Unleash your underwater hunter on the Snake River

When the pressure cooker of daily professional live is about to squeeze the last out of tolerance out of your body … go fishing. From what I hear, there are plenty of those meals-waiting-to-happen in the Snake River, and is there a better way to feel good than catching and eating a fish? Okay, you can probably tell that I’m not a fisherman (did it once 20 years ago and thought it sucked), but I can see how some people are into it.

The Teton Moutnain Lodge & Spa has teamed up with Grand Fishing Adventures to get you a kickass fishing getaway. It’s only good through October 15, 2009, so you’ll want to move on this. For just over $2,000, you get four nights in a King or Queen room at the lodge, two days of private guided fly fishing (with equipment and transportation), lunch for your fishing days, dinner for two and breakfast every day. So, even if you don’t catch anything, you’ll still eat like a king. And, if you need more to do, take advantage of a free seven-day pass to Grand Teton National Park and Yellowstone.

Even if you aren’t a fisherman, this is still a pretty interesting deal. But, if you like to take part in underwater hunting, this deal is a steal.

Amsterdam airport opens the world’s first hotel – for goldfish…

We’ll file this one under “wacky PR news” – Amsterdam airport just opened the world’s first hotel specifically designed for goldfish.

The hotel is operated by “D-Travel”, a major player in the Dutch travel booking market, and passengers who booked their trip through them can use the facility for free.

Upon arrival at Schiphol airport, passengers can hand over their fish at the goldfish check-in desk (seriously!) and each fish will be placed in its own little fish tank.

Having arrived home after a 2 week vacation to discover that my aquarium had gone through a catastrophic meltdown, I have to say that the idea sounds cool, though I’m not entirely sure I’d feel comfortable loading fish into a bag to transport to the airport.

Imagine arriving at the airport, only to discover that the goldfish hotel is closed, or overbooked! You’d be stuck at the airport with a flight departing in 2 hours and a bag full of fish on your luggage cart. Obviously a bad way to start your vacation.

Click the images below to learn about other weird hotels:


Bowermaster’s Adventures — Snorkeling through the Maldives

Swimming along the coral edge of what transplanted marine biologist Anke Hofmeister calls her “home reef” the line dividing the shallows and deep blue is exact. To our left in the brightly sunlit coral, hundreds of shiny reef fish dart and feed; in the dark blue, just to our right, which descends straight down a dramatic hundred foot wall, swim the Maldivian big guys – jackfish, tuna and red snapper, each over one hundred pounds. An occasional spotted eagle ray elegantly flaps its way past in the dark blue below the surface of a calm Indian Ocean.

During a mile-long swim paralleling the beach we spy an incredibly beautiful and vast variety of wrasses, clown, surgeon and parrot fish. A dusky moray eel peeks out of its coral hideaway. A solitary hawksbill turtle flippers past. And a square-headed porcupine fish attempts to hide itself deep inside a rock crevice. As Anke dives to tickle an anemone hugged tight to the coral, a nasty titan triggerfish nips at her; they can be aggressive little buggers and when they bite literally take a chunk of flesh. The shallow, sandy floor running to the beach is heavy with gray-beige coral, colorful clams and even a few handsome sea cucumbers (black with red dots).

The relative health of the coral is somewhat remarkable because recent history here hasn’t been particularly kind to it. In 1998, thanks to shifting ocean patterns associated with El Niño, sea temperatures rose above 32 degrees C for more than two weeks badly “bleaching” the coral (the killing of the symbiotic algae that lives within the coral and gives it color). Between seventy and ninety percent of all the reefs surrounding the Maldives 26 atolls are estimated to have died as a result. Slowly they are trying to come back.

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While that temperature rise was considered a fluke, today after our swim I ask Anke to guess at the water temps now. “Around 31 degrees C (88 degrees F),” she says, though she not guessing since she’s worked and swum here nearly daily for the past four years. “For this time of year, that seems to be normal now. In two more months it will be colder, down to 27, 28 degrees.”

In 1998 scientists were astonished that the water temperatures could rise so high, so fast. Now they are worried it may one day become the norm. With approximately 80 per cent of the 1,192 coral islets that make up the island nation just three feet or less above sea level, making it the world’s lowest country, the temperature of the ocean is very important. If the temperatures stay high and the coral continues to suffer and die, there goes another barrier protecting these already fragile, at-risk islands.

While warming and rising seas and coral die-offs are everyday concerns throughout the Maldives, as Anke and I walk back down the beach another environmental worry is evident: Many of the beautiful white sand beaches are narrowing, on some islands quite dramatically. It’s estimated that fifty percent of the inhabited islands and forty five percent of those with resorts only are suffering from some degree of coastal erosion.

Some of the beach loss is due to man. Continued development demands more sand for cement (though much of the sand used for building in the Maldives today comes from Sri Lanka or India). Increased wave action due to more boat traffic takes a toll. But a major blame is placed on the tsunami of 2004, which sucked massive amounts of sand off the beaches, and it never returned.

When you fly above the Maldives it’s easy to see there is no one shape characterizing the outline of the exterior of the atolls or the hundreds of islands sheltered inside them. Strong tides and powerful currents shape each, there is no one pattern thus no single way to reduce or limit the erosion. On different islands different attempts have been made to save the beaches, including building of seawalls or jetties, dredging and pumping. In some cases it is working, in others not.

On one hand it’s easy to think of these coral atolls and the islands they protect as tough and impervious, imagining that they’ve been here a long time and will be here for a longer time to come. But a short swim and a simple walk on a beautiful, hot, hot day quickly reminds just how fragile, how vulnerable they can be.

SkyMall Monday: Goldfish in a Bag Soap

SkyMall Monday loves kids. We’ve looked after them when their noses bleed and when they are embarrassed by their baldness. But this week we’re not here to solve their problems or help take any pain away. Today we’re going to discuss something that every kid wants. Something that every kid begs his or her parents for. Something that kids cherish and love more than anything else. That’s right. We’re talkin’ hygiene! We’re talking Goldfish in a Bag Soap!

Oh, did you think I was going to say, “pets?” Yeah, I could see how you might have made that mistake. What, with the picture of the fish and the talk of children cherishing things. But what kids really love is a good glycerin soap. Trust me, I’m a 30-year-old single male with a history of short, self-destructive relationships. I know children.

Kids today have short attention spans. They’ll be bored with regular bar soap. Liquid hand soap? Go back to 1988, grandpa! Is that a loofah? Geez, you might as well just ask the kid to bathe with Brussels sprouts. If you really want to connect with your child, then you need to be on the cutting edge. You need Goldfish in a Bag Soap.

Think I’m crazy? Think soap that looks like a goldfish that you won at a carnival from a rigged game run by a bunch of grifters is bizarre? Then read the product description and begin drafting your apology to me:

This looks just like your little pet-except it’s a bar of soap. The more you shower or bathe, the closer you’ll get to the toy goldfish inside.

You see, people?! It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. With each wash, you’ll inch ever closer to the toy goldfish inside! And what happens when you reach it? What fate does this cleansing gift from SkyMall have in store for us? What did I just tell you about it being about the journey?! Geez, it’s like you don’t even pay attention to me.

So, the next time you come home and your kids come running to ask you if you bought them a gift, tell them to close their eyes, hold out their hands and get ready. Then pour some water on those hands, give them the Goldfish in a Bag Soaps and tell them to scrub hard. Kids are filthy.

Check out all of the previous SkyMall Monday posts HERE.

UPDATE: Tokyo’s tuna auctions open to public again

Back in December, I wrote about how the Tsukiji fish market in Tokyo had closed its famous tuna auctions to the public over concerns that tourists were creating hygiene issues and distracting the workers. Well, after reconsidering the month-long ban, the powers that be at the fish market have decided that tourism is important enough that visitors will be allowed to enter all areas of the fish market, including the early morning tuna auctions.

Security guards will monitor the scene at the auctions to ensure that no one hugs, licks or rides the giant fish. And visitors will receive information sheets when they arrive at Tsukiji outlining the rules of the fish market. It’s a sad commentary on the state of humanity when people need to be explicitly instructed not to lick or ride dead fish, but if that’s what needs to be done to keep this amazing place open to the public then so be it.

Tourists can view the tuna auctions from 5:00AM until 6:15AM and can then wander around the other areas freely throughout the day. And who knows, you may be able to witness the next tuna that sells for $104,000.

As for the morons who can’t help but mount dead fish: We’re on to you, Firestone, and we think you have a problem.