Galley Gossip: Celebrities on the plane game

by Heather Poole on

I see celebrities all the time on the airplane. In fact, on my last flight one of the Real Housewives of New York City (the one who is not exactly a housewife) slept all the way from New York to Los Angeles. The first thing I noticed was the cutest eye mask I’ve ever seen. It practically covered her entire face. When she woke up and came to the back galley for a glass of water, I couldn’t help but notice that even though she looks good on television, she’s even prettier in real life. Not normally the case when it comes to celebrities.

On the same flight an actress from The Shield, one of my husband’s favorite television shows, decided the best time to put on her gold, tall, high heel boots was not on descent into Los Angeles, not as we were taxiing to the gate, and not as all 200 passengers unbuckled their seat belts, stood up, grabbed their bags out of the overhead bin, and slowly but surely exited the aircraft. Oh no, she didn’t stick her feet inside those boots and zip them up until every single passenger on board the airplane had departed. Because flight attendants can’t leave until all passengers have deplaned, eight of us just stood there holding onto our own bags quietly waiting for those high heel boots to walk.

I’ve already written about Lindsay Lohan throwing a fit over a denied first class seat, Bret Michael’s wonderful manners aboard my mother’s flight, Ivana Trump calling two adorable kids barbarians, so you better believe I’ve got stories! Here’s your chance to figure out which celebrity goes with the story…

THE CELEBRITIES: Lauren Bacall, Bobby Brown, Michael Bolton, Leonardo DiCaprio, Sean Combs, Ethan Hawke, Goldie Hawn, Anthony Kiedis, Whitney Houston, Michael Jackson, Angelina Jolie, Kimora Lee, Alanis Morrisette, Rosie O’Donnell, Dolly Parton, Diana Ross, Britney Spears, Uma Thurman, Luther Vandross, Barbara Walters, Elijah Woods, Raquel Welch

THE STORIES:

  1. Wouldn’t breath the air at 35,000 feet without a face mask, but had no problem eating two airplane meals
  2. Did sit ups on the floor in first class
  3. Fell asleep with a hand down the pants
  4. Ran to the bathroom as the airplane was taxiing to the gate
  5. Refused to wear a seat belt until threatened to be taken off the flight
  6. Asked the pilot not to make any announcements in flight because, “the baby is sleeping.”
  7. Actually worked the cart down the aisle and then invited the crew over to spend the night on the layover
  8. Bit toenails in business class
  9. Cut an omelet into bite size pieces with a knife and fork and then proceeded to use hands to eat it – not the knife and fork.
  10. Ordered the flight attendant not to talk to “her man!” when the flight attendant asked, “Would you like something to drink?”
  11. Flirted with the captain’s six foot tall, very mature looking, 16 year-old daughter who was non-reving in first class
  12. Traveled with the largest entourage I’ve ever seen
  13. Exited the lavatory with spouse looking extremely disheveled
  14. Told a flight attendant, “My dog likes you. I don’t know why.”
  15. Gave a gate agent $50 after borrowing the agent’s cell phone for ten seconds
  16. Left such a mess in first class, passengers and crew were shocked
  17. Due to a fear of flying, would only sit in the first row of first class.
  18. Lectured a flight attendant on the importance of being nice to his mother on mother’s day
  19. Sat in first class while son sat in coach.
  20. Got caught checking out the flight attendants you-know-what as she walked down the aisle
  21. Spent a good half hour watching an in-flight entertainment segment about themselves
  22. Sat in coach even though their movie was #1 at the box office
  23. Wouldn’t allow a passenger in the window seat to pass in order to use the lavatory until that passenger quietly meditated with them first.

Photos courtesy of (Britney Spears) eupaparazzi, (Leonardo DiCaprio) Chaubaby

Galley Gossip: Hottest trend on the airplane since the mile high club

by Heather Poole on

Checking your watch for the umpteenth time, you sigh, because you’re on the airplane waiting in line to use the bathroom and you’ve been waiting in line for a very long time. What’s strange is you’re next to go and have been for some time now. What the heck is going on in there?

You probably don’t want to know. What you do know is the passenger who went in there ten minutes ago can’t be doing that, at least not with another person, because they went in there alone. Then again some people join the mile high club while others prefer the solo aviators division.

“Excuse me, Miss,” you say, and when you say this you’re looking at me, and because I see you standing in front of a lavatory door that is occupied, I already know what you’re going to say before you even say it and I’m really, really, wishing you didn’t have to involve me.

“Whoever’s in there has been in there a very long time,” you tell me.

I nod, trying my best to look concerned, and while I’m nodding I’m praying the person who has been in the lavatory for a very long time will finally walk out. Please walk out! When they don’t walk out, I say, “Sometimes it takes some people a little longer than others.” Because it does. I mean it took me two years to even use the thing. For real.

“Can you at least knock on the door to make sure they’re alright?”

I take a deep breath, wondering why you can’t knock on the door yourself, because we both know you don’t really care whether or not they’re alright in there and I’m not the one who needs to use the loo, but I go ahead and do it anyway – knock knock, knocking my knuckles against the hard, cold door, and that’s when I hear a powerful flush.

I smile and state the obvious, “They should be out in a second.”

Suddenly the door swings opens and the passenger walks out. As the passenger passes you by, you think to yourself, surely they weren’t doing that, because they just don’t look like the type to do that – at least not on an airplane. So you play it safe, holding your breath as you walk inside, locking the door behind you. Hoping for the best, you finally exhale, and strangely there is no odor. You can’t believe it. Grabbing a paper towel, you wonder just what that passenger was doing in the bathroom for all that time.

Well I think I know. I’ve even got the photos to prove it. While working on my last Galley Gossip post about trusting fear (on and off the airplane), I needed to find a photograph of the lavatory to go along with it, so I logged onto Flickr.com and typed the words LAVATORY AIRPLANE and BATHROOM AIRPLANE into the search bar. I could not believe what popped up. In fact, I’ve already told everyone I know all about what I found. I had to tell someone!

So let me be the first to tell you that something very strange and disturbing, yet quite intriguing, is going on behind that locked lavatory door. Passengers, and I’m talking all kinds of passengers, are photographing themselves in the bathroom. What I want to know is how long has this been going on? And why didn’t anyone ever tell me? You’d think I would have seen all those cameras going into the bathroom! Oh you better believe I’ll be taking my own self portrait in the lav on my next flight to New York on Wednesday. Until then, check out these interesting shots..

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Photo courtesy of Dpstyles

Galley Gossip: The Gift of Fear (on and off the airplane)

by Heather Poole on

Out of nowhere you feel it – fear. You’re not sure why you feel it, and because it doesn’t make sense, at least not yet, you choose to ignore it. Perhaps you just don’t want to be rude or look stupid in an effort to avoid whatever it is you can’t quite grasp that is scaring you. Well I’m here to tell you there could be a very good reason you’re afraid, and it doesn’t always have to make sense and it’s okay to look stupid or act rude, even if you are a woman. Better safe than sorry, I say.

Two years after I first started flying in 1995, the airline I work for sent out a newsletter with a little blurb about an interesting sounding book called The Gift of Fear, by Gavin De Becker. I bought the book and several years later it’s still one of my favorites. De Becker discusses what it means to be fearful and how that fear is truly a gift. If you trust it. Some people call it a sixth sense. Whatever it is; a shiver down your spine, hair standing up on the back of your neck, a lump at the bottom of your stomach, something has alerted your senses. You shouldn’t ignore it. That fear could very well save your life.

One of the first stories Gavin shares is about a pilot who enters a convenience store and then immediately walks right back out because his sixth sense told him to leave. The pilot had no idea the store was being robbed, but when De Becker asked the pilot why exactly he left, the pilot said he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. De Gavin pressed the pilot for more details, and soon the pilot realized what really triggered his reaction; a man wearing a winter coat in the middle of summer, customers all turning to stare at him when he walked through the door. All these clues came at the pilot so quickly, he couldn’t make sense of why he felt the way he felt, but he trusted his gut and got out there quickly.

So why did the cop who walked into the very same convenience store seconds later not feel the same way the pilot did? Because when the customers in the store spotted the cop, relief swept over them, replacing fear, which may have been why the cop did not pick up on what was going on quickly enough to prevent him from getting shot.

Remember Richard Reid, the shoe bomber? At flight attendant recurrent training we learned there was something about the man that made each flight attendant on his flight take note of him right away. For some reason those flight attendants got an uneasy feeling the minute he walked onto the airplane. But no one said a word to each other. At least not until the ordeal was over. If you feel a little uneasy about a certain situation, tell someone. If someone tells you they feel a little weird about a certain situation, listen. I know I do.

Fear on the airplane: A few years ago a passenger on one of my flights from New York to Los Angeles caught my eye. Constantly he kept getting up to use the bathroom, and once behind the locked lavatory door he stayed there for an unusually long amount of time. When I tried to address him as he passed me by to get to his seat, he ignored me – several times.

“There’s a passenger making me a little nervous,” I told a fellow coworker. We were just about to begin the first beverage service.

“The one wearing a black polo shirt and dark sunglasses sitting in a middle seat near the front of the cabin who keeps getting up to use the lavatory?” my coworker asked, nonchalantly rearranging the napkins, stir sticks, and sugar.

Two hundred passengers aboard our flight that day and my coworker knew exactly who I’d been talking about. Coincidence? Maybe. Then again, maybe not. Because right after the passenger wearing the polo shirt returned to his seat, another passenger came running, literally running, down the aisle to the back of the aircraft.

“I’m sitting next to this guy and I can’t explain it, but he’s scaring me!” a young woman cried, literally, she was crying.

I handed her a Kleenex, assuring her I knew exactly who she spoke of and that we, the crew, were not only watching him, but we had already informed the cockpit who had contacted the ground. As soon as the words were out of my mouth another passenger walked into the galley.

Flashing a crew ID, the off duty flight attendant pulled me aside so no one else could hear and whispered, “I just want to let you know that there’s this guy…”

This guy, the one wearing a polo shirt who sat a few rows away from her, had made her nervous. Funny enough, he never did do anything wrong. Yet we continued to keep an eye on him. When we landed in L.A. the aircraft was met by several serious looking men and women dressed in dark suits. An FBI agent pulled me aside and asked a few questions. I told him everything, even though there wasn’t much to tell. Eventually the passenger in question was let go. But how strange is it that the one and only passenger we all feared had been issued a passport two days prior, had purchased a one way ticket with cash, and had a connecting flight to Florida where he said he was going to school?

Coincidence? You decide.

On a layover: Once at a layover hotel in a city I no longer remember, I signed in and collected my room key from the front desk in the hotel lobby. Because all the other flight attendants had gone up to their rooms to make the most of our short, nine hour, layover, I stood all alone in my uniform waiting for the elevator. Finally the doors opened wide and I stepped inside. A well dressed man holding a garment bag stood leaning against the mirrored wall. I smiled, and when I went to push the button, I noticed there were no other floors illuminated. Just mine. Immediately I felt a little weary.

When the elevator stopped at my floor, I stepped out, rolling my Travelpro bag behind me. So did the man with the garment bag. I took a left and quickly walked down the hallway. So did the man with the garment bag. My heart began to race. Because I’d read De Gavin’s book, and because I trusted my fear, I passed my room, continuing on down the short hallway to the big red sign that read Exit. The man continued to follow me. Once I reached the fire escape, I circled around and quickly passed the man, heading back to the elevator and down to the lobby to report the incident. Of course I got a new room. Sure, the man with garment bag could have been an innocent guy, but I wasn’t going to take any chances.

Neither should you.

If you haven’t read The Gift of Fear, you really should. It’s an amazing book and I’ve recommended it to more passengers and flight attendants, particularly women, than any other book. What you read may one day save your life.

Got an SSSS on your boarding pass?

by Grant Martin on

Ever wonder why you seem to get patted down all of the time when you’re going through security at the airport? Or why they selected you at all?

The way that the TSA identifies threats is a complex process, but one way they have of adding a layer of security is by using your boarding pass against you. Specifically, the letters “SSSS” written on your pass mean that you need to get secondary screening, that is, a pat down and a quick search and swab through all of your belongings by a TSA officer.

That SSSS can come from a variety of sources – if the TSA agent who checks your ID at the beginning of the security line notices something strange about you or your or itinerary, he or she may write the code on your boarding pass and the agent at the metal detector will see it and pull you aside. The airline might also add the code when your document is being printed, perhaps, for example, if you purchased a high price one way ticket. Alternatively, a mean friend might write it on your pass when you’re not watching just to watch you get shaken down.

So is there any way around it? If the code comes from a programmatic source, there isn’t much you can do besides get to the security checkpoint early, be prepared for the worst and hope that your agent doesn’t look too closely at your pass. If the code shows up mysteriously after you were a jerk to a ticket or TSA agent, well, it might be a good idea to be more polite next time.

Don’t take air travel for granted

by Mike Barish on

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At the rate that humans are creating new and more dynamic technologies, it’s easy to begin to take things for granted. I mean, space shuttle launches used to be front page, stop what you’re doing and find a TV news. Now, most people don’t even know when a trip to the International Space Station takes place. And that assumes that people even know that we have an International Space Station. Where people live. In space. Away from Earth.

Well, comedian Louis CK paid a visit to Late Night with Conan O’Brien and helped us regain the proper perspective. Long one of my favorite comedians, Louis summarized what I have been thinking for a quite some time: Pay attention to how amazing the world is and stop bitching about everything! You can travel the world in a flying tube in a matter of hours. You can leave Sydney at 11:00AM Monday and arrive, more that 20 hours later, in New York at 5:00PM the same Monday! I just did that! It was amazing. And I watched TV in the flying tube while I did it.

So, the next time that you find yourself complaining about a flight delay or a seat that doesn’t recline, watch this video and take a deep breath. The world is an amazing place. You just have to pull your head out of your ass to realize it.