Galley Gossip: Groped on the airplane, what to do?

by Heather Poole on

Groped on the airplane, it happens. A lot. Has it happened to you?

A few years ago I found myself standing in the business class galley with a few of my colleagues, when a very large man who worked for a very large company walked into the galley with an empty glass. Now this very large man, the one with the very large job title, had a seat in first class, which should have been my first warning sign. Passengers in first class do not wander back to business class. As I filled his glass with whiskey, I felt a little pinch on my you know what. I jumped, eyes wide, looked at him, looked at the crew, looked back at him, and did not say a word. No one said a word. And then he did it again.

I had forgotten all about that incident until I read a hilarious article (or maybe a not so hilarious article, depending on who you are and how you feel about these kinds of things) about a writer named Jeremy Langmead and his recent experience on a Virgin redeye flight to New York. The story, Get a Grip of Yourself, Madam, Not me, was posted on the Guardian.co.uk website. As the title suggests, Jeremy got manhandled on the airplane by his seatmate, Louise. We’ll get to that later, because what happened next is just as interesting.

Now I had just about finished writing this post (or was it that post?) when comments from another post I had recently written, Middle Seat Etiquette, came pouring in. And wouldn’t you know it, a Gadling reader named Ben had a very similar experience with his seatmate. Only this wasn’t just a young drunk woman named Louise, this was a middle-aged woman with a son the same age as Ben!

Here’s Ben’s horrible (double whammy) experience of being groped in a middle seat…

This could have happened in any seat, but it so happened to occur one of the few times I found myself in a middle seat. I usually have enough notice before a flight date that I can scrounge up a window or aisle, but this time I just found out a few hours before, so I had to take a middle seat. I was between a middle-aged gentleman at the window, and a similarly aged woman in the aisle. The man stayed quiet for most of the flight, but the woman and I got to chatting. She had a son about my age who had recently dropped out of college and was moving back home. She was concerned about is future, and was asking me about my plans and interests. It turned out we shared many similar tastes and hobbies. All seemed like a normal congenial talk until about 90 min. into the IAD-SFO flight. Her right hand had found its way onto my left thigh. We had never bothered to put down the arm rest between us.

I twitched my leg and her hand quickly moved back to her lap. I chose to ignore her action, hoping it was a simple slip, and wanting to continue the nice company. We continued to talk, but about 15 minutes later her hand had now found its way higher up on my thigh, and she was gently rubbing up and down. At this point I had to put a end to it. I very firmly told her to stop, and I took her hand and removed it from my leg. The armrest went down, and I quickly retreated to my iPod and book. We departed the plane four+ hours later without another word being spoken. I still wonder what she was thinking (perhaps I know too well), but of all things that has crossed the line in passenger etiquette, this one has remained one of the most memorable. I suppose such an event could have taken place in any seat, but something about the confining nature of the middle seat made it all the more acute.

And so I added Ben’s story into this post, and just when I thought I was done, another passenger with a similar story shared her experience about being groped on the airplane, only this time it was a woman being groped by a man. Here’s what happened to Brenda…

It happened to me on a flight from Auckland, New Zealand to LAX! I was in the upper cabin of the 747, and sitting next to me was a man involved in the New Zealand government. The cabin had been darkened and almost everyone was sleeping. I was asleep and suddenly found his hand on my thigh, slowly moving – I was shocked! I looked over my seat towards the galley and the flight attendant saw me looking towards her and silently mouthing the words “Help me” She came right over and cleared her throat very loudly ( the dude was pretending to be asleep, but he really wasn’t) He didn’t even look embarrassed at being busted. Don’t get me wrong, I love kiwis, but not that much!

Obviously, with all this groping going on, I had to scrap the original groped post and completely start over. I mean who cares if Louise does not know how to behave on an airplane when there are several passengers behaving badly, very very badly, onboard the airplanes. Originally I had accused Jeremy of not reading the warning signs when Louise, his seatmate, proclaimed they’d be spending the night together, as she sat down beside him, and then proceeded to down not one, but two glasses of champagne. But then look what happened Ben and Brenda. There were no warning signs.

Sorry, Jeremy.

In the first post I had written something about Louise probably being, deep down inside, a really nice girl. That is when she’s not getting drunk on the airplane and throwing herself at strange men. And then I went on to question why the alarm in Jeremy’s head did not go off. I followed that question by posing another question, do men even have the internal alarm signal? That perv alert that so many of my women friends and I have, the one that tells you to move seats NOW? As in GO GO GO! But then I read what happened to Ben and Brenda. There were no perv alerts! Just pervs.

Again, sorry, Jeremy.

Poor Jeremy got poked, and prodded, and had a thigh squeezed, as well as a rib knocked, and eventually began to wonder if he should switch seats. (Gee I wonder?) This was the point in the story where I began to laugh out loud. Again, I’m sorry Jeremy, but I had to laugh! Not because of all that occurred, because it shouldn’t have occurred in the first place, but because it occurred before the plane even took off! Unfortunately Jeremy felt a little odd complaining about Louise to the flight attendants. I’ll let Jeremy explain…

Despite it being 2008, and the genders edging towards equality, it still somehow feels wrong if a man can’t put up with a bit of uninvited, sexually predacious behaviour without seeking help from a not overly butch flight attendant. Fortunately, after one more thwarted attempt to arouse my interest, Louise fell asleep.

Okay, Jeremy, let me give you, and others, a word of advice. It doesn’t matter if you are a man or a woman, no one should ever have to go through what you went through with Louise on that flight to New York. I know some of you will find this hard to believe, but the flight attendants are there for you. They are there to help you. Not judge you. And they want to help you, particularly when there’s a groper onboard. Trust me, we live for this kind of thing. No one, not a passenger, nor a flight attendant, should put up with being manhandled on a flight. Unless, of course, you like that kind of thing. Hey, you never know! I’ve seen some crazy things on the airplane.

If you find yourself on the airplane with an unwanted hand on your thigh….

1. Immediately excuse yourself from the situation. Just get up and go. You don’t have to say a word to the groper, no matter how nice they were before they started groping. If you’re the kind of person who needs an excuse, just say you’re going to the lavatory, or that your headset doesn’t work, or that you’re thirsty and you need to get a drink, and then get up and start walking.

2. Look for an open seat. Did you find one? Take it! What are you waiting for? Who cares if it’s a middle seat. Unless, of course, getting groped is better than sitting in that middle seat. I know, it’s a close one.

3. Tell a flight attendant. Tell the flight attendant what exactly is going on. Do not be afraid. This is an airplane, not a bar or a hotel, but a place where people and children travel together in a safe and not so comfortable environment. The flight attendant will gladly help you handle the situation, and make sure this situation does not happen again on a future flight.

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Photos courtesy of: (passenger) Davitydave, (empty seat) Simonk

How does your presidential candidate get around?

by Grant Martin on

With all of the cavorting around the country on the campaign trail, John McCain and Barack Obama need some pretty quick, reliable transportation — after all, you can’t get from Nevada to Ohio to Florida in two days on the bus version of the Straight Talk Express.

To that end, each candidate has chosen and retrofitted an aircraft of their own for campaign purposes, Obama with a larger, 757-28A and McCain with a smaller (though still large) 737-4B7. I suppose it would be unamerican to fly in an Airbus, wouldn’t it.

So how is riding around in one of these birds? Have they been retrofitted with hot tubs, massaging chairs and laser beams? Gadling went through and took a look at the aircraft to see just what it’s like in and around the Obama and McCain aircraft and compiled the gallery below.

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You can see that both aircraft are outfitted with standard coach seats in the back for the flock of media that follow the candidates around the globe. Both have 3 x 3 leather seats, although McCain’s seats all have TVs in the seatbacks. I wonder what they play?

Another neat thing is that Obama’s overhead bins and interior are plastered with photos — presumably from the campaign trail. It’s an interesting way to remember the voters that Obama met along the way.

Take a look at the rest of the photos and tell us what you think.

Galley Gossip: Middle Seat Etiquette

by Heather Poole on

Flying back from Honolulu, I found myself crammed in a middle seat. Now I’m not a big person, just a normal sized person, and yet there I sat with my elbows held tight against my side, my hands resting in my lap, as the broken seat in front of me reclined much farther back than it should have. Oh yeah, I had a woman’s head an inch from my chest. Good thing I didn’t need anything out of my tote-bag, the one located under the seat in front of me, the one I could not reach if I so inclined. And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, things got worse, much worse.

The man sitting beside me, the one wearing the trendy dark blue designer jeans traveling with the family sitting across the aisle from him, claimed the armrest between us.

So what, you say? Wait…there’s more.

The elbow, the one attached to a very tan and muscular arm, crept over the armrest and kept on going until it found itself in my space – MY SPACE! Thank god my son, and not another adult, sat on the other side of me, so I could lean way over into the space my son did not yet prize. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried not to scream as I felt the faint tickle of manly arm hairs against my skin.

Middle seat etiquette, am I the only one who cares?

I’ll never forget when Cady, my best friend and old roommate, got called out to work a flight from New York to Los Angeles. This was thirteen years ago and we were on reserve and the thought of working a 767 transcon scared the heck out of us. We were new, brand spankin new, and that airplane was big, 160 passengers big! Keep in mind there were also nine flight attendants who knew exactly what they were doing, unlike the two of us, working on that gigantic bird! What made the trip even worse was that Cady had been called out to work the lead position on the 767. Cady, fresh from the charm farm, would be in charge for the next two days.

“How did it go?” I asked, practically leaping off the couch when she walked through the door after her trip the following evening.

Parking her black bag against the wall, she flopped down in front of the television on the lumpy sofa beside me. “I actually had to settle an argument between two grown men.”

I laughed. “Over what?”

“An armrest. And they actually asked to speak to the one in charge. Me!”

“What did you say?” I asked, and it was at this point I wondered if I should fetch a pen and paper to write down what she had said, just in case I found myself in the same predicament on a future flight. Hey, a flight attendant does not want to experience any unplanned emergencies.

“I just told them they had to share. One guy could use the armrest for the first half of flight and the other guy could use it the last half of the flight. What else could I say?”

Cady had a point. There was not much else to say. Share the armrest, I made a mental note.

While I have witnessed many ridiculous things aboard the airplane, I have not had the pleasure of seeing two grown men duke it out over an armrest. Fighting over a seat being reclined, yes. An overhead bin, every single flight. A first class seat upgrade, oh yeah. But an armrest, never. I’m so grateful for that.

Flash forward thirteen years and I would have loved for someone like Cady to have stomped down the aisle in a pair of black scuffed up Dansko clogs and ordered that beefy guy sitting beside me to share. Not that I would have even used the armrest if Fancy Pants had actually moved his elbow a good five inches to the left, but it would have been nice to have had at least a few arm hair free minutes flying from Honolulu to Los Angeles.

Middle seat etiquette, that’s what I spent the entire flight thinking about…

  • Leave the armrest for the middle seat passenger. The window seat passenger has the window, while the aisle seat passenger has the aisle, but the middle seat passenger has nothing, nada, zilch, so please, for the love of god, give the person in the middle seat something, anything, an armrest, please!
  • Do not hit the middle seat passenger in the head with your newspaper, even when the middle seat passenger is asleep and you are fairly sure they will not feel it.
  • Do not use the middle seat passenger’s tray table. Even if the middle seat passenger is not using it.
  • Do not put your feet under the seat in front of the middle seat passenger, no matter how long your legs are, even if the middle seat passenger is short.
  • Do not place your luggage underneath the seat in front of the middle seat passenger. The middle seat passenger has luggage, too.
  • Do not bring aboard a pet, choose an aisle or window seat, and then expect to put the pet under the middle seat because it does not fit under your seat.
  • Do not raise the armrest between you and the middle seat passenger, no matter how well you are getting along.
  • Keep your hair away from the middle seat passenger, no matter how pretty or how manly it may be.
  • Remember, middle seat passengers are people too!

As I sat there, going over the middle seat rules, that hairy arm resting a little too comfortably against mine, I flashed back to another middle seat situation I’ve experienced often – the open middle seat.

WOOHOO! I always think, whenever I see that open middle seat. I can not believe my luck. Nor can the passenger sitting on the other side of that same middle seat. I try not to get too excited, because one of two things are about to happen, and it most likely won’t be the good thing.

THE GOOD THING: The seat remains open and I enjoy a relaxing flight home.

THE BAD THING: The passenger flings their jacket or purse or stack of magazines into the empty seat, claiming the space as their own.

If the good thing happens to you, and the seat actually remains open, fantastic. You’re on a roll. Now may be the time to fly to Vegas and continue this amazing streak of luck at a table of cards. And don’t forget to take me with you.

If the bad thing happens, now is the time to act, and fast! Hurry, throw something of your own into the seat. By doing this you are letting the passenger on the other side know that this is shared space. Not their space. Shared space. Trust me, this reminder is necessary if you want the flight to continue without further incident. When the passenger pulls down the tray table and places a drink or a book on top, immediately place something of your own next to it.
What are you waiting for? DO IT!

Juvenile, you say? Whatever. Do what you want. But you may soon find a pair of bare feet rubbing against your leg. Oh it happens. It’s happened to me. Don’t let it happen you.

Do you have a horrible middle seat story to share? I’d love to hear all about it.

A few long days through three alliances: Star, Skyteam and Oneworld

by Grant Martin on

The confluence of a pleasure trip out to Boston to see my girlfriend, an engineering conference in Pittsburgh and a meeting at (The) Ohio State University this past week brought me the opportunity of flying on three different carriers throughout the East and Midwest. Since my native carrier, Northwest was offering some truly hideous fares on my desired routes, I decided to give each alliance, Star Alliance, Skyteam and Oneworld a try on my three legs to see how the industry was faring while I was away on NW. Along my journey I kept the following diary:

Leg 1: DTW-NYC-BOS – Delta Airlines

Detroit – New York – CRJ900 Operated by Comair
Boarding and Gate Area

I don’t get over to the B/C concourse at Detroit’s McNamara often enough. While they do have a killer A&W Rootbeer stand, most Northwest flights depart out of the A terminal so I have little reason to visit the other half of the building. It’s nice being on this side once in a while.

Due to what seemed to be some last minute booking and jockeying by the gate agent, we started boarding ten minutes late, but since the aircraft was so small, the twenty minutes was plenty of time to board the entire aircraft.

As usual, the typical gate lice nested around the boarding area, but they quickly cleared out once first and “elite” passengers boarded.
Predeparture

Settling into 9D, I was treated to narrow leather seats, some overhead soul music and a nice view of the larger MD-80 next to me that I would have much, much rather been on. I nestled into my leather seat and greeted the voracious software consultant to my left, and the deer tick in between the window panes on my right.

During the preflight security speech, the young woman next to me noticed the gentlemen in the back of first class messing with the flight attendant – I would later find out that the two were from the hiphop group, Yung Joc with his Swagg Team.

Inflight

The nice thing about flying east in the afternoon is that you get the sun shining over your shoulder. Delta’s CRJ was fairly new, clean and quiet and the young woman next to me kept me busy trying to figure out what “Swagg Team” actually meant, so the ride was quite pleasant.

Once we got close to cruising altitude two flight attendants came back through the aircraft serving (free) soda and peanuts while sandwiches were offered at 7$ apiece. I decided to wait to eat in JFK, which, I would soon learn would be a mistake.

We landed a few minutes early, and even with the long taxi of JFK airport I still got into the the terminal in good time. What a pleasant flight.

New York – Boston – CRJ 900 Operated by Comair
Pre departure

I now know why my New York based girlfriend was always so stressed out when leaving from The City on a Friday evening. On entering Delta’s terminal at JFK, I was greeted by a throbbing mass of people mashing around for space and gates.

Most of the small CRJ aircraft that I was bouncing between this weekend board from ground gates at JFK, and the way Delta arranges them is that they all filter into one outdoor walkway that links to one gate inside of the terminal. So at any particular time you can have several flights departing or arriving from one doorway (in my case, 25) at the end of the terminal.
And if one of those is delayed, like my flight from New York to Boston (due to a late inbound aircraft – flight congestion), the crowd around the single door begins to pile up with stray passengers.

I can’t blame Delta for the congestion – any other solution would require many more gates — but the throng of people in the terminal was truly stifling. After I learned that my flight was delayed by forty minutes I walked over to Wendys to try to grab a burger. With the line well out the front facade though, I wasn’t willing to wait in line. Instead I camped out under a cart of courtesy phones and checked in on the blog from my phone.

Finally, fifty minutes past departure time we made it onto the plane and waited while the ground crew patiently loaded the luggage…. putting us another ten minutes behind. Fortunately, the pilot came on the PA and noted that the flight to Boston was a short 37 minutes, so by the time we got airborne we were only twenty minutes late.

Inflight

Had I not known that my aircraft had just arrived to take us to Boston, I could have arrived and departed out of the exact same plane. Cleanliness, leather seats and operation were effectively the same, although instead of sitting in 9D in this CRJ I was now sitting in the exit row, 12A, with plenty of leg room to spare.

Since the flight was so short, the cabin crew didn’t have much time to offer snacks and drinks, so I was mostly left alone to read Devil May Care and reflect. I didn’t even bother firing up my computer for the 12 minutes that electronics were allowed.

Once we cleared the massive flight delay known as New York City, things went smoothly and we landed in Boston without event.

Leg 2: BOS – PIT – US Airways – Embraer 170
Predeparture

My Sunday evening flight from Boston departed from terminal 2, a slightly older terminal than the normal T5 that I usually fly out of. Despite the floors being heavily worn I found the terminal pleasant and because of the overhead music, almost jovial.

Almost an hour before departure the gate agent briefly came over the loudspeaker to mention something about luggage but almost immediately cut out – and continued talking into her dead microphone for a few minutes. She then made another announcement that never even reached the PA.

Curious, I sauntered over to the gate and mentioned that the PA wasn’t working.

“I know. I’m not management,” the gate agent replied.

“Can you tell me what you said?” I asked.

“I made an announcement about luggage,” she replied “We’re boarding early.”

I smiled and left. She seemed agitated. True to her word, we boarded about ten minutes early and obediently filed onto the Embraer. When I got back to 10D I noticed that my seat had gum worn into the leather. Being my assigned seat, however, I had not choice but to sit in it, and I knew it wasn’t worth my time to complain.

Most of the preflight revolved around passengers attempting to fit giant, giant bags into the smaller overhead compartments (hint: if the wheels on your 400$ Tumi are larger than dinner saucers, you’re going to have trouble), and having a medium sized backpack I was unfortunately asked to shove it under my seat to make room. Now, with gum all over my thigh and nowhere to stretch my legs I too was starting to get agitated.

Inflight

Needless to say, the rest of the flight went fairly smoothly. About twenty minutes after departure one of the two flight attendants wandered down the aisle asking if anyone wanted to purchase a bevvy or snack (US Airways no longer offers free snacks or drinks on their flights) – I didn’t see anyone bite – so they returned to their stations and didn’t bother us for the rest of the journey. Twice, near the end, they came through the cabin and collected refuse, but that was about it.
I guess that makes less congestion in the aisle if the flight attendants aren’t milling around with beverage carts, but I’m starting to wonder how much revenue US Airways is earning from paid snacks and drinks.

Once again we were on time arriving into Pittsburgh, and on transferring to the land side terminal I was out of the airport fairly quickly.

Leg 3: PIT – ORD — CMH American Airlines — Embraer Regional Jet operated by American Eagle

Pittsburgh – Chicago
Preflight

Pittsburgh’s airport is surprisingly large, sprawling and pleasant (more on that later). After circling the grounds about 12 times trying to figure out the maze of roads, I still found myself two hours early so beached up to a gate, plugged in and logged into the free wireless to get some work done. The boarding area was a little dated, but clean and pleasant, and before I knew it we were being called to board the evening flight.

My seat on this ERJ was 2A, which I forgot didn’t have an overhead compartment above it, so after a second of fiddling with my backpack under the seat the flight attendant took pity on me and told me that “she would take care of it.” After everyone had boarded, she took my bag and put it in the crew closet, which I thought was a very gracious thing to do. Later, she crammed two other people’s bags into other compartments as well.

Unfortunately, due to weather and air traffic control restrictions, we sat in the penalty box next to the runway for nearly an hour waiting for a departure slot. As I dozed, I thought about picking up beers with Gadling’s Scott Carmichael when I reached O’hare, and it seemed like for ever before we took off.

Inflight

Rather than accomplish the 28 things that I need to do on the flight, I elected to keep napping to save energy for the evening. The nice flight attendant stopped by to offer free beverages and 3$ snacks, but half asleep I waved her away.

It seemed like I had been napping for ever by the time we punched back through the clouds to a rainy Chicago airport – but since my phone wasn’t on I didn’t know for sure. By the time I flipped it on after landing I was surprised to find that we were over an hour late – this meant my layover had been reduced from 1:40 to :10. Hopefully they hadn’t already closed the gate.

Chicago to Columbus – ERJ Operated by American Eagle
Preflight

It’s been a while since I’ve experienced the mayhem of O’hare first hand, and entering the terminal my expectations were fairly on par. As one of the largest airports in the country, O’hare moves a lot of people and it’s difficult to keep people orderly and happy en masse – especially if there are weather delays.

My walk from G18 to G1A was short, and on the way I discovered that my original flight scheduled to depart at 8:10 was pushed back to 9:25 – but that an earlier flight leaving at 7:10 was also delayed to 8:10 – and it departed from the same gate. So when I showed up at the gate I asked the agent if I could standby. No problem. Five minutes later I was on the aircraft, for a grand total of about seven minutes spent in the airport. I guess I’ll see O’hare and Scott later.

Inflight

After a nice nap on my earlier flight I was ready to get some work done, and from 15C with no seatmate in this ERJ, I had the opportunity to do that. Despite the fact that legroom was minuscule, I was still able to open my Thinkpad X31 and get a fair amount of blogging done, which is really all anyone can ask for on an aircraft this size.

It took a while to get out of the Great Lakes weather and the flight was turbulent – even passing through 20,000 feet I could still see the strobe lighting up rain showers all around the aircraft.

As expected, the flight attendant showed up about 30 minutes into the flight, which effectively left me about 20 minutes to slam a cran-apple juice and get ready for touchdown. But I was just happy to be on the ground again. Finally, arriving only 10 minutes after my original flight was supposed to land, we made it into Columbus.

Summary

It’s difficult to have many excellent experiences when flying around the country in regional jets. Leg room is always restricted, service is truncated and the noisy flights are often too short to get the full experience. If I had to choose my favorite leg though, I would pick my Detroit – New York flight on Delta. Clean seats, a clean plane, free drinks and an on-time arrival are all you can ask for in today’s economy — in fact, with the direction that airlines are heading in, I would say that getting those four things on any flights these days is pretty fantastic.

As I sit behind my bedroom desk at home though, it sure is nice being able to relax and stretch out. It’ll be awhile until I book another regional flight again.

How does air traffic flow across the world?

by Grant Martin on

Many passengers’ air logistics worries go no further than the few flights that they’re on that day. Occasionally, this broadens when a canceled flight or disruptions occur and you have to look at other flights going on in the day.

But what about all of the flights that depart on one airline in one day? Or what about all flights from all airlines in one day? Where and how do these flights operate? For the answer, check out this video that models every single flight over an entire day.

If you think about it, many international flights head out in the evening, so near night time you’ll see a swath of yellow dots head right over the Atlantic. Conversely, during the day the yellow dots will head west. Watch the video a few times over and you’ll see some interesting trends.