Top 10 ways Hollywood could make Sully’s movie more kickass

by Annie Scott on


As you’ve surely heard, Hudson River hero Captain Sully has been awarded the ultimate American prize: a movie deal. You know how sometimes people ask you “who would you want to play you in a movie?” Well, Sully is full-on asking himself that question for real.

We were discussing the movie and came up with one irrefutable problem: landing a plane in the Hudson River, while certainly impressive, does not a 90-minute film make. In fact, our resident pilot Kent Wien published a hilarious story just last month on what is surely the crux of the plot: avoiding the birds. Trying, then failing to avoid birds doesn’t really sound like a feature-length story, does it? Kent’s idea was to try and film it from the birds’ perspective, “Sort of like Jonathan Livingston Seagull but with a tragic ending.”

That would work, but it doesn’t make a hero out of Sully, and that is surely the point. We have faith that the masterminds in Hollywood can make a whopping three hours out of it if they put their hearts into it.

In case they have any trouble, though, here are some ideas.

Top 10 ways Hollywood could make Sully’s movie more kickass:

1. An epic bloody bird bonanza.

The moment the birds hit the engine is key. We’d like to see this achieved on a billion-YouTube-hits, Texas Chainsaw Massacre level. You know what would make it even better? Two words: 3. D.

2. Aerosmith.

This will be a hero movie, and every hero movie needs a power ballad. Perhaps Aerosmith could simultaneously release a music video of themselves headbanging and playing the song spliced with clips of the aforementioned bloody bird bonanza. Suggested title: What Goes Up Must Come Down.3. Emotional foreshadowing from friends and family.

Foreshadowing is essential to this genre of film, and pretty much all dialogue leading up the disaster should have enormously foreboding ramifications. We’re talking teenagers yelling “I never want to see you again!” and wives saying “I still get nervous every time you fly. Every time.” Bonus points if they have a pet bird that won’t shut the hell up.

4. Birds. Everywhere.

Another important foreshadowing element is the presence of birds in everyday life. Not only should there be a pet bird in Captain Sully’s home, but we’d like to see at least one avian actor in every shot. In the best case scenario, the birds would all be looking at him, all the time, Hitchcock-style.

5. Teaser in-flight malfunctions.

The flight is doomed from the start and everyone knows it, so there should be plenty of nefarious bumps and turbulence-related accidents leading up to the actual bird massacre.

6. The moment someone realizes the plane’s going down and gravely says “It’s birds.”

Picture this: no one can figure out what the problem is until a flight attendant sees blood spattered on the windows toward the rear of the plane. She walks briskly to the cockpit and bursts through the door. “Captain Sully,” she says, with the weight of the world in her eyes, “It’s birds.” Did this really happen? Definitely not. Does it matter? Definitely not.

7. Samuel L. Jackson rescues the hell out of everybody.

Truth: the plane landed in the water and a ferry going by helped the passengers to safety. Obviously, the main ferry passenger leading this effort should be played by Samuel L. Jackson, who specializes in ridiculous airplane films. If he’s busy, they should get Leonardo DiCaprio, who should at some point reach his hand out to a frightened woman and say, “Do you trust me?”

8. An arguing couple on the flight falls back in love.

To illustrate the point that all arguments seem petty in the face of danger, there should be a loud, arguing couple on the flight. By the time they are being ferried to safety, they should definitely be making out. This is Screenwriting 101.

9. The plane explodes.

In true blockbuster fashion, the story must end with a bang. We see this being best achieved by the plane exploding, preferably seconds after the final passenger disembarks — with her baby.

10. The hint of a sequel.

What? A sequel? That’s right. All good movies hint at a sequel*. Hudson River 2: The Reckoning (or whatever it’s called) should be hinted at by the glint in the eye of a nearby bird who just watched his broheim slaughtered. Can they get the bird to cry a tear? We hope so.

*false

[Photo by Sebastian Derungs – Pool/Getty Images.]

Iconic gangster film location demolished

by Sean McLachlan on

The 1971 film Get Carter was the classic British gangster picture, generating a whole genre as well as a steady trickle of film tourists to an unlikely location–an ugly concrete car park.

The Trinity Square Car Park in Gateshead, across the river Tyne from Newcastle, England, was the scene of a fight between Michael Caine, playing tough gangster Jack Carter, and bad guy businessman Cliff Brumby, played by Bryan Mosley. It’s also the scene of a very cool cat-and-mouse car chase between Caine’s character and some gangsters.

Get Carter’s unsympathetic protagonist killing his way through urban blight makes for riveting viewing and was unlike any film made in England at the time. Its impact can still be seen in more modern UK gangster films such as Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels.

The car park was opened in 1969 and is an example of Brutalism, an architectural movement in the 60s and 70s that emphasized “truth to materials”, leaving piping exposed and concrete uncovered. Popular in Europe at the time, many people consider these buildings an eyesore now.

Yesterday it started going under the wrecking ball, despite many film buffs (including Sylvester Stallone) calling for it to be preserved. It will be replaced by a new development scheme intended to revamp the downtown. The building is so massive, however, that it’s going to take eight weeks to knock down, so if you hurry you’ll have a chance to see some Brutalism brutalized.


Photo courtesy Rodge500 via Wikimedia Commons.

Scientists explore “Robin Hood’s prison”

by Sean McLachlan on

Scientists in Nottingham, England, are studying nearly 500 man-made caves under the city and surrounding countryside. Some of the caves, hewn into the soft sandstone by generations of laborers, date back to the early Middle Ages. They were used for businesses, storage, shelter, and one is reputed to have been the prison of Robin Hood.

The Nottingham Caves Survey is mapping the caves with a 3D laser scanner that measures the interior surfaces with millions of data points. These “point clouds” are then converted into a 3D image, spruced up with video animation software, and made into short videos that take you through the spaces.

This is as close as you can get to a complete tour because most caves are closed to the public for safety reasons. When the Luftwaffe bombed Nottingham during World War Two, locals hid out in the caves. Better to risk an unstable cave than a German bomb!

Some caves are open, like the City of Caves, with reconstructions of a medieval tannery, bomb shelter, and “enchanted well”. Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem, which dates back to the 12th century and is a serious contender for the coveted label “oldest pub in England”, has a network of caves that are used as cellars. There used to be a cockfighting pit down in the cellar, but in this more humane era it serves as a nice cool place to store ale. The staff say they sometimes see the pub ghost down there.

Nottingham owes its popularity as a tourist destination to its association with Robin Hood. But did he exist? And did he do time in the prison cave? There is no certain proof that he ever existed, but medieval England had no shortage of arrow-shooting outlaws hiding out in the woods. Sherwood Forest, being close to a major town and important roads, would have been prime real estate for someone like Robin Hood.

Robin Hood is first mentioned in Piers Plowman, written around 1377, and the first books dedicated to him don’t appear for another generation. By then he was already a popular folk figure and a lot of his adventures were simply the invention of imaginative authors.

A tantalizing entry in court records from 1225 mention an outlaw named Robert Hod. Records from 1261 and 1262 mention an outlaw named William Robehod, but one historian theorizes that this name had already become synonymous with outlawry. In fact, numerous Robehods and Robynhods crop up in court records after the mid-13th century. Apparently outlaws liked using a legendary name to give their robberies a touch of glamor. In the U.S., several second-rate gunslingers did the same with the name Jesse James.

If there ever was an original Robin Hood, he’s now so buried in legend it’s impossible to find him.

Public domain image by Louis Rhead (1912) via Wikimedia Commons.

Easy Rider: greatest road movie of all time

by Sean McLachlan on

Dennis Hopper died on Saturday. He had a long career as an actor, director, photographer, and painter.

I’ll remember him as the director, co-writer, and co-star of Easy Rider, which shot to the top of my list of favorite movies when I first saw it at age fourteen and has stayed there ever since.

I had never seen a movie like it before. Every shot of László Kovács’ camerawork looked as carefully composed as a painting. It had a rocking soundtrack, cool characters, and an epic journey on the open road. I was also intrigued by a dark undercurrent that got darker as the movie progressed. What more could an angsty teen itching for freedom ask for?

As I grew up I kept coming back to it, like when I chose to major in archaeology as people around me shook their heads and muttered words like “practicality” and “earning power”. I watched it several times in my twenties, and again in my early thirties when I decided not to pursue my Ph.D., as my colleagues urged me to reconsider and not “waste all that work”. It’s followed me through ten years as a writer, a career with less “practicality” and “earning power” than archaeology.

The more I watched Easy Rider the more I saw in it. While it’s superficially about Wyatt and Billy, two friends who have scored big on a drug deal and set off on a cross-country motorcycle trip headed for Mardi Gras and a life of freedom, it’s about much more than that. The film is laden with symbolism. Their cocaine dealer is named Jesus and Wyatt’s prostitute friend is named Mary, just for starters. Plus their visits with hippies and communes show a stark despair under all the drugs and flowers. The rural Americans they meet are hostile, and the two friends get threatened and jailed at every turn. As the film progresses you see what Dennis Hopper and coauthors Peter Fonda and Terry Southern were getting at. Two young men with all the money they need are on a quest for freedom, and they fail–miserably, horribly, and, because they rejected a better path when it was offered, inevitably.

Many other films are beautifully shot and carry deep messages under the surface glitter, so why is this my favorite? It comes down to one scene, one line really, a line I’ve always felt but never heard anyone else say. I didn’t need to hear that line at fourteen because I had already figured it out for myself, but it sure helped to know someone else felt the same.

At one point Wyatt and Billy pick up a nameless, arrogant hitchhiker. While camping in an old Indian pueblo Wyatt turns introspective and quietly asks nobody in particular,

“You ever want to be somebody else?”

The hitchhiker, too cool to communicate, tokes on his joint and says, “I’d like to try Porky Pig.”

Wyatt gives a little laugh, pauses a moment as he stares into the campfire, and says softy,

“I never wanted to be anybody else.”

Yeah.

Thanks Dennis.

For history and film buffs: Tour the “Robin Hood” sites in England

by Annie Scott on


As you may or may not know, VisitBritain, the UK’s tourism office, has been encouraging and fostering “film tourism” since 1996, when they began releasing movie maps for films like Pride and Prejudice, Harry Potter and Sherlock Holmes. Now, all you Russell Crowe and Cate Blanchett fans can join in the fun; they’ve released touring information for the quintessentially British legend Robin Hood.

As it turns out, the film covers a rather good collection of off-the-beaten-path British destinations. Tourists today can visit Nottingham Castle as well as the adjacent mansion which was once the seat of the Sheriff of Nottingham, Sherwood Forest and the Major Oak, where Robin and his merry men were known to hold camp and the Church of St. Mary, where Robin and Maid Marion were married. Additional nearby attractions include the underground Nottingham labyrinth of caves, Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem (allegedly the oldest pub in England) and the Galleries of Justice Museum, where you can see England’s history of shocking crimes — and punishments.

As far as touring actual filming locations, visit VisitBritain’s Robin Hood site to discover unexpected destinations like Freshwater West in Wales, which served as the setting for the French invasion in the film, the lush gardens of Virginia Water in Surrey, and — though it was recreated with special effects for the film — the real Tower of London.

If this is right up your alley, keep an eye on VisitBritain Film Tourism for new and upcoming adventures inspired by cinema.