Today’s Bad Eng(r)ish

by Matthew Firestone on

Here at Gadling, we try to keep our eyes to the ground in search of amusing English the world over. Truth be told, sometimes we can’t please everyone, but let it be known that our intention is never to offend.

With that said, I would like to bring you this photo advertising a yakiniku (grilled meat, ??????) restaurant that I scoped out this week in Tokyo. As an aspiring vegetarian, I try to avoid eating red meat whenever possible, but I just couldn’t pass this one up.

After all, roast meat does give you more power…

Big in Japan: Swish-Swish Goes the Shabu-Shabu

by Matthew Firestone on

In one of the pivotal scenes in the movie Lost in Translation, Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray’s characters get together for a lunch that is wrought with sexual tension. While staring blankly at plates of raw meat, and reminiscing about the previous night’s indiscretions, Murray wryly comments, ‘What kind of restaurant makes you cook your own food?’

The answer Bill is simple: shabu-shabu (????????????).

The Japanese onomatopoeic sound for ‘swish-swish,’ shabu-shabu is a type of Japanese hot pot involving plates of thinly sliced raw meat and pots of boiling broth.

Needless to say, the potential for either ingesting uncooked meat or burning your hands beyond recognition are two of the pivotal reasons why shabu-shabu hasn’t caught on outside Japan.

Truth be told, there are a few places in America where you can indulge in this Japanese delicacy (albeit in a closely watched manner), especially in Little Tokyo in Los Angeles and in Chinatown in New York.

Of course, nothing quite equals the actual thing.

Traditionally, shabu-shabu focused on thin slices of raw Japanese beef, though these days Australian beef and increasingly American beef is popping up on the menus. Needless to say, I’m partial to the Kobe variety, but since I’m not rolling in the yen, I’m happy to settle for the cheaper, less marbled meat.

Shabu-shabu is usually served with blocks of hard tofu and a healthy smattering of vegetables. Although these vary depending on the restaurant, the staples are Chinese cabbage, mushrooms, chrysanthemum leaves, seaweed, onions and carrots. It’s also fairly common to be served a side of udon noodles, which are excellent for soaking up the broth and providing a bit of carbs to the feast.

Here comes the fun part!

With your chopsticks in hand, pick up a single slice of meat, and swish it (or better yet shabu it!) around the broth for a few seconds. Depending on the quality of the meat, you’re going to want to leave the middle pink if it’s Kobe, or cook the hell out of it if it’s of unknown origin.

Next, dip the meat in one of the accompanying sauces, which are usually either ponzu (ぽんず), a sweet, citrus sauce, or goma (ごま), a creamy, sesame sauce.

Now that you’ve got the hang of it, you’re going to want to spice up the broth a bit. Although the broth is made by boiling dashi (だし) or flaked bonito, get creative by tossing in a plate of vegetables, tofu and noodles. After a few minutes, the broth will darken in color and thicken in texture, which will make the beef taste even more delicious.

Finally, once all the meat, vegetables and noodles have been eaten, the broth from the pot is customarily combined with a few bowls of rice. After all, you wouldn’t want to waste any food, now would you?

** Special thanks to my fellow restaurant goers, ‘Bakka-sugi’ Will and ‘I’m too cute’ Maho-san ***

Japan Invents a 26-Hour Work Day

by Matthew Firestone on

The Japanese are an incredibly efficient people. They work harder, stronger and faster than their American and European counterparts, and seem almost allergic to the idea of taking sick days and holidays.

With that said, perhaps this is why I wasn’t surprised to discover this sign outside a chic bar in Shibuya, advertising a 26:00 closing.

Now, although I’ve never been in the military, I’m fairly certain that after 24:00, the clock is supposed to roll back to 0:00 with the start of a new day.

I guess this brings about a simple question: if you had 26 hours in a day, what would you do with your extra time? Perhaps this is the real reason why the Japanese are so efficient.

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Big in Japan: 27 (More) Reasons Why You’ve Been in Japan Too Long

by Matthew Firestone on

There is nothing quite like the feeling of stepping off the plane in Japan for the first time. From the blinding speeds of the bullet train and the soaring heights of Mt Fuji to the craziest street fashions and the freshest fish you’ll ever taste, Japan awakens the senses like few countries I know.

After awhile however, it all starts to feel normal, which is of course your first warning sign that you’ve been in Japan for too long.

Think you may have Japanophilia?

Can’t remember what your family, friends and country look like?

Forgetting your Eng(r)ish?

(Didn’t read yesterday’s article?)

You’ve been in Japan too long when…

…you can’t have your picture taken without your fingers forming the peace sign.

…when you forget how to spell simple words like “wear”

…when you think one kind of rice tastes better than another kind.

…you return the bow from the cash machine.

…when you rush home from work to catch the last few minutes of sumo.

…you can’t find the “open” and “close” buttons in the elevator because they’re in English.

…the TV commercials make sense to you.

…when you think that coffee goes perfectly well with squid pizza.

…you fully understand the concept of ‘cuteness’

… you think cod roe spaghetti with chilled red wine is a typical Italian dish.

…you run for the subway, pushing people left and right and, jump on the train holding the doors open to let your bag follow you on simply because you know there will not be another one for at least a minute.

…you find yourself apologizing at least three times per conversation.

…you buy an individually wrapped potato in the supermarket.

…you think that “Lets SPORTS yOUNG gAY CluB” is a perfectly normal T shirt logo for a middle aged lady.

…you have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone.

…you order a ‘bottle of draft’ in a pub.

…you are speaking in English but all references to money come out in Japanese.

…you think sushi at a baseball game is perfectly normal (also applies to “too long in California”).

…your idea of a larger home is an extra 10 square meters.

…you leave your office mid-morning and go to a coffee shop in order to get some work done.

...you go for a drink with friends back home and start pouring everybody’s beer.

..when when you draw a sharp distinction between ‘English’ and ‘English conversation.’

…you are disappointed when Dominoes doesn’t have corn pizza, and the driver is disappointed when you forget the tip.

..you buy tickets to a Tokyo Giants baseball game and spend time practicing the cheers.

…while back in your home country for a short visit you patiently wait outside your taxi for its door to spring open for you.

…when you vow to honorably do your best before every little activity you engage in.

…lunch is yesterday’s leftovers out of a Hello Kitty bento box.

Think it may be time to go back home?

** This list is courtesy of Will at http://web2.iadfw.net/will/japan2long.html

Big in Japan: 33 Reasons Why You’ve Been in Japan Too Long

by Matthew Firestone on

There is nothing quite like the feeling of walking the streets of Japan for the first time. From the exotic smells of sushi and soba wafting through the air to the blinding neon and crushing urban density of it all, Japan awakens the senses like few countries I know.

After awhile however, it all starts to feel normal, which is of course your first warning sign that you’ve been in Japan for too long.

Think you may have Japanophilia?

Can’t remember what your family, friends and country look like?

Forgetting your Eng(r)ish?

You’ve been in Japan too long when…

…you find yourself bowing while you talk on the phone.

…you don’t hesitate to put a $10 note into a vending machine.

…you start thinking can coffee tastes good.

…you have trouble figuring out how many syllables there really are in words like ‘building’.

…when the first option you buy for your car is a TV set.

…you don’t think it unusual for a truck to play “It’s a Small World” when backing up.

...you really enjoy corn soup with your Big Mac.

…you think the opposite of red is white.

…you buy a potato and strawberry sandwich for lunch without cringing.

…when you squat waiting for a bus to come.

…people stop complementing you on your Japanese, and start asking you where you had your nose and eyes done.

…you think Princess Masako is beautiful and Hillary Clinton is cute.

…you think birds cry.

…you are not surprised to wake up in the morning and find that the woman who stayed over last night has completely cleaned your apartment, even though you’ll probably never ever meet her again.

…you think its cool to stand in the “Japanese only” queue at the airport.

…you develop a liking for green tea flavored ice cream.

…you think the best part of TV are the commercials.

…you think wet umbrellas need condoms.

…your children call you Otosan (Daddy) and Okasan (Mommy).

…you have mastered the art of simultaneous bowing and hand-shaking.

…when you think it’s alright to stick your head into a stranger’s apartment to see if anybody’s home.

…when you find nothing unusual in a television commercial for candy in which a model dressed in a high school girl’s uniform comes up behind another model dressed in a high school girl’s uniform, grabs her left breast, gives a devilish grin, and skips away.

…you think the natural location for a beer garden is on a roof.

…you have discovered the sexual attraction of high school navy uniforms.

…when you no longer find anything unusual in the concept of ‘Vermont curry.’

…you think 4 layers of wrapping is reasonable for a simple piece of merchandise.

…a new foreigner moves to your neighborhood and you know immediately you will get his mail for a while.

…when you get on a train with a number of foreigners on it and you feel uneasy because the harmony is broken.

…when looking out the window of your office, you think ‘Wow, so many trees!’ instead of ‘Wow, so much concrete!’

…you think curry rice is food.

…when in the middle of nowhere, totally surrounded by rice fields and abundant nature, you aren’t surprised to find a drink vending machine with no visible means of a power supply.

…it takes fifteen seconds of deep thought to recall the first name of the President of the United States.

…and when you think nothing of it when that lonely vending machine says ‘thank you’ after you buy a coke.

Think it may be time to go back home?

Click here for more ways to tell if you’ve been in Japan too long…

** This list is courtesy of Will at http://web2.iadfw.net/will/japan2long.html