It’s not like I didn’t warn you. What did I say just a few days ago? (We know, Brenda, you told us HECO was completely incapable and that it is a completely useless electric company). I guess, in anticipation of the storm that is coming, someone at HECO really messed up and now the entire ISLAND (yes, that’s what I said, the entire island of Oahu) is out of power and we’ve been that way for four hours and counting.
I had a whole Friday evening planned out for myself. I was all ready to paint the town red and attend the 5th annual Head Gear Party, hosted by my high school classmates. (I was going to be a very stylin’ Chinese cowgirl, by the way). Instead, I found myself sitting by candlelight for the second time in a week! While I do really enjoy feeling like I’m in the back woods of Maine all over again, I have to tell you I would much prefer having a gin and tonic with my high school friends and catching up on old (and embarrassing) times way back when we were teenagers. I guess, instead, it’s really time to dig up my list of things to do when things go bad. That really comes in handy right about now. So, as follow up to my list, here’s some commentary:
Be creative: Does driving around in the dark, with no stoplights telling people when to go count? There is bumper-to-bumper traffic on Pensacola Street (just one block away from me) right now, and people are irate. I can hear sirens blaring, dogs barking, and people yelling. It is not a happy scene here this Friday evening at 11 pm. If I could make a slight amendment to my tip, I would say you might be better off walking around in the dark, because DRIVING around in a blackout is just plain dangerous.
Letter to a loved one: I would still support this activity. It really helped me calm down as I texted the heck out of every one of my friends who are across town (maybe in traffic or playing Scrabble with each other by candlelight).
Conversation with a stranger: Sorry, I’m too scared to invite a stranger into my home and make small talk by candlelight. Maybe next time…
Indulge in food: I was cutting eggplant and almost ready to fry it on the stove when the electricity cut out. I am really wishing I’d stocked up on that Peanut Butter ‘n Chocolate ice cream I spoke of, but I didn’t. I haven’t had dinner yet, I can’t bear to open my fridge for fear of letting the cold air out, I’m hungry, and I’m grumpy.
Sleep: This is my only alternative. Yes, I think sleep would be good for me right about now.
… but thank goodness for Hele Wireless internet! With traffic, newspaper presses, and regular internet at a complete standstill, Gadling might just be one of the first sites with really pertinent news that, if we were smart enough, we probably would’ve already known:
There are over a million very unhappy Honolulu residents right now.
Cell phone companies likely made BANK between the hours of 7-9 pm this evening, when the entire island of Oahu went black and people had nothing better to do but call their loved ones (see #2 on my list) and complain about how this situation is really, really bad.
At least we are thankful for it not being less than 70 degrees outside.
Even more Hawaii residents are thinking about getting off the grid – not just me (thanks, Marilyn, for the link!).
It’s a Friday night, but at least there’s always Saturday night!
[This photograph was taken at 10:53 p.m. Hawaii Standard Time. If you look really closely, you’ll see my very unamused pug Iris by my chin.]
Don’t lie. You’ve heard of the AVN Awards … but only from your friends. Er, one friend, really.
Nobody watches porn adult movies, but everyone knows someone who does, right?. Well, now that you have an excuse for knowing about the AVN Awards (porn’s answer to the Oscars) why not check it out for yourself? Part of the broader Adult Entertainment Expo (January 9 – 11, 2009) experience in Las Vegas, it’s only two and a half weeks away, and there’s still plenty of space on the Strip.
Before we get into this, here’s a word of caution. The links in this article are safe for work until you get to the very end. If you want to learn more about the AVN Awards or Adult Entertainment Expo, I’ve supplied the links at the bottom.
January’s a busy time in Las Vegas. The enormous, famous Consumer Electronics Show draws more than 100,000 people every year and overlaps with the first few days of Adult Entertainment Expo, which adds another 30,000 or so conventioneers to the Sands. Fortunately, Las Vegas is rich in hotel rooms. Bargain-hunters can get rates of under $100 a night at the Stratosphere Hotel.
Prefer luxury (or convenience)? The Venetian is the top spot, but it will set you back a minimum of $259 a night. You can right walk from your room to the den of iniquity that is Adult Entertainment Expo convention floor without even stepping outside. Of course, there’s another advantage. If by some chance AVN Award co-hosts Belladonna and Jenna Haze want to join you for the evening (they are porn stars performers, in case you don’t know), the shorter distance allows less time for a change of heart … and you need every advantage.
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Don’t get ahead of yourself. Let’s go over the logistics first. After all, you can’t just stroll up to the Sands and expect the staff to welcome you like they’ve been awaiting your arrival. Remember: 30,000 people for Adult Entertainment Expo, with another 100,000 nerdy onlookers from the Consumer Electronics Show. When you hit the ground in Vegas, you must have your shit together.
Tickets to Adult Entertainment Expo and the AVN Awards are sold separately, and they are pricey (more on the awards show in a bit). One-day access to the expo will set you back $80. If you plan to go all three “fan” days (there are a few days up front when the show is open only to business and media), that’s a substantial amount of cash. To take the sting out a bit, order your tickets online. You’ll save $20 (per day), and you won’t have to wait in what is usually a horrendous line. I’ve seen people who buy tickets at the event spend more than four hours waiting in line.
You’ve run the ticket-and-bouncer gauntlet, now, and you’re on the floor at Adult Entertainment Expo! Music is pounding, and porn stars are grinding stripper poles and groping each other on mechanical bulls (well, they were at the last expo). All the girls and studios whose names you’d never admit you know are in attendance. Monique Alexander, Bree Olson and Sasha Grey are already on the list (these three links are SFW). Make sure your camera battery is as charged as you are, and bring a spare if necessary.
Excited? Okay, let me ruin the dream for you. If you’re going to Adult Entertainment Expo to meet a few starlets, have a blast with your friends and generally act like a jackass, book your flight. You are going for the right reasons. If you have a particular girl in mind and plan to win her over with your good looks and wit, go to the nearest roulette table and bet your life’s savings on Black 17 (much better odds).
Even without the torrid porn star sex that you crave, the convention can be a blast. You’ll get to see all the big names in the business, hobnob with rocker-turned-porn-director Dave Navarro and fondle the new sex toys adult novelty items that are coming to market. The pictures you’ll show your co-workers will trigger long, penetrating conversations.
For me, last year’s best-in-show was Natch Snatch (read about them, SFW), which manufactures environmentally-friendly sex toys. They have a cool idea and a snappy slogan: “Keep the tox out of your box!” The interview below gives a bit more color.
“Grip and grin” is a major part of Adult Entertainment Expo. The performers pose for cameras, and most will sit for a shot with you. But, there is always something interesting going on beyond the long lines to have Sunny Lane sit on your lap for a fraction of a second. Some booths have adult-themed games (dildo ring-toss), performances by strippers and product demonstrations. Last year (thanks to press access). The amateur porn stars of Abby Winters, for example, offered blitz chess at their booth last year. Look around; there’s more to porn than the girls.
Do keep in mind that business is transacted in the background at Adult Entertainment Expo. Sure, the bulk of the event is for the fans, but if you look to the backs of the displays, you’ll catch glimpses of deals being struck that will shape what you-sorry, “your friend”-will watch for the coming year.
If the convention isn’t enough to scratch the sexiest of your itches, buy a ticket to the AVN Awards at Mandalay Bay (separate event). This will set you back another $107 to $240, depending on whether you spring for closer seats. Or, if you’re traveling in a pack, just spend $2,625 for your own table.
In addition to Best Actress, Best Big Butt Series and Best Cinematography, you’ll learn first-hand which company wins Best Packaging!. Thrilling, right? Do it once … to say you’ve done it once. I’ve covered Adult Entertainment Expo twice and still haven’t been to the awards-not interested in listening to porn stars thank mom, dad and their agents for all the support it took to rise to the top.
Looking back, I regret not having gone. Last year’s guests were able to witness living legend Jenna Jameson‘s on-stage meltdown!
Okay, still want to trek out to Las Vegas for the expo and awards? For all you first-timers, here’s some important advice:
1. Bring an extra suitcase. They give out a lot of free stuff. My pen from porn industry hedge fund AdultVest (probably SFW) still works 11 months later. T-shirts, DVDs and posters are abundant.
2. Make a plan. There are a lot of displays and countless girls. Review the schedule to see when your favorites will be available, and use that to structure your day.
3. Don’t dress to impress, because it’s a lost cause anyway. Nobody cares. Instead, opt for comfortable clothing (especially shoes), as you’ll be on your feet all day.
4. Go with friends. Flying solo at a porn convention may make you feel awkward. Anyway, if you do get (incredibly) lucky, you’ll want someone who can back up your story. Would anybody believe that you ducked into a bathroom stall for a quickie with Stoya?
5. Take only the security guards seriously. Everything else is fantasy land, but these guys are paid not to put up with your BS.
When you get ready to leave Sin City and return to reality, be smart when packing your bags. Remember that your carry-on could be searched in a public setting, and the only thing that can make people happy in line at security is to see someone else having a mounting of porn extracted from his (or her) backpack. Yes, it does happen.
If Las Vegas is “adult” Disneyland, then Adult Entertainment Expo is the Magic Kingdom. Go at least once in your life, and make that once 2009.
Links related to this article are below. Content may be SFW, but the domain names could cause problems. Be smart; do this part at home.
So the weather outside may not be frightful, and we might not find the fire necessary, but there is plenty of holiday spirit on the Hawaiian islands — particularly if you’re traveling along King Street in Downtown Honolulu or down Kalakaua Avenue in Waikiki.
Although you’ve already missed the 24th Annual Honolulu Christmas Lights Opening Ceremony and Parade, which was held on December 6, the colorful displays along the King Street block in front of the Honolulu Hale (530 South King Street) make for a great evening of family fun. This year’s city lights theme is “Ku’u Home” (Our Home), and highlights the cultural diversity of the islands as well as its special spirit of Aloha. The Lights are on for all to see until January 6. The centerpiece of this year’s display is always the enormous Hawaiian themed Santa and Mrs. Claus, kicking back barefooted by the water. There’s something uniquely tropical and delightful about Christmas time in Honolulu even without the cold and snow. Honolulu’s 23rd Annual Holiday Wreath Contest winners, are also displayed in the interior halls of the Hale. Every year has a different theme, and this year’s is “Holiday Heroes,” which you will see is pretty much open to interpretation.
Finally, if you haven’t had your fill of palm trees and Christmas lights, Waikiki always serves up some authentic holiday events — particularly along Kalakaua Avenue. Sheila, over at Go Visit Hawaii, breaks down the plethora of activity going down in the touristic center of Hawaii. Most of the noteworthy offerings in Waikiki involve gorging on Hawaiian cuisine at the various hotel restaurants and cafés, but some interesting activities are available in the coming week, including a Santa appearance and photoshoot at the Outrigger Reef on the Beach on the 23rd. Be sure to practice your Hawaiian and wish your friends and family a warm “Mele Kalikimaka” (Merry Christmas)!
I assure you that when the ball drops on the last day of 2008, I will not be in Times Square. I will be nowhere near Times Square. So, unless you like the thought of being shoulder-to-shoulder with people you’ve never met while freezing and lamenting the lack of public bathrooms in that part of town, take a look at some of the choices you have this year.
Chomp twelve grapes in Spain Think of it as a drinking game without the fermentation. Every time the bells toll-12 times in total-eat a grape. This should ensure a sweet year. But, if you cram into Madrid‘s Puerta del Sol (see my thoughts on Times Square), listen carefully for your cue to chew.
Slam china in Denmark Wait for the queen to finish her annual 6 PM New Year’s Eve address to the Danes. Then, join the locals in a big meal. On a full stomach, throw plates at people’s houses (typically, this is done to friends). The thrown plates are expressions of friendship. I have to assume that a direct hit on a window or expensive glass door is not. Again, just guessing.
Wait for Pinocchio in Ecuador Ecuadorians burn effigies to prevent their real-life counterparts from stopping by, and people run around the block 12 times while wearing yellow, which they say is lucky. I do hope that they aren’t wearing only yellow … that would look funny.
Mexico: Another place to run around the block Wear yellow if you choose (and only if you choose) while carrying your luggage around the block in Mexico. But, only do this if you want the year to bring you many travels. Investment bankers, management consultants and attorneys: don’t bother trying to resist it. You’ll be on the road anyway.
Indonesia is not the first place that comes to mind when one thinks of drinking culture. Considering the country is the world’s most populous Muslim nation, a religion well-known for its temperance, visitors coming to Indonesia are probably not looking to get wasted as their first order of business.
But considering the increasingly modern fabric of this southeast Asian nation, it’s probably not surprising to discover that its citizens do happen to enjoy a tipple every now and then. Yet that is exactly the problem these days – in the country’s capital of Jakarta and in tourist hot spots like Bali, they’ve been experiencing a chronic shortage of alcohol – a problem that has been affecting Indonesians and tourists nationwide.
According to a recent article from the BBC, a recent anti-corruption drive has left the typically thriving market in black market liquor sales bone dry. leaving only a single licensed distributor to deal with an onslaught of demand nationwide.. Locals have argued that the problems caused by the shortage have been limited largely to international hotels and tourist regions like Bali – locations where foreigners tend to congregate.
So what then, some might say, if some drunk tourist can’t grab their tumbler of Glenlivet in a Muslim country? They should be respecting the norms of the culture they’re visiting right? That’s not entirely the case – many hotel managers argue that the ban has affected ordinary Indonesian citizens as well, who are having trouble enjoying a drink at their favorite nightspots as well.
It’s an interesting contradiction in a country facing the conflicting forces of traditional muslim culture and modernization. Perhaps, in fact, the type of open free-flowing discussion that can only happen over a good drink. Here’s hoping the citizens and tourists of Indonesia can work this one out like adults.