Mirna to the sweaty guy as she clambers out of the river toward her car, “I’m sorry I am wearing a bathing suit. It is very weird, I know.” That’s not the only weird thing about you.
Most annoying moment of the episode: “The key was left in the tent.” In and of itself, this isn’t an annoying comment, but Charla is talking to the camera, and she’s using that funny accent she uses when she’s condescending to, er, talking to locals. Amazingly, even to the camera, Charla talks in funny-talk.
Next week: Charla and Amber get into a screaming match, according to the previews. What happened to, “There is no reason for yelling at one another”?