British embassies tell citizens: “Don’t ask us how to make jam”

Embassies are there to help. If you’ve lost your passport, they’ll replace it for you. If you’ve been mugged, they’ll visit you at the hospital. If there’s a revolution going on, they’ll airlift you out.

But they won’t tell you where to buy the best shoes, give your kid a lift to the airport, show you how to pack your bag, and they will never, ever, tell you the right proportion of sugar and fruit that is needed to make good jam.

These are just a few of a long list of stupid requests British embassies have received from their citizens traveling abroad, and the ambassadorial staff is getting a wee bit ticked off. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office is now issuing clear instructions on what embassies will and won’t do. They’re busy helping out the guy who had his suitcase stolen or the drunken lout who got his penis set on fire by an angry woman he was harassing. They don’t have the time, inclination, or ability to predict the weather, manipulate the exchange rate, or pay taxi fare.

Yes, those are all actual requests.

Mona Lisa assaulted with coffee mug

A Russian woman threw an empty terra cotta mug at the most famous painting on display at the Louvre. Despite the propelling of kitchenware, the Mona Lisa was not damaged, though the mug didn’t fare as well. It shattered – a side effect of moving at a rapid speed toward a hard object that isn’t going to move.

The unusual attack triggered the alarms on the painting immediately, and police quickly took the woman away. The few cracks in the glass covering the painting did not interrupt the viewing of the painting. The unruly visitor’s name was not revealed, in accordance with museum policy.

So, where does a person go after going after the Mona Lisa with a coffee mug? You guessed it: a psychiatric ward. Paris police wouldn’t say anything else about who she is or what her beef is with Mona.

Holidays to make you feel smart: summer courses at Oxford

If you’re like me, you went to a state university. The education may have been good, but your student union looked like a shopping mall and your dorm resembled a Soviet prison. Here’s a chance to relive the youth you never had by studying at one of the world’s greatest and most beautiful universities.

Recently I checked out out two summer school options at two historic colleges at Oxford University–the Oxford Experience at Christ Church College (pictured here) and the Creative Writing Summer School at Exeter College.

The Oxford Experience is the pricier and cushier of the two. There are a series of one-week courses from July through early August on everything from Darwin to the history of the English language. The small classes (max 12 people) and experienced teachers ensure that you’ll learn a lot. Students live at the college and there’s a real communal atmosphere, with interesting people from around the world. I met several who were on their third or fourth year. Day trips to places such as Bath and Stonehenge mean you’ll have your entire vacation taken care of for you.

Next year’s courses will be as varied as ever, with classes such as The Twilight of the Romanovs, King Alfred and the Vikings, English Romantic Poetry, and the Art of the Illuminator.

The summer school for writers at Exeter College is more like a real university course–three weeks of intensive work with professional writers that can earn you college credit if you’re already attending university somewhere. You have to apply to get in and there’s required coursework. If you’re serious about your writing career, it can also give you the one thing talent can’t–contacts.

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One of the best aspects of this summer school is the series of guest speakers. I attended one on screenwriting by Nicholas McInerny, who writes for The Bill, the UK’s most popular cop show. He had piles of good advice for getting into the business and staying there, and much of it applied just as well to fiction and nonfiction writing. I found myself taking notes. He even offered to help a student meet a TV producer. You won’t get that at a community college course.

Both schools have a lot going for them. You get to stay in college accommodation, surrounded by Gothic spires and lovely gardens. Food is provided by the colleges, but have no fear. This is far better grub than the cafeteria swill they serve at more proletarian universities. Christ Church and Exeter have sumptuous dining halls decorated with ornate stonework and stained glass windows. You also have the advantage of staying in the heart of one of England’s most historic and beautiful cities, with teachers who will point the way to all the best hidden spots.

While prices look steep ($1600 or more per week for Oxford Experience, and about $3500 for three weeks at the writing school) that covers decent accommodation and great food so it’s not much more than getting a hotel or B&B for the same amount of time, and takes a lot less planning.

So if you want to experience high culture and learning at its best, try a smart holiday at Oxford University.

Lady in the House: Chef Anne-Sophie Pic’s Simple Elegance

As someone who has done her fare share of cooking, I have mad respect for anyone undertaking the daily grind of working in a professional kitchen, let alone running one. Yet as a woman, I can’t help but revel just a wee bit more in the achievements of the many female chefs out there who are gaining the culinary respect they so deserve.

Take Chef Anne-Sophie Pic, for example, of the newly opened, Anne-Sophie Pic at the Beau-Rivage Palace at the Lausanne hotel in Switzerland. Not only was she born with plenty of solid cooking genes (she’s the daughter of Chef Jacque Pic and the granddaughter of Chef Andre Pic, who are both award winning culinarians in their own right), she is currently the only female chef in France to earn three Michelin stars.

With a penchant for creating exquisite dishes plucked straight from the water, Pic’s vision is both elegant and understated. Whether you’re going a la carte or savoring a multi-course “Pic Collection”, Chef Pic reinterprets many classic, regional French specialties with her own unique refinement and flair.

Fresh crab and Aquitaine caviar is accented with “flaked crab jelly” while a ubiquitous slab of foie gras is roasted and topped with a black cardamom peach jam. Pic’s grandfather’s recipe for crayfish tail gratin is honored as is her father’s exercise in gastronomic indulgence, sea bass topped with either 20 grams of golden Osetra caviar from Iran or 30 grams of Aquitaine caviar.Seasonal and regional specialties also make frequent appearances, especially as they relate to Pic’s signature seafood dishes. Wild, red mullets are served with smoked Agria (a type of potato) gnocchi’s “cooked in hot embers” while roasted John Dory is accented with a creamy broad bean ravioli and “foamy milk” infused with rum from Martinique.

Desserts, courtesy of award-winning Chef Patissier, Philippe Rigollot, make for a sumptuous ending and boast whimsical titles like “Raspberry and the Mexican Tarragon Flower” consisting of a raspberry/tarragon sorbet topped with crystallized, candied raspberries.

A meal at restaurant Anne-Sophie Pic at the Beau-Rivage Palace doesn’t come cheap (the chef’s seven course tasting menu will set you back roughly $300 per person), yet guests are not only offered exquisite cuisine, they are treated to a refined service at every stage of the meal that is described on the website as having “the lightest touch”.

While pricey dinners might appear to be a thing of the past, especially during an era of lay-offs and foreclosures, I believe a dining experience at the Beau-Rivage is worth saving one’s pennies for, even if it’s simply to support one of the world’s great, female chefs.

–Kendra

Fiestas de la Virgen de la Paloma in Madrid

If you’re in Spain this week, you won’t want to miss the festival for the “Virgin of the Dove”. This takes place every year in the old barrio of La Latina in Madrid and honors an 18th century portrait of the Virgin that was found in the trash one day and captured the barrio’s heart.

I went to one of these a couple of years ago and it’s loads of fun. There’s music, dancing, and lots of limonada, which is sort of like a cross between lemonade and sangria. Tasty, but potent on a hot evening.

The main festival is August 15, when there’s a long procession and a mass in honor of the Virgin. More secular entertainments include dancers, clowns, and fireworks. Since madrileños can’t conceive of a party lasting only a single day, the festival actually lasts August 12-16.

There’s something for everyone at this festival–chess tournaments, storytellers, dancing, kids’ games, and way more into the wee hours. Last year they even had a running of the bulls suitable for the whole family. The bulls were guys in bull costumes, and kids dressed as matadors waved little capes in front of them. It wasn’t all fun and games, though. Local blogger/writer/poet Sue Burke, who took this shot, nearly lost her drink when she got gored. The running of the fake bulls will happen again this Thursday, so hold onto your limonada.

A full schedule of events is here (in Spanish). Check out this website’s main page for more festivals in one of Spain’s most enjoyable cities.