Creating the perfect “liecation” – and how to prevent getting busted

by Scott Carmichael on

So, you read our little story on the new trend of “liecations”, and you too want to create your own little fake vacation? Well, even though the whole thing is incredibly tacky, and downright stupid, we know the economy is tough, and a trip abroad might not be possible this year.

Of course, the right thing to do is tell people you are staying home, but if the liecation trend is to be believed, there really are people out there that would rather lie than just chill out at home being honest.

To create the perfect liecation, you’ll need to find the perfect balance between plausible lies, and downright pathetic lies. For example – don’t claim you went on a 2 week safari to Kenya. The same applies to a liecation involving Mount Everest. European liecations are easy, as are any liecations in North America.

Before I erase whatever credibility I have – I have never lied about a trip, simply because I have never had the need to. I’ve always been lucky enough to get to my destination, whenever and however I wanted. However, don’t let my honesty get in the way of your devious plan of creating the perfect 2009 liecation.




Picking the right fake destination

As I mentioned earlier – play it safe. Pick a destination with plenty of support for your lie. If you are telling a lie about being just one of 100 tourists a year visiting a remote island, you’ll need a pretty damn good cover story to keep that one going. Europe and North America are simple ones.

If you suck at lying, then you may want to “take a cruise”. Pick a nice 7 day round trip cruise with little or no stops on the way. Virtually every cruise is the same, and if you mention “food and shows”, you’ll have covered almost everything you could have done on your liecation.

Physical evidence of your trip plans

Keep at least one or two suitcases in the hallway after you “return”, leave a guidebook on the table, and if at all possible, find an old ticket wallet as evidence of “your tickets”. Really smart fakers will find a way to print a fake online boarding pass, but since the TSA frowns on that, you are on your own.

Go to Google maps and print maps of everything you “plan to visit”, then leave them lying around the house.

Photos and how they help you lie

Finding or creating photos of a trip that never took place can be tricky. You can pick photos other people made (off Flickr or other sites), but showing your friends 100 pictures without you in it will set off alarm bells. Stick to the basics – photos of food, photos of buildings.

Just remember to keep the weather in mind. Was the weather horrible during the week “you were there”? Then don’t show photos of a nice sunny trip. If you do want to use photos, pick some from deep in the search results – using the first 5 results for “Paris” will get you caught.

If you put the photos on your PC – rename them, you don’t want people catching you because they found the same file name from others. Don’t upload photos as your own to the Internet – that is stealing, and the move from liar to thief is one you really need to stay away from.

Pick an “I can’t talk about it” destination

If you want to make your life easier, pick a destination with activities you “can’t talk about”. A great liecation for this could be the Hedonism resort or one of the Mexican beach destinations. Any time someone asks what you did, just give them a glazed look, close your eyes and tell them “too much, just too much”.

Details are your enemy

Specific details of your trip will either kill your lie, or keep it going. Did you “visit” a museum? Check online to be sure it was actually open. Don’t give a 20 minute lecture on the museum you “visited” unless you know your stuff really well.

The Internet is a quick and easy place to find support for your lies. A quick trip to Weather.com and Wikipedia will get you up to date on almost everything you need to know to create your liecation.

Eat lots and lots of unhealthy food

If you went on an all-inclusive vacation or a cruise, you’ll have a hard time convincing people you really left the country if you come back looking skinny.

Before you start your week long liecation at home, stock up on lots and lots of bad food. A pint a day of your best friends Ben and Jerry will be a good start.

Let this also be a reminder to do groceries before you start your trip. Running into friends at the local store when you are supposed to be in Hawaii is a real deal breaker.


Saying “hi’ from your “destination”

Technology is on your side here – it isn’t hard to send out greetings, tweets and emails from around the world, without actually leaving your liecation headquarters. Want people to think you are in France? Find yourself a French webmail service, sign up, and send emails to your friends. You’ll need to be able to read or translate the site in order to sign up, but before you know it, you’ll be emailing people from your bigfatliar@ French webmail account.

Remember to stay away from any social networking services when there is a time difference. Your whole story will be busted if you are Twittering from “Sydney” at 3am “local time”. If you do screw up – lie some more, and say you just left the bar.

Got some REALLY nerdy friends you may need to deceive? Find a nice foreign proxy server and send your mail through that, or use a web mail service that doesn’t reveal your location.

Souvenirs say it all

You really don’t need tacky crap for your friends, but family members may be expecting something special from your destination. Thankfully, sites like Ebay are full of people who were given tacky crap, and put it up for sale.

For about $9, you can order an ugly Eiffel Tower key chain and $20 will get your some clogs or a piece of Delft Blauw porcelain to remind people of your lovely “trip to Holland”.

Relics from your trip to other countries could be as simple as some stickers or junk from an antique store.

Funny anecdotes

Remember the guy at the place, doing the thing? That was awesome! Create a couple of fun an
ecdotes, so you can think back to all the fantastic memories of the trip you never took.

Keep your stories straight

Did you “visit” your vacation destination with a friend, family member or partner? Get your stories straight. It starts with silly details like the hotel, what you did and things you saw. Don’t try and synchronize 100’s of false details, you’ll only increase the chance someone calls you out for being the fraud you are.

If you have to describe your vacation to someone with the knowledge to uncover your dark truth, you may have to resort to the “explosive diarrhea” excuse – once you start talking about that horrible case of the exploding runs, most people won’t dig any further into your trip report.

Adventure Destination: Patagonia

by Kraig Becker on

South America has some of the most remote and amazing places on the planet. The continent is home to the Amazon and the Andes of course, both of which conjure images of beautiful, wild places. But perhaps the most remote, beautiful, and wild of all, lies far to the south, transcending the borders of Argentina and Chile, in a place called Patagonia.

Sitting just on the southern end of the Andes Mountains, and stretching east onto a series of stepped plains. Patagonia is amongst the most geographically and climatically diverse places on the planet, with arid plains, icy mountains, spiky rock towers, and wondrous glaciers. As if all of that weren’t enough, the region is also home to a number of active volcanoes, which bring bubbling hot springs, geysers, and an occasional eruption to the region as well.

Patagonia is also legendary for its weather, which can best be described as tempestuous. Because of its proximity to both the Pacific and Atlantic Oceans, the entire area is buffeted by storm fronts on a regular basis, and visitors should always be aware that weather conditions can, and do, change very rapidly, with beautiful, warm, sunshine giving way to high winds, rain, and snow, on a moments notice.

But those who make the trip to Patagonia will be rewarded with an outdoor playground unlike any other on Earth. Hikers, climbers, paddlers, and backpackers will find plenty to keep them occupied, with spectacular trails stretching throughout the area, and some of the best rock climbing in the world. The Torres del Paine National Park, for instance, is a UNESCO World Heritage Site that offers a number of classic treks, several of which pass within the shadows of the Towers of Paine, three rock monoliths that are considered amongst the most challenging big walls on the planet. Patagonia’s Pacific Coast serves up spectacular sea kayaking, with a multitude of islands and glaciers to explore as well, rounding out the outdoor adventurers wonderland.

Patagonia isn’t just for the adventure crowd however, as the amazing scenery is worth the journey for anyone who appreciates beautiful outdoor environments. The sweeping vistas and breathtaking mountain views can be viewed from the comfort and safety of a tour bus as well, and wildlife, which include cougars, foxes, an assortment of birds, and guanaco, an antelope-like herd animal, are abundent.

For many, Patagonia represents the ultimate adventure travel destination. It is remote, strikingly beautiful, and sits practically at the ends of the Earth. So whether backpacking, climbing, paddling, or just beautiful scenery is your thing, you’ll find plenty to like in this South American paradise.

A room with a view: camp overnight at a fire lookout tower

by Alison Brick on

A few weeks ago, friends and I hiked to the top of a local mountain range, and picnicked beside a fire lookout tower. Quite the view. That’s exactly why it’s home to a fire lookout tower, after all.

Which makes the next thing that I learned pretty nifty: you can camp overnight at some of these towers.

For only $25-75 per night, you can practically have a whole mountain to yourself (or at least feel like it). I haven’t stayed at any myself, but I’m imagining them as a camper or hiker’s dream–no neighbors singing camp songs til the wee hours, and you have a jump start on the trails in the morning.

Some are set atop high platforms and others are more low to the ground. Many can only be reached by foot, and you’re not guaranteed running water or electricity, but you’ll often find a mattress and a propane or wood-burning stove there.

You can check out the options on the National Historic Lookout Register and then rent them through Recreation.gov. The rentable towers are not in every state; of the states with towers for rent, Idaho seems to come in the cheapest at $25/night.

Budget adventures near New York

by Kraig Becker on

In these difficult economic conditions we’re all looking for ways to save some money while still putting a little adventure into our lives. Now more than ever we need a distraction from the daily grind that won’t empty our pocket books. Fortunately, the New York Daily News is here to help, with some great suggestions for cheap adventures close to NYC.

The inexpensive escapse come in a variety of flavors, ranging from an epic mountain bike ride in the Allegheny Mountains of Pennsylvania to taking in the beauty of upstate New York via hot air balloon. Each of the suggestions includes a nice description of what to expect on the day long adventure, as well as some tips for stretching your dollars, such as the use of budget hotels, complimentary continental breakfasts, and unadvertised specials.

An example of one of the unexpected outdoor adventures includes a trip to New Hampshire’s White Mountain National Forest, which offers a tree-top canopy tour that put visitors at elevations between 1600 and 3000 feet as they fly through the scenic forest on ten zip lines and two suspension bridges. The travel package costs $115 but in addition to the canopy tour, travelers get a night’s stay at the historic Mount Washington Resort, a round of golf, and a visit to the hotel’s spa.

Each of the other budget adventures offer similar amenities on the cheap and with plenty of summer still ahead, it’s never too late to put a little adventure into your life. And at these prices, how can you resist?

Step back in time in Peru’s Ollantaytambo

by Kraig Becker on

In the heart of the Peru’s Sacred Valley, 60 miles to the northwest of Cusco, sits a city whose history dates back to before the 15th century. Ollantaytambo was built by the Emperor Pachacuti after he conquered the area, and the ruins of his ancient palace still dominate the landscape.

Today, Ollantaytambo is a destination that continues to be a draw to adventure travelers who come to Peru to trek the Inca Trail or visit Machu Picchu. The city offers access to some great trails of its own, and mountain biking, white water rafting, and rock climbing are just a few of the other activities that visitors can enjoy.

But the real draw to the city are the ancient ruins which often serve as a warm up for Machu Picchu. Many travelers make day trips to Ollantaytambo to acclimatize to the altitude, (the city sits at just over 9000 feet) and wander the cobblestone streets past the Fotress on Temple Hill and up the terraced mountainside. They take in the Temple of the Sun, which is impressive despite the fact that it was never completed, and they explore the nearby quarries where the Incans mined the stone that would be used in the construction process of the royal estate.

To find out more about Ollantaytambo, check out this article from CNN.com. The story has more details on the the items I wrote about above, as well as thoughts on where to eat while in town, where to catch the train to Machu Picchu, and more. If you’re heading to Peru, don’t miss out on this gem in the Sacred Valley.