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Welcome to the Hotel Californias

You can check out anytime you like but you can never leave.“Hotel California,” the 1977 hit single by the Eagles, started out as a demo tape number. No one knew it would one day rank as one of the greatest songs in rock ‘n’ roll history according to Rolling Stone and other publications.

You can hear the song, which is about a traveler who gets trapped in tacky luxury at a hotel-an allegory for the greed and excess of the record industry-any time of year from Indonesia to Iran and beyond. (see hilarious video below) And it has also inspired entrepreneurs the world over to name their hotels after the insidiously catchy tune.

You can live it up at Hotel Californias in Panama, Portugal, England, Spain, Mexico, Costa Rica, Guatemala, Bulgaria, Switzerland, Uruguay, Turkey, Albania, Russia, Japan, Romania, Venezuela, East Timor, Bolivia, Paraguay, Croatia, Ecuador, Nicaragua, Colombia, Brazil, Argentina, The Dominican Republic, near the end of a dark desert highway in Morocco and probably dozens of other places. And there’s plenty of room at Italy’s 18 Hotel Californias, where you’re free to call up the captain and say, “please bring me my wine.”

You can even stay in a Hotel California on the Champs Elysees in Paris- the perfect place to get the Mercedes bends. You would think that the Hotel California in Las Vegas would have mirrors on the ceiling and pink champagne on ice, but according to their site, you’d probably have to settle for stabbing their thick steaks with steely knives. (But you still might not be able to kill the beast)

Reporters covering the war in Afghanistan, most of them prisoners of their own device, stay in a “plywood building” dubbed the Hotel California, and according to those who have stayed there, the place could be heaven or it could be hell.

And of course, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention that there are some Hotel Californias that are actually in California, including one near the pier in Santa Monica, where you can definitely smell warm colitas (marijuana) rising up through the air. In fairness to all the Hotel Californias, I should also mention that there are at least ten other hotel names which are probably just as common.

Hotel Sunshine, Golden Hotel, Paradise Hotel, Garden Hotel, Park Hotel, Eden Hotel, Beach Hotel, Buena Vista Hotel, Skyline Hotel, Ambassador Hotel

Which Hotel California would you like to dance in the courtyard at?

New York City’s worst rated hotels

Stunning Cockroaches. Dodgy brown stains. When we got to the room, all I could do was cry. Moldy swamp pit. Dried boogers on the wall. Cheap porn set. We met mice in the corridor. Smelled like murder and hookers. I thought we were going to be raped or murdered.

These are excerpts from user generated Trip Advisor reviews of five of New York’s most maligned hotels and hostels, the New World Hotel, ranked the 393rd “best” hotel on the site, Hotel Riverside Studios, ranked #395, La Semana Hotel, ranked #400, the Sun Bright Hotel, ranked #403, and the West Side Inn, ranked #405. Another poorly rated hotel in Trip Advisor, the Aladdin, has actually been converted into a homeless shelter.

There are literally hundreds of scathing reviews for these grim hotels but in order to find them, travelers need to click through fourteen pages of higher rated hotels on the site. Travel publications devote a huge amount of space to celebrating the world’s best hotels, but virtually none to condemning the worst ones, so it’s easy to see how inexperienced travelers could be disappointed in New York, America’s most expensive city, where $100 a night doesn’t buy much.

I’ve spent a good deal of time traveling on a budget in the developing world and consider myself to be something of a cheap hotel aficionado. I’ve stayed in hotels frequented by drunks, prostitutes and outright criminals, places with no running water, pit toilets with no doors, filthy mattresses tossed on the floor- places squalid enough to occasionally inhabit my nightmares to this day. But I haven’t stayed in any of these hotels, so please note that these reflections are those of travelers writing on Trip Advisor. And even the worst reviewed places have some defenders. But not many. Per the Trip Advisor ratings, here are the worst among the worst:Hotel Riverside Studios (pictured above) – The hotel web site boasts that the place has a “European flavor,” and “charming rooms that have recently been upgraded,” but it has some 168 1-star (“terrible”) reviews on Trip Advisor, which make the place sound anything but charming. One reviewer described the shared bathroom as having, “pubic hair everywhere, feces on the floor, and a sign on the door reading: ‘If you don’t like the dirty bathroom CLEAN IT YOURSELF!'” One writer mentioned “dirty hallways that were like a horror movie,” while another said they cried upon entering the room and concluded that one would be “better off sleeping on the street.” The hotel’s site also claims that they offer travelers the chance to “mingle with true New Yorkers,” but according to the reviews, the “true” New Yorkers are actually homeless persons using the hotel as a shelter.

La Semana Hotel (right) – This hotel advertises “state of the art” “deluxe rooms” for “people on the go,” but customers described a hotel they wanted to flee immediately after checking in. Two noted that the front desk clerk seemed to be ostentatiously surfing porn at the front desk, and another posted that they thought they may have bumped into a murder witness in the lobby. One traveler described floor-to-ceiling mirrors that were reminiscent of a “cheap porn set.”

West Side Inn (middle right) – This “tourist/student class hotel” advertises itself as a “hip and trendy” place to stay, but of 263 reviews on Trip Advisor, 153 rated it as “terrible.” Reviewers described this budget hotel/hostel as a “moldy swamp pit,” with “feces-stained toilets,” hungry bedbugs and “used condoms on the shared bathroom floor.” One concluded that it was like a “crack house from out of the movies,” another opined that one should “tell your worst enemy to stay at the West Side Inn.” Another traveler titled their review “Welcome to Hell.”

New World Hotel (bottom right) This place has private rooms for as little as $55 but many considered it overpriced even at that low rate. A traveler from Philadelphia, who wrote that they booked this place through hotels.com, wrote that they tried to trade in a pillow with blood stains, but were given another bloody pillow. A Romanian reviewer said that the hotel was even worse than what they experienced during the Communist era in Romania, and concluded that a homeless shelter would have been more comfortable. Others described “watermelon sized bedbugs,” garbage strewn windowsills, and “horrifying” rooms with “box springs as beds.”

Sun Bright Hotel – This budget hotel, which offers private and dorm style rooms ranging from $33-90, has 68 reviews on Trip Advisor- 31 gave it 1 star, 16 gave it 2 and zero gave it 5. One poster referred to the place as a “prison camp” and concluded that they should “not let animals stay there,” but still gave the place 2 stars. Another traveler described the dorm rooms as a “chicken coop” with chicken wire separating the rooms and “infested” with cockroaches. An Australian traveler described the conditions as “subhuman” and stinking of urine. Several others noted that there were no ceilings- only chicken wire and one traveler from New York titled her review “Uninhabitable, Unsanitary, Unbearable.”

Caveat emptor. You get what you pay for. Sometimes less. Especially in New York.

[all photos courtesy Trip Advisor]

Things you won’t see in Paris this holiday season: beggars

As tourists window shop in Paris this holiday season, they won’t find any more homeless people asking for change around some of the city’s most popular areas; the French government has issued a series of decrees that ban begging around Paris’ most popular tourist and Christmas shopping spots. According to the Guardian, the Champs Elyssés was the first Paris landmark to fall under the begging ban, with Galeries Lafayette and Printemps department stores and the area around the Louvre and Tuileries Gardens soon also deemed “no-go zones” for the country’s homeless.

The news outlet writes that interior minister Claude Guéant said the anti-begging decrees were part of a “merciless fight” against “Romanian criminality,” adding that Romanian criminals account for one in six appearances in Paris courts. To target the offenders, 33 Romanian police officers have been contracted to round up beggars around the Champs Elyssés alone.
The mayor of Paris, Bertrand Delanoe, is unhappy with the new policies. He called the efforts a cheap “PR stunt” that targeted some of the city’s most well-off areas while brushing real problems in other neighborhoods under the rug. “Wanting to fight poverty by repression and fines is shocking at a time when the state isn’t fulfilling its obligations in housing vulnerable young people or providing emergency accommodation,” Delanoe told the news outlet.

Israel, Chile, Slovak Republic among countries with highest adventure travel potential

A new study conducted by George Washington University, Vital Wave Consulting, and the Adventure Travel Trade Association (ATTA) shows that Israel, Chile, and the Slovak Republic led the way in adventure tourism in 2010. The study, which resulted in the third annual Adventure Tourism Development Index, uses a mix of quantitative data and expert surveys to rank nations from around the globe on their approach and commitment to sustainable adventure travel.

The study examines what researchers call the “ten pillars” of adventure tourism. Those pillars include such things as infrastructure, cultural resources, adventure activities, entrepreneurship, and more. When those factors were all examined and ranked accordingly, for each country, a score was calculated that resulted in rankings for both developed and developing nations.

So exactly which countries earned high marks in the latest Adventure Tourism Development Index? The top ten developing countries included the following: Israel, Slovak Republic, Chile, Estonia, Czech Republic, Bulgaria, Slovenia, Jordan, Romania and Latvia.Conversely, the top ten developed nations included: Switzerland, Iceland, New Zealand, Canada, Germany, Sweden, Ireland, Norway, Finland and Austria.

The ATTA is quick to point out that these lists are not an indication of how well visited these countries currently are as adventure travel destinations, although some are already popular amongst travelers. Instead, it is a general rating on the climate that exists in these places that make it possible to support sustainable tourism now and into the future.

Judging from the list, it appears that Europe is well ahead of the game in terms of promoting sustainable travel. Both lists are dominated by countries from that continent, which could come as a surprise to many travelers.

To read the entire report click here.

Lost travel friends

Before Facebook–hell, before mobile telephones and email–it wasn’t all that easy to keep in touch with people you might meet on the road.

You could exchange addresses and telephone numbers, of course, but by the time you were in a position to make a call or scribble a letter, the immediacy of the connection you’d shared while staying up all night on that Sardinian beach would probably be gone. Just like that, your travel friends would become lost travel friends.

In some instances, the fact that connections were more difficult to establish was a positive thing. Only connections of consequence would outlast the original encounter. The rest would fade away in a pleasant swirl of nostalgia, and you’d never be confronted by vile comments on your Facebook wall from that faint blast from the past who doesn’t belong in your future.

Nonetheless, there’s a little bit of sadness associated with all those lost travel buddies. The kinds of connections forged on the road are quite special–immediate, often effortless, involving snap decisions to trust, share, and engage.

Here’s my own hall of fame of fascinating people met on my travels over the years with whom I either immediately lost touch or failed to remain in contact.

Elke. I think that was the name of the soft-spoken anarchist who alighted from my Berlin-bound train at the final pre-border station in West Germany in the summer of 1989. We’d talked for hours and shared each other’s food. I think she wanted to write children’s books. She was deeply alienated by consumerism and dressed quite shabbily, yet she seemed cautiously happy. I remember that she waved goodbye as she left the train.

The countess. She had a von in her name and lived in a super rich suburb of Munich, on a lake. I was 17. We took the overnight train from Paris to Munich and stayed up the entire time talking and smoking a million cigarettes. Where are you now, countess? Living with your five children and count husband in a Bavarian castle? Doing drugs with your Romanian bodybuilder boyfriend in Mallorca?

The French couple who drove me and my father from Rijeka to Ljubljana in their miniscule car. We met on the Jadrolinija ferry from Dubrovnik. He was portly; she was tiny. They spoke very little English and our French was execrable but we laughed the entire way.

The East German man. Lars? It was 1992. I was stuck at a hostel in Oostende for a few days waiting for a ferry to England. He was a mad traveler, driving off every few weeks to explore another corner of Europe until recently forbidden to him. He told me how much he wanted to visit Iceland, and several months later I received a postcard from him from Reykjavik. I wonder sometimes if this fellow now works in the travel industry.

Carol Ann, the American nun. She shared a regular train compartment with me and my sister, which we tried to turn into a makeshift couchette by drawing the shades and pretending to be asleep. Whenever someone would open the door looking for a place to sit, my sister, 14 at the time, would sit up in a fake stupor and ask them to be quiet so that we could remain sleeping. Sister Carol Ann giggled each time this happened.

[Image: Flickr | fazen]