Galley Gossip: 10 signs there’s a newbie in first class

by Heather Poole on

1. PHONES HOME – As soon as the first class virgin settles into the big, comfy, leather chair, they immediately begin to phone everyone they know during boarding to share exactly where they are, and they do so in a very loud voice as they recline the seat all the way back, giving a detailed description of just how far the seat actually goes. Amazing, isn’t it? Calls are followed by a self portrait which gets sent via text. Hi mom!

2. WON’T GIVE UP THE COAT – Flight attendants working in first class hang coats during boarding. Because the virgin is unfamiliar with airline procedures, they’ll usually wad up the jacket and shove it inside an overhead bin. If a flight attendant offers to hang it in the closet, the virgin always looks a tad bit worried about parting with the item. Don’t be afraid, coats will be returned fifteen minutes prior to landing.

3. STRANGE USE OF HOT TOWELS – Hot towels are distributed in first class before the meal is served. Most passengers use the steamy cloth to wash their hands, while some will use it to clean their eyeglasses or wipe down the tray table, all of which are acceptable uses of a hot towel. The virgin has been known to do things a tad bit differently. I’ve witnessed quite a few passengers giving the old armpits a good rub down. A couple of coworkers have even spotted passengers trying to eat the thing as if it were a spring roll.

4. ORDERS THE BREAD BASKET – Menus are passed out in first class. Inside passengers will find a selection of appetizers, entrees, desserts and wine. Off to the side it mentions that sourdough and multigrain rolls are served alongside the main course. The virgin has been known to order the bread basket as an entree choice.

5. GETS UPSET OVER MEALS – It’s common knowledge amongst frequent fliers the order in which meal preferences are taken in flight and the elite flier chooses their seat accordingly. Because the airplane is catered with the exact number of meals as there are passengers on board, not every passenger in first class will be offered more than one meal choice. Flipping out and using the word “ridiculous” only screams newbie on board!

6. LOOKS DAZED AND CONFUSED – Nothing says first timer more than a passenger who just stares blankly when the flight attendant appears with an armful of table linens. After the flight attendant discretely asks the passenger to pull out the tray table, the confusion kicks in when the first timer starts frantically searching around for it. Check the armrest next time

7. DRINKS NONSTOP: Except for a cup of coffee or a glass of water, the frequent flier can be counted on to stick with their drink of choice throughout the flight. The virgin samples all four wine choices after finishing off the entire bottle of Champagne. For dessert Baileys is poured over ice cream and Kahlua is stirred into coffee. Mmm…smells good. They’ll even ask for a couple of minis to go.

8. BINGES – The first class service is elaborate. There are appetizers and drinks, salads made to order, entrees presented with an assortment of bread, followed by fruit, cheese, gelato, and more. The frequent flier has had enough of the never ending (never changing) service and would rather work than eat. The virgin samples it all. Go ahead, enjoy!

9. CAN’T FIND THE TOILET – The virgin has no idea where the lavatory is, which is why they’re trying to open the closet, or even worse, the cockpit door! Don’t panic, the air marshalls know what they’re doing. Just like flight attendants they’ve seen it all. Otherwise there’d be one less newbie in flight.

10. COLLECTS SOUVENIRS – Those little salt and pepper shakers are kind of cute, aren’t they?

Photos courtesy of Creepyed and Vkiperman

Come fly the polite skies

by George Hobica on

I have a request.

Can’t we all just get along up in the air? Can’t we be just a little-no, make that a lot-more polite?

Consider: I was sitting in first class on a recent flight (yes, I used miles to upgrade) and the guy next to me flagged down a passing flight attendant by shaking his half empty highball glass at her. “More ice!” he bellowed. To which she replied, rather sweetly under the circumstances, “What’s the magic word!” To which he more or less replied, “Don’t try to teach me manners, just get me more ice.” (I mean, really, can you believe this jerk? What is it with some airline passengers thinking they’re grand poobahs just because they bought a $200 airfare and upgraded it with miles?) So the flight attendant answered him, “Sir, the ice is in the galley. Get it yourself.” If I didn’t have to sit next to this bozo for another two hours, I would have shouted out “woo hoo!”. And had I been she, I would have omitted the “sir.’

My seat mate was lucky that all he got was a well-deserved come-uppance. John Reed, a customer on American Airlines flight 614 from Sacramento to Dallas on December 6, had a less pleasant encounter with a flight attendant. As reported extensively in the blogosphere, Mr. Reed, a first class passenger with executive platinum frequent flyer status, asked a flight attendant for a glass of orange juice, was excoriated for doing so (“I guess you don’t know how this works,” she reportedly told him), and ended up getting a written FAA misconduct notification from the pilot. Reed and his fellow first class passengers all insist that the flight attendant was completely out of line and perhaps mentally unstable, and American has issued an apology to all those affected.Of course we weren’t on that flight, so we don’t know whether or not Reed used the magic word when asking for his OJ, but even if he didn’t, by all accounts the flight attendant’s behavior was bizarre and inexcusable.

Even so, I often find the rudeness of airline passengers equally bizarre. When asked, “Can I get you something to drink sir (or ma’am)” by a flight attendant (or by a waiter for that matter), it is not acceptable to bark out “Coke” without looking up from your Sudoku. It’s not acceptable in the air, and frankly, it’s not acceptable on the ground, either. But especially not in the air. Flight attendants are trained to save your life if there’s an incident. Flying is stressful for all concerned. We’re stuck together in an aluminum can, sometimes for six hours or more. This is not a flying McDonald’s.

And it is not acceptable when handed your beverage to skip the “thank you.” You are not the Sultan of Siam. She is not your girl. I think flyers should all take a lesson from my mother, who, when we flew together, laid down certain rules of decorum. “Georgie,” she would remind me near the end of each flight, “when we leave the plane you are to say thank you to the pilot and stewardesses.” To this day, I never fail to do so.

Not that all the politeness in the world will save you from the wrath of a flight attendant gone bonkers, and times have changed drastically since my first transcontinental flight with mom, on a TWA 707, as a bowtie-clad 10 year old.

On that flight, my mother suggested I help the stewardesses clear the meal trays, which task I gamely performed (after all, one of them had pinned plastic wings on my blazer, so I was crew, right?). In recognition of my valorous service, one of the stews pinched my chubby little cheek and said, “Oh what a nice little boy you are.” And then I got to ride up with the pilots for a thrilling half hour. As I said, things have changed.

Fast forward to a flight a few years ago when I was sitting in the back of a Continental Airline’s 737 waiting in vain for a meal tray to be removed. Needing a lav visit, I got up and placed the tray on an empty counter in the galley, where the flight attendants were busy gabbing away about whatever. “You can’t put that there!” one of them barked at me. Shell-shocked, but ignoring her, I went into the loo and upon emerging looked her in the eye and said, “You know, you could have said that a bit more politely.” She, indignantly: “I wasn’t impolite.” Me, equally indignant: “Oh yes you were, and you know it.” Luckily I guess, I didn’t get one of those FAA warning letters, but while I’m all for politesse in the skies, modern airline travel is fraught enough as it is, and it does take two to maintain a civil atmosphere. I’m willing to do my part. I wish more people were willing to do theirs.

George Hobica is the founder of Airfarewatchdog™, the most inclusive source of airfare deals that have been researched and verified by experts. Airfarewatchdog compares fares from all airlines and includes the increasing number of airline-site-only and promo code fares.

An inside look at off-the-books elite airline programs

by Tom Johansmeyer on

Imagine an airline experience free of middle seats, standing in line or dealing with nut-job flight attendants who withhold orange juice, water and any other service not related to “safety.” Tom Stuker, it seems, doesn’t have to close his eyes and pretend: he lives the dream. He’s spent 700,000 in non-middle seats this year alone, with complimentary cocktails, a hidden check-in process and a taste of luxury not present even in first class having become the norm for him.

Now, with 8.8 million miles racked up on United over his travel-intensive career, Stuker has been admitted to an elite frequent flier program, of the sort we covered here at Gadling not to long ago. This is the type of secret society noted in George Clooney‘s new flick, “Up in the Air.” Airlines don’t like to talk about it, but they actually do treat people well on occasion. You just have to spend a fortune to matter enough to them.

United spokeswoman Robin Urbanski Janikowski likens the airlines super-duper-premium offer, Global Services, to Yale’s Skull and Bones society. Like the elite underworld of the Ivy League, its members include CEOs, senators and other people envied by the rest of us.

So, how does this work?

1. You get a special check-in area. Avoid the great unwashed, and get greeted by name, as a concierge, of sorts, dispatches with your bags quickly. Your boarding passes will be waiting for you. At some airports, you’ll be able to pass through a hidden door to the front of the security checkpoint.

2. You’ll be watched. When? Well, when you move to the front of anything. We are all aware of those guys who occasionally are allowed to board before the elderly – before any announcements are made.

3. You’ll choose first. For everything, all the time. The meal will come to you before anyone else even knows there’s food on the plane.

4. Your lost luggage is scouted. If the airline loses your luggage, they actually try to find your luggage. Actively. A special team takes care of this.

None of this is truly life-changing, though, except the security piece. The real value of being a member of this type of secret society becomes apparent when something goes wrong … not unusual when airline employees are involved.

If you have a connection that’s too tight, the airline will rebook you on the next available flight – while you are still in the sky. A special agent will meet you at the gate with your new boarding pass, and a set of wheels will be furnished to take you to the next gate. If you need to go through security again, you’ll be escorted personally. In rare cases, a car will be waiting for you to dart you across the tarmac to your next plane. Terminals are for prolie scum.

Thinking back to Stuker, he’s got insane props with several airlines, but his favorite is United, because, “I am treated like a king.” Simply, he notes, “If I was in coach, I would shoot myself.”

Galley Gossip: A flight attendant responds to Senator Schumer’s outburst

by Heather Poole on

No one likes to be told what to do.

After the announcement had been made to turn off and stow all electronic devices, a flight attendant noticed Senator Schumer still chatting away on his cell phone and asked him to turn it off. He complied, but not without a fight. He argued that because the aircraft door had not been shut at the time of the announcement he was entitled to use the phone. The flight attendant, who was reported by Politico.com as being polite throughout the incident, told Schumer that she didn’t make the rules, just followed them, and with that she walked away. That’s when Senator Schumer made a big time passenger faux pas. He turned to his seat mate, Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, and uttered the B_word under his breath.

I can’t help but wonder what Senator Kirsten Gillibrand had to think of Senator Schumer’s childish behavior. Especially at the ease in which the word was used!

While I understand that passengers don’t like to be ordered around, especially on an airplane by a lowly flight attendant who should know the customer is always right even when that customer is breaking an FAA regulation, this story is really much deeper than that. It’s about respect – or lack thereof. The airplane is a microcosm of the world and the Senator’s outburst is just another example of how society behaves today. Take it from me, the one stuck in a flying tube for hours on end with passengers from all walks of life, it’s a me-me-me, A.D.D world out there. Don’t believe me? Pay attention next time.

When I heard Brian Fallon, Senator Schumer’s spokesperson, had stated that the senator regrets making the “off-the-cuff comment,” I wondered if the Senator would have thought twice about what he’d said if the story hadn’t made headlines? Doubt it. Oh and did you notice that nothing was mentioned in terms of an apology regarding the use of his cell phone at a time when it was not permitted, which is what triggered the outburst in the first place? I’m not surprised.

Want to know what I love most about this story?

This type of bad behavior over nonsense is just a regular part of my work day. Flight attendants constantly have to remind passengers, and re-remind them, and then re-remind them again, to turn off their phones. Passengers usually respond by either out right ignoring us or by hiding the device under their thigh until the flight attendant has passed and it is safe to resume the conversation. Last month on a flight from New York to Dallas, I had to tell fourteen passengers – fourteen! – that it was time to turn off and put away their electronic devices after a PA had been delivered not once, but twice! I even had to firmly tap, tap, tap a man on the shoulder, a man with his head shoved between his knees, in order to inform him that I was well aware he wasn’t conversing with the floor. His seatmates chuckled. The passenger just glared at me.

On another flight I witnessed the following conversation take place in first class…

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Excuse me, Sir, it’s time to-

PASSENGER: Can’t you see I’m on the phone, bitch!

I couldn’t believe my ears! I was even more shocked at what happened next. The flight attendant actually acted like it was no big deal someone had just called her a bitch and even left the passenger alone to finish his conversation. Maybe the flight attendant was just used to being treated like crap and therefore thought nothing of it. Perhaps the flight attendant was a fan of the passengers work and figured the well-known rapper meant nothing by the word used so often in lyrics. But could it be that this kind of reaction by a flight attendant is why so many passengers feel they can bark at us and get what they want? Who knows. All I know is if I went around calling passengers bitches whenever I didn’t like what they had to say, I’d be out of a job. And apologizing about it after the fact would not make it okay.

Photos courtesy of Propublica and Kaiban

Delta Airlines offers free elite status to victims of flight attendant from hell

by Scott Carmichael on

Last week news of a particularly nasty incident on an American Airlines flight hit the blogs. Here at Gadling, we covered it, then our very own flight attendant posted her views on the story, and this weekend, the passenger in question responded.

To cut a long story short – a passenger in first class on an AA flight asked for a glass of orange juice, and ended up getting off the plane with a written warning handed to him by a psychotic flight attendant.

The whole story just got even better – because an executive at Delta Airlines is offering free gold elite status to any of the passengers involved in the “OJ Incident” on that flight.

To be honest, it’s probably the kind of offer I would gladly accept, as being written up for a beverage request is not the kind of treatment that would ever have me set food on their airline again. Best of all, the Delta Airlines executive is an ex-AA employee. Talk about trying to screw with your former employer.

What annoys me more than anything is how American Airlines has tried to stay out of the story. The Consumerist attempted to contact them, but has not heard back. Even the official American Airlines Twitter feed hasn’t mentioned the incident. I’m always looking to hear the other side of any aviation incident, but if American Airlines chooses to ignore this, then I suspect people will just assume the initial story is indeed correct and that there is no “other side”.