TSA to extend and expand random security measures

The “special security directives” put in place by the TSA after the attempted bombing of a Northwest Flight last week expired last night (yes, the same directives that got several bloggers in hot water with the feds).

To keep our skies safe, the TSA extended the directives into Wednesday, and will be issuing new directives later this evening.

What this means to us travelers is that we are in for a new batch of random security measures, and that we’ll once again be left in the dark as to what those measures are (unless someone has the balls to leak them again).

The measures are put in place to allow airlines to implement rules and regulations that may prevent terrorists from trying to assemble or ignite another bomb. The first batch of measures was downright pathetic – some airlines turned off the inflight entertainment system, as a way to prevent terrorists from knowing where the plane was heading. This obviously only works if terrorists have not yet discovered the wonders of the wrist watch. Other parts of the directive allow for the full pat down of all passengers boarding planes bound for the United States.

It will probably take several weeks till everyone settles down, and the TSA tweaks the new rules enough that they find the right balance between real security, and the illusion of security. Until then, get to the airport on time, and be prepared for new security measures to pop up.

10 Tips for visiting Bethlehem this Christmas

Those of us who travel to Bethlehem soon discover the huge gap between our happy Sunday School expectations and the heavy realities of visiting the West Bank in person. It’s not such an easy place to get to, though world interest makes Bethlehem far more accessible than say, Ramallah or Jericho.

Out of 133 destinations rated in this month’s issue of National Geographic Traveler, the West Bank’s little town of Bethlehem ranked the lowest. Sad but true, travel experts consider the birthplace of Jesus Christ to be the world’s worst travel destination, one that’s surrounded by a giant concrete wall with difficult checkpoints and generally tangled in a political rat’s nest.

Still, for those in search of a geographically-correct Christmas, Bethlehem offers a nice dose of nostalgia served with a serious side of political pondering. It’s also a bit of a circus, like Las Vegas with Franciscan monks and machine guns. In such a place, it helps to have a guide. In lieu of a bright star shining in the east, behold ten hints for helping you navigate the dark streets that shineth:

  1. Check the border situation constantly: security in Israel varies wildly. Peace or violence in one location does not pre-determine security in other locales, especially in Bethlehem. CNN, BBC, and US State Department travel alerts are interesting but rarely compelling. Instead, ask around in country. Learn to listen beyond the bias and get the inside scoop as to which entry points are ‘hot’ and which ones are getting less traffic. Which brings us to the next point:
  2. Plan a window of extra time: crossing into the West Bank is always a gamble. In some cases, you may not even make it, so don’t write “Bethlehem” into your travel planner between 10:00 and 12:00. Instead, plan a range of days and hope that your first attempt is successful. If not, try, try again.
  3. Hire a Palestinian taxi driver with Israeli license plates: When it comes to straddling a tumultuous border, get the best of both worlds: A Palestinian driver with Israeli papers (and driving a car with Israeli plates) is pre-cleared and faces far less hassle when crossing back into Jerusalem. They will also be much safer escorts for you while you are in the West Bank. Again, ask around and seek trusted insights from insiders.
  4. Avoid big bus tours: though safer in principle, taking a tour bus into Bethlehem is often a recipe for a painful wait at the border in either direction. Add fifteen minutes for every olive wood sculpture of the baby Jesus in your backpack. If possible, travel ultra-light (passport, camera and a bottle of water) and in small groups.
  5. Visit the Church of the Nativity backwards: the supposed birthplace of Jesus Christ is anything but peaceful, with all the wailing Russian Orthodox pilgrims and nit picky clergy who voraciously guard their little corner. Take a second to relax your religious connotations and realize that you are in a major tourist destination with crowds like those at the Empire State Building or Dollywood. Visiting the church in reverse order–saving the Grotto of the Nativity for last–can help you skip some of the longer lines.
  6. Don’t go on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day: I know, I know, that’s kind of the point, but know that it will be a Christian madhouse. Try going instead to visit first thing in the morning of December 24th, otherwise (insert joke about there not being any room in the inn, ha, ha.)
  7. Dinars or dollars: shekels have very little use in the City of David and most ATM’s disperse Jordanian dinars. Get some cash before you enter, or use US dollars. Again, the lighter you travel, the better.
  8. The Shepherds Fields of Bethlehem is a hoax: What? You mean the shepherds that saw a star shining in the sky and then heard angels singing, “Glory to God”–they weren’t actually hanging out on that specific hilltop that happens to be a ten-minute drive from the Church of the Nativity? No, sorry. The chapel and twisted olive trees are a nice reminder of a cool event, but it’s a Victorian-era invention for tourists like us.
  9. Bring a bible: The Book of Luke is probably the best and only guidebook to take with you. The book never gives false information about restaurants, opening hours, or directions, and offers some great context about the town itself.
  10. Keep apolitical: It sounds way obvious, but a trip to Bethlehem is not the time to show off your cocktail conversation about the Israeli-Palestinian conflict. Be assured, no matter what you say, you will offend least one person. Even UN Secretary General Ban Ki Moon would put his foot in his mouth in Bethlehem, so better to shut it. Talk about the weather and delve deeply into your clueless tourist persona–on this border, it’s the safest way to be.

A TSA simulator courtesy of Playmobil

I was so excited when I came across this Playmobil Security Check Point on Amazon. As an airline pilot, this is the perfect way to show my two girls, ages 8 and 4, where it is that I work.

My daughters have a ton of Playmobil people already, left over from the airplane and helicopter sets, as well as an airport terminal I’ve bought in an effort to show them that the only real career they’ll ever enjoy must revolve around aviation.

So what better way to indoctrinate my little girls than with this security check-point.

We set up each of the 74 Playmobil figures and their baggage, and then positioned the pilots to cut right up at the front of the line. The girls loved that. And then I explained that crew members get special privileges and don’t have to take their shoes off, which is fortunate, since the shoes on a Playmobil can’t be removed.

We even made this video with a message that just wouldn’t have been possible without the security check point. I think my girls finally get the idea. They’re now begging me for flying lessons, and I suspect these kind of special privileges are the reason.

Now you might balk at the $73.00 price of the set, but let me remind you, security doesn’t come cheap.

UPDATE: apparently the $73.00 collectors price wasn’t too high, since Amazon sold out of the now discontinued set.

According to the reviews, others on Amazon were not quite as excited as I was after purchasing the security checkpoint. Here are just a few examples:
Valuable life lessons packaged in bright plastics

I purchased this product (along with the Playmobil ambulance/mass casualty incident set and the Playmobil road construction set) for my five year old son. After a few hours my son asked me why our society was so keen on infringing on the civil liberties of its citizens in the name of safety and security. Like all the other five year olds whose parents purchased this product, he is precocious and wise beyond his years.

I answered that everyone still has the right to walk anywhere in this country, and that everything else is a privilege and not a right. People who voluntarily surrender their freedoms on the altar of personal convenience have no right to complain about it afterwards. My son is now well on his way to becoming an anarchist.

I wish this toy had been around when I was a child so that we might have learned important life lessons rather than the fluffy sugar-coated false utopia of Rainbow Bright and Friends.

A must-have addition

I hear Playmobil is coming out with a waterboarding torture set. I think I’ll wait for that and buy them together to save on shipping.

Serious Security Breach

My family was planning a vacation to Europe, so I purchased this item to teach my twins about what to expect at the airport and hopefully, alleviate some of their anxiety. We also downloaded the actual TSA security checklist from the American Airlines website and then proceeded with our demonstration. Well, first we had to round up a Barbie and a few Bratz dolls to play the other family members, so that cost us a few extra bucks at the Dollar General and it is aggravating that the manufacturer did not make this product “family-friendly.”

Of course, since the playmobil Dad could not remove his shoes or other clothing items, unlike the Barbie, the playmobil security agent became suspicious and after waving her wand wildly a few dozen times, called her supervisor to wisk the Dad into a special body-cavity search room, (which incidentally led to quite an embarrassing and interesting discussion with my twin daughters about personal hygiene and a slight adjustment to the rules we had them memorize about touching by strangers). But worst of all, since the suitcase did not actually open, the baggage inspector made a call to the FBI and ATF bomb squads which then segregated the family’s suitcase (which btw was the only suitcase they provided for our educational family experience) and according to the advanced TSA regulations, had to blow it up, (since they could not otherwise mutilate the luggage, break off the locks and put one of those nice little advisory stickers on it), which we had to simulate out in the backyard with a few M-80s and other fireworks.

The girls started crying. They became so hysterical by the whole experience that we could not even get them in the car when the time came to actually take our trip, and so we had to cancel the whole thing at the last minute, losing over $7,000 in airfare and hotel charges that we could not recoup do to the last minute cancellations. We’ve now spent an additional $3,000 to pay for the girls therapy and medication over the past year since this incident occurred, and the psychologists have told us that this will affect them for life, so much for their college fund and our retirement. Then, to top it all off, when we tried to use to playmobil phone to call the company to ask for reimbursement, as you might expect, of course the damn thing didn’t even work; neither did our efforts to e-mail them using the computer screen on the baggage checkpoint; and our real-life efforts to contact them to obtain reimbursement have also likewise been ignored.

Worse yet, we had the product tested and found out that it was positive for both lead paint and toxic chemicals, having been manufactured in China by workers holding formerly American jobs, so now we all have cancer and have been given only another year or so to live. My advice – educating your kids about airport security with this toy may actually be more harmful to them than just packing them in the damn luggage with some bottled water & hoping they survive.


So if you’re looking for something for your kids this Christmas, why not try to track down this sure to be collector’s item. It clearly kept me entertained!

Man demands half a million Dollars for airport checkpoint foot injury

The shoe carnival that is the “airport checkpoint” has long been one of my biggest annoyances. Apparently I’m not alone, because a Cooper City, FL man is taking the TSA to court over a foot injury he suffered after stepping on a piece of glass at the checkpoint.

In his case, he blames the TSA for failing to make sure the floor at the checkpoint was sufficiently cleaned. Apparently the injury was severe enough to send the man to hospital, and miss out on an extended period of work.

His wife is also part of the lawsuit, claiming an additional $100,000 for the loss of “service, society, consortium and companionship of her spouse”. That is probably lawyer speak for “couldn’t have sex”.

It’ll be interesting to see how the lawsuit proceeds, or whether the TSA just avoids the embarrassment of having to tell a jury why they demand people remove their shoes, without making sure the floor has been kept clean.

Half a million is a lot for a foot injury, but publicity and costs like this are apparently what it takes to get the government to make sure the traveling public is kept safe.

The TSA wants to remind you that pies are OK, cranberry sauce is not

Despite all the mocking of the TSA, I do need to compliment them on how they try and educate the traveling public on how to deal with their (often silly) rules.

As we approach the busiest travel season of the year, the TSA has taken the time to once again remind people what you need to know about traveling with food or gifts.

The basic rules still apply – liquids are not allowed through the checkpoint unless they are in a “one quart baggie” and under 3 ounces each. Exceptions are made for medication, baby formula and breast milk.

These rules obviously mean that gravy, maple syrup, wine and anything else not on their exceptions list must be placed in a checked bag, or sent ahead in the mail.

The good news is that anything solid is permitted – this includes pies, cakes and that leftover turkey. I’m not entirely sure why jellies and jams are not allowed, but pies are. Bottom line; if you want to carry jam or jelly, put it in a pie.

A special reminder for snow globes – nobody wants to pack those in checked luggage, but the checkpoint will not allow them to pass, so either leave them at home, or send them with FedEx.

As a final reminder, always keep Christmas gifts unwrapped until you arrive at your destination. It sucks to have a TSA agent unwrap all your gifts just to be sure that Zhu Zhu pet isn’t actually a bomb. Once again – shipping gifts is best done by mail, UPS or FedEx. If you ship ahead of time, you’ll be able to send a large box from coast to coast for about $20, which is well worth it, considering how much hassle you’ll prevent.