Bare butt (flight) bargains in Britain

by Tom Johansmeyer on

You’ll do anything for a free flight, right? You’ll stand at the counter and yell and scream at some gate agent for half an hour while a line that stretches back to the next terminal wait with looks of increasing contempt. You’ll get up in the middle of the night to enter every online contest you can find first. But, would you strip to your skin – in the company of 998 other non-professional strippers?

That’s right. An airline – which isn’t revealing itself yet – is offering free flights from London to eight destinations for the 999 people willing to show it all (except the “rude bits,” according to the website). On March 15, all those who register will be invited to come to a central location in London and shed their threads.

There is no trace of the airline responsible. A WHOIS look up and a hunt through the website’s source code only turned up Hotcow, a marketing company that specializes in coordinating these types of stunt. So, you now have two choices: (1) read the news on March 15 or (2) register to be one of the 999!

[Via Jaunted]

Strippers abound in Tampa, as expected, for big game

by Tom Johansmeyer on

There won’t be many lonely nights in Tampa this Super Bowl weekend. Prostitutes, it seems, will be widely available. As one of these sex workers remarked, “Pimps see the Super Bowl as a moneymaking opportunity sent by God.” So, if you’re making the trek down to Florida for the biggest sporting event of the year, know that you won’t be alone.

Now, if street-corner encounters are not for you, remember that Tampa is the world’s lap dance capital. Strippers will be out in force, with memories of their financial success from Super Bowl XXXV. Bernie Notte, for example, remembers pulling down $6,000 in four days and dancing even after her feet bled. Liquored up football fans were willing to drop $100 for a $25 dance.

Why focus on strip clubs gentlemen’s clubs? Tampa has 43 of them. “Trampa,” as some call it, has what everyone wants: “Football and naked girls.”

Interestingly, local authorities expect, to a certain extent, that patrons will be on the “honor system,” as they are not stepping up enforcement for the weekend. So, it is up to you to maintain the six-foot distance from a stripper that is required by law. Obviously, local strip club owners are happy about this.

Not that you have any chance of getting that close anyway …

Approximately 7,000 journalists from 500 media organizations have received credentials for the Super Bowl, and they’ll all be pushing up against the main stage when the game is over. Don’t worry, though. The media industry is in crisis, and these guys will run out of singles in less time than it takes to pound an $8 beer.

[Photo of Carmen Luvana thanks to Adam & Eve]

Man sues strip club for getting whacked in the face with a boot

by Jamie Rhein on

What is it about Ohio? During Jay Leno’s monologue last night, he quipped about a man who is suing a strip club in Akron for getting hit in the face with a stripper’s boot when it flew off her foot during a high kick.

That’s more weird than the story I heard on Saturday Night Live last September about Sarah Palin’s face being mowed into a corn maze in northern Ohio.

Here’s what happened in Akron, according to this report on Ohio.com. When the man’s cousin from out of town came for a visit, the bright idea of heading to a strip club for a good time came up. So off they went, perching themselves on chairs close to the stage.

Unfortunately, when “Tiara” did her high kick, her boot flew off, smacking Yusuf Evans in the nose, bending it a manner that it shouldn’t have been bent. Because the boot was a platform-style boot, it did extra damage. Now Evans says he has a hard time breathing out of one nostril. It gets clogged, you see. He’s asking for more than $25,000 compensation for his woes.

To avoid getting hit in the face with a stripper’s boot, here are three suggestions for what to see in Akron if one has an out of town guest. You can see a stripper club anywhere, but these three places are one-of-a-kind.

  • At Harry London Quality Chocolates you can tour the factory and sample chocolates. That might satisfy another type of craving since there are 500 different varieties.
  • Learn about another type of rubber at the Goodyear World of Rubber Museum. Akron is the “Rubber Capital of the World,” after all.
  • Dr. Bob’s Home–Dr. Bob Smith founded Alcoholic’s Anonymous. His home is now a museum. Some people who go here say they feel calm.

The Southwest Airlines Stripper Plane

by Neil Woodburn on

Every Friday evening, some time before most people have clocked out of work and begin heading home for the weekend, a plane takes off from LAX.

Like so many other flights at this time, this one is also heading to Las Vegas. It’s not full of gamblers, however, but rather a disproportionate amount of silicone that bounces and jiggles through the warm, desert-air turbulence all the way to Vegas where, for the remainder of Friday and Saturday night, it will continue quivering away at $20 a pop.

This, folks, is the Southwest Stripper Plane.

The passengers are LA’s greatest temporary export, heading off for a weekend of singles and 20s to help baby pay the rent. They are blessed with the sun-kissed glory of Southern California and enhanced by the world’s greatest plastic surgeons, and of course every single one is a struggling teacher, college student, or some other admirable profession that will keep suckers reaching into their wallet time after time to help out their worthy cause, whatever it might be.
No one really knows what time this legendary, perhaps even mythical flight leaves Los Angeles. Seats are reserved months in advance and few mere mortals are able to secure a reservation. A friend of mine claims he once found himself on this flight but can’t seem to remember the details, as though some powerful force scrubbed his brain clean, leaving only a trace of glitter on his sweaty forehead.

Others less fortunate can only dream that the planets align one day and that they find themselves sitting on a plane in Los Angeles watching their fellow passengers squeeze their gigantic moneymakers into Southwest’s cramped economy seats. If there was ever a time for long delays or a casualty-free crash on a desert island, this would certainly be it.

Remember Kyla Ebbert, the girl Southwest imposed a dress code on?

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