Beware ayahuasca: How drinking a psychedelic South American tea led to the worst night of my life

It all started with a paper I wrote in college. The class was Criminal Law, and our final assignment was to write an opinion on a pending U.S. Supreme Court case, Gonzales v. O Centro Espirita Beneficiente Uniao Do Vegetal, which posed the question of whether a small Brazilian religious group living in New Mexico should be allowed to use a psychedelic tea called ayahuasca as part of its religious celebration.

“Hell, yes, they should!” I wrote (more or less) in my paper, and the Supreme Court, citing the importance of religious freedom, agreed.

Fast-forward two years: I’m sitting in a large dug-out canoe in the Ecuadorian jungle with three German guys and our guide, Marcelo. We’re in the middle of a week-long trip to the Cuyabeno Nature Reserve, an Amazonian rainforest located in the northeastern part of Ecuador.

We’re on our way to visit a shaman (medicine man) and his family, when I turn to Marcelo and, remembering my paper from college, ask whether the religious groups around here ever use a tea called ayahuasca in their services. Marcelo pauses, looks at me with a half-smile, and says, “You want to try ayahuasca?”

“Sure,” I say, with absolutely no knowledge of what’s in store for me. I had taken mushrooms containing the psychedelic drug psilocybin before, and had enjoyed the experience enough to rate it as easily one of the top five experiences of my life. So this ayahuasca stuff would be a piece of cake, right? Well, no.

That night at the house of the shaman and his family, Marcelo calls several other backpackers and I into a small room where we would finally drink a short glass of the extremely bitter tea. What we find in the room is like nothing we expect: A medicine man at least 70 years old is sitting on a chair before us smoking a cigarette. A feather is stuck through his nose and he’s wearing a loin-cloth. Only a loin-cloth.

As we sit in a half-circle on the floor before him, he asks us questions to try to ensure that we’re ready– spiritually and physically– to drink the tea. “You have fasted for twenty-four hours?” he asks in Spanish. “Wait, wha?!” I think. No, I hadn’t done that. In fact, my stomach was about as full as I could ever remember it. (Let’s just say the bathroom facilities in the Ecuadorian jungle are not up to my usual standards.)

But I’d come this far. “Sí,” I tell him. “No comida para mi.”

He pulls a three-liter plastic bottle out from under his chair, sets it on the ground in front of him, and begins reciting sing-songy incantations while blessing the bottle’s contents with the smoke from his cigarette. (Of course, it’s anyone’s guess exactly how much of this ceremony is really traditional and how much is performed only to look authentic for tourists.)

Soon he’s pouring glasses of the ayahuasca tea for each of us, and he delivers them to us one at a time. I’m the last one to drink, so I already know by everyone else’s reactions that the tea is not going to be very good. But the tea’s disgustingly bitter taste can’t even live up to my already lowered expectations. It’s virtually unpalatable, which, considering the mind-altering effects it’s about to bring on, is probably for the best.

We sit and wait for twenty minutes after drinking the tea before anything happens. Then the backpacker to the far left of me stands up, leans his head out the window, and vomits. It’s okay, the shaman assures us, that’s what’s supposed to happen. Then, like that contagious-throwing-up scene from Stand by Me, the guy next to him vomits. Then the person next to me does. Unfortunately, because of my stuffed-to-the-gills stomach, I never do.

What happens then? Well, let me offer an extended excerpt from what I wrote in my journal the next day. The opening sentence, I assure you, is no exaggeration:

“That was the worst night of my life. I will, as always, blame someone else. Our guide Marcelo apparently thought we’d be okay without fasting before the ayahuasca. Turns out, all the food in my stomach absorbed the nasty tea, and instead of puking twenty minutes in– like we were supposed to– and returning to Earth three hours later, I writhed in agony for nine hours….

“It shouldn’t go unmentioned, however, that I did manage to enjoy some of the positive effects of the ayahuasca: colorful open-eyed hallucinations, extreme visual mind-f***s, and an all-together giddy demeanor. But then, somehow, things began to turn south, or perhaps a better way to put it is that things turned into hell on Earth. It’s difficult to describe with any precision, but I’ll give it a go anyway. I began losing track of who I was; I couldn’t form abstract thoughts; I turned into an animal looking only for survival…

“I couldn’t wake up from the nightmare, couldn’t return to anything resembling a functional human being. I had roughly a hundred false awakenings. They lasted forever… Never in my life have I felt so utterly alone, so helpless, so out of control, so insane. I remember asking a biologist from West Texas, as I was finally coming out of the daze, to tell me his life story so that I could latch on to someone else’s coherent thoughts. So I could remember where I was, what I was doing.

“The most frightening part was not knowing if I’d ever return to normal. I imagined myself– or rather, I would have imagined myself if I remembered how to imagine– like Jack Nicholson at the end of Cuckoo’s Nest when they wheel him in: the lights are on but nobody’s home. It entered my mind that maybe I was dead, and that if I wasn’t, maybe I wanted to be.”

So, if you couldn’t pick up on my subtlety, this was not a very positive experience. Don’t mistake this post for an anti-drug cautionary tale, however, since my fellow backpackers mostly had very good times.

I realize now that I was stupid in not fasting for 24 hours before taking this very powerful substance. I’ve learned– and earned– my lesson.

Flight attendant rumors: What your oversize carry-on costs her (or him)

Let’s say you’ve opted to carry on your luggage, the very luggage that is a wee too big to fit in the carry-on size box at check-in. You saw the box, but you really didn’t look at it that closely because it seemed your bag would fit–it should fit, and who really checks anyway?
As it turns out, FAA does check such things. At least, from what I’ve heard from a very reliable source, they’re starting to now. If you bag is too big for the bin, but makes it onto the airplane, the flight attendant who let you squeak by, can get fined for being generous.
The flight attendant can also get fined if she or he lets you:
  • Use your electronic device when you’re not supposed to
  • Get out of your seat when the seat belt sign is on, no matter how badly you have to GO.

This very reliable source personally knows a flight attendant who was recently fined almost $2,000 for such infractions.

Rumor has it that this enforcing rules business has pepped up recently as FAA staff hop on flights, thumbing through rule books, and keeping a watchful eye up and down the aisles to find out if flight attendants are doing what they’re supposed to be doing. No, it’s not that flight attendants are supposed to make us–the passengers–miserable, they’re supposed to keep us safe. Haven’t you been reading Galley Gossip?

Unfortunately, what I see happening is that flight attendants are being put in the middle of airline regulations, especially the one about carry-on size since some airlines have shrunk the allowable carry-on size in order to get people to check bags so they can collect the checked bag fee. This means the flight attendant and passenger relationship may feel more adversarial.

If you are going to try to sneak that bag on, or get out of your seat to go, just keep in mind that your actions may cost money to that flight attendant who smiled and said “Hi” when you got on board.

Also, because of FAA’s pepped up vigilance that flight attendant is going to be watching you more carefully. Watched people watch other people. That bag may not make it on after all. And remember to visit the women’s or men’s room before you get on the plane. And when it’s time to turn off that electronic device, don’t plead just one more minute.

According to Conway L, who posted this picture, the bomb decal on his bag didn’t create a stir. If the bag was a bicycle, that might have been another story.

Don’t let illness wreck travel: Be prepared

If you read Gadling’s travel series Catching the Travel Bug about being sick on the road, you found stories that attest to the fact that even seasoned travelers get sick from time to time. Travel to a new place and there are germs that your body is just not used to. But, if you’re prepared, whatever bug you catch won’t stick around to totally ruin a vacation or linger with continued health problems once you return.

Before you embark on a trip, make sure you’re immunizations are up to par. According to the World Health Organization, only 34% of the people who travel to places with hepatitis A get immunized against it. Dumb. When heading to places with malaria, only 8% take malaria prevention pills. Double dumb. The result of this neglect is that 30,000 travelers get malaria every year. Gad!

Considering that even a cold can put a damper on a vacation, malaria would do a real number. Typhoid wouldn’t be too swell either, another disease that’s preventable with a shot. In the Columbus Dispatch article where I read about this laxness towards immunization, one doctor told about a family who refused to get immunized when heading to a country in Africa known to be a high risk area. The teenage boy came home with typhoid as a result. He ate street food, and worse, drank local water.

In general, I think street food is not a problem if it’s being served cooked, it’s hot–meaning coming right off a grill, and you can see it being prepared, but local water? Nope.

Although getting immunized can add to the sticker price of a trip, it’s money well spent. Both malaria pills and immunizations have a certain time frame to be administered in order for them to be effective. If you’re planning on going to a country that is high risk where these treatments are recommended, don’t wait until it’s too late.

By the way, if you do get those shots, hang onto the record of when you got them. Some are good for several years so you can make the sticker price of shots go down by taking another trip to one of these locations before a shot expires.

Here is a link to a resource for what health details need to be taken care of before you travel to most African countries. And, here’s a link to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention that has other travel health information.

Safety Procedures: Funny or scary?

Who reads the airplane emergency information sheet — I mean, really reads it, these days? When I was young, I actually read it religiously just in case of a water or emergency landing, but now I don’t bother. Should I? This short video would argue we should all be aware of the serious dangers of flying in planes.

I’m not sure if this is supposed to be funny or just plain scary. More than 500 YouTube comments argue for both cases (funny or scary), but writer/director/animator Richard Fenwick certainly made me think a little harder about the importance of flight safety procedures. So I guess I put myself in the “I think it’s scary” group. I know I will be a bit more careful the next time I board a plane.

British newspaper: Sitting in the window seat could kill you

Are you a window seat or aisle seat person?

A British newspaper alleges that the distinction is akin to choosing life or death.

Britain’s Daily Mail is citing a new report out in the British Journal of Hematology by a Dutch research group that says sitting in the window seat significantly increases the chance that you will develop deep vein thrombosis, a dangerous blood clot that, if it travels up to your lungs or heart, could kill you.

DVT occurs when you sit for long periods of time and therefore impede the natural flow of blood through your veins. The thinking is that window seat passengers are more likely to fall asleep and therefore remain relatively motionless for long stretches of time, increasing the risk of developing DVT.

By how much? Window seat passengers are twice as likely to develop DVT than passengers who choose to sit on the aisle, the report says. If you’re fat, you’re six times more likely to develop a blockage sitting by the window versus on the aisle. Perhaps not surprisingly, business class and first class passengers are less at risk.

What about middle seats, I hear you asking? The researchers found no difference sitting there versus the aisle.

Health experts for some time now have been warning about the risk of DVT for airline passengers on long haul flights, and highly recommend stretches and walks around the cabin at regular intervals to keep the blood flowing. Uma Thurman recently took this to heart.

Researchers found that drinking water had no impact on results. However, they report that drinking one alcoholic drink appeared to help against developing blockages– which makes sense. One reason you’re not allowed to drink a day or so before surgery is that alcohol impedes blood’s natural ability to clot.