Gadlinks for Tuesday, 1.19.2010

by Katie Hammel on

Yesterday, January 18th was supposedly the most depressing day of the year. Congrats, you made it through. Now here are some more travel tidbits to cheer you up!

More Gadlinks here.

An inside look at off-the-books elite airline programs

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Imagine an airline experience free of middle seats, standing in line or dealing with nut-job flight attendants who withhold orange juice, water and any other service not related to “safety.” Tom Stuker, it seems, doesn’t have to close his eyes and pretend: he lives the dream. He’s spent 700,000 in non-middle seats this year alone, with complimentary cocktails, a hidden check-in process and a taste of luxury not present even in first class having become the norm for him.

Now, with 8.8 million miles racked up on United over his travel-intensive career, Stuker has been admitted to an elite frequent flier program, of the sort we covered here at Gadling not to long ago. This is the type of secret society noted in George Clooney‘s new flick, “Up in the Air.” Airlines don’t like to talk about it, but they actually do treat people well on occasion. You just have to spend a fortune to matter enough to them.

United spokeswoman Robin Urbanski Janikowski likens the airlines super-duper-premium offer, Global Services, to Yale’s Skull and Bones society. Like the elite underworld of the Ivy League, its members include CEOs, senators and other people envied by the rest of us.

So, how does this work?

1. You get a special check-in area. Avoid the great unwashed, and get greeted by name, as a concierge, of sorts, dispatches with your bags quickly. Your boarding passes will be waiting for you. At some airports, you’ll be able to pass through a hidden door to the front of the security checkpoint.

2. You’ll be watched. When? Well, when you move to the front of anything. We are all aware of those guys who occasionally are allowed to board before the elderly – before any announcements are made.

3. You’ll choose first. For everything, all the time. The meal will come to you before anyone else even knows there’s food on the plane.

4. Your lost luggage is scouted. If the airline loses your luggage, they actually try to find your luggage. Actively. A special team takes care of this.

None of this is truly life-changing, though, except the security piece. The real value of being a member of this type of secret society becomes apparent when something goes wrong … not unusual when airline employees are involved.

If you have a connection that’s too tight, the airline will rebook you on the next available flight – while you are still in the sky. A special agent will meet you at the gate with your new boarding pass, and a set of wheels will be furnished to take you to the next gate. If you need to go through security again, you’ll be escorted personally. In rare cases, a car will be waiting for you to dart you across the tarmac to your next plane. Terminals are for prolie scum.

Thinking back to Stuker, he’s got insane props with several airlines, but his favorite is United, because, “I am treated like a king.” Simply, he notes, “If I was in coach, I would shoot myself.”

Delta Airlines offers free elite status to victims of flight attendant from hell

by Scott Carmichael on

Last week news of a particularly nasty incident on an American Airlines flight hit the blogs. Here at Gadling, we covered it, then our very own flight attendant posted her views on the story, and this weekend, the passenger in question responded.

To cut a long story short – a passenger in first class on an AA flight asked for a glass of orange juice, and ended up getting off the plane with a written warning handed to him by a psychotic flight attendant.

The whole story just got even better – because an executive at Delta Airlines is offering free gold elite status to any of the passengers involved in the “OJ Incident” on that flight.

To be honest, it’s probably the kind of offer I would gladly accept, as being written up for a beverage request is not the kind of treatment that would ever have me set food on their airline again. Best of all, the Delta Airlines executive is an ex-AA employee. Talk about trying to screw with your former employer.

What annoys me more than anything is how American Airlines has tried to stay out of the story. The Consumerist attempted to contact them, but has not heard back. Even the official American Airlines Twitter feed hasn’t mentioned the incident. I’m always looking to hear the other side of any aviation incident, but if American Airlines chooses to ignore this, then I suspect people will just assume the initial story is indeed correct and that there is no “other side”.

Galley Gossip: A flight attendant responds to the first class orange juice debacle

by Heather Poole on

If you haven’t already heard, there was some sort of debacle involving a flight attendant and a glass of orange juice on an American Airlines flight recently. I read about the story first on the Consumerist web site. Wait, take that back, I tried to read the article but couldn’t quite make it through due to the fact that the story was just way too over the top with emotion and drama. It was! But they usually are whenever there’s a flight attendant or an airline involved. Haven’t you noticed?

Then when I heard our very own Annie Scott had covered the same story here, I dreaded pulling it up. I really didn’t want to read it. Only because airline bashing seems to be a new sport and…well…I knew it couldn’t be good. But I took a deep breath and began reading Annie’s post anyway. Two seconds later I found myself laughing because Annie’s right, your mother would tell you to go get your own dang orange juice! And I’m glad she brought up that old magazine ad featured along with the Consumerist post. That was the first thing that turned me off about the article. I mean what the heck were they thinking using a milf-y photograph of a stewardess curled up in a chair? Really, I need to know.

Anyway, here’s my response to David and what he had to say about what went down on that crazy American Airlines flight from Sacramento to Dallas…

Dear David,

Slow your roll. By my arithmetic, you and your group of 130 people fly 27,300 trips collectively. Each of you having a unique traveling experience based upon where you’re sitting and who your flight attendant is. I would love to have one bad experience for every 27,300 legs I’ve flown. I would say you and your group have had a good run. And now I must welcome you with open arms to the human race. I can’t imagine that you have gone through an entire career without once having a bad day.

Whoever Helen was, it’s obvious she needs a day off. Maybe even a medical type intervention. She’s obviously off her game. Instead of complaining, whispering, and giving her the feeling that a mutiny is about to take place, being the frequent flier that you are, you should have known that this was not normal behavior – from not just a flight attendant, but from anyone in the service industry. You and your group would have done Helen a favor by reporting her irrational behavior to someone in a position of authority at American Airlines instead of continuing on with your flight.

I, too, have noticed a decline in customer service on most every airline, not just American. I also know that flight attendants have longer duty days and shorter rest periods so that airlines can maximize their profits and provide you and your group with cheap three hundred-dollar tickets. This while our compensation remains the same and we’re all just lucky to have a job. Flight attendants work ten hour days without a break, not even a meal, yet any type of complaining to the airline by an employee may guarantee a front row seat at the front of the unemployment line. That’s the way it is these days.

If I were the passenger who had asked for orange juice and the flight attendant gave me what boils down to a federal warning with criminal and civil penalties, I would have insisted that police or gate personnel meet the flight. I would have also asked that my cabin mates confirm her irrational and abusive behavior. While I agree it was absurd that the flight attendant issued a written warning in this situation, don’t kid yourself, David, those terrorists, the ones you mentioned, very well could be sitting right next to you in first class drinking orange juice.

Sincerely,

Heather
A Flight Attendant

Photos courtesy of Justin Timperio and Paalia

Galley Gossip: 10 gifts for flight attendants (and frequent fliers)

by Heather Poole on

Dear Santa,

All I want for Christmas is job security, being able to hold my first bid, two weeks vacation, a raise, longer layovers, more wide-body flying, faster flying times, grateful and polite passengers with a sense of humor, more ferry flights, a cockpit that appreciates who’s on the other side of the reinforced door, and a fun crew

Florence, the flight attendant

Something tells me that ain’t happening. So what can you get that special flight attendant, pilot or frequent flier in your life for Christmas this year? Glad you asked. Here’s my 2009 holiday gift list…

1. AVIATION CRAP STUFF – If there’s one thing flight attendants have in common, it’s the airline museum hiding in the guestroom closet. So if you see something with an aviation theme buy it, wrap it up, and send it to me. I’m talking things like vintage airline posters, sassy bag tags, airplane pajamas, flight attendant dolls, even an airplane Christmas ornament – anything really!

2. HAND LOTION – Flight attendants have always been addicted to fruity smelling antibacterial hand lotion. Now that the flu season is here with a nasty H1N1 scare to top it off, we’re going through germ killer like business class passengers go through wine and bottled water. Bath and Body has a wonderful selection of travel size lotion to stuff a stocking with. Also, we’re constantly washing our hands with harsh airplane soap, so hand lotion with shea butter is a must. Beth, a coworker and friend, swears by Gardners hand therapy cream by Crabtree and Evelyn.

3. CAFFEINE – Three reasons your flight attendant might not be smiling; 1. Long work days. 2. Short layovers. 3. They’ve given up their expensive Starbucks addiction in order to cut back and make ends meet. Every flight attendant deserves (and needs!) a decent cup of Joe, especially when working long hauls, early sign-ins, red eyes, or multiple legs. I’m sorry, but airplane coffee just won’t cut it. While a Starbucks gift card might be nice, a couple packets of Via Ready Brew would work well, too.4. READING MATERIAL – Flight attendants are like vultures when it comes to scavenging seat back pockets for discarded newspapers and magazines after a flight. While I love to score a copy of US, Star, People, ya know, the kind of magazine you can flip through quickly between beverage services, it’s Vanity Fair I can’t commute to work without. What flight attendant wouldn’t love a magazine subscription or a gift card to Barnes & Noble? Or take it a step further and give a Kindle. You’ll help lighten the load.

5. DESIGNER EYE WEAR – Maybe it’s because flight attendants wear polyester for a living, or perhaps it’s because there aren’t too many ways to express our personal style while wearing a uniform, I don’t know, but whatever it is, flight attendants love designer eye wear. Whether it’s a pair of chic sunglasses or trendy eyeglasses, you’ll make a flight attendant go from feeling drab to fab in a matter of seconds. REMEMBER: When you’re flight attendant is happy, passengers are happy. Come on, make flying a more enjoyable experience for all.

6. SHOES – You’ve heard of cart toe, haven’t you? When it comes to flight attendant shoes, we’re always looking for something cute and comfortable – not always an easy combination to find. Go with a gift card to DSW for the picky flight attendant who loves to shop and Zappos.com for the no nonsense gal/guy who knows what they want and wants it now! My next pair may just be one of these – Taipei or Diamond Sparkle

7. COMPUTER – Flight attendants spend half their lives on airplanes and at airport hotels. Is there a better way to stay connected, bid, do trip trades, Skype and read Galley Gossip than with a netbook? One of these tiny laptops won’t weigh a flight attendant’s tote bag down, leaving plenty of room for more important things, like snacks. I love my Acer.

8. FOOD – Really, who loves airport food, and who can even afford it on a regular basis! That’s why flight attendant Henry loves the banana saver. I can see why. No one wants a bag full of mush. As soon I saw my colleague whip together a Cobb salad, using a hard boiled egg container to protect a key ingredient, I knew I had to get one. Which is the exact same way I felt when I saw a flight attendant pull a stainless steel lunch box out of a tote bag and place it directly in the oven – twenty minutes later, VOILA! A home cooked meal.

9. VIDEO GAMES – Not every flight attendant loves doing crossword and Soduko puzzles, including Travis, a commuter with a lot of time to kill. What’s on his Christmas list? The PSP 3000.

10. A LIFE – One that doesn’t include airports, airplanes, passengers, and nonstop complaining. In other words, a day off. Just a day off with a home cooked meal prepared by someone else. That’s it. Just a day off with a home cooked meal and maybe a massage. Nothing else. Just a day off, a home cooked meal, a massage, and…oh….I don’t know…maybe an ionic travel toothbrush sanitizer because a friend just pointed it out and now I’m a bit obsessed.

Photos courtesy of Heather Poole (Me!)