Galley Gossip: Passenger gets caught with pants down

by Heather Poole on

Dear Heather,

Is it standard procedure for a flight attendant to force open a toilet occupied by a passenger if the plane is about to land? Under what circumstances has the flight attendant a right to do this?

Thanks,

Caught with My Pants Down

Dear Caught with My Pants Down,

I’m so sorry to hear you were caught with your pants down. I’m also sorry that a flight attendant had to see you that way. I’m sure it was embarrassing for both of you. On my flight from New York to Dallas last week I caught two passengers in the same position, but that’s just because they forgot to lock the door, not because I forced the thing open. So please, people, I beg you, do not forget to switch that little sign from vacant to occupied. That way we won’t have to avoid eye contact for the rest of the flight.

As for forcing a locked door open, it does not happen often. In fact I’ve only had to do it twice in my career and I’ve been flying for fourteen years. Once, not too long ago, I did it when I heard a young child yelling, “help, help, help!” because she couldn’t figure out how to unlock the lavatory door and another time when, seconds before departure, the passenger who had locked himself inside ignored our pleas to return to his seat.

“Sir, you need to come out! We can not depart until you take your seat!” my coworker cried, banging her fists on the accordion door. No answer. Just silence. Complete silence.

I gave it a try – knock, knock, knock! “Sir, are you okay in there?” Still no response.

“We’re coming in,” my coworker yelled, and two seconds later the door was pushed open. Startled, the man with the needle stuck in his arm jumped, causing it to pop out and blood to spurt all over the floor. The airplane was immediately taken out of service.

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Because your question is lacking in details, I can not answer as thoroughly as I’d like to. What I want to know is just how close to landing were you? Was it an International flight? Which airport were you flying into? Just how long did you stay in the bathroom? Were you unable to use it prior to landing? Or had you used it so often throughout the flight you may have raised a few eyebrows? Did you take anything into the bathroom with you, say a paper bag or something that might look suspicious? Were you sick? Did you answer the flight attendant when he or she knocked on the door and asked you to return to your seat? During the flight had you been rude or caused a problem in flight? Had the flight attendants already done their final compliance check and were ready to strap themselves into their jump seats while you were in the toilet? Your answers do make a difference.

While yes, you should have been in your seat, as per FAA regulations, regardless of what was going on during your flight, the flight attendants may not have pried the door open so quickly. They may have given you a few more seconds to pull your pants back up.

You did mention that the airplane was about to land, which leads me to believe the seat belt sign was on. Flight attendants are required to advise passengers to keep their seat belts fastened at all times, even when the seat belt sign is not on, and customers must comply with seat belt regulations at all times. Recently Scott Carmichael wrote about a passenger who was paralyzed from the neck down when she used the toilet on a Continental flight and the airplane hit turbulence. It happens. And it can happen even when the seat belt sign is not on. On the Continental flight the sudden drop threw the woman against the ceiling, fracturing her neck. For the record, the seat belt sign had been illuminated.

On descent flight attendants must be strapped into their jumpseats. With you locked in the bathroom you are not only a danger to them (if you were to fall on top of them), but to the passengers you must pass in order to get back to your seat, and the passenger who now must unbuckle their seat belt and stand up to let you back into your row. If something were to happen to you, or anyone seated around you, the flight attendants would not be able to help. The flight attendants job, at this stage in flight, is to man the emergency doors. Not take care of you.

No one wants to be caught with their pants down, I know that, and I am sorry that it had to happen to you. But flight attendants have a job to do and when the seat belt sign is on you should be in your seat with your belt fastened about you. Not in the lav. Especially on descent or when there’s turbulence!

To read more about turbulence in flight and why it’s important to keep your seat belt fastened at all times, check out my Galley Gossip post A question about turbulence and being scared at work.

Hope your next flight is a better one.

Heather Poole

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If you have a question email me at Skydoll123@yahoo.com

Photo courtesy of (lavatory) Daquella Manera, (Continental Airlines) Phinalanji

Galley Gossip: Hanging business class coats (it’s just a flight attendant thing)

by Heather Poole on

Quickly I walk to gate 40B dressed in navy blue polyester, a tall latte in one hand, pulling my suitcase on wheels with the other hand. I flash the crew ID hanging around my neck at the frazzled agent manning the counter. Even though she’s sorting out a problem with a passenger, she crosses my name off a list and barks over her shoulder “We’re going to board in ten minutes!” I punch in the security code and swing the heavy jet bridge door open. Down the long ramp I go where the 767 awaits.

The first thing I do is introduce myself to the crew. “Hi, I’m Heather. I think we may have flown together before…a long time ago. I’m working in business.”

Each of my coworkers will then tell me their name, whether or not they think we’ve flown together, shared a Kew Gardens cab or hung out around the pool on a layover…a long time ago, followed by the cabin they’re working in.

After I stow my bags in my official crew bag storage location (an overhead bin in coach), I check my emergency equipment to make sure it’s there and working. Then I do something the others on my crew will not do, something I always do five minutes after I board the aircraft. I head straight for the closet and count the hangers. Why? Because I’m hanger girl. Regardless of the time of year, there are always coats to be hung in business class and the last thing I want to do is run out of hangers, which is why I count – one through fifteen – just in case I need to call cabin service for more.

Over the years I have become quite obsessed with the number of hangers we have on board the aircraft. Maybe it’s because I usually get stuck working in business class, the most junior position on the airplane, and hanging thirty black and blue coats during boarding is my least favorite thing to do. There’s nothing worse than being trapped between business class and coach with thirty adult passengers standing in front of their cushy business class seats looking at me as if I’m not doing my job.

“Can you take this!” they often say, impatiently waving a coat at me.

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“I’ll be there in a second!” I always reply, forcing a smile, as passengers slowly, slowly, one by one, file past me to get to their seats in coach. Though I can’t force my way upstream, not without pushing passengers out of my way, I’m always ready to do my job, black plastic hanger in hand.

Today we only have fifteen hangers for thirty business class passengers. But that’s okay, because if we double hang the coats (one on top of the other) we can make it work – no problem. So I divide them in half – seven for my coworker and eight for me – and place them in the seat back pocket of the last row in business class. Why? Because I’m hanger girl. It’s just my thing.

Every flight attendant has their thing.

While James is obsessed with those thin squares of foam (that separate the dry ice from the beer and wine) that he’ll use to line the inserts full of cups, napkins and sugar, making it look so nice and neat, Blake expects his first and business class mugs to be warmed at all times – not just for the dessert service, and no one in the system cracks ice like Jay – even after I’ve already cracked it because I’m working the galley, not Jay. If Dale is on your flight you will never, ever, run out of paper towels in the lavatory. Louise always makes sure we never run out of trash bags. That’s because she doesn’t dare leave the galley without a bag in hand for fear she might actually have to touch the trash. And Diane, who can’t stay awake on the all-nighters, makes a point to always have freshly brewed coffee as well as cartons of warmed milk (taken from first class) to serve in coach. She also double bags it. That’s why I drink her coffee.

Double bagging – the act of using two coffee packets for one pot of coffee on the airplane. Mostly found on international routes. By the way, since we’re on the subject, I always double bag my hotel coffee – the decaf and the regular. Just in case you wanted to know

So tell me, all you amazing flight attendants out there, what’s your thing – and why? I’m not talking about what you don’t like, I’m talking about what you do, that little something special, to make sure the flight runs smoothly. I’d love to hear all about it.

Photo courtesy of (mug) Bliss

Galley Gossip: The flight attendant was a mess!

by Heather Poole on

Heather,

I am going to assume that you are a well put together flight attendant when I ask this question…Can you honestly say that you have never been embarrassed to walk through the terminal with any of your flying partners? You know the ones. They don’t starch their shirts–or worse, they wear “the dress” because they think it doesn’t need to be ironed (even on a 4 day). If they wear a jacket, the elbows are shiny from wear. The shoes have never seen a bottle of polish and they have “cart toe” so bad you’re not even sure what the original color was. Hair is halfway down her back and in desperate need of a comb–or perhaps she’s sporting the “cheerleader” ponytail (complete with whispies) that is just oh-so professional. And don’t even get me started on the ones with the skirt up to THERE and the 4 inch jumpseat heels.

Be assured, I am far from the 115 lb petite beauties of yesteryear. Honestly, I am short and pudgy–but my uniform is always clean and pressed (even on reduced rest layovers), my hair and make-up (the minimum amount) are clean and tidy. My shoes are clean and polished. (I usually block between 100 and 120 hours per month doing domestic–so there’s a lot of mileage on me, but I keep it together.) It doesn’t take that much effort to look professional–and I think that is really what this whole discussion comes down to.

It’s not about being attractive (except maybe to Big Daddy)–many of our fellow US based FAs give the appearance of being haggard and tired and…well, unprofessional. I recently worked a trip with an FA who was a damned good FA–exactly the person you want in the jumpseat with you in an emergency. However, she was an unholy mess in the appearance department–wrinkled dress, scuffed shoes, fly-away hair.

I couldn’t figure out why I was so run-down on this trip until I realized–the PAX asked me for EVERYTHING! She would go through w/ the trash cart and a minute later I’d walk the aisle empty handed and everyone would try to hand me their trash. She would be doing a water walk and PAX would wander back to the galley to get water from me. She is an amazingly warm and outgoing person, but to the PAX she was unapproachable and did not convey confidence-just because of her appearance.

Mary

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Dear Mary,

I am not as well put together as I’d like to be, and that’s the honest truth. I’m working on it, though, and it’s because of you, Mary, that I’m working on it. I received your letter a month or so ago and it has haunted me ever since. Whenever I get dressed to go to work I look in the mirror and think of you. I look at my shoes and think of you. I’m not kidding, I’ve been through two pairs of in-flight shoes because of you. My comfortable navy blue Aerosoles, the ones I bought just last month, only lasted five days of flying back and forth from New York to Los Angeles before the dreaded cart toe began to appear. Of course I thought of you. I’m always thinking of you!

CART TOE / HEEL – happens when the leather on the shoe gets worn down from constantly locking and releasing the break on the food or beverage cart during the service and from kicking the cart door shut – Bam! when the service is over.

While I prefer to wear the uniform dress to work, because it’s easier to pack and I don’t have to iron after I hang it up to dry, I do not wear it for four days straight. I haven’t checked the elbows on my navy blue blazer, but I do not believe they’re shiny (gulp.) As far as my hair goes, it is long so I wear it pulled back in a low pony at the nape of my neck. Because it’s naturally curly I tend to get frizzies when I’m flying in and out of the Miami airport. Umm….yikes…do you think maybe we’ve flown together?

As for the short skirt up to THERE and the six inch heels, I hear you Mary, I hear you loud and clear. There’s nothing less attractive than a Cockpit Connie. Will someone please tell these ladies that the Heather Locklear look from Melrose Place went out of style in the early 90’s! Today the sky high heels and long fitted blazer that hits the thigh an inch above the hem of the skirt just looks dated and…well…kind of desperate. Not to mention, I really do not want to see THAT! As Cockpit Connie reaches up to close an open overhead bin. Trust me, I’ve seen it – THAT – several times and every time it gave me nightmares.

You mentioned you fly over 100 hours a month and you still manage to look good. I give you props for that, Mary. I really do. I only fly around 35 hours a month. That means I fly six days straight trying to get as many hours as I can in a week of flying back and forth across the country like a lunatic, and I’m here to tell ya, I don’t feel so great by day four. I’m exhausted. I’ve got dark circles under my eyes. Half of the time I don’t even know whether I’m coming or going. I can’t always remember what passengers want to drink. But I try. I get up an hour before pick up time to do my makeup, curl my hair, and slide into the blue suit. I always drink a ton of coffee and though I may not look as fresh as I did on day one, there’s only so much a flight attendant can do when they’ve been logging in the hours with an eight hour layover in-between trips.

Tell me, Mary, what’s your secret? I need to know!

Now back to messy coworkers. I’ve seen them – the guy who refuses to tuck in his shirt or forgets to wear a belt and the gal whose bun is not only wet, but sits on her head at an angle. But do you truly believe that passengers avoided your coworker, the damn good flight attendant, because she was a mess? Maybe it had more to do with you than her? I know my coworkers who look great can walk down the aisle and no one will ask them for a thing, but the moment I head to the back of the airplane I’m stopped every few rows. My face just says, ask me! Even when I’m not smiling and my hair is frizzy. The same thing happens when I use mass transit or while I’m out walking around a foreign city on vacation. Some people are just more approachable than others. I’m afraid we might be two of those people. And that’s a good thing! I think.

Happy Travels,

Heather Poole

If you have a question email me at Heather DOT Poole AT Weblogsinc DOT com.

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Photos courtesy of (doll) Mimihau0507, (blonde flight attendant) Tom Purvess, (male flight attendant) avgapfel

Galley Gossip: Passenger of the month: Adam Schaffer

by Heather Poole on

Name: Adam Schaffer

Occupation: Media and publishing executive. I am in the magazine business, but had the honor of being on the editorial advisory board of Inside Flyer magazine a few years back

Which is exactly why I picked you as my passenger of the month. Tell me something interesting you learned while working for Inside Flyer: Airline club memberships are huge. Not only is the lounge access terrific, but the agents there can often “get things done” that agents elsewhere in the airport cannot such as upgrades, special sitting, moving flights, etc.

Recently I wrote a post, The passenger didn’t ask for much, about a demanding passenger on board the very same flight you were on. A Gadling reader commented by saying, “I fly all the time and I’ve never seen anything like that ever happen on a flight!” If I hadn’t told you what was happening would you have known what was going on nine rows behind you? I had no idea the incident was as prolonged as it turned out to be. I have a good sense and can tell when “something is up” somewhere on the airplane, but you and the crew handled that situation very well.

Thank you! So how many miles have you flow this year? 20,728 thru march 31st.

Last flight? JFk-LAX

That was my flight, the crazy flight! Check it or carry on? Carry on! I once went to Moscow and St. Petersberg for eight days with a carry on!

It can be done, because I went to Italy for 10 days (Venice, Rome & Positano) with only a rollaboard and a tote bag. Window or aisle seat? Aisle. I do not like to be confined.

Something to drink? Water. I fainted on a flight to Spain on my honeymoon due to dehydration. The next thing I know I am laying in the aisle and the flight attendants are shaking me awake and asking if I’m okay. Apparently I fained and fell against my wife on the way down. My wife tried to wake me and I didn’t move! So she ran to the forward galley yelling, “I haven’t been married 24 hours and I think my husband is dead!”

Wow – I hope you buy a really big bottle of water before each and every flight, especially when you’re traveling on my flight! What type if luggage do you carry? Sturdy and inexpensive. I had a nice Tumi bag I had to check once…and it was ruined. The baggage handling system will eat your luggage!

Sorry to hear that. Any packing tips or tricks? Mix and match. Take as little as possible.

Best shoes to wear through security? Crocs are great, but then your feet get all grimey, so I suggest socks. The TSA does need to find a way to make the whole shoe thing better.

I agree. Any airport routines? I always check to see if the inbound flight is on time and where it is coming from. Sadly airlines will hedge their bets on announcing delays. Then I buy a lot of water.

You sound like a flight attendant – checking the inbound flight for delays! Smart. Best airline experience? Recently I flew on American Airlines from New Delhi, India to Chicago. 15 hours and 40 minutes en route. The new AA business class cabins on the 777 are really nice and the service was amazing. Many meal opportunities and options (and great Indian food) and a terrific choice of on demand entertainment. I was dreading the flight and was actually a bit bummed when it was over.

Nicest airport? Shanghai Pudong, best damn gift shops anywhere.

Favorite airport restaurant? One world lounge in Hong Kong. Get the “Dan Dan Noodles”

That’s all my husband talked about when he came back from Hong Kong, how amazing the lounge was and how great those Dan Dan noodles were. Hotel away from home? Mandalay Bay in Las Vegas

Too funny! I’m pretty lucky on the $1 slots over there. Favorite in-flight announcement? “In preparation for landing..”

Book last read on a flight? We are like that only, understanding the logic of consumer India, by Rama Bijapurkar

Now finish the following sentences…

I can’t fly without my…Ipod and noise canceling headsets

On my last flight…I actually watched a movie and didn’t work. Saw “Yes Man” with Jim Carey

This passenger I sat next to…Got me my current job! (Be friendly to those around you)

I had this one flight…Where the flight attendant actually threw my food at me! (And, for the record, I was just sitting quietly) It was an Atlanta to LA flight, so you can guess the carrier.

If I could be anywhere in the world, I’d…Be in Fiji and nowhere else.

When it comes to traveling I wish…A supersonic plane was in the pipeline somewhere. Would love to do LA to Hong Kong in five hours.

Why do flight attendants…Put up with crap from passengers? I know it’s a customer service thing, but some folks need a good bop on the head!

Next flight: Lax – JFK God willing in business class.

Photos courtesy of (water) Moussefromsacto, (dan dan noodles) Avlxyz, (Fiji) Muzzman

Galley Gossip: A question about why flight attendants are paid twice as much as teachers

by Heather Poole on

Dear Heather,

Any time I go back to the rear of the plane and find flight attendants reading magazines, I am finding people off the job. You people are being paid roughly TWICE per hour what they pay the teachers who teach your children to read…How would you like to go into a classroom and find the teacher reading “Vogue”?

Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

I take it you had a bad flight. Perhaps you wanted something to drink or eat and got ignored by a flight attendant reading Vogue? If so, I’m sorry for that and I do hope it never happens to you again. As with every job there are always a few bad apples in the bunch, but you don’t really mean to stereotype all crew members based on one lazy Vogue reading flight attendant, do you? I hope not.

For the record, I seriously doubt that flight attendants get paid twice as much as teachers. While I do not know how much the average teacher makes, the average flight attendant is not making as much as it may seem. Oh sure on paper it looks like we have a cush job when we’re not shocking people back to life or landing in the Hudson River. And of course there are those of us who do have it nice, like flight attendants who are employed by a major carrier who have enough seniority to fly the best trips, working to amazing destinations like Japan, Rio, and Paris. But in reality the majority of us don’t have it that good. A lot of us don’t even get a layover anymore, and if we do, they’re so short we call them lean-overs, not layovers. Seriously, most of us do struggle to make ends meet and therefore have to pick up extra trips or work a second job on our days off just to get by.

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Don’t forget that flight attendants are only paid for flight time – not ground time. That means we are not making a dime until all passengers are seated, overhead bins have been closed, the aircraft door is shut and the airplane has backed away from the gate. Just last week I worked a trip from New York to Dallas and back to New York again, all in the same day, that, because of a mechanical in New York and a weather delay out of Dallas, I only got paid 6 hours and 15 minutes (flight time) for a 14 hour and 33 minute duty day. Do teachers go to work and only get paid half the time? I don’t think so. And when they are at work, are they constantly getting yelled at for situations that are beyond their control? And are they stuck in a flying tube at 35,000 feet for hours on end without a means to escape whatever could go wrong if something did go wrong? You tell me.

Now that I’ve been flying for 14 years, I make $30-something an hour, which is pretty darn good – except that due to FAA regulations I can only work so many hours in a day and so many days in a row. Not to mention when you add in the delays on the ground, the sit time between connecting flights, and the layover time at the airport hotels (per diem is less than $2), our hourly rate drastically drops. As for all those amazing layovers, they no longer exist. Mine average ten hours a night and all I usually have time to do is two of the following – eat, sleep, or shower. Keep in mind that this is unpaid time away from home, time that teachers are able to spend in the comforts of their own home with family or friends, actually getting important things done like a load of laundry, running to the grocery store, kissing their kids goodnight, those kinds of things.

Now I’m not saying that my job is more important, not at all, I’m just saying that it’s different and should not be compared to a job on the ground. Anyway, this is about flight flight attendant pay, not who has the worst job. I love my job and I’m sure teachers do, too.

And before I forget, Anonymous Writer, I do not read Vogue. Not that there’s anything wrong with Vogue, it’s just way too heavy to drag from city to city and gate to gate in my tote-bag to my layover hotel where I’d only have a few minutes to look at it before going to bed. However, what you may find me reading on the airplane is Vanity Fair. That’s because it’s the perfect magazine for a long haul flight due to the fact that it takes an entire six hours to get through, which is why I only read it when I’m commuting to work, not while I am at work – working. While I have been known to flip through a passenger’s discarded newspaper or celebrity gossip magazine while standing in the galley, I am quick to put it down if someone needs something from me.

Just because you’ve spotted a flight attendant glancing at reading material in flight does not mean you’ve found an employee “off the job.” Believe it or not, once the service is over there actually comes a time in flight where there may not be anymore more trash to pick up and passengers are settled into their seats and do not need anything else to eat or drink and have actually had all their connecting gate information sorted out. If there is a passenger who needs something that has not been provided, like a pillow or blanket (not that we always have them on board) the passenger will either stop us while we’re walking down the aisle and ask, come to the back of the aircraft and ask, or ring their call light which signals the flight attendants to put down their magazine or newspaper or lunch or liquor money they were adding up, and answer the call. Nine times out of ten that call is answered immediately.

Happy travels,

Heather Poole

If you have a question email me at Skydoll123@yahoo.com

Photos courtesy of (stewardess barbie) Heather Poole, (Vanity Fair) JacquieK