Drunk American Airlines pilot blames “strong European beer”

by Scott Carmichael on

The career of distinguished Amercian Airlines pilot Joseph Crites came to a screeching halt last May, when he was removed from his plane at Heathrow airport, a mere 15 minutes before departure, when local police smelled alcohol on his breath.

Staff on his Chicago bound flight had alerted the police, and an initial breathalyzer test showed a 37mg/100ml reading – when the maximum reading for being allowed to fly a plane is 9mg/100ml.

On Friday, Mr. Crites was sentenced in a UK court, and was handed a £1,500 fine, plus £300 in court costs. The normal sentence is jail time, but Mr. Crites had a spotless record, and the court received glowing references from his colleagues.

During the trial, the pilot put the blame on the “unknown European beers” he had consumed, and claimed they must have been “stronger than he normally drinks”.

He had his last drink before arriving back at his hotel at 11:30pm the night before, and it takes quite a decent amount of booze to reach his blood alcohol levels.

It is very sad to see such an impressive career come to an end over a couple of beers, but someone with his experience should have known better.

More stories of booze gone bad in the skies

The Real Fight Club

by Sean McLachlan on

An employee at a school for the mentally disabled in Texas has just been convicted of organizing his own version of Fight Club with the residents. He even filmed the fights with his mobile phone. Five other employees have already been charged with encouraging the fights. These guys are sick and I’m glad they’re being punished for exploiting vulnerable people. I’d like to see how these bastards deal with the fights in prison.

If you’d like to see some good, honest, wholesome violence between consenting adults, check out The Real Fight Club in London. Yes, someone got inspired by the movie and decided to do it for real, just without all the anarchic social upheaval.

I went to one of their events a few years ago and I have to say I loved every minute of it. What really blew me away was how normal most of the people looked. They could be your neighbors or coworkers. In fact, they probably are. Some guys looked like street toughs who went into it for the attention, but the majority looked like you or me, or a slightly beat up version of you or me.

Contestants don’t just walk in off the street and go at it. They’re members of a unique health club in London that offers boxing and martial arts training. Men and women get trained up and then compete in a series of special events. Unlike in the movie, members of Fight Club don’t have to compete, but that’s the goal for a lot of people. The club sponsors several public events every year, although they seem to have taken the summer off. I hope the recession hasn’t put Fight Club on the ropes! Check out their box office for details.

So if you want a true guilty pleasure the next time you’re in London, check out The Real Fight Club. But please, don’t steal fat from a liposuction clinic to make soap.

British embassies tell citizens: “Don’t ask us how to make jam”

by Sean McLachlan on

Embassies are there to help. If you’ve lost your passport, they’ll replace it for you. If you’ve been mugged, they’ll visit you at the hospital. If there’s a revolution going on, they’ll airlift you out.

But they won’t tell you where to buy the best shoes, give your kid a lift to the airport, show you how to pack your bag, and they will never, ever, tell you the right proportion of sugar and fruit that is needed to make good jam.

These are just a few of a long list of stupid requests British embassies have received from their citizens traveling abroad, and the ambassadorial staff is getting a wee bit ticked off. The Foreign and Commonwealth Office is now issuing clear instructions on what embassies will and won’t do. They’re busy helping out the guy who had his suitcase stolen or the drunken lout who got his penis set on fire by an angry woman he was harassing. They don’t have the time, inclination, or ability to predict the weather, manipulate the exchange rate, or pay taxi fare.

Yes, those are all actual requests.

Holidays to make you feel smart: summer courses at Oxford

by Sean McLachlan on

If you’re like me, you went to a state university. The education may have been good, but your student union looked like a shopping mall and your dorm resembled a Soviet prison. Here’s a chance to relive the youth you never had by studying at one of the world’s greatest and most beautiful universities.

Recently I checked out out two summer school options at two historic colleges at Oxford University–the Oxford Experience at Christ Church College (pictured here) and the Creative Writing Summer School at Exeter College.

The Oxford Experience is the pricier and cushier of the two. There are a series of one-week courses from July through early August on everything from Darwin to the history of the English language. The small classes (max 12 people) and experienced teachers ensure that you’ll learn a lot. Students live at the college and there’s a real communal atmosphere, with interesting people from around the world. I met several who were on their third or fourth year. Day trips to places such as Bath and Stonehenge mean you’ll have your entire vacation taken care of for you.

Next year’s courses will be as varied as ever, with classes such as The Twilight of the Romanovs, King Alfred and the Vikings, English Romantic Poetry, and the Art of the Illuminator.

The summer school for writers at Exeter College is more like a real university course–three weeks of intensive work with professional writers that can earn you college credit if you’re already attending university somewhere. You have to apply to get in and there’s required coursework. If you’re serious about your writing career, it can also give you the one thing talent can’t–contacts.

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One of the best aspects of this summer school is the series of guest speakers. I attended one on screenwriting by Nicholas McInerny, who writes for The Bill, the UK’s most popular cop show. He had piles of good advice for getting into the business and staying there, and much of it applied just as well to fiction and nonfiction writing. I found myself taking notes. He even offered to help a student meet a TV producer. You won’t get that at a community college course.

Both schools have a lot going for them. You get to stay in college accommodation, surrounded by Gothic spires and lovely gardens. Food is provided by the colleges, but have no fear. This is far better grub than the cafeteria swill they serve at more proletarian universities. Christ Church and Exeter have sumptuous dining halls decorated with ornate stonework and stained glass windows. You also have the advantage of staying in the heart of one of England’s most historic and beautiful cities, with teachers who will point the way to all the best hidden spots.

While prices look steep ($1600 or more per week for Oxford Experience, and about $3500 for three weeks at the writing school) that covers decent accommodation and great food so it’s not much more than getting a hotel or B&B for the same amount of time, and takes a lot less planning.

So if you want to experience high culture and learning at its best, try a smart holiday at Oxford University.

Hollinwood? Not so famous, but they do have a similar sign

by Sean McLachlan on

Nobody is likely to confuse Hollywood, California, the capital of the movie industry, with Hollinwood, UK, an industrial town near Manchester, but apparently someone is trying to cause some confusion.

The BBC has reported that a three-foot-high reproduction of the famous Hollywood sign, but spelled “Hollinwood”, has appeared next to the M60 motorway. Hollinwood (pictured here) is less than five miles away from Manchester, which recently signed a “friendship agreement” with Los Angeles to increase business between the two cities.

Local officials are panicky that LA will be upset and they quickly denied putting up the sign. They say they have no idea where it came from. Relax folks! I doubt the multibillion dollar American movie industry really cares.

So what’s there to see in Hollinwood? Well, no famous directors, no Walk of Fame, no movie studios. In fact, Hollinwood’s last movie theater was demolished two years ago. And there are no movie stars from Hollinwood.

But Hollinwood does have one famous resident. Local bigwig Hannah Beswick had a morbid fear of being buried alive, so she left strict instructions to be kept above ground in case of apparent death. When she did shuffle off this mortal coil in 1758 she was embalmed and kept in the family mansion, where doctors checked her on a regular basis to see if she had come back to life. Of course, having been embalmed meant that even if she had been alive, she certainly wouldn’t be afterward, but the terms of the will were quite clear and the doctors carried them out to the letter. After several years of public viewing at her home, her remains were moved to a museum in Manchester and put on display. Soon the Manchester Mummy gained national fame.

Poor old Hannah never did show any signs of recovering, and 110 years after she died she was finally laid to rest in 1868.

The museum is still open, and this Museum Junkie recommends it highly. Not only do you get the usual dinosaurs, stuffed animals, and butterflies, but you also get a cool collection of armor. There are even some mummies, but of the ancient Egyptian kind. Sadly, that room is temporarily closed, but it will reopen in time for next summer.