SkyMall Monday: Top 5 things to crush with the Quick and Easy Pill Grinder

by Mike Barish on

Crushing things is hard (unless you have superhumanly strong hands). When it comes to pills, I’ve used everything from hammers to books to steamrollers to grind them into a fine powder for snorting sprinkling over my dog’s food. Whether your dog (or child or spouse or guy you just met in an alley) is elderly, sick or just needs a good buzz, it’s easier to get pills into his system if you crush them beyond recognition. Here at SkyMall Monday, we prefer to crush our hopes and dreams rather than pills, but we were intrigued when we saw this week’s SkyMall product. We’re all for experimentation here at the ol’ HQ, so our minds have been racing with ideas for how to best put this bad boy to use. That’s why this week we’re looking at the top 5 things to crush with the Quick and Easy Pill Grinder.First, let’s take a quick look at the product description:

Our new Quick and Easy Pill Grinder grinds one or more tablets into a powder with the turning of a handle so that pet medication can be mixed in food or in a liquid and given more easily. The convenient hand-held device reduces the medication to a fine quick-dissolving powder in seconds and deposits it into a snap-in cup to make it easy when there is difficulty in swallowing or administering the tablet.

It’s the modern science of pharmaceuticals mixed with good old-fashioned hand crank power. It’s like making meth in a butter churn.

Now, on to the best things to crush.

5. Pills

Whether it’s your kid’s Ritalin, black market Oxycontin or maybe just some Imodium after a particularly grueling Thai meal, it’s way more fun to take pills in powder form. Snort ’em, sprinkle them over some homemade granola or use them to season your favorite tomato sauce recipe. No matter what you do with your powdered pills, you’re bound to have more fun than your doctor recommended.

4. SweeTarts

Why buy Pixy Stix when you can make your own? Grind up some SweeTarts and create your own bold flavor combinations. This can also double as Fun Dip so long as you have a piece of chalk to use as the spoon.

3. Bang Snaps

You remember bang snaps, right? They’re the little fireworks that pop when you throw them on the ground. You’re bound to make your neighbors poop their beds when you grind a handful of these tiny nostalgic fun bags.

2. Grapes

Homemade wine, here we come!

1. Dippin’ Dots

This has nothing to do with the end product and everything to do with Dippin’ Dots finally being punished for their heinous crimes against dessert. No one likes Dippin’ Dots. Given the choice between real ice cream and Dippin’ Dots, have you ever heard someone say, “Oh, yes, give me those dry, unsatisfying, nearly tasteless balls of unknown chemical makeup that were flash frozen in liquid nitrogen by some kid trying to win a science fair”? For too long we’ve remained silent as Dippin’ Dots invade our baseball stadiums, county fairs and monster truck rallies. It’s time to rise up and crush these balls with some crank force!

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Product Video Edition

by Mike Barish on

I’ve been writing SkyMall Monday since October 13, 2008. That’s two-and-a-half years of reviewing SkyMall products. In that time, I’ve written over 130 SkyMall Monday posts. I’ve gotten to know a few people at SkyMall, but I am in no way, shape or form affiliated with the company. However, I think the time as come for me to take on a roll within SkyMall. This would not be for my own benefit, however. SkyMall needs me. You see, some of the products have short video demos that SkyMall has created. They utilize their own employees for the videos. These clips are – how do I saw this diplomatically? – not as good as they could be. I’ve recorded videos about SkyMall products in the past (like this, this and this, though that last one is more of a slideshow). I was born to star in SkyMall videos. No one could do a better job of highlighting the various features of all of these wondrous products than I could. Take a look at some examples of SkyMall videos to see exactly what I mean. Then see how you can help my cause.AquaBells

Basho the Sumo Wrestler (we’ve covered the table version)

Animated Hitch Critters (featured in our 2008 SkyMall Monday Holiday Gift Guide)

The Slanket (our first ever SkyMall Monday review)

There are a few more videos for your viewing pleasure on SkyMall’s YouTube channel.

If you think that I should star in all future SkyMall product videos, you can let them know by sending them a note. I’d share their marketing person’s email address, but I’m fairly certain that I’d get in trouble with my bosses or ruin any chances I had of getting the SkyMall video gig. Make your voices heard and I promise to make the best videos ever.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Talking Hand Exerciser

by Mike Barish on

I hate working out. I’m not proud of that and, despite my aversion to exercise, I do engage in quite a bit of it. I enjoy long bike rides, hiking and getting caught in the rain. That said, staying fit can be tedious. Perhaps that’s because exercise equipment is so dull. Treadmills? Without outdoor scenery, running is the fitness equivalent of watching paint dry. Plus, they confuse cats. Elliptical machines just look like medieval torture devices. And free weights? Talk about a death trap. On top of all that, gyms smell like BO and make me itch in my special areas. However, I understand the importance of maintaining my health, so I’ve been searching for a piece of exercise equipment that seems logical and will hold my interest. Thankfully, SkyMall will help us all break a sweat without ever having to step foot in a gym (which is great, because I hate having to leave SkyMall Monday headquarters). Put on your Spandex unitard, do some stretches and prepare to get into the best shape of your life with the Talking Hand Exerciser.We all tend to neglect our hands when working out. Most people prefer to focus on their vanity muscles: abs, biceps and tongue. Our hands, however, do all of the heavy lifting. Improving hand strength is critical to personal development. In fact, I’ve been working out my hands since I was about 13 or so. Back then, I could pump out some reps a few times a day. Now, I tend to need more recovery time in between workouts.

Think that hand exercises are stupid? Believe that fitness equipment should be seen but not heard? Well, while you’re sweating to the oldies, we’ll be reading the product description:

Work to increase your grip force and improve your hand and finger strength with this easy-to-use hand exerciser. Featuring an LCD display plus voice announcement, the Talking Hand Exerciser will tell you the number of grips, grip force (current and accumulated) and max grip force.

How many times have your doctors, trainers and clergymen told you to work on your accumulated grip force? Isn’t it time that you stopped shaking their hands flaccidly and started taking their advice?

Plus, who has time to count their own number of grips? Not me. No, I need my max grip force announced in a voice that (I presume) sounds like Stephen Hawking.

Crush those around you by getting your hands in shape with the smartest pieces of exercise equipment in the world today. It sure beats whatever the hell is happening at this spin class.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Mombasa the Garden Giraffe vs. Boris the Bronotosaurus

by Mike Barish on
Here at SkyMall Monday, we love lawn ornaments. By now, you should know about our affinity for the Garden Yeti, his baking abilities and incredibly high threshold for pain. This week, however, we take a look at the two biggest beasts offered up in SkyMall. Rather than litter your lawn an army of tiny Garden Gnomes, it’s time that you allowed your yard to be dominated with a true giant. So, this week, it’s Mombasa the Garden Giraffe vs. Boris the Brontosaurus.

Let’s take a look at how these two fearsome competitors stack up.


In a close battle that I wish we could see actually play itself out in a suburban backyard, Boris the Brontosaurus edges out Mombasa the Garden Giraffe the win the title of Best Massive SkyMall Lawn Ornament. However, that’s just our scientific opinion. We want to know which garden monster you prefer.

Vote in our poll and share your thoughts in the comments below.

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Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

SkyMall Monday: Nuclear Globe

by Mike Barish on

Since the Cold War, we have lived in fear of nuclear war. Nuclear disasters from Chernobyl to the recent events in Japan have showed the force and dangers of nuclear power. But, what if I told you that something nuclear could also be fun? While we don’t power SkyMall Monday headquarters with fusion, we do appreciate a good nuclear device. With summer just around the corner, we were thrilled to discover that SkyMall has combined the excitement of nuclear power with the thrill of water sports. Before you worry about fallout, radiation and strange genetic mutations, you should know that this device is only dangerous if poked with something sharp. Here to usher in the zenith of the nuclear age is one of the pinnacle’s of human invention. Ladies and gentlemen, prepare yourselves for the power of the Nuclear Globe.Man has always wanted to walk on water. Now, we all can thanks to the aquatic version of the American Gladiators Atlasphere. Whether powered by a nuclear reactor or just a little elbow grease, man can finally conquer water and enjoy spherical travel.

Think that boats are all we need for water travel? Believe that this globe is not really nuclear? Well, while you tread water we’ll be reading the product description watching the promotional video:


Leave your radiation-blocking lead vests at home, because the only vest that this Nuclear Globe requires is of the floatation variety and if yours is made of lead you’re screwed.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.