Travel Recommendations for The Office

by Andrew Evans on


Back in the olden days, long before the Internet was born, there was this thing called a travel agent–typically semi-self-aware, middle-aged ladies who helped you pick out a nice vacation destination, find a hotel that was “so you” and then book your plane tickets printed on carbon paper, folded and then stuffed into fancy airline covers. The whole process was about inside relationships, consumerist trust and catering to personal tastes. Sadly, travel agents went out of style along with high-top shoes and dual tape decks, or rather, we all became travel agents and the ones who got paid to do it lost their jobs.

As an empowered, self-proclaimed Internet travel agent, I’m offering my services gratis to the folks that need it the most: those overworked, underpaid, Vitamin-D deficient fun bunch of NBC‘s The Office, If they’re like most Americans out there, the employees of Dunder-Mifflin get only 10-15 days of vacation a year and should be using every bit of it (along with a few sick days) to get the hell out of Scranton, PA. Assuming the medicinal and therapeutic properties of travel, and summoning the travel agents’ lost art of matching personality to destination, I offer the following recommendations:

Michael Scott spent Christmas at a Sandals in Jamaica with girlfriend/boss Jan Levinson. So wrong. This was clearly a blatant case of cheesy product placement and failed to take Michael to that place where he belongs, which is on a safari in Tanzania’s Serengeti. Yes, the boss man would be just as happy at some wildlife park in Florida, but for the full range of Michael antics, you’d need him to actually be in Africa, mimicking African accents and getting a royal kick out of all the massive animals. Fast-forward to the zebra carpet on his office floor, Masai shields hanging on his wall and his new moniker “Chief.”Jim Halpert disappeared himself to Australia to avoid Pam’s pending marriage to another man. OK, we get it–Australia is the farthest place from Pennsylvania and he was nursing a broken heart, but in reality, uh, he would have been nursing some hellish jet lag. We love Australia, but it’s not a weekend getaway, or even a one-week getaway. Methinks Jim needs to go to Dublin, Ireland. Not only because he would appreciate Guinness and look handsome in tweed, but that plucky Irish spirit might counter his nervous nature. Also, as one of the better-paid employees in The Office, Jim might actually be able to afford super-expensive Dublin.

Pamela Beesley doesn’t seem that well-traveled, bizarrely. She’s camped in the Poconos and did a brief stint in artsy New York City but this new wife and mother could definitely expand her horizons. Paris for a week of art and luxury should do the trick. We recommend splurging at Hotel Fouquet’s Barrière on the Champs-Elysées (for the spa) and spending her days floating from one art museum to the next. Take your mom or a friend. Let Jim stay home and take care of the baby.

Dwight Schrute already lives in his own little world, nevertheless, he reveals a penchant for large, open spaces. Russia is such a place. Also, Russians love the martial arts and beets. In fact, in Russia there are entire collective farms that grow nothing but beets, so Dobra Pozhalovat Comrade Schrute. No matter that the new Russia is fiercely capitalist and worships pop culture, Dwight will find his own tribe and come back with some sound ideas on organizational behavior.

Phyllis Vance is a classy woman attached to a rich refrigerator-selling husband to pay for all of her audacious tastes. The Moroccan Christmas party she threw in Season 5 reveals a girlish interest in some fabled, exotic Orient, but she also needs dependable electricity and a lot of good restaurants. Hence my verdict of Istanbul. Turkey’s largest city is also one of the greatest eating cities in the world–an explosion of foreign sights and culinary delights. Also, Phyllis loves to wear shawls, of which there are many to choose from among Istanbul’s crazy bazaars. (Bob, you should stay here.)

Ryan Howard needs a double kick in the pants for his affectation and superiority complex. Yeah, he already took time off to “travel” in Thailand but anyone who’s been to Thailand knows that much of the country is just a playground for the sort of entitled backpacker that is Ryan. That’s why we’re sending short, frail, pale Ryan to sunny, sandy Kuwait and not on vacation, but Kuwait as in, “you’re in the army now, kid.” He never makes it into Iraq (imagine Ryan with war stories), but learns to answer every sentence with, “Sir”.

Kelly Kapoor is Indian-American, yes, but those of who’ve actually been to India knows she would absolutely hate it there. Kelly is a serious girl who loves anything pink and struggles with her shopaholic nature. And where is the best shopping in the whole wide world? Buenos Aires, baby, B.A. We recommend Kelly stay at this boutique hotel in Palermo Soho, surrounded by a bunch of unique clothing and jewelry stores. Also, I’m thinking Kelly is liking the Argentine gelato (and men).

Andy Bernard is the ultimate frat boy who just can’t (or won’t) grow out of it. This Ivy League manboy surely has a few pairs of well-ironed Bermuda shorts, folded nicely in his summer clothes box, and he will need them for his trip to Bermuda. In the end, all of his bros will flake on him so he’ll have to go alone, but the pink beaches, sophisticated rum drinks, and yacht culture will suit him just fine.

Angela Martin is a woman who needs to chill out, big time. I don’t have enough fingers and toes to count the number of uptight career women who’ve found their bliss in Tuscany, so Angela, Italy it is. Please take all that saved-up leave and get lost on some one-lane highway between Florence and Siena, then get found by your future Italian boyfriend. Please come back with flowing skirts and open collars, wearing your hair down and with a new-found penchant for Chianti. Grazie Mille.

Kevin Malone needs to raise hell in New Orleans, obviously. The man has a funky party side that just can’t break free in boring Scranton. As a musician, he’ll dig the jazz and as a fat man, he’ll dig the beignets, po’ boys, muffaletta, and gumbo. He will likely return bearing gifts of hot sauce for all. Go Kevin.

Meredith Palmer is a difficult client for a travel agent to please. The woman is boozy, so the Scotland whiskey tour (with designated driver) seems appropriate, however, this 6-night Carnival Cruise from Charleston, South Carolina would be perfect–if it includes drinks (Meredith, please wear sunblock). And yet, the redhead in Supplier Relations also loves going topless, so the Côte d’Azur would be just perfect.

Creed Bratton has already spent a lot of time in China and even speaks Chinese. He’s also a total whack job and kind of creepy and a schemer. Hmmm . . really old plus Chinese plus funky and scheming equals Macau. Creed will quickly lose track of the days as he gambles his way to oblivion. Once he makes his shady millions, he can go into hiding in the nearby Philipines and never come back, because really, is Creed even necessary?

Stanley Hudson is a no-nonsense kind of guy with predictable, easy-living tastes. We recommend St. Croix, in the US Virgin Islands, where time moves slowly and the fruity drinks are plentiful. Stanley never has to set foot outside his resort, nor will he ever let the Caribbean go past his knees.

Toby Flenderson ran off to his escapist dreamland of Costa Rica but honestly, his skin just isn’t right for it. Really Toby, consider Canada. You’ll never get sunburnt, the people are as nice and respectable as your human-resource mind believes all mankind should be, and it’s so, so safe. I say get your daughter hooked on Anne of Green Gables and then surprise her with a trip to Prince Edward Island.

Oscar Martinez already took a three-month vacation to Europe with his boyfriend Gil in Season 3. Now that he’s single, he should really be more adventurous. You’d think Amsterdam or Sydney’s Mardi Gras but I’m gonna go out on a limb and recommend Tennessee’s Dollywood. What’s better for a gay, Mexican-American accountant than a theme park memorializing an iconic diva, right in the heart of the Smokey Mountains? Dollywood has a huge gay following and yet is so quaint and respectably Appalachian. He’ll love it.

Erin Hannon Somebody in the office doesn’t have a passport and we all know it’s Erin. Coy, naïve, and a little odd, Erin still just doesn’t see the need for a passport. Sending Erin to San Diego, California would be about as far as she could go, plus there are lots of brave Navy guys to show her around. Incidentally, I think she would really love the zoo.

Darryl Philbin represents the blue collar element on the show and yet he’s got way better tastes than most of the office. Urban, hip, and cooler than cool, Daryl would be happiest in Berlin. Germany’s capital-under-construction is the perfect mix of blue collar power, good beats, and good times.

Cruise line worker accused of using inside information to burglarize passengers homes

by Scott Carmichael on

A vacation planner for Royal Caribbean has been arrested and charged with breaking in to the homes of 20 South Florida cruise line passengers.

Bethsaida Sandoval allegedly used the internal computer systems at Royal Caribbean to pick passengers who were on a ship, and determine which homes to burglarize. She then passed the information on to her husband.

The two would then check the homes for alarm systems, and break in, stealing jewelry, flat screen TV’s, sports memorabilia, video games, handbags and “pretty much anything that was small enough to put in pillow cases”.

Sandoval has a history of crime, and chances are she won’t be out in public committing any new crimes for a couple of years.

There is not much you can do to protect yourself against inside jobs like this, but it doesn’t hurt to start with some basic protection like an alarm system. Another option is to provide the address of a mail box to the cruise line instead of your home address.

Travel company rediscovers seabird thought to be extinct

by Kraig Becker on

Seattle based travel company Zegrahm Expeditions specializes in eco-sensitive travel, organizing trips to all corners of the globe. The company promises to give clients the “ultimate expedition travel experience”, whether they’re taking part in one of Zegrahm’s trekking adventures or small-ship cruises. Zegrahm’s strives to give their customers a sense of discovery, no matter which trip they go on, but on one recent expedition that sense of discovery took a very real turn when team members sighed a rare seabird that hasn’t been recorded in the wild for more than 83 years.

The expedition, which was led by seabird expert Peter Harrison, took place this past February. The journey entailed a small-ship sailing adventure from Auckland, New Zealand to Port Moresby in Papua New Guinea. Along the way, the ship stopped at several remote, and seldom visited, islands on the Vanuatu archipelago. While there, Harrison, and a number of other members of the group, spotted and photographed, 21 individual Vanuatu Petrels, a seabird that hasn’t been seen in the wild since they were first discovered by ornithologist Rollo Beck back in 1927.

Zegrahm is already planning a return trip to the region in November of this year, and again in 2012. Both expeditions are expected to be very popular with bird watchers hoping to get a glimpse of this rare and unique seabird, that until now has only been seen in museums. Known as the Faces of Melanesia expedition, this cruise is generally noteworthy because it routinely visits remote South Pacific islands that few people ever see. But with this recent discovery, it will probably become well known in the bird watching community as an opportunity to add another species to their list.

Travel Trends: Cruising in Alaska is up, so why are people angry?

by Gadling Staff on

Alaska: The “Last Frontier.”

It’s a trip of a lifetime for many of us. We imagine towering snow covered peaks with flowing glaciers draping down their sides, eagles soaring overhead while brown bears pluck spawning salmon from wild rivers right in front of our camera lenses. In short, we dream of a pure untouched landscape straight from a lost primordial world. And in truth, this beauty and peace is just what most visitors to Alaska find.

Within the state, however, there has been a battle raging. Statewide tourism has seen a steady and substantial increase in the last decade. The recently published Alaska Visitor Statistics Program Report (opens in PDF) sponsored by Alaska’s Department of Commerce, Community and Economic Development (DCCED) shows a 25% increase in total visitors to the state between 2001 and 2008. The same report documents a nearly 30% increase in visitation via cruise ship travelers (Fig.1 “Total Visitors to Alaska Vs. Those Visiting via Cruise Ship Tour”). And there-in lies the seeds of debate.

Why?

This level of growth has come at the expense of other forms of travel.The ferry and highway systems have seen a 90% and 50% decrease, respectively, in non-resident use over the same time frame (Fig. 2 “Alaska Visitor Travel Methods”). The impression is that this trend is the result of a concerted effort by the DCCED and the Alaska Travel Industry Association (ATIA) to promote cruise ship tourism above others through marketing, infrastructure development, and the creation of a favorable, industry-specific business environment.

Fair or not, arguments against increased cruise ship-based tourism tend to be based around environmental worries — in short, the fear of negatively affecting the pristine environment that visitors come to see in the first place. These concerns came to a head in 2006. A citizen’s led initiative passed state wide elections to impose a $46 head tax on all cruise ship passengers.

This resulted in key industry leaders decreasing the number of tours they run in the Alaskan market. This, in combination with the national economic situation, has caused an estimated loss of nearly 140,000 visitors to the state… with fears of greater losses to come. The Alaska Cruise Association (ACA) simultaneously brought suite against the State of Alaska in federal court on grounds of unfair taxation. The Alaskan legislature responded by passing a bill to lower the head tax if the ACA agreed to drop the suit — which of course they did.

All of which makes for a great case study on the politics of grassroots environmentalism, state government, and big industry, but what does it indicate for the average traveler looking to finally take that once-in-a-lifetime trip to Alaska?

First, because there are less ships plying the waters than in the last few years, cruise prices have risen back to pre-recession levels — or nearly so — at around $600 from a low of nearly $350 just last year. Waiting lists are also, once again, often a reality. Not good news for the bargain traveler, but once off ship, many of the private tour companies, gift shops, and restaurants are offering deep discounts to attract customers.

However, beyond the monetary disappointments, there is a silver lining. Lower visitor numbers allow for a more intimate experience with the natural landscape — which is the main reason most travelers go to Alaska in the first place.

[Data sources: Alaska Visitor Statistics Program V, Interim Visitor Volume Report, Summer 2008 (Opens in PDF); and Department of Commerce, Community, & Economic Development]

See more Travel Trends.

Pack your own shore lunch – Cruise tip

by Gadling Staff on

When you’re busy having fun in the sun during days ashore, why leave the beach or other destination, just to schlep to a restaurant and fork over a wad of cash for lunch? Instead, have your cruise ship make your lunch. Best of all, it doesn’t cost any extra!

Most cruises offer 24-hour room service. An hour or so before you’re ready to disembark, call in an order for a sandwich, chips, and fruit (or whatever suits your fancy). Just pack it in your beach bag, and head out for a carefree day of fun!