Galley Gossip: Flight attendants, turbulence & scary flights

One of the scariest flights I ever worked also happens to be one of the first flights I ever worked for an airline called Sun Jet International Airlines. I lasted three months before moving on. Sun Jet is no longer in business. I’m going to guess this had a lot to do with gimmicky $69 flights to cities like Dallas, Fort Lauderdale, Newark, and Long Beach. While cheap tickets attract a lot of passengers interested in saving a buck, they don’t always cover the cost of maintenance and upkeep of aircraft for smaller airlines. At least that’s what I assumed based on the fact that I quickly became accustomed to the FAA meeting our flight in Long Beach, California every Tuesday afternoon and taking the equipment out of service. And this had nothing to do with all those duct taped armrests or the black plastic garbage bags some passengers had to sit on after they discovered their seat cushions were soaked with urine. Because that’s what happens when you mix cheap tickets, a quick aircraft turn-around on the ground, and seventeen unaccompanied minors on a previous flight! Hey, better a damp seat than no seat. Unfortunately that was the only alternative most of the time, because our flights were always full.

I should have known when I boarded it was going to be a strange flight based on the aircraft lighting alone. Throughout the all-economy class cabin the side wall lights were on the blink and flickering in the dark. This made the airplane feel less like a disco and more like a haunted house. But it wasn’t until we hit severe turbulence half an hour before landing in Dallas that the creepy mood lighting actually became a problem. It started to freak the passengers out. At one point even I began to feel like I was starring in my very own Stephen King horror movie at 30,000 feet.

“Flight attendants take your seats!” boomed the Captains voice over the PA.Strapped into my jump seat, I noticed passengers clutching the armrests while others held hands across the aisle. I didn’t see any praying, but I’m sure there was plenty of that going on because with each dip there were moans and groans and even a few full on screams, making a bad situation sound even worse.

Keep in mind most of our flights were filled with first time fliers with little-to-no interest in racking up frequent flier miles, so a lot of these people had never before experienced turbulence in their lives and here they were experiencing it at its worst for the very first time! While it was my job to keep the cabin calm, there was very little I could do from my jump seat except reassure those sitting nearby that everything was going to be okay. It’s a fact that most injuries occur only when passengers don’t have their seat belts on. But with each bump, the screams got louder and louder until someone yelled out the unthinkable:

“I don’t want to die!”

For a split second all was quiet. That’s when I got scared.

Unpredictable behavior makes me nervous. I tell you this because the flight was a non-smoking one, but from my jump seat I could see a few passengers were lighting up. Great, I thought, because here we were on a flight so bumpy there was no way I could possibly get up and run to the back in order to grab a bottle of halon to fight a fire if I had to. Fire in the cabin, by the way, is about the only thing that scares me in flight.

“You need to put that out!” I yelled from my jump seat, but as soon as the words had left my mouth I regretted saying them as I imagined a cigarette being squashed into the fabric of the seat back in front of them.

Instead of doing as they were told, they continued to puff harder and faster as the airplane jolted side to side and the lights blinked rapidly on and off. This is when others began to join in. Someone seated close to me said something about smoking one last cigarette before the airplane crashed. That’s when I heard a familiar voice scream out again.

“I don’t want to die!”

Of course, no one died that night. But later on I learned there was a Delta flight in front of us that aborted landing. That, however, didn’t deter our Captain from attempting his approach. When he did finally manage to get the airplane on the ground, we landed so hard I thought the aircraft might split in two. There was thunder and lightening all around as we taxied to the gate. Passengers began jumping up out of their seats and rushing toward the aircraft door.

“Sit down!” I cried. “We’re not at the gate yet!”

“Hold the passengers back when I open my door!” a coworker barked at me. But my colleague never did get that door open because half a second later the Captain announced over the PA that the airport was closed due to thunderstorms in the area. Because of this there weren’t any open gates available. Airport traffic had come to a halt. That meant we were going to have to sit on the tarmac until the weather cleared with an airplane full of passengers on the edge of revolt.

“Let us off!” passengers demanded. We would have, if we could have, but there was no where to go! We were stuck. All of us together in a flickering flying tube.

After the flight I spotted the Captain standing outside of the terminal leaning against a brick wall. An older guy, the quiet type, he stood there with his pilot hat in one hand, a cigarette in the other, while waiting for the employee bus. Immediately I noticed his face looked ashen. Quickly he inhaled and exhaled, eyes on the ground, shirt drenched with sweat under the arms. I couldn’t help but think he looked a lot like those crazy passengers smoking on the airplane, the very ones who thought they were going to die. That’s when it hit me. Right then and there I realized just how scary our flight had truly been.

Photos courtesy of Satanslaundromat and Caribb

Plane crash caused by crocodile?

Any time I fly an African carrier my friends get worried. While some have good safety records like the ten safest airlines in Africa, others show an abysmal lack of basic care. Such was the case of the ill-fated Filair flight on August 25 that crashed into a house as it approached Bandundu city airport in the Democratic Republic of the Congo. Twenty people were killed. Authorities claimed the airplane ran out of fuel, but the company said it was a technical problem.

The lone survivor of the crash tells a different tale, Juene Afrique reports. The unnamed survivor says a crocodile slipped out of a sports bag someone had brought as a carry on. The passengers panicked and rushed to the front of the plane, causing a weight imbalance that put the aircraft into a nosedive. The crocodile reportedly survived the crash only to be killed by a machete-wielding local when it emerged from the wreckage.

Whether this is true are not is hard to say. Juene Afrique is a respected news source, but eyewitness testimony can be unreliable, especially when it’s anonymous. The plane was a Soviet-era Let-410 like the one shown here. It only seats 19 passengers so it’s small enough that if everyone ran to one end it would have weight balance issues. Plus the pilot reportedly complained it was in bad condition. Congolese company Filair is one of many airlines banned from flying into the European Union thanks to its poor track record.

Yet if the crocodile tale is true it wouldn’t be one of a kind. An eerily similar incident of a crocodile in a plane happened on an EgyptAir flight last year. Luckily nobody was hurt that time.

[Image courtesy Mottld via Wikimedia Commons. Note that this is not a Filair plane but a Russian carrier]

Galley Gossip: 5 reasons flight attendants don’t serve first class predeparture beverages

You’ve boarded a flight and you’re feeling pretty relaxed sitting in that big comfy first class seat. Sucka, you think to yourself as a couple of passengers check you out on their way to coach. Glancing at your watch, you wonder where the heck the flight attendant is because you’re dying of thirst and shouldn’t she be offering drinks right about now!

Predepartures. That’s what flight attendants call the drinks that are served before takeoff to passengers seated in business and first class. If there’s time flight attendants will walk through the aisle and take individual orders, but time is the keyword here. With so many full flights staffed with minimum crew, there’s usually not enough time to check the emergency equipment, set up the galley, hang all the coats, get passengers situated AND serve predeparture beverages. This is why flight attendants might choose to do a one shot service and offer passengers Champagne (if we have it), orange juice, and water- or nothing at all. Because it’s more important to get flights out on time than it is to serve drinks before takeoff.

What most passengers don’t realize is that it’s against FAA regulations for an agent to shut an aircraft door until all the overhead bins have been closed. If the agent can’t close the aircraft door on time, the flight will be delayed. If the flight is delayed (even by a few minutes) someone will have to take the blame. This means someone will get written up. If an airline employee is written up too many times for causing a delayed departure they might very well lose their job. On time departures are a big deal in the airline industry. So that gin and tonic the passenger in 3A is crying about is not a concern if passenger 23D refuses to sit down and passenger 14E can’t get her suitcase inside an overhead bin and the flight attendant working in the back is calling up front to let someone know there are seven bags on their way up that need to be checked.

Here are a few other reasons flight attendants might not serve you a drink before takeoff….

1. DELAYED BOARDING: Boarding is even more chaotic when a flight is delayed. If passengers are blocking the aisles waiting to get to their seats, flight attendants aren’t going to jump over them in order to serve drinks.

2. NO CATERING: Everyone is seated and the flight attendants don’t look very busy. Why aren’t they serving drinks? If the catering truck hasn’t come to swap out the carts they have nothing to serve.

3. THE GALLEY ISN’T SET UP: The catering carts do not come on board ready to go. Flight attendants have to organize them first. If we don’t do this during boarding, the service during the flight will be delayed. Besides organizing the carts, we also have to break up several bags of ice, count the meals, load the ovens, and make sure we have everything we might need for the service in flight. The one time I didn’t do this we took off without dinner plates and I had to serve first class passengers their entrees on cookie plates.

4. MINIMUM CREW: Nowadays most narrowbody aircraft (one aisle) are staffed with minimum crew. This means if we’re not greeting passengers at the door, we’re busy setting up a galley. In the past we used to have extra flight attendants on board to lend a hand to passengers who might need it during boarding and help serve food and drinks in first class. Not the case anymore.

5. DRY FLIGHTS: Some countries do not allow flight attendants to unlock the liquor carts until after takeoff. There are even a few cities in the U.S. where it’s against the law to serve an adult beverage on Sunday before noon.

Photo courtesy of Kevin H

SkyRider airplane seats lack legroom, resemble saddles

Think your economy class airplane seat is cramped? Well, imagine sitting on something that looks like the bastard child of a roller coaster seat and a horse saddle. That’s what Italian airline seat designer Aviointeriors has devised and hopes to unleash into the wild with their SkyRider model. With only 23″ of legroom and air carriers allegedly interested in someday creating a class below coach/economy, you could eventually find yourself perched precariously at 35,000 feet on your way home for the holidays.

The SkyRider’s creator insists that it is, in fact, a seat and not a way to trick standing passengers into thinking that they are not, in fact, still vertical. Before you go into a full-fledged panic though, it’s worth noting that these seats have many hurdles to jump before finding themselves inside airplanes.

An FAA spokesperson said, “While it’s not impossible, it’s difficult to conceive of a standing seat that would be able to meet all applicable FAA requirements and still be cost-effective.” See? We can all go back to complaining about baggage fees, lost luggage, jerks reclining their seats into your knees, expensive yet crappy airplane food, airplane bathroom sinks that make it impossible to wash both of your hands at the same time and everything else you hate about air travel.

For now, we can simply look at the pictures of these torture devices seats and wonder if that woman with the “I just farted” smile is about to take off or be probed.

Via Gizmodo & USA Today.

Aisle seat people or window seat people – who would win in a fight?


So. In a fight — not an an airplane — who do you think would win: aisle seat people or window seat people?

We asked this question on Facebook and our readers have given us a variety of astute, well-thought-out responses:

“Window seat people — we’d be better rested for the fight,” said Liz.

“Window people because as you can see above, the aisle folks don’t comprehend things properly,” said Andre, another window-supporter.

“Aisle seat people!! We have more room to move so are warmed up for the fight!!! Window people are all balled up and sleepy,” said Linda, with an excellent point for the aisle-seaters.

Then things started to get personal.

“And what’s with all of this noise from the aisle introverts about beating us up and kicking us. You can’t stand properly because you’re legs have been hit umpteen times from the drinks cart,” Andre commented. “Window seat people, because we have something to back us up,” said Mike. “WHY ARE WE FIGHTING???? How terrible would it be if EVERYONE wanted the SAME,” said Susan, clearly the all-caps voice of reason.

Shari chimed in with some psychological profiles: “[Window seat people] plan in advance, know their objectives and have a definite winning attitude.” “[Aisle seat people] always want to talk, talk and open up the overhead and mess with getting items constantly beneath the seat. Also, they grumble when we give our cup over to them when the flight attendant is picking up the extras before we begin our descent.”

What do you think? Participate in the discussion here on Facebook.

[Photo by Hoysameg via Flickr.]