Letter from France: Why I love Paris in the autumn.

As a concept, “spring forward, fall back” fits Paris to a tee.

The global collective consciousness may well hold the City of Light to be paradise in springtime — spring rites and spring rain, the spring in the step of forward-looking dreamers who dream of April in Paris, and pipe that old tune. But what about the fall, alias autumn? If you ask me, the unsung season is an equally fine time of year to make Paris your own — often without the crowds or peak rates.

Forget the foursome of three-syllable months with ponderous names: “September,” “October,” “November” and “December.” Subtract the prosaic “fall” from the notation. Then try singing “Au-tumn in Paaa-ris.” It’s every bit as catchy as “A-pril.” As with April, the “thrill” of autumn sometimes rhymes with “chill,” though nowadays climate change can provide T-shirt weather right up to mid-November.

Weather — la météo — is the merest part of Paris’ fall-back season. For the French, fall stands for the end of enforced rural isolation with in-laws and enfants terribles, the end of sunburns and heat stroke — climate change again — and a return to the stimulating animation of this self-consciously enlightened metropolis, la Ville Lumière.

Fall isn’t l’automne in Paris anyway, it’s la rentrée — the re-entry. There’s the “political re-entry,” the “scholastic re-entry,” the “cultural re-entry,” and others still — re-entries for food, wine, fashion and industrial action. Falling back into place in autumnal Paris is as natural as gravity, the metaphorical space-capsule of life drifting leaf-like back to Earth, or plummeting like a chestnut, the correlative objective of la rentrée.Horse chestnut trees grow everywhere in town but are only noticed when flowering in spring, or raining uneatable fruit in fall. Their blossoms stand for spring, and their chestnuts symbolize fall. Parisians polish plump marrons d’Inde — horse chestnuts — as they hurry to work past second-hand booksellers along Seine-side sidewalks, or while jogging in the fashionable Bois de Boulogne. Some think of Proust, others of Hemingway. Unlike the author of A Moveable Feast, the stylish locals I know do not apply wax from the crooks of their nostrils to lend brilliance to the dark, spherical trophies they rub like worry beads. For many here, chestnuts are the amulets of this militantly secular society.

Fittingly for a city that’s a work of art in continuous evolution, come October the streets, sidewalks, parks and sweeping riverside esplanades of Paris exude Impressionist moodiness and stage-set atmosphere. Fog puffs up, dressing the Eiffel Tower in frilly underpants. Crispy golden leaves spin down from the nearly 100,000 trees on the city’s thoroughfares.

From an aesthetic standpoint, Paris becomes more likeable, more approachable, more intelligible in fall. As the sycamores and lindens denude themselves, a thousand architectural details are revealed — wreaths and garlands, composite capitals, or elaborate ironwork on balconies and rooftop pergolas. The long perspectives and obsessive symmetry suddenly make sense, whether or not you endorse the cannon-shot boulevards Baron Haussmann built over a century ago.

On them and every other usable surface, café and restaurant terraces spill chairs into the path of pedestrians. Terraces stay open despite the chill. Using them the way spiders use webs, the organizers of gastronomic or Bacchic festivals capture passersby. Half a dozen urban vintners including Jacques Melac in the 11th arrondissement pluck their grape bunches and make a show of it on TV. The lonely vineyard atop Montmartre is shorn of its grapes. Ditto the one at Bercy, in the gorgeous “Jardin de la Mémoire” on the Seine.

Other guzzlers celebrate the theoretical quaffability of that frothy purple beverage, Beaujolais Nouveau, but the less said about such activities the better. In the privacy of their homes, the owners of ready-at-last vintage wines raise bottlings from cellars into dining rooms with a sigh of satisfaction: who can drink a Château Margaux or Romanée Conti in July or August?

Making the mouth water wherever you wander is the woodsy scent of roasting chestnuts, the kind not intended for horses. It wafts up from impromptu, unlicensed stands on many a street corner, stands operated by legions of invisible aliens, many of them the kind the current French rightwing government would like to deport en masse.

Unsurprisingly fall is the best season bar none for food in Paris. From the mom-and-pop shops that have not yet been killed off by big business, out come the mounds of steaming sauerkraut, the sausages and hams, the pâtés, terrines and foie gras, duck confit and other fatty delicacies. They feature heavily at foires aux gras — “fat fairs” — and at self-styled “terroir” and “regional” markets.

Like the illegal chestnut sellers, legal market stands arise overnight to sell mushrooms such as the proverbial cèpes or champignons de Paris. There’s a lively fall food fair on the Seine facing Notre-Dame, and another on Pont Louis Philippe, the bridge linking the Right Bank to the Ile-Saint-Louis. Place Saint-Sulpice has one, too (and a Christmas market). Even the city’s weekly or twice-weekly street or farmer’s markets, often drab in other seasons, explode in fall with a kaleidoscopic harvest bounty, including pheasants in full plumage.

The royal treatment is lavished on the citizenry in October at the Chateau de Versailles: that’s the only time of year when the “King’s Kitchen Garden” sells its splendid, Louis XIV heirloom produce — 150 varieties of pear and 200 of apple — to the masses.

For gastronomes there’s one class of food that alone would justify an autumn trip to Paris: fromage. Odoriferous cheese-mongers’ grottoes display only-in-fall delights. My favorite is luscious, unctuous, oozing, eat-with-a-spoon Vacherin (aka Mont d’Or). But the parade of artery-plugging delicacies goes on. Those shoulder-to-shoulder chocolate shops of the chic Saint Germain district or the trendy Marais may sit empty in hot weather but bustle when temperatures drop. Bakeries beckon, three per city block, their steamed-up windows stacked with savory tarts and dazzling, caloric desserts, unnecessary yet essential to the pursuit of Parisian happiness.

Strange to tell, as the obesity pandemic rages elsewhere, most Paris natives remain slim. The French paradox, say some. Perhaps. Maybe it’s because people still eat fresh food here and attempt to enjoy themselves. They also do a lot of walking, talking and gesticulating in that inimitable, agitated, Parisian way.

Fall entertainment takes many forms. The mainstream, official, subsidized extravaganza of dance, theater and suchlike is le Festival d’Automne, while photography is honored this November by Paris Photo.

More excitingly, this is when denizens discover the Emperor’s new clothes and his new omelette too: the insanely complicated, unwearable creations of the haute-couture crowd, and the ludicrously uneatable food-art conjured by the Michelin multiple-star brigade. Fall fashion shows colonize whole quarters with tents and runways. There the initiated swoon over five-digit pheasant plumage, decolté designer rags, tears in fabric and tears on cheeks, pins, scars, exposed flesh, elevator pumps and mind-boggling corsets.

Meanwhile the celeb chefs’ serve up not vulgar food but “emotions,” thrilling, shocking and awing the susceptible leisure classes.

From sidewalk stands and old-fashioned cook-shops to the haute runways and $300-a-plate temples of gastronomy, the eating and fashion orgy can seem out of step with our troubled times. The recession? The ten-percent unemployment rate? Wars, terrorism, global warming and poverty? Yes, but not, apparently, in Paris “Intra-muros” — within the city walls now girded by a beltway. Here everything stays comfortingly the same thanks to that age-old edict, wealth.

Happily the hedonistic orgies do not unduly affect the lives of most Parisians or visitors. The noisy, up-all-night summer frenzy is finished by October, and a comforting, off-season quiet steals back on the brisk evening breeze. Because clocks fall back a vital hour, it’s easy to get out early and claim your favorite café table, the one with the perfect view from the Café de la Mairie, for instance, of homely Saint-Sulpice swaddled in scaffolding. The trio of joints on the downstream tip of Ile-Saint-Louis afford sidelong glimpses of Notre-Dame’s buttressed back. If you don’t mind dropping $10 for a café-crème and a croissant, the soaring belltower of Saint-Germain-des-Près is what you get at Les Deux Magots. But only if you can see, think and hear over the cellphones, BlackBerrys, iPads and other wireless destroyers of peace common at posh places.

That’s why I prefer to perch at unknown cafés and saunter in unglamorous neighborhoods. Here you soon discover the real Paris. Despite the re-entry’s animation, fall is the unrushed season, a time of inky newspapers on wooden sticks, of thick, well-thumbed novels, of deep yawns and slow trawls, of scattered sun and sodden tennis balls kicked for yapping lapdogs wearing gem-studded collars. The yawns are often caused by the well-thumbed novels, short-listed for the Goncourt and other literary prizes handed out in autumn.

Other urbane seasonal sports include avoiding the joggers, sprinters and speed-walkers who reappear in their thousands and devise novel ways to bump into, trip up, splatter and otherwise terrorize visitors and anyone who strolls at a normal pace. A different menace comes from Paris’ grizzled boule-bores. Refreshed by their summer break, they begin tossing their polished steel balls that hop, skip and jump under your feet on the sycamore-lined alleys of a dozen parks, notably the Luxembourg Gardens.

In fall, this most sublime of Paris parks drips with impossibly colorful, impossibly long, trailing chrysanthemums. Peer close up and you’ll see that the mums are trained along wire frames, the way pears are espaliered. They’re a merger of bonsai and topiary, unique, as far as I know, to Paris. Like the horse chestnuts, they signal the arrival of fall. They also highlight two hallowed days: All Saint’s Day, November 1, and All Soul’s Day, the 2nd. For the French, mums are memory flowers. Despite the much-trumpeted secularism of the République, the back-to-back duo of Catholic holidays draws countless Parisians into flower shops to buy chrysanthemums, or to parks and cemeteries to admire them.

Beyond the Luxembourg Gardens, the most astonishing displays of mums and other memory flowers are at Père-Lachaise cemetery, the repository of the nation’s Great and Good. At each turn in its ten miles of twisting, cobbled roads or looping dirt lanes you’ll find chrysanthemums marking family tombs, all 70,000 of them.

Many Père-Lachaise regulars object to a recent fad, imported like so many fine things from the “Anglo-Saxon” world: Halloween. It still startles me to see French children dressed with sartorial perfection as devils, princesses or pirates soliciting door to door. Paris apartment buildings are bank vaults, so kids attend lavish private Halloween parties instead, or cavort in parks and cemeteries, where they’re viewed with gimlet Gallic eyes.

Certainly, strikes and political snafus happen in all seasons. But French unions look forward with glee to la rentrée. Each fall brings its blend of industrial and social action. This year, the focus is pension reform: should the minimum retirement age stay 60, or rise to 62? The number of years worked, and the nature of the job, are supposedly factored in. So too is the death rate-steady at 100 percent. But with everyone here seemingly reaching 100, despite or possibly because of the foie gras and chocolate, the numbers no longer add up.

So elusive are statistics that when the nationwide late-September strike against President Nicolas Sarkozy’s reforms was held, the organizers counted 3 million participants, the authorities a mere million. What other country can still mobilize that many marchers — nearly all of them peaceful, orderly and well educated?

It’s uplifting to tap into the Parisians’ grim cheerfulness. Most are determined to keep social democracy alive, and many want to turf out the bonus-loving free-marketeers who denounce it as “the welfare state.” No wonder autumn marches become fêtes featuring wine and song — tea is rarely served at these left-leaning parties. Visitors and residents who don’t have trains or planes to catch sometimes find short strikes instructive, even enjoyable. For one thing, solidarity fills the air, and everyone walks or rides bikes, proof Paris thrives when public services shut down.

Feisty and opinionated, many Parisians look forward to la rentrée for another reason: colorful controversies and succulent scandals ripen like Vacherin in autumn. The 2010 season features a rerun starring billionaire Liliane Bettencourt, France’s richest woman, heiress to the l’Oreal cosmetics fortune, and Minister of Labor Eric Woerth, plus President Sarkozy himself, and a celebrity cast of glam photographer-artistes, bevies of society doctors, CPAs, lawyers and conservative party fundraiser-politicos.

Less consequential but even juicier to the culture-vulture set is the kerfuffle involving the mega Claude Monet exhibition at the Grand Palais. A magnificent retrospective with 170 artworks from 70 museums, it has everything — almost everything — to send Impressionism lovers to Seventh Heaven (the show runs until January 24, 2011). The “almost everything” is the missing pièce de résistance. It’s what keeps Paris chuckling, clucking, wrangling and lining up, not just at the Grand Palais, but also at the Musée Marmottan. Why?

Because Monet’s masterpiece, the one that gave Impressionism its name, “Impression, soleil levant,” isn’t in the Grand Palais show. It’s at the Marmottan, the centerpiece of a rival exhibition, “Claude Monet: son musée” (October 7, 2010-February 20, 2011). The Marmottan’s director has reportedly placed animosity above the public interest by refusing to lend the painting and then trying to steal the limelight. Where else could a dispute between museum directors grip a nation? Duels used to be fought for less. Now rivals lambast each other with sound bites. That’s civilization.

But follow the money for the real story: “Monet” sounds like “monnaie” — meaning coin, cash, money. The retrospective is expected to draw 700,000 visitors. Anyone wanting to see Monet’s misty vision of dawn breaking over Le Havre will have to pay twice for the privilege.

Monet famously captured spring in his paintings, but what better way to wind up a fall trawl than to segue from the Grand Palais to the Marmottan to a third helping of the master — his Waterlilies — at L’Orangerie? This lovely mini-museum is in the Tuileries, the city’s second-most sublime park. Like the Luxembourg across the Seine, the Tuileries distills the essence of Paris. The requisite horse chestnuts pelt visitors, and ice cream, pastries and gourmet fare are dispensed from outdoor cafés. The park’s seemingly endless perspective-physical and historical-runs from the former seat of royal power at the Louvre, past Monet at L’Orangerie, along the Grand Palais, all the way up the chestnut-lined Champs-Elysées to that crowning symbol of la République, the Arc de Triomphe, where the flame of French nationhood burns eternal, whether in April or autumn.

An American author and journalist based in Paris, for the last 25 years David Downie has been writing about European culture, food and travel for magazines and newspapers worldwide. His nonfiction books include Enchanted Liguria, Cooking the Roman Way, The Irreverent Guide to Amsterdam, and three critically acclaimed volumes of travel, food and wine in the Terroir Guides series: Food Wine the Italian Riviera & Genoa, Food Wine Rome, and Food Wine Burgundy. His travel memoir Paris, Paris: Journey into the City of Light, which Jan Morris called “Perhaps the most evocative American book about Paris since A Moveable Feast,” will be reissued in 2011 by Broadway Books. His latest books are Paris City of Night, a classic thriller set in Paris, and the forthcoming Quiet Corners of Rome (spring 2011). His website is www.davidddownie.com.

[Photos: Flickr | Luke Robinson; Luke Robinson; freethan; t3mujin; amymengel; randomduck; Celso Flores; felipe_gabaldon; Ryan S B]

Arriving at Munich’s Oktoberfest 2010

Direct, no muss no fuss and much simpler than flying, I arrived into Munich, the capital of Bavaria, on the evening train from Budapest. It was easy — buy a first class ticket, get on the train a couple of minutes before embarkation, stow your bags, and away we go. I traveled through eastern Hungary, bucolic and somewhat scenic, then the entirety of Austria. The train passed green hamletted hills, little towns, tall steeples, the occasional factory, windmill farms and fleeting glimpses of the Austrian Alps thrown in for postcard measure. I ate from the dining car, bought a beer, read, played games and slept in comfort. After a 7.5 hr. journey, the train reached Bavaria and soon stopped at the Munich Hauptbahnhof or main train station.

I came to Munich primarily to experience Oktoberfest in this, its 200th anniversary. The historic festival originally began as a celebration of the marriage between Crown Prince Ludwig and Therese, Princess of Saxony back in 1810. Parades, games, music and (of course!) beer flowed at the huge wedding party. In 1818, Oktoberfest became an official beer festival and has been going strong ever since. Today approximately 1.5 million people show up to Oktoberfest each year in the capital of Bavaria.

I started out from the hotel, took the U Bahn’ (the efficient subway system) to the Theresienwiese — named after Princess Therese — the Oktoberfest area. Walking two blocks, I encountered a rocking’ carnival. Brilliant lights, screaming rides for kids and adults, food stalls, games of skill (in one you had to kick a soccer ball past a live goalie and hit a bull’s-eye), and everything else you’d expect at first rate amusement park. Thousands enjoyed the fun.

Then I saw the beer gardens…

%Gallery-7103%… which are mainly massive tents sponsored by different breweries. Open from 11 AM to 11 PM, the 13 beer tents can hold around 10,000 people each — all eating, drinking, talking and singing. I chose one, the Pschorr Brewery and walked in. Wow, what a raucous scene. Throngs of happy locals and tourists were enjoying the fresh Pschorr brew sold in big, heavy 1-liter glasses. It was a friendly though pushy crowd with virtually every seat taken. Numerous men were wearing traditional German lederhosen and women in sexy dirndl skirts. Many were not wearing the traditional outfit, which was no problem, but hey, if you can get your hands on the clothes you’ll feel right at home. I was lucky enough to find an empty seat and ordered a beer, a soft pretzel and some hensl — or rotisserie chicken. Typically German, the whole operation runs like clockwork — servers dash back and forth taking orders and returning in minutes. My beer and food quickly arrived (hot and delicious) as I conversed with some locals. “These 16 days are the best in Munich, it’s a time to see and be seen,” said local man Uvo Neigenfind.

A band at the front played all kinds of music inducing the crowd, many standing on benches, to sing along in unison. The tunes included “Sweet Caroline,” Take Me Home,” and a “traditional” old German disco classic, “I Will Survive.” Some thought this was an old German song but, ha, I recognized it immediately.

And the beer kept flowing…

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Bob Ecker is a Napa, California based travel writer/photographer providing worldwide magazines and newspapers with compelling travel, hospitality, wine, culinary, skiing, film and innovative feature content. He is constantly on the go, traveling the world, unearthing new stories and uncorking emerging regions. He is current Society of American Travel Writers (SATW) member and former President of the Bay Area Travel Writers (BATW).

Stonehenge burial may be prehistoric tourist

Archaeologists call him the “Boy with the Amber Necklace”, and ever since he was discovered in 2005 they’ve known he was special. Not only would his jewelry have been rare and expensive back when he was buried 3,550 years ago, but the choice of his grave site was significant too–just three miles from Stonehenge.

Now chemical analysis on his teeth has revealed something else special about him–he isn’t from England at all, but from the Mediterranean. Tooth enamel forms in early childhood and retains oxygen and strontium. Different isotopes of these elements are found in different ecozones and regions, and show where an individual grew up. When scientists analyzed the teeth of the Boy with the Amber Necklace, they found he’d grown up around the Mediterranean. The “boy” was actually about fourteen or fifteen years old, and it’s unclear exactly why he came to southern England and the sacred site of Stonehenge.

This isn’t the first time a burial near Stonehenge has turned out to be from somewhere else. The “Amesbury Archer”, a grown man buried with some of the oldest gold and copper artifacts ever found in the UK, grew up in the foothills of the German Alps some 4,300 years ago.

So were these prehistoric tourists? Well, more like prehistoric pilgrims, or perhaps immigrants coming to work at one of the most sacred and dynamic places in the prehistoric world. People often assume international travel is a new thing, starting in the age of luxury liners and really getting going when international flights became cheap, yet daring individuals and groups have been making long journeys for thousand of years. The Boy with the Amber Necklace and the Amesbury Archer could have taken boats along the coastline and rivers, and would have had to do a lot of walking too. They may have been helped along by a simple yet effective prehistoric navigation system. In the days when the waters teemed with fish and not plastic, and the forests were filled with wildlife and berries instead of discarded soda cans, the trip wouldn’t have been as hard as we think.

[Photo courtesy webmink via Gadling’s flickr pool]

Eating Japanese Culinary Time Warp Cuisine

I just flew 7,000 miles to eat a Salisbury steak with a side of ketchup-laced spaghetti. Well, okay, that’s not the only reason I’m in Tokyo, but have to admit when I first learned about yoshoku cuisine my anticipation to try it trumped all the tiny ramen restaurants I’d go to and even the Tsukiji fish market for just-pulled-from-the-sea fresh sushi.

Yoshoku cuisine is, after all, like eating in a timewarp, like stepping back into another dimension in time and space. After all, Americans relegated Salisbury steak to the TV dinner decades ago, not to be found outside of bottom shelf of the freezer section in suburban grocery stores. So why, you ask, would a westerner go to Japan and eschew the garden of Japanese culinary delights for this westernized Japanese cuisine?

Besides the fact that it’s historically frozen food and that most of it is actually quite good, let’s go back about 150 years. Japan had been closed off for centuries. But what is known as the Meiji Restoration – when the emperor opened up the country and westerners, mostly Americans, British, and Dutch – changed all that. According to the story, the Japanese, undernourished at the time, were amazed at how big and tall the westerners were, so they started eating like them too. And since then, yoshoku – which means “western cuisine,” by the way, and that name hardly does it justice – has really barely changed.

But as I sat in Homitei, a yoshoku restaurant that opened in the 1930s, my Tokyo-based friend and yoshoku dining companion, Dave Conklin (who gives bike tours of Tsukiji fish market and has an advanced degree in Japanese history) told me it was more than that. “The Americans and British had colonial attitudes to eating the local cuisine – meaning they wouldn’t eat it,” he told me, as I cut into my “steak” and he chipped away at a crab salad doused with mayonnaise. “So they set up restaurants, usually in hotels, that served Western food. And Japanese were cooking this stuff for the westerners.” Eventually, the Japanese adopted many of the dishes but put their own Japanese spin on them. And, like where we were eating now, opened their own yoshoku restaurants, not for Westerners but for Japanese.

Conklin added that in the 1920s a local artist created plastic food of western dishes so the Japanese would know what the food looked like before ordering it. “Ironically,” he added, “today so many restaurants here now display plastic food of Japanese dishes so westerners and other non-Japanese tourists will know what Japanese food looks like.”

Interestingly, I spoke to two high-profile westerner chefs working in Tokyo — David Myers who just opened an eponymous restaurant in the Ginza district and Nadine Waechter, the executive chef at the Park Hyatt Tokyo — and neither had ever even heard of yoshoku cuisine. The young Japanese I spoke to about yoshoku, though were very enthusiastic. My friend Koji beamed with surprise when I mentioned it, his mouth salivating at the thought of ketchup-kissed stir-fried spaghetti.

But it’s not all TV dinners. In addition to the Salisbury steak drenched in gravy I’m eating (called hambagoo here), there’s also menchi katsu, a deep fried panko-encrusted hamburger; Neapolitan spaghetti which is stir fried and drenched in ketchup (there’s really nothing Neapolitan about it); there are various croquettes and there’s also curry rice, to name a few.

The following day I ate at Taimeiken, which opened in 1931, in the Nihonbashi district to try one of the most famous yoshoku dishes: omurice, which is exactly what it (almost) sounds: an omelet filled with rice sitting next to a puddle of ketchup. There was a line out the door and the place was packed with young people, silverware in hands, enjoying this Japanese comfort food, dishes in front of them that are both familiar and odd to me at the same time. This is, after all, what makes travel fun in the increasingly homogenized 21st century: to feel like we’ve landed on a different planet and found a quasi-parallel society living on it, but as if somewhat different historical events and forces have shaped it just enough to continue giving us wonderment. .

The triumph of Death: the mummified monks of Rome’s Capuchin Crypt


Vertebrae rosettes. A crown of thorns made from finger bones. An arch of skulls.

Three skeletons of children lean huddled in a group as if to comfort one another. Behind them hangs an hourglass made of pelvis bones. Above soars the skeleton of a youth bearing a scythe of clavicles and scales made of kneecaps. Dirt and gravestones cover the floor. Mummified bodies wearing the cowled robes of Capuchin friars lie, sit, or even stand in alcoves. The mummies each have a label bearing, I suppose, the name they used in life. All are illegible.

I am in the Capuchin Crypt, a few minute’s walk from the famous Spanish Steps where hundreds of tourists are laughing and eating McDonalds while enjoying a sweeping view over the sun-soaked city. I am not with them, but rather in a dank vault, crouching to stare into the eye sockets of an anonymous skull. The Sumerians called the eyes the windows of the soul, but now those windows are shattered, the glass ground up and blown away as dust.

I actually waited in line to do this. The Capuchin Crypt runs on limited hours, and when the doors finally open I and a small crowd file in past a stressed-out woman at the front desk who repeats, “No cameras, no cell phones, postcards five euros” in a harassed monotone. Beyond her are five vaults filled with bones and a sixth filled with tablets bearing inscriptions in Italian and Latin. I don’t try to puzzle them out; the message of this place is all too clear.
The bones are arranged in decorative patterns reminiscent of the Baroque interior of some 17th century stately home. Ornate chandeliers made from finger- and jawbones hang so low I almost knock my head on them. The passages are narrow, the vaults small, and the mortal remains of hundreds of Capuchin friars crowd in on me. The crypt was started in the 17th century and has been added to ever since. It now houses an estimated 4,000 friars.

So how does it make me feel? I want to be sick. I want to kiss every living girl in here. I want to tell the woman at the front counter to lock up early and take the rest of the day off. I want to hug my son knowing one day I won’t be able to. I want to know the life history, dreams, loves, and favorite jokes of every one of these poor bastards arranged so meticulously for our edification. I can’t. They are no longer individuals, simply part of the decor. All in all you’re just another skull in the wall.

Four vaults away I can still hear the attendant repeating the rules to newcomers. No photography, but you can buy an overpriced postcard. What arrogance to think they own the dead! Nobody has the least claim over the dead; it’s their one advantage over the living.

The crypt is getting crowded with the living. People linger. Many laugh to cover their discomfort. Everyone speaks in whispers, but why whisper? The dead can’t hear you, and if you’re doing it out of respect, a better way to show respect would be to learn the lesson of this place. The lesson is, of course, to think about death. Like everyone else I have a natural defense mechanism. I know I’ll die but that horrible fact doesn’t intrude on my day-to-day happiness. Well, it does today, and that’s the point. This place is also meant to make us good Catholics, to embrace an unproveable god and its improbable doctrine. That I cannot do, but I sure do think about death.

Odd thoughts come to me. I should send my son a second postcard. I need to get cracking on my next novel. I still haven’t replied to Ed’s email.

Through a row of open windows shines dim sunlight and the sounds of construction next door. The pounding of hammers and the shouts of workmen. An ambulance wails in the distance, getting closer.

A young American woman cries out, “Ewww, this is gross!”

I don’t say anything because I always try to be kind to strangers, but I say to myself, “Oh, you think they’re disgusting and you’re beautiful? Just. You. Wait.”

So don’t forget death, because it’s probably coming sooner than you think, and certainly sooner than you hope.

Life is short, my friends, live it well.

Don’t miss the rest of my Vacation with the Dead: Exploring Rome’s sinister side.

[Photo courtesy Magnus Manske]