Galley Gossip: Flight attendant pet peeve #5 – You’re still here?

by Heather Poole on

I’m wearing the blue polyester dress, you know the one, and I’m standing two rows behind you, an arm draped over a seat, a hand gripping the plastic handle of my Travelpro bag. When the lights are turned to bright, I turn around and look at my coworker, and without uttering a word, our eyes say everything that can possibly be said.

Finally you step into the aisle, look at me, and then smile, so I smile at you, and while I’m smiling I watch you dig around inside three different seat back pockets.

“Thanks for a nice flight,” says a voice over the PA, and just like that the voice is gone, along with the rest of the passengers, and crew. It’s just me, my coworker, and you.

When it comes to the deplaning process, there are three types of passengers…

THE ME FIRST PASSENGER: Jumps out of the seat before the seat belt sign has been turned off. If there are other me first passengers standing in the aisle, they will push each other out of the way in order to be the first me first passenger off of the airplane. Don’t you know the first one on should always be the first one off, even when he’s sitting in business, not first.

THE NORMAL PASSENGER: Waits patiently in the seat until the passengers sitting a few rows ahead stand. At this point the normal passenger gathers their belongings, and when the time comes, steps into the aisle, grabs the suitcase out of the bin, and begins to walk to the front of the airplane, not once breaking the rhythmic deplaning flow. Thankfully most passengers are normal passengers – when it comes to getting off the airplane.

THE I’VE GOT ALL DAY (AND NIGHT) PASSENGER – I do hope this is not you. Granted, you are very nice, and quite polite, a dream passenger really, and I did have a wonderful time talking to you in the galley, but the time has come to say goodbye, so buh-bye. Adios time. Look, it’s not forever, we can do this again, but at another time, on a different flight. So go, please, now! No offense, don’t mean to be rude, but the layover is short!

Again I turn around and look at my fellow coworker who is looking at her watch. “Nine hours and twenty minutes,” she mumbles, shaking her head.

Remember, this nine hour and twenty minute layover includes the hour I will get ready for work in the morning, as well as the twenty minutes I need to take the hotel van back to the airport and make my way through security. Which means the layover is more like eight hours. Don’t forget that eight hours includes the ten minute van ride to the hotel tonight, as well as the amount of time it will take the van to get to the airport in order to take us to the hotel, not to mention the time it takes to check-in once we’re at the hotel, after we get in line behind you. Which means that eight hour layover is starting to look more like seven. If you leave now.

While I continue to stand there, waiting, still waiting, I’m wondering why you are just now reaching for your luggage in the overhead bin, and why little Johnny does not have his shoes on, and why your wife or husband or whoever it is you are traveling with is now on all fours looking under the seat, not your group of seats, but three rows ahead, and why oh why are you now standing on the armrest to get a better look into that empty overhead bin?

“I think we’ve got it all,” you say, but before I can breath a sigh of relief, you place your suitcase on the ground and unzip your rollaboard. “You don’t have to wait on us, because we’ll probably be a few more minutes here.”

I’d leave if I could, but I can’t, so I don’t, which is why I’m still standing there, one arm still draped over the seat, a hand still gripping, gripping, gripping the plastic handle of my Travelpro, as a swarm of cabin cleaners make their way to the back of the airplane. That’s when I think I hear, “Mind if I use the bathroom?”

“Oh…umm…sure.” I struggle to move my wheelie bag sideways so you can get by, and as you pass me by, I find myself wondering why? Why here? There’s a much cleaner bathroom in the terminal. Why now? The flight was five and a half hours long. Why me? Don’t answer that!

Okay, here’s what I don’t get. You came to the airport at least an hour before departure, waited in line at security, and then found a place to pick up a few snacks where you had to wait in line to pay, before heading over to the gate area to wait your turn to board. Once on the aircraft, you waited to takeoff, and after we finally took off, a few minutes late, you found yourself waiting for a drink. After enjoying your adult beverage of choice, you spent a very long time waiting to land, and while you waited five hours for this bird to touch ground, you may have found yourself waiting in line to use the lavatory. Eventually we land and you wait your turn to deplane, very patiently, a little too patiently. You’ve finally gotten your things in order, and little Johnny is wearing his shoes, and your wife or husband or whoever it is you are traveling with is no longer crawling around on the floor, so what, exactly, are you waiting for now?

You sling a heavy bag over your shoulder. “I think we’re ready.”

I smile, and this smile is for real, and together we walk to the front of the aircraft. At least I think we’re walking to the front of the aircraft, because you stop, turn around, and look at me. “Mind if I double check one more time to make sure I have everything?”

“Oh…umm…sure, go ahead,” I say, struggling once more to move my wheelie bag sideways, and as you pass me by, I find myself wondering why?

CHECK OUT THE OTHER PET PEEVES…

Galley Gossip: Middle Seat Etiquette

by Heather Poole on

Flying back from Honolulu, I found myself crammed in a middle seat. Now I’m not a big person, just a normal sized person, and yet there I sat with my elbows held tight against my side, my hands resting in my lap, as the broken seat in front of me reclined much farther back than it should have. Oh yeah, I had a woman’s head an inch from my chest. Good thing I didn’t need anything out of my tote-bag, the one located under the seat in front of me, the one I could not reach if I so inclined. And then, if that wasn’t bad enough, things got worse, much worse.

The man sitting beside me, the one wearing the trendy dark blue designer jeans traveling with the family sitting across the aisle from him, claimed the armrest between us.

So what, you say? Wait…there’s more.

The elbow, the one attached to a very tan and muscular arm, crept over the armrest and kept on going until it found itself in my space – MY SPACE! Thank god my son, and not another adult, sat on the other side of me, so I could lean way over into the space my son did not yet prize. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and tried not to scream as I felt the faint tickle of manly arm hairs against my skin.

Middle seat etiquette, am I the only one who cares?

I’ll never forget when Cady, my best friend and old roommate, got called out to work a flight from New York to Los Angeles. This was thirteen years ago and we were on reserve and the thought of working a 767 transcon scared the heck out of us. We were new, brand spankin new, and that airplane was big, 160 passengers big! Keep in mind there were also nine flight attendants who knew exactly what they were doing, unlike the two of us, working on that gigantic bird! What made the trip even worse was that Cady had been called out to work the lead position on the 767. Cady, fresh from the charm farm, would be in charge for the next two days.

“How did it go?” I asked, practically leaping off the couch when she walked through the door after her trip the following evening.

Parking her black bag against the wall, she flopped down in front of the television on the lumpy sofa beside me. “I actually had to settle an argument between two grown men.”

I laughed. “Over what?”

“An armrest. And they actually asked to speak to the one in charge. Me!”

“What did you say?” I asked, and it was at this point I wondered if I should fetch a pen and paper to write down what she had said, just in case I found myself in the same predicament on a future flight. Hey, a flight attendant does not want to experience any unplanned emergencies.

“I just told them they had to share. One guy could use the armrest for the first half of flight and the other guy could use it the last half of the flight. What else could I say?”

Cady had a point. There was not much else to say. Share the armrest, I made a mental note.

While I have witnessed many ridiculous things aboard the airplane, I have not had the pleasure of seeing two grown men duke it out over an armrest. Fighting over a seat being reclined, yes. An overhead bin, every single flight. A first class seat upgrade, oh yeah. But an armrest, never. I’m so grateful for that.

Flash forward thirteen years and I would have loved for someone like Cady to have stomped down the aisle in a pair of black scuffed up Dansko clogs and ordered that beefy guy sitting beside me to share. Not that I would have even used the armrest if Fancy Pants had actually moved his elbow a good five inches to the left, but it would have been nice to have had at least a few arm hair free minutes flying from Honolulu to Los Angeles.

Middle seat etiquette, that’s what I spent the entire flight thinking about…

  • Leave the armrest for the middle seat passenger. The window seat passenger has the window, while the aisle seat passenger has the aisle, but the middle seat passenger has nothing, nada, zilch, so please, for the love of god, give the person in the middle seat something, anything, an armrest, please!
  • Do not hit the middle seat passenger in the head with your newspaper, even when the middle seat passenger is asleep and you are fairly sure they will not feel it.
  • Do not use the middle seat passenger’s tray table. Even if the middle seat passenger is not using it.
  • Do not put your feet under the seat in front of the middle seat passenger, no matter how long your legs are, even if the middle seat passenger is short.
  • Do not place your luggage underneath the seat in front of the middle seat passenger. The middle seat passenger has luggage, too.
  • Do not bring aboard a pet, choose an aisle or window seat, and then expect to put the pet under the middle seat because it does not fit under your seat.
  • Do not raise the armrest between you and the middle seat passenger, no matter how well you are getting along.
  • Keep your hair away from the middle seat passenger, no matter how pretty or how manly it may be.
  • Remember, middle seat passengers are people too!

As I sat there, going over the middle seat rules, that hairy arm resting a little too comfortably against mine, I flashed back to another middle seat situation I’ve experienced often – the open middle seat.

WOOHOO! I always think, whenever I see that open middle seat. I can not believe my luck. Nor can the passenger sitting on the other side of that same middle seat. I try not to get too excited, because one of two things are about to happen, and it most likely won’t be the good thing.

THE GOOD THING: The seat remains open and I enjoy a relaxing flight home.

THE BAD THING: The passenger flings their jacket or purse or stack of magazines into the empty seat, claiming the space as their own.

If the good thing happens to you, and the seat actually remains open, fantastic. You’re on a roll. Now may be the time to fly to Vegas and continue this amazing streak of luck at a table of cards. And don’t forget to take me with you.

If the bad thing happens, now is the time to act, and fast! Hurry, throw something of your own into the seat. By doing this you are letting the passenger on the other side know that this is shared space. Not their space. Shared space. Trust me, this reminder is necessary if you want the flight to continue without further incident. When the passenger pulls down the tray table and places a drink or a book on top, immediately place something of your own next to it.
What are you waiting for? DO IT!

Juvenile, you say? Whatever. Do what you want. But you may soon find a pair of bare feet rubbing against your leg. Oh it happens. It’s happened to me. Don’t let it happen you.

Do you have a horrible middle seat story to share? I’d love to hear all about it.

Galley Gossip: Flight attendant – still a hot job to date.

by Heather Poole on

What would you do if you were a flight attendant and some young lad said to you, “I like the way you walk?”

Personally, I would have kept on walking. If possible. Because you never know if there’s going to be a 200 pound drink cart blocking your way. But hey, that’s just me.

One New Zealand flight attendant did not walk away when a passenger commented on the way she worked the aisle. Well maybe she did walk, I don’t really know, but what I do know is she took it a step farther and complained about the rugby player from the South Canterbury team when he asked for her number on a flight from Gisborne to Wellington. Again, I don’t have all the details. The article was short. I’m not even sure exactly when the comment pertaining to the walk was made, but at some point the entire rugby team was offloaded and put on another flight. I wonder if she, the flight attendant, liked the way they walked – off the airplane.

On a side note, I can tell you that John, my friend and fellow coworker, would have been very disappointed to have seen that rugby team go. But that’s another story.

The rugby team coach, Ken Wills, claimed the incident was blown out of proportion. He told the Herald Newspaper, “One of the guys was trying to use a pick-up line and exchange text numbers. The boys had a lot of fun on a flight on the way up and one got an air hostess’s number so they were all trying to match him.”

Every year there’s a popular men’s magazine that rates the top ten hot jobs to date, and each year flight attendant makes that list. It’s true. I’ve seen it. If flight attendant is not THE number one hot job, it is definitely one of the top five. When you’re single and dating, this kind of list not only helps to attract Mister Wrong, but also Mister Never-In-A-Million-Years. Trust me, I know from first hand experience. Believe it or not, there are also websites dedicated to the madness, websites like Crewdating.com. Swear to god. Go look it up if you don’t believe me.

Check out this ad from a lonely guy on Craigslist – Craigslist of all places!

I am the principal of a US based boutique investment bank. I have offices in Shanghai, NYC and Washington DC. I have homes in the US and Shanghai. I am 191 cm, 86 kgs, full head of hair, hazel eyes, and am considered handsome by some. I am absolutely smitten with the elegance of the flight attendants on Singapore Airlines. I spent a great deal of time there, and find myself drawn back time and time again, if not just to fly Sing Air. I would appreciate any introduction… I will share more details of myself and pictures with a reply.

Honestly, I do not see anything wrong with Lonely Guy’s ad. In fact, I’m a little impressed that he knows what he wants and he’s not afraid to ask for it – in an ad. On craigslist. That’s what successful people do. That’s why they’re successful in the first place. I have a very strong feeling that Lonely Guy is going to find his elegant Singapore Girl – in an ad, on craigslist – and I do hope when he does he emails Gadling to tell me all about it! What can I say, I’m a romantic at heart.

While I do have a fondness for Lonely Guy, I’m not so sure what to think of the guy on Ask.com who wrote…

I am an Arabian male and I have always wanted to find a flight attendant ( Air Hostess ) to go out with. I don’t know if it is a fantasy or the interest in finding a person who toured the world but I want to find one that often flies to the Gulf Area (Saudi, Qatar, Bahrain, UAE, Kuwait) and hook up. Of course I won’t just date any hostess but we got to be interested in each other. .. I just don’t know where to look!? …. Anyone there who is interested or knows where can I look?

Arabian Male, Whadaya mean you have to actually be interested in one another? And you won’t take just ANY hostess, you say? But why not? Yeah, can someone say booty call? What I find even more amusing than the ad above, are the answers to Arabian Male’s question…

Tara wrote, “The obvious place to look would be an airport or better yet fly first class. It seems the first class passengers always get the most attention–then just work your magic. My real advice: Give it up, babe.”

JB wrote, “Go to the airport. Be there 24/7. Whenever a flight attendant pass by you .. say hi .. or pretend to be a passenger and ask a question … simple as that .”
I’d say Tara and JB both gave pretty sound advice. Advice I suggest not to take came from The Player at Askmen.com, who wrote a post entitled How to pick up a flight attendant. I do not know one flight attendant who would fall for his nonsense. And then there was Doc Love’s “interesting” post, Are flight attendants dateable, full of advice on, you guessed it, flight attendants and the game of dating. You did notice the words the game are in italics? Good. Because I’m not even sure what to make of that – game. Believe it or not, the best advice came from the website ehow.com…
  • Make a great first impression by dressing neatly, instead of going for comfort with sweat pants and flip-flops like many fliers do. Smile, be friendly and try to join in light conversation. Because most fliers tend to ignore flight attendants until they need something, your outgoing personality will quickly catch her eye.Take any opportunity to help her out. For example, if she is struggling to fit someone’s oversize carry-on into the overhead compartment, jump up from your seat and offer to help.

  • Flirt a little, but not so much that she finds you annoying or even threatening. Make eye contact now and then, be polite saying please and thank you. While you want your interest to be obvious, you don’t want to come off as desperate.

  • Remember that flight attendants risk losing their jobs by accepting a date with a client while working. So, instead of directly trying to pick her up while she is surrounded by co-workers and clients, simply slip her a business card on your way off the plane. If desired, you might add a short note to the back of the card. Avoid the temptation to verbally pick her up, as you are sure to get a solid no.

Meeting a flight attendant is one thing, but being able to really date, as in having the confidence and patience to deal with a job that takes your love interest out of town for days at a time, even on the holidays, is quite another. Just ask my husband, a man I met on a flight.

Galley Gossip: The second best thing about being a flight attendant – Waikiki, Hawaii

by Heather Poole on

It was Monday morning and we (my mother, my husband, my son, and I) were in the rental car, a bright red Malibu, on our way from a relaxing long weekend in Ko Olina to the Honolulu airport, when I heard a long sigh from the back seat.

“I don’t want to leave,” said my mother, also a flight attendant, as she stared out the window at a city she once called home forty years ago. Believe it or not, this was her first trip back.

“Me, neither,” I said, as the exit sign to Pearl Harbor, where my father had once worked, passed over our heads.

The husband, who was actually ready to leave, just shook his head. “Yeah, well, some of us have to go back to work.”

Thank goodness I’m not one of us, I remember thinking, as the airport came into view. Way off in the distance, Diamond Head. That’s when I heard my mother say, “You know I dropped my next trip, that Phoenix trip.”

“Me, too! I dropped my horrid twenty-hour, three-day.”

That’s just one of the amazing things about my job, flexibility. We can pretty much work whenever we want, as long as there’s a trip available to pick up, or someone willing to take our trip, which is usually not a problem when based in New York, the most junior base in the system.

I turned all the way around in my seat and looked at the woman who had a twinkle in her eye. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking?”

My mother smiled real big and shrugged. “Maybe.”

The husband just shook his head again. “You ladies better make up your mind! We’re almost there.”

As my mother flipped open her cell phone and started dialing the airline to check the passenger loads home on Wednesday, I dialed the Marriott hotel in Waikiki to see if they offered a crew discount.

Yet another amazing thing about the job. We actually get cheap rates at many hotels, as well as discounts on car rentals.

“The flight home is open,” my mother said, snapping her phone shut.

I spun around in my seat. “And they’ve got a room available….and it’s an ocean view! If we split it-“

“Book it! Just book it! What with the economy the way it is, who knows if we’ll ever get back!”

Nervously I glanced at the husband. “You don’t mind, do you?”

Pointing the car in the direction of the airport exit, he said, “Have fun.”

And like that we booked the room, a room with a fantastic ocean view, a comfy room in a nice hotel in Hawaii located directly across the street from the famous Waikiki beach. We (my mother, my son, and I) had a fantastic time doing…not much, other than walking around, sitting on the beach, and eating a lot of sushi. Which brings me to the point of this post. There is one, I promise.

The second best thing about being a flight attendant, besides travel, is…well…I can’t decide! Seriously, there are way too many wonderful things to choose from – days off, flexibility, hotel discounts, the ability to change travel plans at the last minute, etc. And so I ask you, fellow flight attendants, besides travel, what do you love most about being a flight attendant?

%Gallery-33601%

Galley Gossip: Another amazing flight attendant tip – Hopstop.com

by Heather Poole on

I’ve learned some pretty amazing things from flight attendants, like how to mask the horrible lavatory smell with a single packet of coffee and how to make coffee taste better by using a drop of club soda and an extra coffee bag in the pot. All of these amazing tips lead me to believe that flight attendants are some of the most creative and knowledgeable people in the world. Seriously, you wouldn’t believe some of the things I’ve learned in the galley.

On my last trip from New York to Los Angeles, I was instructed on how to choose the perfect eggplant. According to Kim, one of my fellow coworkers, there are “girl” and “boy” eggplants. For real. Because the “boy” eggplants have the least amount of seeds inside, those are the ones you want when you’re making eggplant parmigiana, or an eggplant casserole, which is what I’m going to attempt tonight, thanks to Kim and her Italian recipes.

Each and every time I come into contact with a flight attendant, I learn something new and interesting and unusual. What I learn could be just about anything, really, but whatever it is, that one little nugget of information somehow manages to change my life in some way. Well it happened again. Today.

Today’s amazing flight attendant tip of the day comes from Frank, a Gadling reader who is also a flight attendant for an airline I do not know. He had commented on my post, The best thing about being a flight attendant – Travel! Apparently, travel is the last thing Frank wants to do on his day off. In fact, the best thing about being a flight attendant for Frank are the days off, not traveling on the days off. I have to admit, I like my days off almost as much as I enjoy traveling, which is why being a flight attendant is the perfect job for me. One of the main reasons Frank loves his days off so much is because he lives in one of the most exciting cities in the world, New York. You see when you live in New York City, there’s really no need to travel – that often, not when you have it all at your finger tips, or a short drive away.

But if you are a New Yorker, or are traveling to New York, or any other big city for that matter, and you do decide to venture out, you’re probably going to take public transportation, which isn’t always the easiest thing in the world to figure out, especially in a fast paced city like Manhattan. If you do find yourself lost in an unfamiliar place, do what Frank does and go to Hopstop.com.

Here’s what Frank had to say about the website…

Passing some travel knowledge on to you, Heather. HOPSTOP.COM. Not sure how often you layover in NYC, but this site will be of great benefit to anyone who travels around the city via public transportation. It’s just like MAPQUEST, except it gives you step by step instructions on how to get to your destination (within the city) on “public transportation.” it’s awesome, I never get lost in the city! I take my step by step instructions with me from home (you, your layover hotel) and get to my destination without paying for an expensive cab. What’s great, the site has several other cities. SFO, LAX, ORD, BOS. I use it all the time in SFO.

enjoy, travel safe!

Frank

I have to tell you, Frank, this bit of information could not have come at a better time. I’m an LA commuter based in New York with a two year old son at home, which means for the last two years whenever I’ve had to go to work, I fly in and out of town fairly quickly, working back and forth across the country as many times as possible in as few of days as possible, leaving me little time to take the train from Forest Hills, Queens, where my crash-pad is located, to Manhattan. Now I love the city, yet I haven’t really had the opportunity to experience it the way I used to in years – three years to be precise. Which is why I miss it so much. Why I long for it whenever I find myself spending the night in Queens. Why I dream about taking the subway in and wandering around aimlessly. It doesn’t matter where I go, as long as I go.

Now that my son is a little older, making it easier for the husband to take care of him when I’m out of town, I find myself wanting to slow down a bit and spend a little more time taking advantage of a place that has so much to offer. The first thing I want to do is go to Chinatown for soup dumplings at Joe’s Shanghai, followed by a walk around Central Park, a Broadway show at night, and maybe even an evening stroll around the village. Hey, a flight attendant can dream, can’t she? Though I do know my way around the city, it has been awhile, so Hopstop.com will definitely come in handy when the time comes. Thanks again for the tip, Frank!